'He wants to tell his pregnant wife he cheated on her'

Love Guru says, Hi there, people! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat. Let's try and find the solution to your problems.

ghoda asked, Hi LG..i am in love with a girl.and she loves me as well..but i am very shy and reserved in certain matters..like i do not hold her hand and kiss her..i feel these things are not very essential to display my affection towards her. but she feels that may be i am not a man enough to do all this. i really feel bad sometimes because if she loves me, she has to understand me as well. my intentions are pretty clear, that these things are ok after marriage. can you suggest me something ?

Love Guru answers, You're wrong -- these things ARE very essential to display your affection towards her. Holding hands and kissing someone you love are important -- if you wish to wait till after marriage for sex, fair enough. But I do think you're behaving a little silly here about such small gestures.

metu asked, hi guru,i am 37 year old lady,our marriage life becomes very dull.even we mostly busy with our friends or children.we harldy hve time for each other.sometimes he sends a hints,but due kids presence i felt awkward.at night we both get so tired,even we don,t talk much.but i want to bring back my marriage alive.my kids are in school,soon they get holidays,i dont,t i want to make tour so tht kids as well as we both enjoy.i am thinking of sending my kids to my sister,s house for a week.is it morally good to go for holidaying alone,as my husband is ready ,but i still feel not good about it.but i also want to make my husband happy.can you help giving any nice suggestion.

Love Guru answers, Having children doesn't mean the end of romance and your marriage. Doesn't your husband deserve some of your attention too? Stop ignoring him and his hints, because a person can only take so much lack of attention. By all means, send the kids to their aunt's place and take a vacation by yourselves. It's needed from time to time.

raja asked, hi,i am 28 yr old,hving in relationship more than 3 yrs ,but she didn,t care about me much, i love her a lot ,so i just say him to go for implants as her balls r only 31 ,but she ignoring my saying she is happy with the way she is.she don,t care to make her bf happy,i want to enjoy sexually more.she don,t know about this.how i convince her.many times big boos girs attracted me lot. changing gf makes me happy.can i do tht

Love Guru answers, Your question is so ridiculous, I don't even know whether I should be answering you. Why the hell should your girlfriend go through a major operation just to satisfy you? I'm glad she said she doesn't care what you think. In fact, I'd be glad if she said she doesn't care about you!

TXXX asked, My married friend had a fling with his ex.His wife is pregnant.he is feeling guilty and wants to tell her about his fling.I think he should let it be given her present condition but he thinks he should come clean rather than carry the burden of guilt. what do u think?

Love Guru answers, I agree with you -- he shouldn't do it while she is pregnant. Nor immediately after. She's in a very fragile state right now, explain to him that her peace of mind right now is of paramount importance. He may feel like he's lying to her, but that's okay, considering the truth will cost her dearly, health-wise and mentally. If he's feeling so guilty, he can live with the guilt -- that's punishment enough. If he still wants to tell her, he should only after she's recovered from her pregnancy and delivery.

sapna asked, hi guru i am 26 year old wrkg,i am in love with married guy ,whom i met online.is it ok to go for a blind date.,i love him but he don,t wishies to marry me,but wants to continue like this.is it ok to keep a relationship like this ,if we both are happy , i just want to be with him any way.but i also afriad sometime wht if he leaves me or finds gf.

Love Guru answers, Sapna, don't be a fool. Yes, you may both be happy the way things are -- for now. But will you still be happy at 35, when you want marriage and children and find that this man can't give you what you want? I have people writing in who have wasted 5 and 10 years of their lives having an affair with a married person and eventually, they are the ones who get hurt -- because their partners have families and kids to go back home to, while they have nobody. Unless you want to end up aged, alone and unhappy, steer clear of this guy.

aaa asked, hi i am 48 year old man,my wife expires few years back ,as my children r busy with tere lifes,i feeling alone,is it socially acceptable to marrying at this age,its not only for phycically needs but both i needs somebody for imotionally.who cares and support me evryway,whom i share everything .but afariad to share my feelings with my children what they say.but on the other hand my loniliness killin me.is it socially n morally acceptable.how i convince my children to support me.

