"Use your discretion to decide if confessing your feelings to a woman, when you are married to another, is the right thing to do, weigh the consequences, and then take a suitable decision whether you should go ahead as per the expert's advice, or follow your discretion if it tells you differently, that's all."
"It becomes a fight when both sides indulge in it, so the first thing you can do to avoid it turning into a fight is by not joining it."
Rediff.com's Love Guru has answers to all your relationship problems.
In an online chat every Thursday, Rediff.com's Love Guru addresses relationship problems and attempts to offer earnest solutions.
For those who missed the chat on July 23, here's the transcript:
Monojit: All righty then. There is someone who is attractive. Experts say one should not suppress one's feeling of love for someone.
My question, how is it OK to express my feelings for somebody if I am already married?
Love Guru: Monojit, experts say many things but don't we use our discretion to decide what is suitable and unsuitable for us?
Monojit: So as Love Guru, are you implying that I should use discretion and bear the load in my mind of not expressing my feelings to her simply because I am married, not to her, but someone else? This is a pressure cooker scenario.
I let to let out the steam somehow. What is your advice?
Love Guru: Monojit, no, I am advising that as an adult, you use your discretion to decide if confessing your feelings to a woman, when you are married to another, is the right thing to do, weigh the consequences, and then take a suitable decision whether you should go ahead as per the expert's advice, or follow your discretion if it tells you differently, that's all.
vikas garg: We lost our daughter when she was 15. Then our second daughter came who is 4 yr now. My wife firmly believes she is her sister's reincarnation but I deny it.
This has led to tension between us. What should I do? Shall I allow her to continue with her belief.
Love Guru: Vikas Garg, putting aside your beliefs, if what your wife believes in brings her mental peace, and she is able to overcome the earlier tragedy, why do deny her that comfort by questioning her right?
A lot of people need such beliefs to come to terms with life, and because we don't doesn't give us the right to question or deny other people their belief, right?
Ganesh Walke: Hi LG, I am in a situation please give me some tips, I just joined a college, this is my first year in college and in the second week itself I am having a crush on a girl, this is my first time please help how do I talk to her?
Love Guru: Ganesh Walke, there are no tips, really. Just be natural, make simple, natural conversation, try and be yourself, don't fake it, don't show off.
Girls like honest, simple dudes, not the brash kinds.
sanjay kumar: Now she says she not gave me divorse and also not come back and lives with her parents. What can I do. My parents also in very tension
Love Guru: Sanjay Kumar, you need professional advice, preferably from a marriage counsellor or, if that fails, a divorce lawyer
parul sharma: Hi..my manager is madly in love with me. I am unmarried and he is married with with two elder children.
He is ready to do anything for me and I am sure he will keep his words. But I am confused. What to do?
Adding one point..the age gap between both of us is 17 yrs. Please advise what to do?
Love Guru: Parul Sharma, be clear what is it you want from the relationship -- but also be clear that you are dealing with a married man with children.
What you want may not be the same as what he wants, however earnest he may sound in convincing you.
If you are expecting anything long-term from it, I'd advise you to be practical, in many such cases that's now what it works out.
nova: I have a big crush on my young beautiful maid. But she ignores me.....please help.
Love Guru: Nova, you don't know how lucky you are that she is ignoring you. Thank your lucky stars and find someone else for your romantic interests.
Monojit: Is love a manifestation of narrow-mindedness?
Love Guru: Monojit, if you are looking for an intellectual discussion on love, I am afraid you've come to the wrong place.
If you have a problem in your life, please share it and let me see if I can advise you on it
Anirudh Karthik: LG, I lose my temper quite often on small issues and then me and my wife have argument over it, please help me how do i overcome this temper problem of mine.
Love Guru: Anirudh Karthik, there are anger management experts available, have you tried contacting one? Because, by the way you describe it, it looks like you have a serious problem on hand that needs expert advice and guidance, so don't waste any more time.
Roshan Parkar: LG what's the best way to avoid a verbal fight with wife?
Love Guru: Roshan Parkar, it becomes a fight when both sides indulge in it, so the first thing you can do to avoid it turning into a fight is by not joining it, haha. But seriously, how about trying to to not give her reasons to fight with you -- in short, by being the perfect husband?
sanjay kumar: Sir, I'm married in November,13 but my not want settle with me , in last year she was at her home Between May 2014 and November,14 and came back in December 14 due to pressure from relatives. But now she is not respect me and my parents also, she do not have any respect of me or my relatives.
We have a baby girl also of 11 months, but she have no tension about baby.
Love Guru: Sanjay Kumar, if you want a divorce you need to contact a divorce lawyer who will explain to you the procedure involved.
Look up the local phone directory, ask any of the phone directories, etc. But before you do that, are you sure you and your wife have reached a point of no return in your relationship?
vikas ishan: Hi, i'm in relation with a girl from last 5 years , but she dont marry me with matter of caste.
She is very close to me , I only want to know is it easy to her to remove all the things from her mind.
Love Guru: Vikas Ishan, I am unclear who has a problem with whose caste?
You have a problem with her caste, or she has a problem with your caste?
Why is it in this time and age, youngsters like you are talking about caste and such regressive things when the trend of the times is to be progressive, break such artificial, manmade constructs?
PRIYABRATA-PRADHAN: I love one girl more than my life and after 5 years of one side love I proposed her before some months ago and she accept my love.
After some day I listen that she has affair and physical relation with another guy and continuing till date.
She also talk with me like a lover. After I knew that I can’t understand what to do. So please help me.
Love Guru: Priyabrata-Pradhan, so someone cast aspersions on her and you readily believed it?
Didn't you think you should check with her about it and see what she has to say?
How do you know if the person who told you think did not have ulterior motives?
People are known to spread untruths all the time. My advice, before tormenting yourself, speak to your partner first.
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
Also read
- 'I have a crush on a 55-yr-old woman'
- 'My wife and I have a poor sex life'
- 'How do I overcome my college crush?'
- 'My wife gets hyper for no reason'
- 'My BF is very narrow minded'
- 'My sister's friend has a crush on me'
- 'My wife is in a relationship with someone'
- 'I am unable to understand her'
- How can I keep my wife happy?
- I'm in love with a senior colleague'
- 'How does one get over a broken heart?'
- 'We broke up but she still wants us to be friends'
- 'A married woman misses me'
- 'What's the secret to a happy marriage?'
- 'My GF's crying habit really disturbs me'
- 'She ignores me and refuses to marry'
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
