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'It's been 15 years, I'm still not over her'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on April 22 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, people! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...let's get started...
jim asked, Hi LG......I have some female frnds and i used to fantasize going dirty wid them.......though i never been dirty wid them in the real world:P......but here comes my GF i love her a lot, always want to be wid her.......but i never dreamt of goin cozy wid her......whenever i try to do that i feel unsusual.........is there any problem??........dont i love her as the way i shud be??.........will i be able to make wid her in the bed?? or it is just happening coz i love her so much......
Love Guru answers, It's easy to use your mind and fantasise away, but when it comes to actually getting physical, it's not quite the same thing! I think your problem is that you're nervous and a little self-conscious when it comes to acting out your fantasies with your girlfriend. Just go with the flow...once you realise that she feels the same way as you, you'll relax automatically.
Shareen asked, We are still in love after our families disagreed for marriage a year before, my frnds suggest my to runaway and get married but I feel insecure about future without my family?? So pls help me guru
Love Guru answers, I can fully understand your situation, Shareen. This is a decision you have to make very carefully -- think with both your heart and your head. Only if you're dead sure that your partner is going to support you all the way through and you'll be together permanently, go for it. Maybe in time your family will come around to things once you're married. I'm sure there are doubts running through your head right now, so weigh all your options carefully. If anyone in your family sympathises with your situation, enlist their help to convince the others. Try talking to both your parents together. Only if absolutely nothing works should you think of leaving and getting married. Also, you haven't mentioned your age -- I hope you both are adults and mature enough to take such a decision. And give a thought to how you'll make ends meet. Are you both working? Will you be able to run a household of your own together? These are not things to be taken lightly.
deepak asked, i love on one girl but she dont give response
Love Guru answers, If she's not responding at all, she's not interested. Tough luck, but there's no point in trying to convince someone to the point of harassment.
meghna asked, hi like 1 guy ,but never feel like marry him,but he is interested,there is another guy,who also instd,but due to small place ,i don,t like marry him,otherwise he looks more suitable.wht 2 do
Love Guru answers, Meghna, you need to look at things like compatibility and think longterm instead of discounting a suitor based on only the size of his home. Who will make a better husband in the long run? Who do you enjoy a relationship with? Are both well-settled and capable of providing for you? If you marry only for money and comfort and nothing else, the chances of you being happy are rather slim.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'I'm not getting any proposal because I'm a very average looking girl'
xyz asked, Hi, i am in love with one girl since last five years.I had several times told to her that i like you, whether you like me or not ? in reply to that she is always ingore to give reply,but she is giving response to me. Since last five to six months she is acting in such a way that i am feeling that she is ignoring me. She had mentione me about her family atmosphere. Should i have to continue the relations with her
Love Guru answers, I think 5 years is a long enough time to wait for an answer! Ask her whether she is interested in you or not, because you've waited long enough and if she doesn't see a future with you, it's time to move on. Instead of expecting you to interpret how she feels about everything, it would be better if she just told you how she feels.
prakash asked, hve met a girl throught net 4 marriage,but some well wishers advices me 2 not go ahead with this as there a mane frauds n ceatings happen.one of my friends marry through net matrimony services ,later on girls turn out a cheater,now he is in complete dilema going through a divorce,is net marriages r suss or nor,or only arrange ones r good
Love Guru answers, Hi Prakash. Listen, if someone is looking to cheat you they will do it, whether they meet you online or at home. I fully agree that the Internet is an easy place to deceive people, but that doesn't mean there aren't genuine people out there too. You're registered online too, right? Are you looking to cheat anyone? I would suggest that you meet this girl in person and get to know her properly. After you have, what's the difference between an arrangement on or off the net? It's effectively the same thing.
khan asked, hi l g i love one girl but she never see me and she have one boyfriend should i propose her
Love Guru answers, 99.9 percent you'll be shot down. She's never even seen you! And she has a boyfriend -- why on earth would she accept a proposal from a stranger, especially if she's already in a relationship? It doesn't make sense.
peter asked, hi love guru i love a girl but she like another boy who work with her now she comes in my dream i always feeling upset what should i do i dont know but i love her she maiting 2 boyfriend i know but i dont want loss her
Love Guru answers, If she's not in a relationship with the boy she likes yet, you could try approaching her. But since this is an office scenario, I hope you know her well enough to do that, or she could complain about you to seniors. Only if she's already a friend should you think of asking her out -- else make friends first and then think of making a move.
