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'I left her because I didn't approve of her profession'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on August 5 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started, shall we? And a word of advice -- kindly resist using abusive language in this forum or your participation will be blocked!
rajni asked, hi am engaged with my bf ,but hve unmarried elder sister,due to her my parents r not ready to marry me,but my bf parents want it soon.my parents r not ready
Love Guru answers, Which rule book are your parents referring to when it comes to dos and don'ts of marriage? I don't know your age, but if it's marriageable, I don't know why they're behaving so silly about it. Why should you put your life on hold till your sister marries? What sense does it make, actually speaking? None at all, so put your foot down to go ahead with this!
dev asked, i am 22 yr old guy i have one night stand with married lady .its really a full of fun,from that time we are in regular touch,but now she is not willing for same,but i want to do
Love Guru answers, That's why it's called a one-night stand, Dev. It's not meant to result in a longterm relationship, physical or otherwise. You had your fun, now forget about it because she is married and not interested in a repeat performance.
vaishali asked, Hello, one of my friend had a bad experience in her married life. Now she says that she doesn't feel for anyone. even for her daughters. She is staying with him just for the sake of responsibility. My question is how long couple can live under one roof without feeling for each other. Emotionally as well physical intimacy? Can love vanish?
Love Guru answers, If they make up their minds to do it, they can spend the rest of their lives like that. Unhappiness becomes a way of life with them and they grow used to it. My advice would be, if it can't be repaired, walk out and start anew. She may owe a responsibility to her kids to be a good mother, but she has a responsibility towards her own wellbeing too. She probably resents her children right now because she feels like they're the reason for her not leaving her husband. In reality, it's her fault she's still with him, not theirs. It's better for them to have separated but happy parents who can focus on bringing them up instead of staying united with both, under an unhappy roof.
Jhumpaa asked, i married to a guy who just simply loves food. He just always have craving for junk food and all the continental dishes. he always demands for a snack in between meals when hez at home. I am not a good cook and he always find faults in my cooking, thats the reason he is always upset with me. He just want a perfect delicious meal . i am trying to meet his expectations but not able to do so. If someday i didnt cook any speacial dish then he goes alone to resturant. Even if we go out he just drag me to some fast food joints. I am very sick of this man . he should have married to a cook rather than me. what should i do ? i am not a foodie like him and we r totally different personalities. some times i feel that our marriage is in trouble. Does he have any psychological problems? Please help as his eating habbit is becoming hurdle in having happy marriage.
Love Guru answers, Your husband is obsessed with food. And you're obsessed with pleasing him. Why? Just hire a cook instead, it will be cheaper than him eating at a restaurant every other night. You can explain to him also, that you're sick of his attitude and that maybe if he spent a little time in the kitchen cooking he'd realise that it's not exactly easy to whip up an elaborate meal everyday. If this is the only problem, it can definitely be worked on -- you just have to accept that maybe his tastebuds are a little different from what you expected, but that's no reason to break up a marriage. Just stop driving yourself up the wall trying to get things right. You don't have to be a great cook to be a good wife.
Priyanka asked, I am on the verge of breaking away from my husband. Tell me if this is going to work for me.
Love Guru answers, Look, nobody knows the answer to such a vague question. Whatever the reason behind your walking out in him is, the point is that you're unhappy in your marriage. So it's better to move away from that unhappiness first -- if it's a decision you've thought through carefully. Whatever follows in the future, you should be prepared to face. So put your best foot forward.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'I found out that my husband was flirting with his ex'
klove asked, i am married 32 years, my wife not much interested in sex but my wife sister is attracted to me, she is ready for sex but she also married, now what i have to do?
Love Guru answers, You have to work on your own relationship instead of looking to have an affair that will destroy family ties! Talk to your wife about her lack of interest and make a move towards solving that problem instead of creating another problem by sleeping with her sister.
ar asked, i was praposed a girl but she is ingaised with a boy , i see that , but she is also flirting with me, what shoud i do
Love Guru answers, Looks like she's just enjoying the attention, not like she's going to leave him for you. I would suggest distancing yourself from her for a while. Most likely she will forget about you. If she decides to pursue you even after that, ask her straight out whether she is ready to break off her engagement for you. But remember that it's a very slim chance. What you need to do is ensure your feelings are not toyed with just because it's bringing her excitement.
Sweetie asked, I found a chat of my husband flirting with his ex-GF who is still single. I confronted him and he said it was nothing serious and he was just being nice to her. After major arguments and discussions he promised he will never chat with her again. He seems to keep up his word but I am disturbed and feel I have lost the implicit trust I had in him. What do I do?
