Photographs: Syed Zubair for Marie Claire magazine Arathi Menon for Marie Claire magazine
Infidelity begins after seven years of marriage. Or so Marilyn Monroe argued! But German researchers from the Max Planck Institute say that modern marriages barely see the seven-year mark. According to them, the honeymoon period lasts for less than five years before the rot sets in. The first five, seven or 10 years of marriage may be serious tipping points or just a few milestones of a marriage, but these are also the perfect times to ponder over the years gone by, renew the marriage vows and start afresh. But do these conditions and the efforts to change one another actually work? Marie Claire asked four couples and came back amused.
I do, only if... you spend more time with me than the guitar
Bindu Mary Mani (30), graphic designer and Bruce Lee Mani (32), professional musician. Married for seven years, they have a four-year-old son Rohan and will soon be proud parents to a second bundle of joy.
Bindu: Dear Bruce, when we met 11 years ago, I thought I really knew you. But years later, I barely recognise the man walking through the front door each day -- sometimes he has long hair and a goatee and sometimes, short hair with sideburns. Sometimes he even goes bald with no goatee. Now there's a man with a shock of hair all over his face stalking our corridors. What is this -- a mid-life crisis? While I love hearing you play your guitar, I'll still complain that you spend much more time with it than me! I promise to always box your ears when I see you falling asleep on the sofa with the lights on... and yes, I also promise to thank my lucky stars every day for the irritatingly obsessive compulsive neat freak that I'm married to.
Bruce: My dearest Bindu, it was seven years ago that we first pledged our commitment to one another. Today, I want to renew those vows to you. I promise to be there for you in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer (when I splurge on music gear!). I am here to support you and be your best friend. You are my muse, yet your procrastination is neither inspiring nor amusing! Bindu, you have proved more than once that you are an amazing listener and a great agony aunt to all my friends. So how is it that you seem to be downright deaf when I agonise over buying a new custom-made guitar or talk about how much I miss my mom's Tamil-Brahmin food? I promise to ignore you when you backseat drive and to keep my mouth shut to questions like "do I look fat in this?" or "do you prefer purple to mauve?"
I do, only if...you relinquish that remote
Dekyi Yangtso Chawla (32), entrepreneur and photographer and Amit Chawla (33), also an entrepreneur. They have been married for seven years and have a four-year-old son Aryan.
Dekyi: My dearest Amit, as I stand here to take the vows again, I thank you for being the husband that you are and showing me fantasy from reality. The romantic boyfriend I was madly in love with was fantasy; the rugged husband I live with now is reality. I love surprises and I love to travel. But it's not enjoyable when these surprise travel plans come on short notice. Yes, then I have to do all the packing in record speed! And such pleasure trips you plan every fortnight needn't always be about beach and beer! The next time you plan a trip, I want sightseeing to feature in your itinerary because a museum would be as enjoyable as a bar! Your wife is your partner and she has equal rights over every single item in the household and that includes the remote control. While it's understandable that some people need to snuggle when they sleep, it's not enjoyable when you press your nose and mouth against my neck like a little terrier. I promise to nag you less and accept you more and learn to live with your long nights in front of the TV for all eternity.
Amit: Dekyi, seven years ago I pledged to be by your side in times of want, and times of plenty, for better or worse, for the rest of our lives. We've had all those things, and you've been by my side as we created a family, a home, and a life. Dear wife, my job is to micro and macro manage things. And when I come home after a hard day at work, I don't want my wife to start dissecting every single thing I do and say. Life is too short and precious to waste on sorting out complications... Instead enjoy with me the music I play, even if it's way too loud for you! All wives needn't be nagging. Show the world that you are an exception.
I do, only if... you stop cracking poor jokes
Sangeeta Rana (32), lawyer, and Navin Balan (35), IT consultant. They married after a six-month courtship and have been together for five years. They have a two-month-old son Abhimanyu.
Sangeeta: Navin, do you remember how bitterly we fought the day before our marriage five years ago? Despite the bad start, life has been a smooth sail. On this day, I want to reaffirm my love and commitment to you. Today, I want you to realise how much I appreciate every single thing you do to keep me happy and amused all the time. However, it's not humanly possible to laugh at the same joke cracked the fifth time over in a single day. Navin dear, one o' clock in the night is a decent time to come home after a party and the ability to make right decisions at the right time is in fact, a virtue. I promise to cherish and respect you, deal with your quirkiness better and scream at you when you play with soap bubbles in the bathroom!
Navin: My dear Sangeeta, it was five years ago that we pledged our feelings for each other, but it seems like just yesterday. I truly wish I got married to you three years earlier. I wish, in the years to come, you would not leave the cap of the toothpaste open after use, and replace whatever you take to where it was originally kept. I truly appreciate everything you do when friends are over for dinner, but it would be great if you could be a little more social and friendly with them. As we embark on this life together yet again, I want to let you know how awesome it is to see you devote your time to our little bundle of joy, Abhimanyu. I promise to love, honour, and cherish you, to await your serves and do my best not to foot fault. This I vow to you.
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