'My girlfriend likes me to dress up in women's clothing'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on July 23 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, folks...let's get started with the Love Guru chat! Any relationship problems you have, feel free to share and discuss.
PagalAadmee asked, Hi LoveGuru, I had an affair with one girl for 2 years but later we had breakup now she is with a new boy but she sometimes call me and say she still miss the time we were together.I dont know why is she is doing that when she is already in realtionship. what should I do?
Love Guru answers, Steer clear of this gal. If she misses you, why is she still with that other guy? I strongly suspect that she only calls you when they are experiencing problems. She dumped you for someone else -- don't entertain her calls.
nanda asked, hi, i love a girl and she is 18 andi am 23; shall i propose to her? she knows that i amlooking her; can you please tell me, how i can approach her and in what way?
Love Guru answers, You don't know this girl and you want to propose! I've said this a million times -- you absolutely cannot approach a girl out of the blue and make lofty proclamations of love when you don't know the first thing about her! Try and make friends by saying hello a few times. When -- and if -- she responds, you can start having conversations with her and after a while maybe ask her out for coffee. Only after you get to know her and about her reasonably well can you even think of telling her you like her!
princess asked, my story is really long.way back lyk 10 yrs ago wen i was 10 i had d 1st crush of my lyf,i was completely smitten by him but we were 'just frnds'.he proposed me wen we were in 10th std.now i m 20,we hav quite a steady relation.he is d best any gal can get,he luvs me a lot but now i just dont feel anythng 4 him,wat shud i do?
Love Guru answers, This happens very often when people's childhood crushes turn into adult relationships. You've grown out of and gotten over it. Better to tell him right away and end things instead of dragging on in a relationship that means little to you. But remember one thing -- if he's a great person and you say any gal would love to have him, be prepared to see him with another girl. And then no backtracking out of jealousy or insecurity -- it's a very common trait to want someone back just when someone else has him. Make your mind up properly before you take any step.
pooja asked, hi love guru,i had an affair with one boy from last 3 years but he dont love me ,but i love him a lot and lot
Love Guru answers, Stop letting him take advantage for as many years as he wants before he dumps you -- and rest assured, he will. If after three years he's made it clear that he doesn't take your feelings seriously, he never will.
PagalAadmee asked, Love Guru, thanks for your answer, I dont want be rude with anybody...I know she ditched me....do you think should i tell her clearly that I dont want to talk her anymore instead of not entertaining her calls?
Love Guru answers, When I said don't entertain her calls, I used the words loosely, I didn't actually mean don't take her calls. Of course you can tell her you don't want to talk to her anymore before you end things completely.
(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)
Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
'My boyfriend keeps lying to me'
sarab asked, hi, my wife left after 12 yrs of marriage without any conflict etc. she was normal before going to her parents .when i went to her ,she refuse to even open the door.Kindly advise.Regards
Love Guru answers, Well, you need to confront her at any cost and find out why she is behaving like this. Even if she wants to end the marriage, she owes you an explanation at least, after 12 years. She can't just suddenly shut you out of her life without giving you a reason. You may want to talk to her parents if you're on good terms with them to find out what she's so mad about. If you're not on good terms with them, well, it's fairly easy to deduce that they told her something to make her feel this way.
aps asked, hi guru ,my past don,t let me go ,am always living in past.anable to live in present ,wht to do to get rid of all that past things.
Love Guru answers, That's because you're obsessing over it. If you stop doing that, and think more about the present and the future, you'll be free of its clutches.
Deeps asked, Hi LG, I love a girl. She said she had boyfriend who was childhood friend and their parents were happy for them. That guy met an accident and died. Now she not ready to get into any relationship. Please help me what should I do now. I want marry that girl. I proposed her 3 times till date. Thanks in advance.
Love Guru answers, Look, Deeps, when a young person has suffered so much trauma losing her partner, it's only natural that she is not going to want to get into another relationship for quite a long time. The best you can do right now is be her friend and let time heal her wounds. If you keep pressuring her for marriage, at some point she is bound to get irritated and cut you out of her life. Be her friend, be there for her, help her get over the tragedy. In time she will realise how much you care for her and maybe she will change her mind then.
abc asked, hi LG, i m abt to get married & i saw a girl. Both d families are OK, but my concern is tat she is 2nd daughter (& they hav only 2 daughters and no son). hence i am taking a backstep to say 'yes', as i need to take 50% care of her parents...i may sound mean...but i dont want to take responsibity of her parents...
