'How do I convince her that I'm not gay?'

Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone -- welcome back to the weekly Love Guru chat! Let's get started with those love issues!

VASNT asked, i AM 39 YEAR OLD. I have affair with 19 year old girl. She is daughter of my friend. She is also crushed on me. Yesterday we have slept together. i don't about my realtion ship with her.kindly advice me about future realtion ship. would i betrayed my wife.

Love Guru answers, You've already betrayed your wife, haven't you? Plus, she's your friend's daughter -- how low can you sink? You're old enough to be her dad, so stop thinking like a middle-aged man undergoing a mid-life crisis and wooing teenagers. Call it off, apologise to her and tell her that it's wrong for you to take advantage of someone so young. You'll ruin her life, yours, your wife's and your friend's if you keep this stupidity going.

rajni asked, hi guru 35 yr old married woman ,my husband no more seems to be interested in me,he alwys indulging seeing porn ,than try to do act the same ,sometime i don,t feel comfortable,through his calls, i know about his friendship with some womans,when i asks him ,he just asking to do my own business ,because he has the power and money to atrract ladies,he don,t need me more,but i just leave high profile job due to him because he wants tht our children must be raise by safe hands, now i am totaly dilemma,he don,t listen to anybody just do whaever he wants.now i feeling suffocation,so i want to have a safe and bright future for my kids.at this moment i don,t really what to do

Love Guru answers, Rajni, what your husband does with other women IS your business. Don't take his nonsense lying down. You can resort to divorce if necessary and see it through. Tell him he better straighten out his act if he knows what's good for him, or you'll walk out with the children and half his money in a divorce settlement!

sawali asked, i never fall in love why , i dont like anyone i dont know why , can suggest me for my good future ?

Love Guru answers, Maybe because you haven't met the right person yet -- stop actively looking. When it's meant to happen, it will happen.

sehaj asked,  hi guru i am 22 year girl ,studing,hve met guy online ione year back , he is 26 ,thtage he told me we almost talk n chat daily,he proposes me online for marriage ,i say yes,but when i says him to we should talk our parents about us also ,he always ignore this by saying ,that first we should meet only than we invovle our parents.i am totaaly in love with him ,i am from surat ,he is from pune,now he always asking me to come down pune.but he don,t himself ready to come to surat.but how can i go to pune to meet him ,as my parents don,t anything about us.its too far.he is ready to bear my expenes.should i go to meet him.

Love Guru answers, No. If he wants, he should come to meet you in Surat. But you don't think of deceiving your parents and going by yourself, or you'll land up in a real soup. You don't know this boy from Adam, except to have chatted with him. And he's 4 years older. He's right about not involving your parents before meeting up and getting to know each other personally, but that means he should come to see you, not the other way around. And make sure to meet up in a public place like a cafe or restaurant in a neighbourhood you know well. No meeting up alone where he can sweettalk you and take advantage of the situation. Be smart about this!

inlovewithmaid asked, m 34 single and in love with my maid she also loves me she is married and has 1 kid 2 months back we had unprotected sexual intercourse and now she is pregnant i dont know whose child it is mine or her husbands she wants to have the baby i cannot leave her as i lover her a lot pls advice

Love Guru answers, Well, you're single, but she's not. Would she leave her husband for you? Would you be willing to take the responsibility of her first child, which is not yours? Would you consider marrying her? You need to answer all these questions and make a decision as to what you will do. You were stupid to have unprotected sex. How do you know she doesn't have an STD? First things first, visit a gynaecologist and determine whether the child she's carrying is yours or not through a DNA test -- the doctor will advise you on when and where you can do that. Then think about everything I've just asked you and make your decision.

ekta asked, hi i am 29 year old married woman,one of my husbands uncles daughter in laws married young sister lives in our city.we just posted there last year,in the meantime tht sisters husbands passed away,as due to our relationship my husbands start helping him in every way,as firstly i don,t find it wrong ,but slowly slowly my husbands start giving more time to him.just take more interest in her and his small baby,now once i just ask him that what going on than he says tht he develop a relationship wht that woman.than i have meeting with her in laws ,her in laws oferd tht she should marry her husband younger brother she trurn it down,thn i talk to my uncles daughter in law ,asking him to warn his sister,even her parents fail.but to pressure my husbands come back to me,that woman is not ready to leave my husband,he just came to our home start fighting with me.now my husband also feeling ashamed,as we lost respect in our society.i don,t know which way we can handle tht woman.wating for yr kind solutin.thanks

