'Love and marriage should be unconditional and the minute one starts making conditions there can be no end to it'
'Remember, the girl's parents have her best interest, at least what they think is her best interest, in mind, so what is it about you that's putting him off? Try addressing that.'
Rediff.com's Love Guru has answers to all your relationship problems.
In an online chat every Thursday, Rediff.com's Love Guru addresses relationship problems and attempts to offer earnest solutions.
For those who missed the chat on October 8, here's the transcript:
mv: Hi LG, my boyfriend is not showing interest on me now a days, he is busy with his business and problems.
But these things goes life long. I am unable to explain this to him.
I know he loves me a lot.. but I need his time. earlier we were having a very good time, he cared me a lot, which I miss now.
How to make him feel that I need him now like before.
Love Guru: mv, it shouldn't be all that difficult to talk to your boyfriend about your anxiety, I presume?
His lack of time could be genuine, men do have this need to immerse themselves in their work, or it could be a sign that he is moving apart.
What is it, you will know only after having an open conversation with him, so please don't waste any more time in doing it
guddy: Dear LG, I feel my mother in law is very insecure.
Every time my husband and I go out, she will find an excuse to call him back home or interrupt our plans.
My husband doesn't understand all this.
He is too full of love and expects me to understand. How to deal with this?
Love Guru: Guddy, possessive mothers-in-law are nothing new, I am afraid.
Perhaps the trick is in leaving the phone behind on some pretext, so no one can call him when the two of you are out together.
But this plan has its pitfalls too, so think through it before implementing it
shahin: My BF and I will soon enter an inter-caste marriage. I don't want to take my husband's surname after marriage.
My BF is fine, but I want to know if it is legally possible to keep your maiden name after marriage as well. Pls suggest
Love Guru: Shahin, I don't know of the legality of this, but one sees so many married women retaining their maiden name, so one would presume it is fine to do so
vaishali: LG, I am a Hindu and love a Christian guy and his parents have agreed to our marriage only if I convert my religion.
My parents have strictly advised me to stay away from the guy and the family. My BF and I are torn between our parents' choices. Pls advice.
Love Guru: Vaishali, I have no advice to offer about religious conversion.
You decide whether your marriage is worth it post-conversion.
Personally, I believe that love and marriage should be unconditional and the minute one starts making conditions there can be no end to it
shammi-khandelwal: I want to marry with my ex wife but I am worried that how my 15 year old son will react
Love Guru: shammi-khandelwal, I am presuming a few things here.
One, that you are single now. Two, your ex-wife is your son's mother. And three, your ex-wife is single and wants to marry you too.
If these three presumptions are true, please go ahead. Your son may be delighted to have his mother back in his life
Ganesh Walke: Next week I am supposed to go to meet a girl for marriage, my parents have arranged this meeting, I am nervous what about it, it is my first time, what should i talk to her, please give some tips...ty
Love Guru: Ganesh Walke, remember, the girl probably is a hundred times more nervous than you are about the whole thing. So don't be nervous.
Be natural, talk about ordinary things.
Make sure you come across as someone normal, decent, polite, and this attitude will make her feel confident to be her natural self.
Everyone has the heebie-jeebies, so don't worry too much about it
Megha Nambiar: I broke up with a married guy last year.
He recently called me to say that he will be seeking a divorce from his wife and would like to marry me.
I still have feelings for him but I dont want to upset his current wife and family.
Do you think I should meet his family and talk before saying Yes?
Love Guru: Megha Nambiar, do you want to be dragged into what will certainly be a messy divorce case? No, right?
Then stay out of his life completely till he manages to sort out his divorce as he says he will.
You don't even know for a fact he is divorcing his wife, what if he is only saying it to convince you?
So keep out of his life, let him get the divorce, then you can decide if you still want to say yes
nishal geooonishalg: LG, my wife is spying on me. I have tried talking to her and clearing the air, but I feel she doesn't trust me enough. What to do?
Love Guru: Nishal Geooonishaig, is she spying on you because you've betrayed her trust in the past, or because she is a suspicious person by nature?
If it is because of your own behaviour, then you have to work harder to build trust in her.
If she is a suspicious person by nature, it's harder to get her to shake her habit and conditioning. But if you explain the ridiculousness of it, maybe she will agree
sheetal: Does inter caste marriage have problems later in marriage life?
Love Guru: Sheetal, not any more or any less problems than same-caste marriages, trust me.
So if you are planning an inter-caste marriage, go ahead.
It has the same chance of success as any other marriage -- meaning, it depends on the partners to make it work
Aatish Jagmanani: My parents want me to get married of their choice, I love a girl and I told my parents about her but they are not ready to listen, I don't believe in arranged marriage, I can't understand how to convince my parents, please help
Love Guru: AatishJagmanani, convincing one's parents in such matters calls for a lot of tact, and patience.
Since you sound like you don't wish to go against them, please work on them.
Why don't they want you to marry a girl of your choice? What do they have against her?
Find out, address their concerns. Who know, when done with patience and sincerity, it may change their mind
mayanksingh: Pls suggest sir, hello love guru, I love one girl and she also love me ..but now days girls Papa saying marriage an other boy.
Please tell me solution for this i love her a lot. and girl is all so love me..
Love Guru: Mayanksing, if both you and the girl are planning to get married, won't it be possible for both of you to convince the father?
Why is he asking her to marry another man? What doesn't he like about you?
Remember, the girl's parents have her best interest, at least what they think is her best interest, in mind, so what is it about you that's putting him off? Try addressing that.
AKSHAY NIMBALKAR: Dear LG I met a girl a in college I proposed her, but she refused, later I spoke to her again started messing her, she blocked me.
Later I told her that i'm going to the US.
Then she asked me not to go. she was behaving very nicely but i insulted her several times and again she stopped talking to me. I want her and what i do?
Love Guru: Akshay Nimbalkar, it is a very confusing story.
You stalk her, she rejects you. She talks to you, you insult her.
It needs a psychoanalyst to figure out what's going on in both your minds!
But overall, the sense I get is that she is not interested in you, so it will be better if you shift to the US.
Distance should put some perspective to the whole thing.
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
Also read
- 'I love a girl. She has ego issues'
- 'She insulted me. But I still care for her'
- 'My wife wants to control me'
- 'Her brother is threatening me. What to do?'
- 'My mother-in-law rules my family. Help!'
- 'My wife left me. How can I get her back
- 'Is it advisable to tell my partner about my past?'
- 'I don't know whether she loves me or not'
- 'My GF does not like me talking to other girls'
- 'I don't think my GF loves me any more'
- 'I've suffered failure in love for the fifth time'
- 'I feel like marriage is my chance to escape poverty'
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)