Love Guru answers, You're only 48 -- if you were to live to 88, does that mean you have to spend the next 40 years alone? Certainly not. You do have a right to happiness and companionship and your kids shouldn't grudge you that -- it is not their place to do so. If they do object, tell them to put themselves in your shoes and find life worth living. But don't find a woman who wants to take advantage of your position.

(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)

Love Guru answers, Well, what is she supposed to do? Wait around for you to change your mind? Fair enough, she should have told you about her past -- but are you angry because you didn't know about her past or because you don't like her past? There's nothing she could do to change it, and you didn't change your mind about her, so I think one year is a long enough gap to start dating again. I think you let your ego get the better of you and that's why you lost out on the girl. Too bad. Now you can do one of two things -- either go back and tell her how you feel and hope she will take you back, or move on and stop dwelling on your own past.

xyz asked, HI LG, I use to like a girl in my last company. I use to look at her.In some days she started looking at me too.This went on for many months.But i never told her abt this and she never came too.One day she left the job without even giving me a hint.I dont seem to fget her wat should i do?

Love Guru answers, Hey, all you traded was looks! You should have approached and become a friend instead of spending months just ogling at her -- as the guy, it was up to you to make the move but you didn't. Now no use crying over spilt milk. Next time around, muster up the guts to make a move or things will end up the same way!

Rita asked, Dear LG,I am 28,working and been in love for last 3 years.While my guy was gr8 initially,he started taking me for granted and remained preoccupied with his business for long.I was feeling lonely and aloof. Then came this man in life who was so absorbing and resourceful. We were interacting very closely though not at a physical level.He gave me so much time and attention despite being a married man. Knowing this,my BF felt bad and came back to me, forcing me to stop my interactions with this man which I did and broke his heart as well. Now on one hand I feel guilty of making one man go crestfallen and upsetting my BF; on another, I am missing the good time I had interacting with the other man. Am getting very depressed in life. Please guide me

Love Guru answers, Rita, the guy was married. However much you enjoyed spending time with him, nothing was ever going to come of it. And do you realise he was doing to his wife what your boyfriend was doing to you? He was giving you so much time and attention, not his own wife. Nothing good would have come of this relationship, whether you got physical or not is irrespective -- even an emotional affair can have consequences. Stick with your boyfriend, he has mended his ways for you.

sakshi asked, i am 28 yrs old and i am in love with one guy he also love's me, but there is caste problem, i am punjabi and he is jain, his parents not allowing for our maariage. and i cant live without him please tell me love guru what can i do

S asked, Hi guru, am in luv in a guy, where he is also interested on me, but for some reason, he is not revealing. What 2 do ??

Love Guru answers, Tell him you've guessed how he feels about you and ask why he won't approach? If that seems too forward, you could ask a common friend to scout around and find out why he's not saying anything.

sakshi asked, on 14th feb we were supposed to marry but i dont know what happend to him perivously he was saying that family will allow aur not i will marry with you but now he says he will marry with me only after his family give teh permission he also told to his parents he will marry only with me not any other girl but now they started blackmailing him

Love Guru answers, Sakshi, there are ways and means of getting around emotional blackmail. Looks to me like he's changed his mind or is getting cold feet. Whatever the case, he can't have you dancing to his tunes as and when he changes his mind. This is the question of your future, so don't you think you should take it up with him seriously?

prem asked, HI! LG i hv a attachement with a girl when i was in Inter CA classes, i hv a number of her. At intial stage i proposed to her for friendship...& she agrred, then after i send the msg & also chat with her......but after classes was over i had proposed & told her that i like u......but she didn't reply m clearly...she told m that this is the exam stage & we talk afterwards......now 2 yrs passed she didn't call me back & i had never tried her....but now i feel that i hv to talk with her....but i afraid that she angry on me or don't pick up the phone or she had affair with other guy....so plz give me solution for that.......

Love Guru answers, Two years? She told you to wait till after the exams and you waited two years?! Look, I'm sure it's too late now -- she may be married for all you know! But still, if you need to get this off your chest and find closure in some way, call her. And if she was angry or didn't like you, she would have said 'no' right then and there.

