In a weekly chat with readers, Love Guru shares crucial life and relationship advice.
Do you have a question to ask? Post them here!
To fall in love, is beautiful and easy, to maintain it through life, is a different thing altogether.
What do we do when we're upset with someone we love?
We feel sad, angry and hurt?
Do we avoid talking to each other or should we talk things out before it gets worse?
In our weekly chat, Love Guru discusses every-day relationship issues like these with readers and tries to offer possible suggestions.
For those who missed the live chat, here's the unedited transcript:
Rajiv Ranjan: My wife and I are not living together. She always lives at her mom's home. What to do, I can't live without her.
Love Guru: Rajiv Ranjan, too little information. If she lives at her mom's house, it is obvious she is upset over something. You never thought of finding out what it could be?
rajat: What to do when a girl sayng that she is not getting feeling of love but she want to marry due to her father
Love Guru: Rajat, most of the marriages in India still happen on the say of parents, love sets in later. Unless her heart is set on someone else, she may feel love post-marriage. But what about you?
vaidyanathan shastri: I am a 50 year old man but have interest in lady of age 20 and above how to impress them and try to develop relationship
Love Guru: Vaidyanathan Shastri, no idea sir. If I did, trust me, I would patent it and market it
Janki Bhola: I am a 25-year old girl, dating a guy, who is 3yrs younger to me.
We want to take our relationship to another level, but since i m few years older to him, we don't know how to approach our parents.
My family has been building pressure on me to settle down by the end of next year.
However, he is just 22 and need another 3-4 years to establish himself. Pls suggest.
Love Guru: Janki Bhola, I see your point. And your family's too.
In their eyes you are at a marriageable age.
There is only way out, to convince them of your intentions, and of the strength of your relationship.
As parents they will have (what they think is) your best interests at heart, though they may not be able to express it well.
See the issue from their point, and speak to them in a language they know.
Riyaz Sheikh: I wish I could accept it but I can't get over it. I've thought about walking away, and I don't have problems dating, butI've never met someone as special to me as her.
Other than this she is so wonderful. I am totally stuck, and totally exhausted emotionally. It's a stalemate, and I lose no matter what I choose.
Love Guru: Riyaz Sheikh, I wish I can understand what you mean.
You've "never met someone as special as her, but other than this (?) she is so wonderful. But you totally stuck, emotionally exhausted". Sorry, what exactly is your problem?
soniyaiyer: I have gained weight and can't seem to feel worthy of taking care of myself because I seem to be the one taking care of everything else.
My Husband is not happy with my weight and that may be the problem but to me that is a superficial approach to love from a husband.
Love Guru: Soniyaiyer, do we agree with you that to focus on weight, appearance etc is a superficial approach to love? Hell yeah.
Having said that, there are expectations in a relationship, from both sides, that cannot be overlooked as well.
Your husband wants a slim you?
Make a deal with him.
Ask him to help in sharing your burden, as that will give you time to spend on grooming yourself as per his likes.
deepikadeewani: My boyfriend has a lot of anger toward me and his family ---for pain that we caused him.
When we have problems small or big he runs from talking about them and tries to leave me.
Then as we talk more I hear about the old problems and he blames that on why we have any problems, which have nothing to do with the subject we are arguing about. What do we need to do?
Love Guru: Deepikadeewani, it needs an adult approach to get over historical hurts.
Does your family still cause him grief? That could be one reason why the old wounds resurface in the relationship?
Has there been proper closure for what was said/done in the past?
If so, he should not be bringing it up and link it to current problems.
He needs to be told to let bygones be bygones, and get a move on.
manikgupta020@rediffmail.com: My girlfriend of 2 months recently told me that she doesn't feel she has all my heart.
She believes that I am still in love with my ex whom I went out with for four years, it's been two years since our break up.
We broke up because we know there is no future for us together. I told my girlfriend that my ex and I are just friends (distant friends at that).
Love Guru: Manikgupta, I see your point but perhaps your girlfriend senses something in the relationship that is not evident/apparent to you.
Have you tried asking her what is it about you that makes her feel so?
There's a lot to be said for female intuition in such matters, btw
neetasinha: Nowadays, a lot of my friends are getting married or meet their Mr. Right.
Sometimes, I just envy them because they've someone to turn to and I'm tired of carrying all the burdens by myself.
As for me, at my age, I'm worried that there's anyone who's interested in me. I've never been in any relationship before.
Love Guru: Neetasinha, I am someone who believes there's a match for everyone out there, some of us take time to find him/her, that's all.
Having said that, I hope you are not one of those who sit back waiting for things to come to her, instead of going out and making it happen
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
Note: Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
If you have a question, you can post it right here! And be sure to log in every Thursday, between 3 pm and 4 pm IST!
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change.)
