'She insulted me. But I still care for her'

"To stay is painful, to leave is worse. Tough luck. But the call is really yours.

"Do you wish to agonise as a friend, or agonise as a stranger?"

Rediff.com's Love Guru has answers to all your relationship problems.

'She insulted me. But I still care for her' In an online chat every Thursday, Rediff.com's Love Guru addresses relationship problems and attempts to offer earnest solutions.

For those who missed the chat on August 20, here's the transcript:

Vishal-Arora: Sir, actually I love a girl we are in contact before 10 months she take me as a best friend and she also know about my feelings tried to forget her and leave but she makes me to stay in her life as a best friend she doesn’t want to be in relation with me now what should I do..

Love Guru: Vishal-Arora, tough place to be in. You want to be something more than a friend to her; she wants you only as a friend.

To stay is painful, to leave is worse. Tough luck. But the call is really yours.

Do you wish to agonise as a friend, or agonise as a stranger? All I can say, I am glad to not be in your shoes in this.

Khupzou: Sir...I happen to like a girl from my own class...I sometimes talk to her...already got her number too...but..she sometimes ignores me..Like when class is over...we could have walk and chat...what I do?

Is it a sign...That she has no interest...at all?

Love Guru: Khupzou, judging from the little information you have given, I am afraid that no, she is not interested in you, at least at this point in time.

Maybe she will change her mind later, who knows, but at this moment you don't mean anything to her.

My advice is to let it be, behave normally with her. And, for heaven's sake don't try the stalking that Bollywood glorifies, it doesn't work in real life

Snidha Rathi: After 4 yr of best frndship my best frnd told me we are not best friends, he is not comfortable with me as a best friend ever, and he said he don't have that feeling of bestfriend for me. actually i raised questions to him that i am his bstfrnd or not too many times and he got frustrated.. now he said if question arises then there is no bst frndship.. i need my bstfrnd back plzz

Love Guru: Snidha Rathi, there are friends and friends, I don't know what a best friend is. Does it mean that other friends are not lower than best?

Anyway, since you said you were best friends for 4 years, I think you have the right to know why he changed his mind towards you, was it due to anything you said or did?

Maybe he now has a girlfriend, who may not be comfortable with your friendship? Ask him

Rajiv Pratp: I helped a married women in my office on every aspect, save her twice from rowdy type of person but i came to know that she too was engaged with another male apart from her husband and in the mean tine I started to love her and proposed her but she refused me.

We are still good friends but suggest how will i overcome my feeling.

Love Guru: Rajiv Pratap, this is unusual. You play the knight in shining armour, not once but twice but the fair lady goes to someone else?

What can I say, but then the final choice rests with her, and I suggest that you respect her decision.

Since you good friends, it's better that you continue to remain so, at least you will be in the periphery of her existence, which is better than not being around her.

Amitava Ghosh: How I manage in the office as a icon in front of all girl?

Love Guru: Amitava Ghosh, you want to be an office icon before girls?

Why, what is it that you wish to prove to them, or to yourself?

I think you've been seeing too many Hindi films with their bionic heroes who charm everyone in sight.

Unfortunately, that happens in films, not in real life. So be happy with what you have, and let film heroes do their own thing

Kavita Bavekar: My one year my manager is madly in love with me.

He proposed me 6 months back.I really respect him a lot. Since 4 years we are working together but he never showed me his feelings.

He is married and has 2 grown up kids. The age gap between us is 17 years. I am very much sure that I will be happy with him rest of my life ......Continue

But I don't want to break his family too.

He says there is no bond remaining between him and his wife so any which ways he will be staying separately but he will be supporting his kids financially.

Also we both are from different religions. Please advise what I should do as I am really confused.

Love Guru: Kavita Bavekar, it's hard to advise someone in this situation.

He may be sincere, but he could also be a fraud trying to seduce you with a sob story.

And when you say that you don't want to break up his family, what exactly is the role you are seeing for yourself vis-à-vis him?

A married man's girlfriend? Be clear in your mind about the situation, which seems to be loaded entirely in his favour

nita nagpal: Am going through a messy divorce and he has been there for me from day one.

It’s pure platonic friendship he has mentioned that he is looking out for marriage but never suggested that he thinks me as a prospective bride. How do I find out what is on his mind?

Love Guru: Nita Nagpal, I presume you are still going through with the divorce which, as you say, can be messy, and also very protracted.

In this situation, do you want to divert your attention to an extraneous situation that could be used to paint a negative picture of you in the court?

Leave such thoughts for later; it's likely he too is waiting for your divorce to get over before revealing his mind

Debdut Gupta:I was in a relationship with a gal for 1.5 yrs. Even our parents agreed and fixed our marriage.

But few months back I broke up with her due to her insulting remarks towards me and my family.

However couple of days back we met in a coffee shop and she said she still loves me a lot. Although I still care for her but I am puzzled what to do now?

Love Guru: Debdut Gupta, is she the same person who insulted you and your family 4 months ago?

When you met her in a coffee shop, did you ask her about it? What did she have to say?

What if the same situation were to repeat itself 4 months later?

She may be honest when she says she still loves you, but you need to know why she behaved in an uncouth manner, and also if she will repeat it. Decision is yours

Love Guru: Thank you all for being here, let's chat next Thursday at 3 pm!

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com

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