DreamyGal asked, Dear Lubguru, I'm 30 yrs old, my parents r looking boy 4 me but i am not getting any proper proposals cuz im very simple n average looking girl. I also dont hold any great degree,im arts graduate,due to this everybody rejects me, I have started feeling like that im worthless. Now my parents attitude has changed n they r not talking properly with me.May be they r also thinking im good for nothing.I'm very frustrated ,hopeless n sad. I dont have any true friends to share my plight.please help me out.
Love Guru answers, You're not worthless at all, my dear. So what if you have an arts degree? You should pursue things you like in life, things you're good at and passionate about -- then everything falls into place automatically, career-wise. Don't peg your hopes for a good future only on a good husband -- think of what you can do for yourself to improve your life. And in the meanwhile, if your parents are not finding a suitable match, register online, go through profiles of boys that seem compatible to you -- put yourself out there. Just make sure you're cautious about it, as there are both decent folk and frauds out there. I want you to think, 'I'm better than everybody gives me credit for and I'll prove it!' The best reply to their judgements is to do well for yourself -- in every way possible. All the best, I know you can do it! We all have it in us, we just have to make the effort.
'Is a physical relationship important to maintain strong bonding?'
smitapatka asked, is physical relationship in love important to maintain the strog bonding between the two. is it necessary for stron relationship?
Love Guru answers, That's a tricky question! Yes, physical love is important, else people wouldn't get physical even after marriage, would they? If you're fostering a relationship, whether you're married or not, intimacy is important. But it's even more important that you're at the right stage for it to go to that level. Never delude yourself into believing it's something you have to do to keep a relationship going. You should want to do it and be comfortable with it. Else you're not ready yet. And remember, physical love only lasts so long. If the day comes when you can't enjoy sexual activity anymore, there should be enough love and understanding between partners to still make a success of their relationship. I hope you've gotten your answer!
truelove asked, hello LG.. could you help me out with this.. seven years back i fell in love.. we both were in different cities so we used to communicate via e-mails.. we were too immature to realize we were so much in love with each other.. however, she eloped n got married.. now i met her after five years of her marriage.. she is having a bad marriage n i am giving her emotional support to overcome and encouraging her to resolve the individual differences with her husband and make her marriage work.. however, now she has realized how much she is in love with me.. she has a young daughter too.. her husband loves her a lot but differences arise due to incompatibility.. I want a solution which is in the best interest of her and her family. I am ready to walk away provided I am sure she will manage things happily. Please advice. Thanks :-)
Love Guru answers, Has her marriage always been bad or is this just a phase they are going through? If it's the latter, you need to maybe back off and let her try to fix it. In fact, I think you should let her try for the sake of her daughter anyway. Maybe you both should set a timeline for awhile during which you don't have contact with each other. Let her think objectively about her marriage without you waiting in the wings and let her take a decision regarding her marriage. If she's not in love with her husband anymore, I doubt it will work, but I think she owes it to her child to at least make a go of it once earnestly before giving up on it and ending the relationship. At the end of the day, however, if she's unhappy, she should -- and will -- walk away.
sunil asked, Hi LG, I am married and one of female colleauge and me were friends for two years and now i changed my company and nowadays when i call her she just avoide me. During our friendhsip days i have gifted her lot and she does me few gifts and we had food each other on almost all day. She used to come with me in my twowheeler to office and now she avoids me. It really hurts me Pls advise
Love Guru answers, She probably saw you as just an office friend, while you rated her as a close friend irrespective of the workplace. Often, when people switch organisations, they lose touch with old colleagues that they used to hang out with every day. Life gets busy. You can try talking to her once seriously and ask her why she ignores you. After that, I would suggest you don't bother anymore if she continues to ignore you.
RAD asked, Hi love Guru....I have type my qurey so many time but you did not consider....pl. this time reply me....I am in Love with a girl from last two years...she is my brothers sis-in-law....but the problem is she have a boy freind but she is still very close to me...not a singal day gone without mszing or calling each other....as I know about her relationship I start to ignore her and If I try to ignore her she start to fight with me....(btw she knows that i love her)....Pl. sugest me what should i do....she is not ready to leave her bf and nor to me(she says that I am her best freind)pl. suugest Love Guru....