Love Guru answers, Well, you're certainly a large-hearted person, aren't you? What if the woman you're marrying said she didn't want anything to do with your parents? Would you be fine with that? If you're such a selfish person, it's best you don't get married at all -- anyone who is so self-centred as to want to distance his in-laws even before the wedding is not going to be too happy sharing his life with a wife either.
soniya asked, My boyfriend has lied me several times; what shud i do?
Love Guru answers, Whether they're big lies or harmless lies, it's obvious that they bother you. And the fact that you're going on forgiving his lies means that you are indirectly encouraging him to repeat his behaviour. The only way to bring a stop to it is to completely stop tolerating it. The next time you catch him lying, cut him off completely for awhile. Let him fry for a few days, till he realises his mistake and understands that you meand business.
PagalAadmee asked, Love Guru, Thanks Again, one last question, I was in a deep love with her, so I am finding it very difficult to clear her memories from my mind.Believe it or not everyday 2 or 3 hr I waste thinking of her,seeing her snaps, greeting she had given to me...everything I have of her.please tell me how to come out of it,I dont want to spoil my precious time in something which is not mine ..pls reply.
Love Guru answers, Stop wasting time going through everything she gave you everyday. You're the one who's stopping yourself from snapping out of it by indulging yourself and chatting with her whenever she calls. If you stop that and stop obsessing over your past relationship, you'll get over it faster than you think.
'Is it right to break off with him because I'm losing interest?'
s asked, Hi LG, I have been loving a guy for the past 5 years since my engineering days. We both got selected into same company and we still are maintaining the relation. We hang out at different places every other month and will enjoy each others presence. Now slowly i'm loosing interest in him and am searcing for a new guy. How fo you rate me? Good or bad...I'm seriously thinking going with 2 of my colleagues for a trip. What should I do now. I have cursh for both them and will go with both of them seperately.
Love Guru answers, Look, you can't classify your feelings as 'good' or 'bad' -- sometimes you can't help the way you feel. But you can classify how you handle this situation. You can do the right thing by telling him you're losing interest and want to call it off. If you're single, who you go with on trips is up to you.
asaa asked, Hi LG. I don't have any kids and married since 8 yrs.My hus loves me a lot, but sometimes he even doesnot care for my basic needs and even he does not help me in household work. ALthough I am also working,due to huge liabilities, we are not financially sound enough to hire a maid. So I get irritated over him and loose my control over my behavior. Although he is CA and a cool person, but he can not tolerate the corruption in the system and sometimes this results in bad relations with the clients and the IT officers. I am worried about our life, what if someday he may not be able to earn for us. Our life is turning disaster as we donot have kids. We are on medications and he refuses to adopt a baby. Pl. advise us
Love Guru answers, I don't know why at a young age you both have such large liabilities, but don't you think a baby at this point will only increase your stress? And you need money to bring up a child too, besides you have to give your child time. Your husband needs to help you in the household just as you're working and helping with the finances. Set your foot down abou that. Clear your liabilities, settle down and then think of having a child. As for adopting a child, well, if he is against it, it's a bad idea. It will only worsen the situation, especially for the child -- to be adopted by a couple out of which one parent is only grudgingly accepting him.
kashinath asked, I am 25 year old and got married before 6 months.My wife had an affair before marriage and made a huge hue & cry after marriage.But after that she tried to understand that she has to live with me and she has improved a lot from that time.My problem is that sometimes I feel that she has not forgotten her past.What should I do so that she can foget her past 100 percent.
Love Guru answers, Be the best husband you can be and try to help her overcome her past, even if you don't like the thought of her with someone else -- remember, it was before she decided to marry you. If you and her family have forced her to marry you when she loved someone else, it is an unfair, unjust move on your part and it will be a lot harder for you to break her connection to her past.
asdf asked, my gf says she loves me......but she is sometimes very rude and insulting.......then I get pissed off and stop calling her back...thereafter she calls me up and starts an emotional melodrama..She expects me to apologize for not calling her and due to all this I get distracted from my work(which is R&D). I sometimes get an urge to just pick up phone and break off the relation...What should I do?