Love Guru answers, Your husband is as much to blame here as she is, if not more so. He's the one who cheated on you. Look, in such a situation, if I were you, I would not be able to accept my husband's misdeed and I would walk out on him for sure. I would think I deserved better than a cheat who slept with a distant relative and then had the gall to come home and fight with me after what he did -- no questions asked. But it looks like you want to keep your marriage intact at all costs. Your husband should feel ashamed, but more importantly has he called off the affair with her? If he has, you can maybe think of forgiving him -- after a few months. If you pretend like everything is fine, he will do it again -- mark my words. If you let yourself be taken for granted with no repercussions for him, he will do it again. There will be no fear of you walking out on him. Tell him to give you your space and shut him out of your life for a few months, even if you're living together. Let him grovel to get back in your good graces.

dipmyheart asked, Hi LG...Good Day I am into a relationship with a girl of same age for around 5 years. Initially there were resistance from my parents, but slowly they have accepted this relationship. As expected now things are turning towards Marriage. Talks between the families are on & they are planning for early 2010. But the problem is with me ..when things started settling, I observed that my interest in this relationship has gone. I cannot accept her as My wife there are few reasons behind like our compatibility, expectation mismatch etc. Off late I found a lady friend of mine who has shown interest on me & I found her suitable as a life partner. But if I live my GF, it will be injustice to her as she has been displayed unconditional love for me so far. What should I do should I adjust myself to this arrangement & try to console me...or else go by my heart??/ Plz suggest

Love Guru answers, Look, it's not uncommon to suffer cold feet once your marriage is fixed up. If you were compatible for 5 years, what suddenly changed? You're thinking overtime. And if you think that this new friend of yours is a suitable life partner, think again -- it's just the new thrill and attraction of a new relationship that is making you feel like that. Rest assured, it will also fade like in your present relationship in a few years. To keep things interesting, you have to make an effort to do so -- that is what a lifelong partnership is all about. I think your girlfriend is the right choice and your commitmentphobe attitude is what is ruining things. Don't let it.

chandan asked, my girlfriend will got married to another person.What will i do in this situation.

Love Guru answers, She made the choice, now you make yours -- to move on and find someone else who will want to marry you.

RAM asked, HaiL G, I am 28yrs old guy , unexpectedly relation with women,she proposed to do love,am not interested to build relation with her,bcoz she got married and then recently she didnt speak with me, am also not proposed to talk, but i feel only she want expressed of love my side, what i can do plz suggest me soon.

Love Guru answers, I'm not exactly sure that I follow you here, but there doesn't seem to be a problem? You don't want a relationship, she is married and not talking to you. It may have been fun while it lasted, but why pursue things and make them complicated? Leave good enough alone and stop hooking up with married women.

Rishabh asked, Hi , I am 27 years old guy...and i love a girl who is Telegu Brahmin and she also loves me...However her parents are not accepting us as i am not telugu and a gujrati. Her mom holds upper hand in the house and is strictly against it and warned her that she will commit suicide if she goes against her..So now she will no way go against her family and we are stuck for 1 year now..my parents have accepted her..I am very confused wat to do ,,,as her mom is planning her to get married by August to a very Rich guy..Us settled..I am also earning about 35000/month but her mom is not listening

Love Guru answers, If her mother is threatening suicide it amounts to emotional blackmail. If you both want to be together in spite of everything, you will have to defy her parents and go ahead with your marriage. Beforehand, you can also visit the police and complain that her mother is threatening suicide over you both getting together if you think she's serious about it. If you're both consenting adults who want to be with each other, nobody can stop you legally.

tom asked, Guru im married to a girl whom i dnt love nor i think i will be able to love her in the near future.i always wanted a smart and attractive wife with brains but she doesn't have any of this.i just dnt feel like talking to her much.but she likes me a lot. ow shud i change myself as trust me it's very difficult as i dnt find her atractive.

