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Party poopers: 10 'types' who can ruin your celebration!

Last updated on: December 21, 2009 16:21 IST

Party poopers: 10 'types' who can ruin your celebration!

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Abhishek Mande

You might think they don't exist, but they do. They always seem to escape retribution, but invariably reveal their identities at the most important celebrations of your life! Meet the top ten party poopers who will ruin the fun of your party -- so steer clear of them this festive season!

1. Sir Drinks-a-lot (And we mean A LOT)

Yes, we can almost hear you groan, 'I know just who you're talking about!' But the guy who attends most parties simply to get sloshed is, in fact, the least wanted guest at almost every party. The funny part about some of these folks is that they are perfectly normal when they're not drinking. But two pegs down, they can well become your worst nightmare.

Sir Drinks-a-lot gets worse when he starts dancing without his shirt on a tabletop, or groping your guests. Then he throws up all over your bathroom and someone has to ferry him home unconscious because he can't drive. Yeesh! There are good chances you won't realise just how annoying this character is, till you actually see him in action at a party you're hosting -- and by then it's too late. The damage is done.


Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
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2. Ms I-love-pretending-to-be-drunk

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The thing about Ms I-love-pretending-to-be-drunk is that eight out of ten times, she's not really. Drunk, that is. But she likes pretending to be, which is so much more fun, right? One Long Island Iced Tea is all it takes and she's off to la-la-land, doing baby-talk and teetering around as one of her many gallant sidekicks holds her up and tells everyone how drunk she is.

Ms I-love -- er, etcetera -- may not grope your guests or pass lewd remarks. But she will say a heck of a lot of things that she wouldn't otherwise. The drinks are an excuse to let loose. And don't rule out the tabletop dance -- she does have the potential to go heywire in a look-at-me sort of way!

Know how you can catch her pretence? When she flashes a perfect, bright smile every time a camera flashes. Because face it, women just hate to have bad pics clicked -- even when they're supposedly drunk!



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3. Mr and Mrs We-take-our-kids-everywhere

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Even to grown-up parties where they aren't invited.

Remember the times your folks would head out for a party, leaving you at home with your grandparents or cousins? And you hated it! Well, if you have any sense, you'll do the same to your kids. That's right! Because nobody wants tots around when they're letting loose to have a good time at a party.

'Oh, Bunty is allergic to cheese, don't let him have any starters'. And all the while the kid is busy trying to reach for the plate every chance he gets.

Or, 'Oh, Sweetie is tired, can I put her to sleep in your room? And can you tell everyone to keep it down, if there's too much noise she won't sleep...' Imagine being shushed in your own house because there's a child around that you haven't invited or produced. Talk about poopy-pants dampening things down!



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4. Mr/ Ms Tag-along

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'So where are we headed tonight?'

'Um, I'm kind of invited to my colleague Raj's dinner party? (read: you're not).'

'Cool, let's leave, it'll be a blast!'

Sadly, hints are lost on this type of friend. Either they don't get it, or they don't want to. And then they don't know anyone at the party other than you, which means you're sunk for the evening.

And if you come across a tag-along at a party, be sure to read the signs! You'll probably find an acquaintance standing in a corner, which will make your heart go out. A few words of conversation and that's it -- you'll be shadowed for the rest of the evening, except (maybe) when you go to the loo! The saddest part is when you have to include this person in all the conversations you have with other guests. Really now, get a life, pal!



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5. Mr Eat-all-you-can

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'Hey everyone! What's for food? Hey, pass me the sausages, will ya? Man, I love these little tarts!'

Sigh.

Sometimes you feel like you can handle this fellow over the drunk dude -- at least he doesn't start throwing up after an hour or groping after he gets drunk. But what do you do when he hogs away at least one fourth of your food before any of the other guests have even made their way to the buffet table? Or follows you around as you serve the starters? Really man, how about having a full meal before you arrive at the party? So that way you'll have only about three more there!



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6. Mr Let's-hook-up

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So what'll you have first, the good news or the bad news?

Brace yourself.

The good news is that Mr Let's-hook-up is not drunk.

The bad news is that he doesn't have to be.

This guy will want to get cosy with every other pretty (and even not-so-pretty) girl you've invited over. The difference between Sir Drinks-a-lot and him is that he simply doesn't need alcohol to do the kind of things he does. Follow every girl around pestering her with small talk and asking for her number. On the flipside you know what you're in for with this chap. But then again, nine out of ten times you can't do a thing about it. Because if he can't take a hint from a woman, he certainly won't take one from you!



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7. Ms Freshly Single

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Okay, let's be really, really clear on one thing. Parties do not cheer up those nursing heart-ache, they only serve to make them feel worse.

You think that an invitation to a party will cheer them up? Noooooooo!

The sight of happy couples and people having a good time only makes Ms Freshly Single go all weepy. She'll probably sit with a glass of wine in the farthest corner of the room, texting pals about how awful she's feeling. In between that, she'll ask to speak to you in private about her failed relationship while your guests are waiting to be served, or bawl her eyes out in the cloak. Unsurprisingly, the toilet paper has also disappeared so the next time someone's gone in there, they're shouting out for a new roll. And you can't leave her mid-conversation to go cater to them!



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8. The Tech Talker

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Remember the time when a mobile phone rang and everyone worth their salt pulled out their own, as if they were all expecting calls of the utmost urgency?

The latest news is that things haven't really changed since then.

In fact they've only gotten more annoying.

Mr Blackberry will insist that he's better than that fancy-looking, battery-guzzling Ms iPhone and they'll spend all evening indulging in tech-talk and trying to show up the other's handset.

Or it will be about the HP laptop vs the Mac.

Or the BMW vs the Mercedes.

Whatever. But you have a potential fracas in the making and it's boring to death when disinterested guests are roped into the debate! Definitely not the kind of people you'd want to have at your party.



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9. Ms Enthusiastic

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Picture this.

Your party is just picking up, with music playing in the background; a few people are grooving, others are sipping cocktails and enjoying conversation.

Enter Ms Enthusiastic. The music is turned down and in a loud voice she calls everyone front and centre to play a 'fun game' that nobody is interested in. You can't turn her down as easily as the music, though and she takes over your bar, your kitchen, your barbecue and your guests till you begin to wonder whose party it is anyway! So do the best you can do -- leave her out of the list!



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10. Mr Messy

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Unfortunately, a lot of party-goers qualify for this last tag.

They're the slobs who will forget to flush, leave the beer cans in the bathtub and generally make their mark(s) wherever they go. They'll also leave used plates lying around, trail muck into your home even though there's a mat at the door and generally have you cleaning up after them all evening. And don't make the mistake of wondering if they'd do the same at their own homes. Take our word for it -- they're worse.

So when you're out at a party this season, make sure you're a welcome guest. Be cheerful, easygoing, enjoy yourself and pick up after yourself a little bit too -- that way, you can ensure an invitation next year!



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