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'My family broke us up, but I feel guilty'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on April 8 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hello everyone and welcome back to the Love Guru chat...I'll be answering your relationship queries for the next hour, so let's get started!
ganesh asked, hi, i got brek up in jan but i still love her n she to but because of her family she quited from the relationship.wt shuld i do?
Love Guru answers, Ganesh, if the girl doesn't want to go against her family you can't force her to. What you can do, however, is try speaking to her parents directly or get your parents to do the same. Maybe you will be able to convince them personally. If they're still unwilling and she doesn't want to go against them, cut your losses and move on.
lookingforhelp asked, I am 31, I feel women just hate me, I dont know why. Eventhough I am not a bad looking guy but still girl never takes interest in me, whenever i start talking to them they avoid me by giving some reason this really hurts. Kindly tell me what may be the problem?
Love Guru answers, The problem is that you're trying too hard. And coming across as desperate. You can't approach random women and try to make conversation. Moreover, you can't chase after all women with the prospect of landing them as girlfriends. Stop blindly chasing every girl where you see an opportunity, buddy -- it doesn't work that way. Women are only comfortable around guys who don't come across to them as having an ulterior motive. If you spoke to them the way you'd speak to a male friend the first time you met, that would help. In other words, dont shower them with too much attention.
soumya1982 asked, Last weekend I moved to a place with bunch of my friend. I liked a girl. She was also talking to me. How I will move of with her. Give me some idea
Love Guru answers, It's too soon after one meeting to try to pursue a romantic relationship -- you may scare her off. Call her, ask her to meet up with you and your friends along with her friends and spend some more time together. After socialising in a group, you could ask her out to coffee casually or to dinner.
Confused asked, LG, Im married to the man who I dated for close to 3 years. Before we got together, he was in a relationship for a long time but that did not work out due to some reasons. He told me everything before getting into commitment with me. Few days back I found out a chat between him and his ex (the chat was just a few days before our wedding)where he told her how much he cared about her when they were together and how that caring feeling and love is not there for me. Although I know he loves me a lot and Im happy with him, I'm confused now. I don't want to confront him but I can't forget that one comment also. What do you think I should do?
Love Guru answers, Confront him, by all means! Don't you think he should be pulled up for making an insensitive comment like that and going behind your back? Tell him straight up that you didn't know you were settling for second place when he married you and that if that's how he really feels, he shouldn't be with you at all. He'll probably say something like he was confused, that the pressure of marriage made him say it, or that she was overly distressed which is why he tried to make her feel better. But don't buy any of it -- make sure he knows you know exactly what was going on and that he can't take advantage of you behind your back.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'My girlfriend insulted me, saying I don't look good'
lolol asked, Hi LG, I had been in a relationship about 3 years ago. Though I have tried my best to move on, I still havent been able to. She is now married since the last 2 years and we havent met/talked since we broke up. I cant take her off my mind completely. Please help.
Love Guru answers, You can never completely take any ex-partner off your mind. But what you can do is make your peace with the end of the relationship -- that is enough, it won't torment you any longer. If you've managed to do that, great. You've wasted two years thinking about her -- look at it this way. There's very likely another, better, more suitable girl waiting for you out there but you're just not looking for her! So bring a close to this unhappy chapter and open a whole new book!
NKS asked, Hi Love Guru, Hope u are doing well. My GF used to say that you are not looking good and telling me to use some beauty products. I was just irritated wit h this. please suggest me how to go about this.
Love Guru answers, Well, maybe she used the wrong words -- she shouldn't have said you don't look good but that the products she recommended would make you look better than usual. You can tell her that her comment hurt you and you don't assign as much importance to face value as she does. Of course, if she's referring to just a small acne problem or something like that, you'd best take her advice because it really will have you looking great. And I'm guessing she uses the same products herself, so don't take so much offense!
dave asked, Hi Lover Guru, i got married in october last year.The relationship with wife is up & down. The problem is that we are both are egostic, i do sometime bend but she is not ready to co operate at all
Love Guru answers, Hey, Dave. Maybe your wife is misinterpreting your compromises as submission to her will. You need to explain to her that you've given in to her from time to time because compromise is important and that she should learn to do the same. Tell her that this isn't a contest for stubbornness, because you could hold out for as long as her if necessary. Next time a conflict arises, explain to her that you want her to compromise for a change and hold your ground. There's no need to be rude or antagonistic about it -- be calm, composed and behave mature. Compromise is a two-way street!
Vickyboy asked, Hi , we were in deep love. Then She got married to a different guy. But now almost after 2 years she started calling and talking to me a lot saying she not happy and all. I'm still single. what should be done?
Love Guru answers, You need to be very cautious here. Who's to say that a few months after leaning on your shoulder she won't ditch you again? That's what she did the first time around, isn't it? Explain to her that she should either be working on saving her marriage or then end it -- but either way, you're not the one she should turn to for an objective view of the situation, given that you're her ex-boyfriend. Wait and see what her next course of action is. If she really does end it, then you can even think of reestablishing contact with her. If she sticks on, you'll know that she was only looking for another source of support till she got through a rough patch.
vibhu asked, what has to be done with a mother in law who advices her son to divorce his wife coz wife doesnt allow mother in law to exploit their son?
Love Guru answers, Look, I don't exactly know which mother would exploit her son, even if the daughter-in-law perceives it as such. It seems to me that much of this tussle probably revolves around finances -- the son probably gives his mother all she asks for and the wife thinks he's overdoing it. So instead of creating a tug-of-war involving him in the middle, the wife should explain her point of view to him and also suggest that he continue to support his mother -- but within reason. Not at the cost of unhappiness in his own household.