Love Guru answers, Hey, whatever they think is irrelevant. Bottom line, you are not attracted to other women because you love your wife. And I'm sure you'll have a long, happy marriage that way. Certainly beats ogling other women and then going home grumpily to your wife, doesn't it? That's probably what your friends do! So the next time around tell them that your wife makes you happy enough that you don't have to look outside your own home for happiness like they do!

Rita asked, Please LG, answer my query.. I am getting desperate. "Dear LG,I am 28,working and been in love for last 3 years.While my guy was gr8 initially,he started taking me for granted and remained preoccupied with his business for long.I was feeling lonely and aloof. Then came this man in life who was so absorbing and resourceful. We were interacting very closely though not at a physical level.He gave me so much time and attention despite being a married man. Knowing this,my BF felt bad and came back to me, forcing me to stop my interactions with this man which I did and broke his heart as well. Now on one hand I feel guilty of making one man go crestfallen and upsetting my BF; on another, I am missing the good time I had interacting with the other man. Am getting very depressed in life. Please guide me"

Love Guru answers, If you read my answers a little more carefully instead of re-pasting the same question over and over, you'd find that I've answered you already!

sachin asked, I AM IN LOVE WITH A GAL WHO IS YOUNGER TO ME BY3 YEARS......IS IT OKAY TO GO FOR A RELATIONSHIP,FIRST SHE USED TO TALK TO ME VERY NICELY BUT NOW SHE IS KIND OF INGNORING.WHAT WOULD YOU THINK WOULD BE THE REASON AND HOW SHOULD I IMPRESS HER?

Love Guru answers, How would I know the reason? Ask her why she's behaving like that! And 3 years is not much of an age gap at all.

kavita_gumashta asked, hi I am 26 yrs old and i was in a relationship for the last 2 yrs..but it didnt work.. I was the one who dumped him..and now he wants 2 come back.. my parents have agreed now.. they were ready before also.. now i dont wnat 2 get into it. I already have a guy who is 2yrs younger than me...we love each other, but he has told me to wait for two years as he wants to settle down in his career.... What do I do?/ Go back to the my ex or marry the present after two years?

Love Guru answers, Depends on who you love more and want to spend the rest of your life with. If you love your present boyfriend more, stick with him.

riya asked, hi lg am 30 n the guy is 32 both married but both love each other very much. but do not want to hurt our spouses. what do i do

Love Guru answers, In such a situation it's inevitable. Either you both stop having an affair or then divorce your respective partners. Is it fair to them to be married to someone who loves someone else? No -- they also deserve a relationship where the other person loves them back.

Nand asked, My wife is 2 year older to me. i m 30 and she is 32. i look very young infront of her. NOw i dont feel like goig out with her . even i have lost intrest in sex due to age difference. every one in our neighbourwood feel we dont make a good match. I m tense

Love Guru answers, The age difference is in your head! Two years -- are you kidding me, dude? That's not even a gap! There are guys who date women older than them by a couple of decades! I'm not saying that's appropriate, but hey -- you're not an exception, you're the norm! And stop worrying so much about what other people think of your match -- it's important that you're happy. Don't let random opinions take away from your happiness!

vivek asked, Hi LG I m 34 year old man, i loved a girl very much but she maried another guy of her parents choice under their pressure after 4 years. now that guy has passed away and she wants to return to me. also her parents have no objection because they are unable to find right match now for her. in the meanwhile i started dating another girl and she also loves me a lot now. pls tell me what i should do now , marry that girl or marry the girl m currently dating. i m in dilemma and very tensed from past 3 months. pls pls pls tell me and advice

Love Guru answers, Okay, Vivek, there are two things for you to consider. Number one, it's unfortunate that your ex didn't stand up to her parents for you and married someone else. Now the only reason they're accepting you is because their narrow-minded social circle will not allow any eligible boys to marry a widow. It's unfortunate that the girl lost her husband, but if she hadn't, would she be back wanting you? Doubtful. On the other hand, your present girl loves you and has never let you down. Now for number two -- who do you love and want to spend the rest of your life with? If in spite of everything that happened with your ex, do you still want to be with her? Or have you come to love your present girl as much? Based on the answers to both these questions, make your choice.