Love Guru answers, You can explain to her that while it is convenient for her to have both of you in her life, it's not convenient to you, as you love her and you have to accept that she is with another guy. Tell her that it's difficult for you to move on with things as they stand and it's not like she wants a relationship with you either, beyond being friends. Tell her that the whole 'best friend' thing is not working for you. Either she will realise in time that you're more her type than her guy and leave him for you, or you'll move on with your life and leave behind a situation that was making you unhappy. Either way, it's something you have to do if she won't make a choice.
justmarried asked, Hi i just got married a month back, before marriage my wife was having an affair with another person, she said that she would not even talk to him after marriage. But when i saw my call records she has already started talking to him........ can u please suggest what i shud do> shes even spoke to him hours and hours.....
Love Guru answers, It was not wise to rush into marriage with a girl who was still getting out of anther relationship. Confront her and tell her to level with you and speak the truth. Why is she still talking to him and if she still loves him, why did she marry you? Tell her that this is not fair to you and either she stops doing things to destroy your trust, or your marriage is as good as over before it's barely even begun.
'I'm not sure whether I want to marry or remain a bachelor'
pps asked, i used to love someone when i was 15 or so and 15 years have passed. i was scared of her parents.they threatened to kill me if i didnt stop seeing her. i am still in love with her even though i havent seen her in 14 years. i am still scared of her parents. how do i approach her. i will die if she wont love me.
Love Guru answers, Her parents will kill you if you approach her, you will die if you don't. Hmmm! The first thing, my friend, is to stop being so dramatic in everything you're saying. I think you're glorifying a teenage experience to the extent that it's ruling your life. What happened then was half a lifetime ago for both of you. How do you even know that she's not married and a mother by now? I think this obsession of yours is extremely unhealthy. You're not growing out of this phase because you won't let yourself. Go ahead, if you're curious, try looking her up. But also put things into perspective -- you're 30, of marriageable age and still obsessing over puppy love from over a decade ago. God knows how many desirable girls you've passed up in the yearning for what happened so long ago!
santosh asked, hi..LG! i m having a very serious problem..me and my girlfriend used to love eachother too much...we used to talk a lot with eachother a lot daily approx 2-3 hrs on phone.Few days back her family members came to know about this and scolded her a lot.Then she called me up and said i still love u but plz dont call me anymore..when i will be free i will talk to u..over a month has gone and we are very little in contact.only sometimes she talks to me..and i find some changes in her behaviour...ilove her alot..i cant live without her..she has just passed her +2.so i cant marry her now..I dont want to live her...plz tell me what to do??
Love Guru answers, Maybe the disapproval of her family has cooled her feelings for you a little. Ask her the next time you speak to her whether she sees this relationship going anywhere or not. Or whether she's contemplating breaking it off because of her family. You're right, she is still very young -- 17 is hardly an age for lifelong commitment. I can understand that you don't want to leave her, but if she wants to leave you, don't go overboard trying to change her mind. If it's meant to be, it will work out eventually. If not, don't force things. She's not at an age to settle down (I don't know if you are) and it will be exceedingly unpleasant for her to keep fighting with her family.
Vish asked, I am 45 years old unmarried man. Remained unmarried so long becos of family problems. at this age, i am not seriously interested in marriage either. but a colleague of mine, almost 10 years younger, is repeatedly approaching with marriage proposal. is it ok to marry at this age, having remained complete bachelor and virgin all my life?
Love Guru answers, It's fine to get married even at 65 -- but that's provided you want to. If you're set in your ways, don't want to accomodate someone else in your life and enjoy your bachelor lifestyle, it's a bad idea. If, on the other hand, you think you'll enjoy female companionship and would like to share your life with someone else, go for it.
bodylicious asked, hi loveguru...i have been sad for some time now. I have been insecure my whole life, and people have given me bad times by judging me. And i hate myself some times. I sometimes get drunk and say things which are from heart but i repent. I recently gave left-right to my cousin who said,' i don't deserve good friends(although she is a nice girl)..i was not sure about her intentions. How can i overcome this hatred?? How to tell my cousin, i didnt really mean to hurt her...it's just the inner hatred coming out??
Love Guru answers, Stop wallowing in self pity and getting drunk. You should be able to express honest opinions without alcohol and work towards what you want in life. Be hardworking, successful, actively take it upon yourself to be happy -- that is the best response to people who have judged you poorly. And apologise to your cousin -- while you're sober! Tell her how you genuinely feel, like you've just told me. Who knows, after your apology maybe she will take it upon herself to become your confidante, help and advice you, since you say she's a nice girl.
Love Guru says, Time to go, folks! Tune in again next week and till then, all the best!