'My boyfriend is insisting on physical intimacy'
smily asked, my ex-bf hates me. had a bad break-up because of family. i still feel guilty. what to do? cant go back.
Love Guru answers, Look, if you didn't have the courage to stand up to your family when they caused your break-up in the first place, going back to him is hardly an option for you. I doubt he would even want you back and I can fully understand his hurt -- you chose to stand and watch as your family ended your relationship, instead of doing something to save it. All you can do is apologise to him for what happened and say you regret the unfortunate situation. He may accept your apology or reject it -- but at least you will have done your bit to alleviate your guilt.
Garima asked, Dear LG, My bf has for some time now been insisting on physical intimacy although I am not too sure. He is otherwise very caring. Pl. guide and advise.
Love Guru answers, If you're comfortable with the idea of getting physical, go ahead -- and that is provided you're not underage, because that is against the law. Even if it wasn't, it is not recommended that youngsters who are not mature enough to cope with it indulge in sexual activities -- most of them come to regret it. If you're not ready for it of your own choice, tell him that and discuss why. in any case, the decision is yours -- don't get pressured into anything you don't want to do.
guru asked, My wife compare all the things with someone..not on personality, in every aspect..like they those item in their house, why cant we have..how do I come out this problem
Love Guru answers, Point out things she has that others don't and explain to her that she should be an individual, not try to keep up with the Joneses in every aspect of her life. If she had and did everything others do, what would set her apart from them? To be content with your life is a virtue -- one that she should try to cultivate.
ashish asked, hi,we are love each other from 10yr.Now she is married,but she stil calling me and talking me.She never forgot to me and I too. tell me what I amwant to do.
Love Guru answers, Ashish, I hope you don't have your lines crossed. You haven't mentioned whether she still professes to love you. If she doesn't, it could be that she calls you only as a friend and you're misinterpreting her intentions. And if you both truly do love each other, what have you been doing for 10 years? And more importantly, what is she doing married to another man? Either you make up your minds to get together the right way or then forget about the whole thing and cut off all contact, because clearly, nothing is going to come of it. You'll never get over her and you'll waste another 10 years chatting on the phone instead of moving on and finding someone else to enjoy the rest of your life with!
sekhar asked, Hi i m married and seem to fall in love with my junior who is 15 yrs younger. She also reciproctes my feeling. I m trying to avoid but failing. Please give me a solution to avoid her.
Love Guru answers, You'll lose your job if this sordid affair is discovered. Is that enough of a solution for you? Sekhar, this whole idea is stupid. It may all seem fine now, but she's too young, you're married and even if you weren't, you work together. What even makes you think your ideas would match in the long run? And could it be that she's only pursuing you to further her career? Or to blackmail you in future? The risks are far, far too many. You'd be an utter fool to throw away your marriage, reputation, career and self-respect all for a few fleeting moments of pleasure.
'Is it true that if you don't marry by a certain age you get depressed?'
pn asked, hy, i am married man...my married colleage with a child is attracted to me. I have told her clearl about my feelings for my wife and refused her advances...but she keeps on sending messages. how do i handle
Love Guru answers, Tell her off sternly and tell your wife about this situation before she discovers it accidentally, or she will not trust you. If she keeps sending messages even after you tell her firmly not to, collect them all and threaten to turn them over to your office authorities or the police.
pleasesavemylife asked, Is it really true that if a person doesnt marry at a certain age might get into depression. I am a 30 year old person and I am still unmarried(and never had sex in my life)off-late I am not able to focus on my career and while working i am so inactive. Suggest am I suffering becoz of the aforesaidreason
Love Guru answers, What nonsense! Some people enjoy their bachelor status all life long, because they simply don't want the responsibilities of marriage! If you're craving companionship, then yes, you may consider getting into a relationship -- but if you're not and only this yarn is getting you worried, forget about it!
Abhijit asked, I m a dfance teacher & one of my client is a housewife she loves her husband very much & fond of dancing. She forced me to teach her a Saalsa dance & I being his partner. I was reluctant initially but she was forcing me too much Now after I started the training She feels she is doing something wrong to his hubby but simultaneoulsy also likes to dance with me with whole hearted.& Even I feel I m falling attahced to her & Its not going good we have Quite ethical relationships since last 8 yaesr & I dont want to do athe cost of this. Pl.advise how to discontinue this.
Love Guru answers, It's pretty simple -- assign her another partner in class. Let's just hope she doesn't feel like she's cheating on her husband with him also, or then tell her to take up another style of dancing where you don't need a partner!
Confused asked, But I know for sure now that he's not even in touch with her. You still think I should confront him and ask for explanation? I'm scared that I may end up spoiling our relationship since I should ideally not have access to his chats..
Love Guru answers, So you went snooping behind his back to get this information? I thought you came across it accidentally. Well, this should certainly teach you not to do such underhanded things! Although I doubt he has the right to get angry with you for rifling through his stuff when he was upto such things behind your back! I guess in a quirky way, what has happened will teach you both a lesson -- that you shouldn't spy on others and that he shouldn't betray your trust!
kl asked, Dear sir, My employee touches me, dress up in most revealing attire, sits and stands in a manner her top and other inner dress is visible. she touches me for two days and other days she behaves as if I am falling on her. When I told her she is playing with my emotions she said she is enjoying life.what to do. I cant remove her because she works well. pl. guide me.
Love Guru answers, Stop being played like an accordion and behave with dignity, like a boss should! Don't let her touch you and don't fall for her silly moves.
Love Guru says, Time to go, folks! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, cheers!