Love Guru answers, Why did you agree to the marriage if you didn't find her at all appealing? Parental pressure, I suppose. Your parents foolishly forced you, you foolishly gave in and in the bargain the poor girl's life is ruined. If you don't find her attractive, there are ways to remedy that, with beauty treatments and workouts. As for the intelligence part of it, you can always introduce her to new things and books, help her become knowledgeable so that you can hold conversations with her. You owe this girl at least enough to give the marriage a decent try. So do it. And talk to her -- if you open up avenues of discussion, you'll be able to connect with her better.

anjum asked, hi sir /Madam, Madam, mera prbolem hai ke meri ek choti behan hai jis ki ummar 18 sall hai aur us ko ek 38 years man se pyar hugaya hai hum saab gharwala ne mil kar us ko samjaya tu us ko realize hua ke yeh galad hai tu usne us se baat karana chod diya lakin aap wo us ka saat zabardasti karta hai us raaste main haat pakd kar khichta hai, use phone kar ke perashan karta hai, hum log ne police main complain ki hai. lakin police wala co-operate nahi karta bolta yeh love ka matter hai is main hum aap ki koi madad nahi kar sakte.please meri problem ha haal batayi main aap ka jawab ka intazar kar rahi hu please

Love Guru answers, Woh zabardasti kar raha hain to police ko complaint likhvani hi padegi. Aapki behen ko complaint register karna padega ki ye aadmi mujhe pareshaan kar raha hai aur mein uske saath koi rishta nahin rakhna chahti. Police ne phir bhi complaint likhne se inkaar kar diya to bolna ki newspaper mein aap ke naam chhapva denge ki aapne hamari madad nahin ki.

annu asked, Iam 39 year old man, i live in Haridwar on rent. my landlord`s wife sit daily in my room for latenight. her husband has own business, so he come very late in the night. His wife do gupshup daily. inbetbeen i am attracted to her. Now I love her, but i do`nt know that what is in her heart. please guide me.

Love Guru answers, Look, you have a lot to lose here. Not only may the wife get upset with you, but you may lose your home if your landlord finds out and decides to kick you out. Don't pursue married women. She has not shown any indication that she likes you -- till such time as she does that, to show that you like her is too much of a risk.

anita asked, hi love guru, i met this guy at college who seemed to grow fond of me very quickly (i found it annoying since it was too early) & i began avoiding him & maybe hurt him too. but now with time i think i've started to gorw fond of him...but now he seems distant(friendly but- cautious)...what should i do?

Love Guru answers, Anita, this problem can be set straight with a single frank conversation. Tell him that you'd like to be his friend, but that his over-familiar attitude too early on was a big turn-off. And that he should take things slowly.

Hopeful asked, I have a problem. First thing is I have a friend of mine and he is 21 yrs old. and I am a 28 yr old girl. We have been best friends for over 5 years now and we have become really very close friends since last year. It just happend. Now we like each other. Both of us are not married and we don't have any sexual relationship between each other. Just living our normal life. The thing is we are so close friends that often he and I think that wish we were of the same age. Also now we love hugging each other wen alone. Since we like each other so much, i just wanted to know is does the age gap really matter? Also if we like each other and want to get married down the line, how to convince our parents? Coz i am very tensed. Also my family wants me to get married now but i don't feel like watching other guys naturally. Please advice somethng. Actually its really difficult to live without each other. Please let me know your advice.

Love Guru answers, Hi there. Well, 7 years isn't too large an age gap, but the thing is, your boyfriend seems a little too young to settle down right away. He's only 21. And just because you're 28, to get settled in a hurry would be unfair to him and backfire on both of you. Now, if you really want to be together you both will just have to face the music from your families. Put your foot down about things and let them play out. If your parents resist at first it's natural, but if they have any common sense they'll come around to it eventually.

rocobaroco asked, why is that most of the boys are fine with a just-sex relationship with a gal, but most of the gals wont accept anything less than marriage one they get physical with a guy ? do u think gals (in general) are hyppocratic on sexual matters or is it that man r dogs ?

Love Guru answers, It's neither. What you're making is a generalisation, but that doesn't make it necessarily true. How many guys do you know who have been in only-sex relationships without a shred of attachment to the woman? Or, for that matter, how many girls who ended up marrying the guy they first slept with? When it comes down to reality, things are a little different.

Sony asked, I been dating this guy for almost 1-1/2 yr. We love eacthother at lot. Am reaching my 28 and want to get married. He knows it well but he is not taking this matter seriously. He sayz we will marry by next year, which am not sure of. He lives in different city now. I know he loves me, but somewhere i feel he should think about settling in life. We both earn well. Tell me what should i do, wait wait wait for his go ahead? Also i happend to meet one guy who is really amazing, just my kind. He is also interested on me But i dint want to go further as i think am doing wrong. Being in same city i get urge of meeting up this guy, i love his company. What to do?

