Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on June 18 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey, guys! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat. Lets get started, shall we?
jijo asked, Hi LG,married with 2 kids..but i reqularly visits prostitute....as my partner sometime not interested,so i go to pros....is it normal
Love Guru answers, Its not normal for happily married men to visit prostitutes and its not safe either. You are playing with fire -- you could contract a sexually transmitted disease or even AIDS. If your partner is not interested, make an effort to spice up your sex life. And if she says no once in a while, accept that gracefully.
prakash asked, HI, MR.LG, our friendship always ends up with fight due to possessiveness on both ... is it we are in love??
Love Guru answers, You may not be head over heels in love, Prakash, but there is certainly some chemistry at work between the two of you -- you seem attracted to each other. Since you are such good friends, talk to each other about it.
red asked, LG i love a girl but she likes some other guy and that guy loves my cousin and my cousin loves some other guy and that guy loves the girl i love. i also like shilpa shetty. Pls help??
Love Guru answers, Dont waste my time with your nonsense. Some people in here really do have a problem. Why dont you keep yourself busy readying a rishta for Shilpa Shetty instead? I dont think she will refuse a stud like you!
abc asked, hi i am 27 year old married woman.my problem is my hubby.my hubby have a bad habbit of teasing and passing lewd remarks on my sister and cousins.now everybody have a wrong impression about him.and if anybody says anything to me he start fighting.i am fed up of his this habbit.last year when my sister came to meet me,my hubby hug her and kiss her ,after that my parents and nobdy from my parents start talk with me after that.i tell my in laws about it,but they are old felt sorry ,but he don,t listen to anybody,i don,t want to leave him ,but tell me how i make my hubby comes to his senses.and say sorry for his wrong doings.thanks you.waiting for your kind response.
Love Guru answers, Your husband is behaving like a pervert. And I think he is quite aware of the negative effect he has on your family because of it, but he seems to enjoy it anyway. You need to put your foot down. Tell him that if he is going to embarrass you in front of your family and continue to create a bad impression by behaving like a lecherous lout, you will leave him.
vicks asked, I AM 35 YEAR OLD UNMARRIED MAN.NOW A DAYS I HAVE STRONG DESIRE FOR SEX.IT IT LIKE EVEN IF SEE ANY TYPE OF I HAVE FEELING OF HAVING SEX WITH HER.I HAVE SOME FRRIENDS WHOM I DO SOME HOT NOTTY TALK.BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY FELING FOR THEM. SO SOMETIME I JUST HAVE THINKING OF MARRYING ANY LADY FOR SEX. IS IT RIGHT TO JUST MARRIED FOR SEX?
Love Guru answers, No its not. Sex is just a part of marriage, not the other way around. If you are ready for the responsibility of marriage and everything that goes with it, including love, compromise and commitment, go ahead. But if its only because you are sexually frustrated, relieve yourself by masturbating.
Bingo asked, What is the difference between the love we have in India compared to western world?
Love Guru answers, Love is universal. It is the values that differ from culture to culture -- for instance, having a baby out of wedlock and living together without getting married are acceptable in many countries abroad. Here in India, such practices are frowned upon by society.
(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)
'I don't feel like having sex with my wife'
splevi asked, I am 30 year old married man. I do not feel love to my wife. we got married 30 months ago and we have baby girls now. But I cannot love her..But I feel love towards somebody who are close to my family... I am getting very bad on the bed where I do not feel even having sex with my wife.. How I will handle the situation. I do not want to pursue my other love and would like to continue with my wife.. help me
Love Guru answers, I think you love your wife, because you want to save your marriage and want to remain committed to her -- if you only want to remain married for the sake of societal or family pressure, there is no sense in doing that. I think the problem here is not love, but attraction. You are not physically attracted to your wife and the problem you pointed out is also sexual. Im guessing there is something about her that turns you off. So why not gently suggest that while she looks attractive now, she would look even prettier if she lost a little weight, or got a new haircut, or whatever improvement you want her to make in the appearance department? Be tactful and make sure you dont hurt her feelings at all. With a little gentle encouragement, she will definitely make the effort to please you -- you are her husband, after all.
rohan asked, my GF is angry with me .how do i get her back?
