Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on July 2 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, people! Welcome to the Love Guru chat -- lets get started with those relationship troubles.
luvu asked, i am very shy of girls, how to approach them and make friendship with them.
Love Guru answers, The more you sweat over this, the worse youll be at it. The trick is to BE YOURSELF -- just like you are around friends of the male sex. If you are comfortable around them, thats half the battle won. If you try any foolish moves or tricks to win them over, youll most likely be rejected.
dhaval asked, i am not able to trust my grilfriend whether her love for me is true or not...wat should i do ?
Love Guru answers, Dhaval, if she didnt love you, she wouldnt be with you. And if thats not enough for you, nothing else ever will be.
LKB asked, I am very suspecious about my girl friend, I always think she is cheating on me, what to do?
Love Guru answers, The same goes for you! If you dont overcome this stupid insecurity, you will make her unhappy and you will be unhappy too. Get over it and have some self-confidence. She is with you for a reason -- she loves you.
Srikanth asked, the girl i like asked about my financial income & my father income & since then not talking me?
Love Guru answers, Well, thats unfortunate, but it probably means she is on the lookout for a very financially sound partner. Maybe she was not impressed with what you told her. In any case, you are better off without such people in your life -- its an inappropriate question that she asked you and anyone who judges others by their salaries is a very shallow, money-minded individual.
mannnnnnn asked, Hi, guru, I love a girl since 2 yrs. Its a one sided. Poeple dont believe it but i know i have this feelings. I cared for her since 2 yrs. althought she is cleared from herself that she loved someone else, but they are not together any more due to long distance.So, i didnt expect for her, but sonce she is always there with our group of friends so its difficult to avoid her. After soem time we started being friends and keeping meeting. Til now also we meet and saw each other. I ahve this feeling intact in me. Now she is going to be married with another boy. Now i have this problem. She told me everything. For me, I ahve only option to ignore her. BUt then i feel guilty to not being with her. Its not possible to avoid seeing her. What to do. I have only option now to make my self away form also my frinds and reduce hangouts.
Love Guru answers, Why is ignoring her your only option? And why should you give up your whole friend-circle because of one other person? No, I dont think that is the solution. Rather than that, you can be civil with her and hang out with your friends -- there is no need to be over-friendly, but there is no need to ignore her outright either. Besides, it isnt like she led you on -- she did not give you false hopes, she was just your friend.
akk asked, o love a girl since three years and i had proposed her last year but at that time she was with some one else and now she has broken up with him she shares every thing what is happening in her life. i am her good friend. how would i know if she is responding me now
Love Guru answers, If you cannot make out from her behaviour, the only choice you have is asking her outright -- so do that. Say that since circumstances are now different, you would like to know if she is interested in going out with you.
(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)
'He works abroad and I'm insecure'
Srikanth asked, Girl bodies are Great but their Mind is always full of Crap!
Love Guru answers, They might say the same for you, Srikanth -- whats the matter, been dumped recently? Sounds like a case of sour grapes to me!
Abhi asked, What should i do if my partner is not honest with me, even after caught red handed twice, and still trying to repeat the things again.
Love Guru answers, Maybe that partner is not right for you, Abhi. Plus, you are letting her get away with it -- she knows that despite being caught, you will take her back. Dont let anyone treat you like a doormat.
navita asked, LG Please answer my query this time,m helpless.. M 24 in a long distance relationship past 1 yr.He loves me a a lot n I knw that,bt @ times I do feel insecure coz he didnt gve me the proper time.when I complaint he always reply-Baby will componsate for all wen m back to India...But still m feeling lonely wen m down n I dont knw....wat to do,M suffering coz of my job n studies these days n nw dis relation...please help
Love Guru answers, Hi Navita. Well, its probably not news to you, but long distance relationships can be tough. That said, I do think you should cut the guy some slack here. Life abroad is different -- working and living there alone is very hard. You will have to fight your insecurity and put up a brave front till he is back in India. If you love and trust him and he has given you no reason to doubt him, be supportive.
nnn asked, Hi Love Guru. I love a girl. She also loves me very much. I am 24 and she is just 16. Should we marry after 3 years ? Is it a big gap ?