Love Guru answers, He was wrong to do it, but the point is, it was just a chat -- nothing more. If he didn't promise to meet her in person, if he wasn't overtly trying to get something more out of it, then accept his apology and try to forget about it. You also need to let him know that this is playing on your mind even now and that if you ever catch him out at lying about it, you will take it very seriously. I think if he has sense he will not compromise your marriage just to chat with her and feel good about himself.
piklu asked, i want to go ahead with one of my liked profiles of a matrimonial site. i have sent her a mail. she has read it but not responded with yes/no. what do i do?
Love Guru answers, Try sending it again. And if you still receive no response, understand that she is not interested. She obviously must have gone through your profile too, after your e-mail and maybe she didn't like it enough to reply. That's how it is with online dating, but don't be discouraged -- there are other fish in the sea too.
Mahendra asked, i love some one, but she can't love me y love guru.
Love Guru answers, Because love is not something that can be produced on demand. Either she feels something for you or she doesn't. And if she doesn't, stop wasting your time.
hyypyy asked, i am bored of relationships(6 so far)...i am 34, and feeling kinda detached towards the world. all girls are same...bak bak bak...always trying to dominate, jealousy , emotional blackmail, attention seeking....even sex is not same...when i start i enjoy...few minutes later i feel its like a chore..i just want it to get over.I dont want to get married bec i fing tht even a bigger headache...something tht can be cured only by death...know its negative..but thats wht i am feeling...
Love Guru answers, So who is forcing you to be married? Take a breather from relationships and stay single for awhile...maybe that will put things in perspective for you. And who knows, maybe you'll find you're happier a bachelor?
Vishu asked, We were loving eache other, we had all funn when we were together we had more than our afffair, but meantime we used to fight on smaall small things and one day left me saying she has got another bf, she told me that I have given her lot of trouble whereas I used to fed with her in many times.I would like to ask you how can girl left the boy with him she has done everything. But now I realise that I love hera lot I like her to come back in my life. now more than 1.5 passed for our breakup. Please suggest something.
Love Guru answers, She fell out of love and for someone else instead. Stop thinking, 'How could she do this to me' and start thinking, 'She did this to me -- now what?' And the answer to that is move on, Vishu...it's been one and a half years already, how long will you spend time thinking about this girl? If you feel like you simply have to try one last time, speak to her and ask for another chance. I doubt she will, but at least that way you can be sure you did everything you could to save the relationship and then make a conscious effort to move on and meet someone new.
'When I proposed she joked about it to my friends'
rams asked, Hi,My wife alwayas expects more love from myside.im a practical man,hav my own work load and hav to take care parents.she is worrieda lot beacause im not showing more attention towards her.what shud i do..pls help
Love Guru answers, What you should do is try and be a little romantic -- give her a little more attention than you do right now. Plan a surprise dinner out with her alone now and then, bring her flowers once in a while...Small gestures will go a long way in reassuring her of your love.
asdfsdsdf asked, Hi LG My GF is not interested in oral sex whereas I am hellbent on it? How to pacify her
Love Guru answers, You can't force anyone into a sexual activity that they're not comfortable with. What you can do is tell her to give it at least one try and assure her that it's a common thing between sexually active couples. And if she agrees for that one time, make sure you do everything to please her instead of the other way around -- don't look to make the most of it for yourself. Because if she finds it unpleasant, that'll be the last time.
Rossi asked, Hi i was in love with a girl during my college days and told her about my feelings. She dint took me seriously and make joke of me in front of my frnds ,,,,, but this was about 4 yrs back and today she is still in my mind? What shud i do search her and convince her or shud forget her??
Love Guru answers, Women are usually smart enough to know when they're being seriously proposed to. She probably did that to avoid telling you that she wasn't interested and making the situation awkward, although that was wrong -- she should have thought of your feelings. If it's been four years now, a lot can have happened in that time -- for all you know she's in a relationship now, or married. You could try using a social networking site to get in touch with her again and try your luck. But don't get your hopes too high -- it looks to me like she wasn't interested back in college.
akhil asked, we are in relationship for last 4 years, i want to marry but my girl friend is not agreeing .. she wants it to ba another 2 - 3 years. she is 2 years younger to me... im 24 she is 22.. im in job for the last 3 years... she will finish her studies next year
Love Guru answers, I agree with her -- she's a little too young to settle down right now. She probably wants to finish her studies and get a taste of working before she takes on the responsibility of marriage. Why not ask her to get engaged to you next year and then marry two years down the line?
hyypyy asked, loveguru...pls dont always give sweet obvious advice..sometimes try to get some skulls broken.. atleast give advice in terms of actionable behavior..point format...easy to remember
Love Guru answers, And who is going to take the responsibility for somebody's broken skulls? You? My job is to help people overcome their problems, not push them over the edge to do things that will ruin their lives.
karthiLUV asked, Hi Luv Guru, I loved a girl for 5 months after that I had to break up because I didn't like her profession. Eventhough, she was sad, I culdnt get in touch with her. She said that she will keep luving me forever. But recently she got married to another guy Eventhough I had withdrawn for this relationship, I feel I had been cheated . nw after 6 months of marriage she is coming back to me telling that she still likes me the funda is that we had only talked over telephone and email haven't met yet please advise me whether I suld proceed or not thank u if yes then culd I belive her?