Love Guru answers, Apologise. Dont grovel, but be honest. Maybe flowers and a loving note would help the cause.
kissulu asked, hi my girl friend is very possesive she doesnt understand where i am and what my problems are ..... if she starts fighting i need to beg her for 3 to 4 days..... wht shld i do to change her
Love Guru answers, Instead of begging for her to forgive you when you havent done anything wrong, do the opposite. Tell her you are fed up with her stupid, childish behaviour and insecurity and that you will not tolerate it anymore. Tell her that when she decides to use common sense and act like a mature person, you will talk to her; else cut her off for a few days. When she sees that you mean business, I think she will relent. You are only encouraging her stupidity by grovelling to get back in her good graces. Why should you when you havent done anything wrong?
mitika asked, hello guru ,i am unmarried girl of 26 year old ,whenever some proposel came i start looking about the negatives point,like about the boys ,and his family.so the get going hard for my parents. don,t know but i think i am afraid of starting new life ,as even the best proposals i find faults,i want to know which are the basic point we can look in that person.how can i get rid of that prince charming pic.plz reply.
Love Guru answers, Well, its good that you are at least able to recognise that you have a problem. Let me ask you something -- do you want to get married right now in the first place? Or is it the fact that its arranged that is bothering you? Women do dream of Prince Charming and most often that dream involves falling in love with him. Here you are receiving arranged proposals, maybe that is interfering with your romantic expectations and that is why you are finding faults with everyone. What you need to realise is that love will grow if you give it a chance. You can get to know a boy who you find attractive and who has proposed and see where it goes. Who knows, you may begin to fall for him? And if not, nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to marry him tomorrow. Explain to your parents that you need to get to know these guys before you can accept any proposal.
Rishabh asked, HI Sir, I asked you 2 weeks before also ,my problem is that i love a girl who is from a different region and i knw she also loves me very much ,but her parents are no way agreed to get her married to me because of social bondages..the problem is that as she loves her parents very much she cant leave them and come with me as her mother scares her with the consequesnces as she had a sister also.Her mother is looking for marriage every now and then and want to get her married soon..She blackmails her with various reasons as if she did something her mother will commit suicide or become ill..now i suggest to lodge a complain against her mother but she is afraid of doing that as she is her mother after all...Now i am in dilema what to do....as i am ready for marriage.and she cant convince her parents
Love Guru answers, Rishabh, I can fully understand and sympathise with the dilemma your girlfriend is in. Of course its not easy to go against your parents, but she needs to look at the flipside -- if she doesnt, a lifetime with a guy she doesnt want to commit to is in store for her. And her mother will choose the boy, even though its not her mother who will be getting married -- it is her. She needs to try and knock some sense into this dramatic woman and tell her her threats of suicide and illness are selfish and only adding to everyones misery. What about the father? Is he alright with you? Ask her to try seeking his help, if possible. In the end, if they dont relent, her only option is leaving them for you. Or getting married to another man. Is that acceptable to her?
ashok asked, hi there is a problem in my life but i cant tell u in writing.so i ll call u in the evening..so pl give me your mobile no
Love Guru answers, Im sorry, I dont give out my mobile number in this forum. You can email me if you prefer, at email@example.com.
'I can't marry him but should we live together?'
Lilly asked, I am married and have a kid. My relation with my husband is on rocks. Last yr i met someone and i love him a lot he knw abt my marriage and all but he came to knw abt my old affair so he opted to listen to him mom and got engaged but he is in touch with me and loves me a lot. Pls advise wht shud i do. we both love each other
Love Guru answers, Will he break off his engagement to be with you if you divorce your husband? Is he willing to share the responsibility of your child? And have you made up your mind to leave your husband for him? If the answer to all these questions is a definite yes, then you should consider giving the relationship a shot. But if you want to give your marriage another try and work things out, its not fair to have him wait around for you, depending upon whether you make up your mind eventually in his favour. If so, painful though it is, you should put this affair behind you.
basu asked, Hi Love guru, I had a sex with my friend for an 2 years (HOMO).. That person is know to me very well.. Now we have stoped the sex... Is it effect my married life..I am going to marry within 1 year ..Can I go for HIV test..Pl reply
Love Guru answers, You should certainly get yourself tested for HIV and any other sexually transmitted disease. But the question is, are you sure you want to get married to a woman if its men you are attracted to? It will make both your wife and you unhappy in the long run.
DevD asked, I always had Love Failures in my Life...Whomever girl I see, I become possessive and get attracted to her. Why is it so???Please Reply.
Love Guru answers, Attraction is one thing, but you cant afford to become possessive about women you see, dude. They are not your property -- you are a stranger to them. Stop getting obsessed with women you dont know. And let me tell you, even if you do get into a relationship, possessiveness will destroy it if you lose control.
sonali] asked, helo love guru i am an jain girlof 23 years love a rajput guy since last three years we are having strong affair.now i amd my lover want to live together but e cannotmary at dis point so should we start our livin relation.