Love Guru answers, Its a VERY big gap considering how young she is -- if you were both 24 and 31 it wouldnt matter so much, but right now she is only a teenager. And in three years time, she will still be only 18 -- far too young to make big decisions like getting married. Either be prepared to wait or then take your chances.
kingrap asked, The girl I like does not like me asking her of her health and well being. She is always in hyper mood. She is just not ready to listen to me and always complains abt things. Her way of answering is very bad and she always talks of other friends of her. Even when she is on FB, she tells me that she is busy. Should I be opting for such a girl?
Love Guru answers, Its not so much a question of you opting for her -- she has made it abundantly clear that she has not opted for you! Stop showering her with unwanted attention because she is not interested in you. You are wasting your time.
reena asked, hi m 30 & married for last 4 yrs and hvg a kid of 3 yrs, but accidently got into a relationship with my coleague, i dnt want to spoil my house. but now m deep in wt him i want both but sometimes feels v guilty, pl advice.
Love Guru answers, You dont accidentally cheat on your husband, Reena -- whatever you have done was with full knowledge of what you were getting into, so please dont put it that way, it only makes you look foolish. If you care as much as you say about your family life, end the affair. You cant carry on like this for the simple reason that sooner or later, your husband is going to find out. You also have a young child to take care of.
'We found perverted emails in his account'
Almitra asked, hey...hi.. i hv a frnd who is gng around with a guy who is gng thru divorce. we still hvnt been able to figure out the reason of his divorce except that the gurl was had a relationship with sum1 else n she has left him.. howevr i feel there is more to it.. bcoz just a few days therefater we found sum pervert mails rom his mail acount going to sum unknown gurls n wen we asked he said its been used by his frnds.... my frnd age is 30 yrs n her parents r trying to find a match... but she is waiting for him... i dont think he is rite... plz help...
Love Guru answers, Look, there really isnt much you can do as a friend other than advise her -- although what you were doing going through his email account I dont really know. Why not contact one of the women he has emailed from his account and find out exactly what is going on? Personally I think the whole my-friends-used-my-account story is pretty lame -- why wouldnt they use their own? If your friend is smart, she will definitely take this incident into consideration.
Rahul asked, hi love guru, i left my gf for her happines. ne she is happy with his class-mate bf. mw i m feeling alone. nw wht i do ? PLZ HELP ME
Love Guru answers, Rahul, when you left her you made a decision for both of you. You decided that you knew what was best for her and left -- she didnt want to leave you. Now that your self-importance has given you a kick up your backside, there is really nothing to do but admit that the decision you made was the wrong one. And move on -- you may feel lonely, but it is your doing. And she is happy with her new boyfriend. Isnt that what you wanted -- for her to be happy without you? You have learned your lesson and wont repeat it -- look forward to meeting someone else now. Give it time, it will happen.
Dave asked, LG My Wife seems to have a very strange fantasy.. she wants me to be like someone else while making love.. will this lead to a possible threesome for her
Love Guru answers, Depends who that someone else is! Just kidding -- if its just role-playing she wants, go along with it. That is something a lot of couples do to spice up their sex lives. But if she wants you to be someone you both know, it means she is attracted to that person in some way. I can understand that would make you uncomfortable, but before jumping to any conclusions go along with what she has suggested first. If its harmless fun, you will enjoy it too.
seema asked, hi , i am searching for a boy who have critical thinking, sincere, able to forecaste , But my problem is i am unable to trust on boys . becoz all boys are Dog . pls suggest what to do
Love Guru answers, Seema, you wont get very far looking for a boy if you consider all of them dogs! That is a generalisation and you simply cannot judge the whole gender based on one or two personal experiences! I just had a guy in here who said all women have only crap in their minds. How does that make you feel? Stop being so suspicious of men and make a real effort to be a nice person -- youll meet someone who is right for you.