Love Guru answers, Sony, if your boyfriend is saying he'll marry you next year, why aren't you taking him seriously? Do you have reason to believe that he doesn't intend to? Tell your boyfriend that the long-distance relationship is hard on you and you'd like a proper commitment. Also explain to him that he should be honest with you, because if both of you want different things in life, you need to rethink the relationship. Don't mention anything about the other boy to pressure him into a decision, though. It's a commitment he should be willing to make to you without any kind of pressure.

Love Guru answers, It's a solution you have to give yourself, Chitra -- this relationship won't work out in the long run. He doesn't want to settle down with you probably because he's too young -- you said he's 5 years younger, right? But if he's flat out saying that he'll NEVER marry you, what are you doing with him in the first place? Dump him -- now!

ajith asked, HI LG,me and my GF were in love for past 3 months. she is having some family problems.last week one day she messaged me saying she cant continue in the relationship as her parents wont agree and broke with me. Im christian and she is hindu.after that she is avoiding me alot, not talking to me, not allowing to see her etc. she is not at all listening to me. she is very stuborn. buti cant loose her. is ther any way i can get her?is family issues the real problem or she really dumped me? because she is spending a lot of time with her friends and seems to be trying her level best to forget me.but how can she do that all o sudden?any chance i an win her back? pls help.

Love Guru answers, Okay. Here's the thing -- you cannot force someone to carry on with you, regardless of whether she loves you or not. Ultimately, the decision is hers. But you can demand a proper explanation for the break-up from her. Tell her you'd like to hear the truth, not a cooked-up excuse. In any case, if she's made up her mind to move on, you should too.

cid1 asked, Deepika and me study in same college and we I proposed her just last month. Now we started sharing good moment of life. My friend Tarun invited us for his brother's marriage. There I met with two of my best friend Amit and Rakesh. During the party Subra revealed in front of public that Amit is a gay and he likes Rakesh. 2 years back she had affair with Rakesh. This stunned everybody. Subra is friend of Rashmi, my bhabhi's sister. She gossiped something about us to Dipika and now Dipika thinks that I am also a gay. She is not at all ready to talk to me. Please advice me what to do. I feel we are made for each other.

Love Guru answers, Deepika sounds pretty childish to me, to believe a stranger's word over yours. Why not tell Amit to explain to her that you're not gay? Tell her that she should trust her boyfriend enough to know when he's speaking the truth. And that Subra's is just a case of sour grapes, because of her ex.

surya asked, iam 37 old man. my problem is that whenever my wife goes outstation (say , to her moms place for vacation) i tend to watch a lot of porn till midnights and mastubate. i feel really very sick, tired, and guilty. how can i leave this habbit? am i normal?

Love Guru answers, It's normal to watch porn -- most men do. You probably feel sick or tired because you're upset about it or you're overdoing it. You are normal. Stop feeling so guilty.

Kali asked, i have seen a girl in train while travelling in a long journey and fall in love. I have given my contact details to her. After more than a week, I have not received any call from here. May I treat that she doesn't like me? Unfortunately I don't have her contact number. Shall I wait ?. I have already given my contact details to her father who came to station to drop her. Please suggest what to do.

Love Guru answers, Well, there isn't much you can do, since you have no way of contacting her! But don't wait day and night for the phone to ring, because if you do it never will -- that's life! Go about life as usual and if she's interested, she will call eventually.

Brian asked, Hi Love guru, I was in love with one girl who is 22 and I am 32,she is very moody by temperament, and due to her moody behaviour we would quite often end up in a fight. She told me that she talks to a lot of boys as against me who was only talking to her. I noticed that she had a habit of flirting with a lot of boys which I did not like so I confronted her, this ended up in a very big fight and I insulted her and said a lot of disgusting things in a fit of anger, I soon realised I should not have said nasty things so I apologized but she broke up with me..I went into severe depression and I kept saying sorry for more than 8 months she finally said sorry too but she said she will never be mine again...What should I do Please help

Love Guru answers, Hey, Brian, I don't think you should continue obsessing over this. Possessiveness ruins relationships, as you've found out. But more than that, there's too much of an age gap at the moment -- she's only 22 and has hardly seen life. You're 32 and ready to settle. If she was 25-26 and you were 35, there wouldn't be so much trouble. Also, she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be with you, so you should just move on. You can give it one final try with a promise to change your possessive ways, but I doubt it will change her mind.

Love Guru says, Time to go, folks -- mail me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com and tune in for the chat next Thursday! Till then, take care and all the best!