Love Guru answers, Listen, a live-in relationship is a marriage without the piece of paper stating you are married. That is just a technicality. So its up to you whether to make things official or not. Not that Im judging you, but if you are ready to move in together what is stopping you from getting married?
ghj asked, Hi LG, My husband is very interested in having sex daily he also want to have sex when I am having periods how to convince him not to do this
Love Guru answers, You dont have to convince him -- if you are not comfortable with it, say a firm no. And also tell him that there is a higher risk of infections being transmitted from one partner to another if you have intercourse during a womans periods. That should give him something to think about!
purna asked, I am having a child of 8years. I am unable to satisfy my wife. But she is always not happy with me due to this. Hence advise me in this regard? In the meantime I have a love with my office mate (one lady). she is very much liking me. this is very secrete. There is no bad relationship with her. Only I am talking over phone to her. Tell me how to overcome this?
Love Guru answers, If your wife is not satisfied with your sexual performance, she needs to explain her needs to you so that you can satisfy her. She cant expect you to guess what she wants. Dont pursue this affair with your colleague -- set your sex life with your wife straight instead.
'I'm fed up of my husband flirting with my neighbour'
worldpeace asked, Here you are putting your own thoughts onto others. what if the people screw their lives taking your words.
Love Guru answers, Its called advice, Mr Know-It-All. When peoples emotions are in turmoil, a third persons perspective and analysis of the problem helps. Nobody is holding a gun to your head to do as I say -- the ultimate choice lies with you. Just like the ultimate choice lies with me to tell you to buzz off.
rr asked, i love a girl which is my teammate also in office.even i proposed her but she said no. we are still very good friend and now i sometime feel she is much more friendly than before. what should i do ?
Love Guru answers, Dont do anything as of now -- see where things go. If she gets closer and closer to you, it means that she likes you but was probably hesitant about saying yes. There could be any number of reasons why she said no, not just because she doesnt like you. So wait and watch for now.
Richa asked, Hello,My husband keeps on praising my neighbour coz she is beautiful. I am fed up of his flirtatious nature. What should I do?
Love Guru answers, Tell him to nip it in the bud. Explain that you know she is attractive, but that doesnt mean he keeps being so vocal about it. Doing so is an indirect put-down of his own wife -- you.
pevee asked, Dear LG, It has been almost a year now for our marriage and we still have not consummated it. My wife just does not show interest in making love with me. Otherwise she is really a nice human being, taking very good care of me. I too love her a lot. But I am getting exceedingly frustrated. I try to relieve my sexual tension by watching porn and masturbating, but she dislikes that and gets angry or stars crying. I dunno what to do, I do not want to leave her. I almost went to calling a call girl, but then I stopped. Im breaking down. What to do?
Love Guru answers, Your wife seems to have some misconceptions and fright about sex. Sit her down and explain to her that its been a year since you married and that she cannot pretend that your relationship is fine when you still have not been intimate with each other. She cannot expect you to go without sex completely and not masturbate also, because your sexual frustration is building and its natural. Not having sex with your husband -- that is not natural. You may need to take her to a sex specialist or counsellor to overcome the problem.
Orange asked, Hi love guru ! my girl friend dumped me and married an other guy.i had physical relationship with her. now iam going to get married and this fact is bothering me a lot. i want to tell this to my fiance....but i dont know how she will take this. she is from a very orthodox family. please suggest me if i should tell this fact to her and lessen my burden?
Love Guru answers, If you are feeling guilty or feel like you need to tell her, go ahead. What happened is in the past and she should appreciate your honesty. But do it right now, dont dilly-dally too much, or she will accuse you of waiting to get married before telling her.
Research asked, Hi there, I m 28 yr old and self dependent. I love one girl but I did not expressed it to her. As our families are not ok with this marriage. We talk to each other like crazy, 7 hrs a day on phone. Some time I feel that I m getting phobia from mobile phones. I just want to talk to her all the time and she also. Please suggest what to do?
Love Guru answers, You chat for seven hours on the phone and you have never discussed this? I think you should, although the discussion will probably run into 14 hours this time! Tell her how you feel about her and see where you both stand in this relationship first. Then worry about the families accepting things.
Love Guru says, Time for me to leave, folks! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tune in for the chat next week, same time, same place! Goodbye and God bless!