Love Guru answers, You didn't like her profession? What kind of a male chauvinist pig attitude is that? Short of her being an escort or a prostitute, I can think of no job that could justify such an opinion on your part. You have absolutely no right to feel cheated -- she's the one who was cheated by you trying to bully her into giving up her career. Now make up your mind -- either you want her back (job notwithstanding) or you don't. If you don't, there are apparently other men who have no problem with her job, like her husband. Either cut things off or then make up your mind that your future lies with her. You're hardly the victim here, so stop talking like one -- in my opinion, you've been really foolish to end a good relationship to satisfy your own narrow-minded way of thinking instead of broadening your horizons.
Kishore asked, Why girl do not beleive in genuinity of the proposal?
Love Guru answers, Because it's easier for them to reject you that way than to say 'no'.
'He doesn't ever want to get married'
diyu asked, hi LG i m in love with a man hu is married hving 2 kids whenever i want to leave him he starts crying n tells he will commit sucide if i go , same time he is keeping relationship with his wife too its irritate me what i do suggest
Love Guru answers, I'd suggest you leave him. If he can commit suicide, why can't he leave his family for you? He will give you a sob story about his children, but that's not your problem. If you buy into it, you'll lose the best years of your life and the chance to have a family of your own. He's a miserable excuse for a husband now, cheating on his wife with you -- who's to say he won't do the same thing to you with another woman?
hencho asked, I am committed to a girl but still feel attracted to other girls. Does this mean I do not love her ?
Love Guru answers, No, it means you're normal. Attraction to beautiful women is normal, because it's not love. Love is wanting to spend the rest of your life with one person -- and not cheating on them. Finding other women attractive is harmless and only a passing thought -- as long as you don't act on it.
atanu asked, I am in physical relation with my friends wife for last three years. We love each other. But I also loves my wife. Please suggest what to do?
Love Guru answers, You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have to make a choice. And may I remind you that you're enjoying only sex with your friend's wife -- you haven't spent time with her outside of the bedroom. On the other hand, you know your wife well in every way and know she's right for you. So why are you compromising not only your marriage, but also your friendship for sexual pleasure? Is it really worth it? Ask yourself that.
ajitbhapse asked, Hi Love guru, i am in love with a girl from 11th class. we where best friend at that time, but when she came to know that i love her she stop talking to me, but i still love her. n i want her in my life as a friend or as a lover. but i am confused what should i do now should i ask her for friendship or what???
Love Guru answers, She obviously doesn't want you as a lover. So try approaching and explain that you miss being good friends and that you don't want anything more from her.
Suju asked, my boyfriend,pervious he had many girlfriends & now all of then married & now he is showing interest in me, I like this guy but the problem is that, he says that he will never marry in his life but want have girlfriend & even he had physical relation with those girl & he is showing same interest towards me, i do have feeling for him but I wanted to get married but he don't want so I am in a big problem please help me what to do? very confused.
Love Guru answers, Do not get involved with this guy -- absolutely not. He may be a good person, but he doesn't want the same things from life as you and the future of this relationship can only lead to heartbreak. You'll hope that he'll eventually say yes to marriage when he's clearly stated his intentions -- he's not going to. Stop hoping that he'll change his mind, because there's no chance of you changing your mind against marriage, is there? It may prick just a little bit right now to get over him, but once you're in a relationship and it ends, you'll be utterly heartbroken. Don't do it, Suju.
sohan asked, i got loss in business.i suffered about 5 lacs losses. my wife taunt me so many times about losses.some times, it becomes so difficult to hear those words, i can't tell you. i have one son and he is graduate. my earning is around 23k. pls advice what should i do in these circumstances. sohan
Love Guru answers, I'm sorry about your losses Sohan and I'm sure you are to. Sit your wife down and explain to her that you're sorry for it but that you had the best interests of your family at heart. You tried and you failed and there's no shame in that, it's a learning experience. And tell her she has no right to taunt you about it because you're still trying to do your best for her and your son. It's time she got over it.
Love Guru says, Time to go, folks! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, post your queries on Rediff's Love Guru Page. Goodbye and take care!