Love Guru answers, When she is wrong, tell her that she cannot expect you to apologise or call her. She is the one who should apologise. Also, she should understand that all couples fight and it's not right to disturb someone at the office with such melodrama. She should call you after working hours.
ab asked, i used to luv someone years back. it was my first relationship. on her insisting for marriage, i reqd time. that was to make myself more in a position to sustain a family. and she knew it too. everything went fine until one morning she called up to say bye. later, i heard she built relation with a guy. and her connection to the fellow was there during the last months of our relationship. she was earlier attached to this fellow but said all have ended. that breakup shattered a couple of my years.
Love Guru answers, Okay...but if this happened so many years back, why are you still hanging on to it? Let go, it's about time. Start dating other women -- eventually you'll find someone else who you will fall in love with.
happygolucky asked, i am married for three years and have two kids. two years prior to my marriage I had one night stand. Shall i confess it to my wife. she really loves me and considers herself lucky that she has me as husband. I also love her very much.
Love Guru answers, It's not like you cheated on your wife -- this was two years before you got married. So I don't see why it should upset your wife too much. She may not like it, but if she is sensible she won't hold it against you because you've been honest with her and it was before you got married to her. It's up to you -- if you want to tell her, go ahead. If not, that's also fine -- it's not something you should be feeling guilty about.
'I don't want to marry and leave my handicapped father alone'
misery asked, hi i love a girl. but according to her im her friend. because i didnt proposed her. now the problem is her parents found a guy for her marriage and she is talking to him. but not yet fixed. even she talks to me same as b4.. wat should i do? wheather i should tel my love or leave her as friend. reply.. it hurts me a lot..
Love Guru answers, If you're so miserable, tell her already! Or you'll regret it after she is married, that you never even tried! Do it quick, before things for her marriage fall into place -- it will be much more difficult then.
kavita asked, Hi! I am Kavita,age-30,hav a daughter of 3yrs, married since 6 yrs,My husband don't love me and for him his family, mate and everything is his mother.They treat me as a servent or someone outsider. For the sakeof my daughter I want to save this marrige ( Love Marriage)Pls advise.
Love Guru answers, I can understand your motherly concern, but let's leave your daughter out of this for a bit. If you didn't have a child would you want to spend the rest of your life with your husband? Are you happy in your marriage? Look, saving your marriage for your child is one thing, but if you're going to be unhappy throughout, don't think this won't affect your daughter. It's better for a child to grow up in a broken home than one where the parents don't get along. If your husband is willing to do what it takes to make you happy, go for it, by all means. If not, you're better off without him, don't you think?
rajar asked, my g/f of 2 years has recently started asking me to dress like a girl. she also takes me w/ several sex toys she bought overseas. she likes to make me the woman in the relationship. i am having problems with this.
Love Guru answers, Hmmm. I can understand if you do have a problem with it. Why not try talking to her, Rajar, and ask her why she has this weird fetish? I can understand role play and other things to spice up sex, but if she wants this every single time, means that there is probably something more to it. And she needs to come clean about it.
Ashok asked, I am amrried for 5years and have akid.My first love has bben seducing me for awhile.I want to have sex with her.I am not able to resist the temptation.Should I proceed
Love Guru answers, Well, Ashok, what if your wife was in your position? Would you want her to go ahead with things just because she couldn't resist? And jeopardise your happiness and marriage for a few moments of pleasure? Think about it.
kapna asked, hi guruji, I love a boy. Every body know our relation but in our marry there are an problam i.e. my father is helpless with every side means physicaly and financialy. I do't want to forget him alone. I respect him. Every body said think about your marry but i want to think about my papa helplessness bcoz nobody with my papa without me , I think i'm right becoz parents are not a thing of purchase . I want to ask you what can i do with my love site Kalpna
Love Guru answers, Well, Kapna, if your boyfriend loves you and is understanding enough, maybe he should consider that you move in with your dad after marriage instead of into his house. I completely agree with you -- I wouldn't leave a handicapped, financially dependent parent to live alone either.
Love Guru says, Well, time to wind up, folks! Catch you same time, same place next week! Till then, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Goodbye till then and all the best!