Love Guru answers, Even if she did, what does it matter? It's hardly reasonable to expect two people to be in love for three years and never touch each other! The past is in the past and more importantly, she broke it off with him. What reason would she have to lie about it? If you want to know, ask her about it and make sure to assure her that it doesn't matter to you -- because it shouldn't.

sandya asked, Hi LG, I got married six months back. Actually my husband is good at heart and he loves me a lot. But the thing is he doesnt want any of my relatives to stay longer at our home as he feels that it is hindrance to our personal life. He is not understanding that relatives are equally important. As well when we are alone, he calls me for sex almost everyday, saying that the marriage has happened recently. I would also like to tell that, once my sister came home to stay with us. I asked her to sleep in our bedroom itself. He didnt like that. He started fighting with me and wants my sister to stay in different bedroom. Please advice me on who is correct and what needs to be changed.

Love Guru answers, Why should your relatives be imposing on you constantly? If every second week you have people over, it's very understandable how your husband feels. And if your sister is staying with you for one night and you want to sleep with her in the same room, fair enough. But if she's there for a few days and there is a spare bedroom, I don't see why you have to invite her into your own! Give your husband some privacy and stop bending over backwards and inconveniencing him for relatives. If you stop having people over so often, he will be happier to see them when they do come once in a while.

abcdef asked, hi loveguru!I am 29 years old.I love a girl a alot !she is just perfect for me.She likes someone else,but she is not sure as guy is not liked by her family,also guy's parents will have problem with her too.but she is an independent girl,so still hanging on.Now what should i do.We are good for each other,and she likes me as friend.But since the time,i have given her hints,she has become bit concious in talking to me.Her family has liked me,for marriage with her.

Love Guru answers, Stop hinting around and lay your cards on the table. Tell her how you feel about her and explain that you can accept her for who she is -- a strong, independent-minded young woman. But can her boyfriend do that? And more importantly, will his parents do that? Would she rather compromise on her personality and lifestyle and settle into a household where she's not very welcome?

abc@rediff.com asked, Hi i married in 2008 april & in just 10 days she (wife) left me & now asking 6 lakhs from me & telling me give me maintenance charge if u will not pay then i will put dowry case on u what to do as i haven't ask dowry from her.please guide me shall i pay or go in court to fight the case my age is 31 7 she is 30 too what to do please tell me

Love Guru answers, Visit a lawyer and explain that she is threatening you with a dowry case if you don't give in to her demands. He or she will be able to help you with this situation -- it amounts to blackmail.

ajitraj asked, i got into a relationship with a girl a few months back and i used to like her a lot but now when i have been physical with her i am starting to losse interest in her.this was my first relationship ever and i thought that i will never loose interest in the girl i will get into a relationship with.but now i don't understand what to do.we cant get married before 3 or 4 years because we both are studying and i don't want to leave her because that will be very wrong on my part.what should i do to maintain interest in her for atleast 4 years becuase after that i know if we gwt married i will be able to pursue this relationship.please help

Love Guru answers, Well, at least you're being honest with yourself. But I also think you should be honest with her. If you're losing interest, she needs to know, as she's getting more involved by the day. You can't force yourself to remain interested, but let me tell you that after the initial spark of romance dies down, you have to make an effort in every relationship -- that dizzy rush of love and romance never lasts unless you make an effort.

hari asked, Hi iam hari, I am 27 years old and married for the last two years. I was in a physical affair with one of my colleague for two years and later on i got married and she started working with a different company. I am pretty happy with my wife and my marriage life is rocking, i mean to say no problems what so ever, even my parents, relatives, siblings and evenly from her side are very happpy. Even now I end up having a session or two with my ex-colleague once in a month or two and she has no problems with that till she gets married. My question is, how to come out of it, I know what i have been doing is wrong and i will have complete guilt when i end up doing it and it haunts for atleast a week or so.

Love Guru answers, You're creating cracks in the foundation of your marriage and if you're not careful, it will come crashing down on top of you. Tell your colleague that it was fun while it lasted, but now you need to be a dutiful husband and you don't like cheating your wife as you feel guilty about it. She doesn't even work in the same company anymore, so it's not like temptation is baiting you at every corner.

Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks! Email me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com and tune in for my chat next week, same time, same place! All the best!