Parmatma asked, Is it true that majority of married men live with their wives because they love their children? Whats is your honest opinion Love Guru?
Love Guru answers, That is a stupid thing to say. Successful marriages are not dependent on children, they are dependent on mutual love, trust and compromise.
sneha asked, Hi Love guru, iam in love with a married man, his age is 29.. and iam 20, he has a kid.. we had sex few times... but he said he cannot marry me... pls suggest, what to do.. pls..i require your help loveguru
Love Guru answers, Sneha, you have been taken advantage of. And he will continue to take advantage of you if you dont end this relationship now. You are so young and have your whole life ahead -- and this man has categorically told you that your relationship has no future. So what are you waiting for? End it now -- before it gets worse for you.
'My girl's best friend wants to have sex with me'
TONY asked, hi LG, i loved one gul she loved me for 4 years .Due to circumstances in her family she said their parents are not agreeing for the marriage. So i told u carry on with what ever u want .Atlast she got married with another guy who z shown by her parents. With in the next day she dint call me at all..not even one msg also. I am thinking whether the gul is true with me when she was loving me or she acted with me in these four years. I am feeling for not missing her . whether i got cheated with her ?
Love Guru answers, Maybe she did love you, but was not strong enough to go against her parents for you. And its not like you convinced her to stay with you -- if you had told her that you would stand by her if she went against her parents, maybe she would have decided to marry you. You cannot expect her to call and message you after marriage, of course. I dont think you got cheated but I can understand that you are bitter. It will take time, but you will get over it.
nidhi asked, Hi Love Guru my boyfriend wants a room date with me wat to do?
Love Guru answers, You need to talk to him about it -- if you are comfortable with the idea of being alone with him in a room, go ahead. Im sure you also know that he is expecting to get physically intimate with you. So if you both want it and are ready for it, go ahead. If not, tell him the truth -- that youre not.
sachin asked, My girlfriends best friend wants to make love with me. i am in dilemma whether to have group bang with my gf and her frnd or only with her frnd? How to convince my GF?
Love Guru answers, First of all, your problem seems more like the figment of an overactive imagination to me. On the off-chance that its not, I doubt youll be able to convince your girlfriend. And this isnt just any other random girl, it is her best friend you want to sleep with, right? What a charming guy you must be -- a real catch. Wouldnt blame your girl if she never wants to see you or her friend again -- with people like you guys around, who needs enemies?
staleen asked, how can i forget my past love which was my first love ?? she is going to marry today !! so i cant tolerate this pain !!
Love Guru answers, Very few people wind up marrying their first loves, my dear. First loves are sweet, childhood crushes and most often people grow out of them. But you should want to grow out of them first, so stop desperately holding on to something that is not meant to be. You are causing yourself unnecessary pain. Be realistic and mature and dont doubt that you will fall in love again -- and this time it will be real, not the puppy love of your first crush.
IlaVarsi asked, Love Guru, my boyfriend only wants to marry Ezhava girl (he is from Kerala, I am from Mumbai). What to do?
Love Guru answers, Well, what is he doing dating you if he doesnt intend to marry you? And why are you going along with it? Dont wait for him to change his mind, because that is unlikely -- he will string you along for as long as he wants and then one day he will turn around and marry a girl from the Ezhava community. You need to set your mind to it and get out of this relationship. Dont wait for the inevitable to happen, take charge of your life. And a word of advice -- anyone who has such a high regard for casteism is not worth your time.
triti asked, Hi LG What is your say on repeal of " 377" by Delhi High Court?
Love Guru answers, I say its about time! An adult, consensual relationship is every individuals right. The gay community consists of people whose life choices and sexual preferences may be different from ours, but they are normal people like you and me. And if they want to enjoy same-sex relationships by mutual consent, its no third partys business.
Love Guru says, Time up, people! Catch you nect Thursday at 2, and till then, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Cheers!