Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on August 12 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, everybody! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...let's get started and please remember, no abusive language or you will be barred from this forum!
ajay asked, hi i am madly in love wth a girl and i feel she too had somthng for me...some mnths bfore i guess somthng happened in her family and she just stopped talking wth me..she once said me that she has lots of limitations imposed on her...though i kept on peruading but she never spoke to me after tat somthng quite unusual of her....after some mnths i found her married...i wanted to speak wth her...i dont want to harm her in anywazs..i am a bit insane for her ..plz help me
Love Guru answers, She decided to go with her family's decision of getting her married, that is why she cut you off. If she really wanted to be with you and could stand up to them, Ajay, she would hae. She chose not to. It's best you leave her alone now, she's someone else's wife -- you need to move on. Don't convince yourself that you cannot live without her, because you can. You will find someone else and fall in love again, provided you have an optimistic outlook to it.
ramu asked, y does it happn that u dont marry to the girl u luv but sum 1 else even though u r close to each other v much. is it destiny?
Love Guru answers, No it's not -- at the end of the day, it's the choices you make. Not everyone is able to go against the tide of family pressure to be with the one they love, Ramu...that is why it happens the way you describe it.
asdflkjh asked, Hello love guru i am in love with my coleague she is married having two kids and same with me i am also married having 3 year old son. somehow v got into this funda of extra marital affair and deeply v both love each other and we have almost completed 3.5 years in this relationship both are blank do not know what to do and what is our future. her kids are like 13year and 9 years old she is 3 year elder than me.
Love Guru answers, I think three and a half years is long enough to be floating between your marriages and affair. You both are now at a crossroads and you need to make a choice. Either separate from your partners so you can be together or then you continue with your secret relationship till it comes out in the open -- and that's when things are bound to get ugly for both your families. Since you both claim to be so deeply in love and have been together so long, it doesn't look like my telling you to end it will make any difference. But ultimately, it's a choice of the same family set-up or each other.
Amar asked, nature wise my Girl Friend is very cooperative, but she objects that after marriage my parents will live with us.
Love Guru answers, The question here is not that she is objecting, but why. Maybe your parents have different thoughts from her, or maybe their values don't match hers? If I were you Amar, I would weigh exactly why she wants this -- think it out objectively. And let me tell you, if there's any scope of future conflict, it's far better to move out when you marry and preserve family relations rather than wait for trouble and then move --that creates a lot of bad blood.
cin asked, hi love guru....i am in relationship since last 2 months, she expects me to talk a lot, but i am a kind of reserved guy and do not talk.So we end up remaining silent for hours on the phone or have very less conversations, but if i am in front of her i can talk... What should i do????
Love Guru answers, Tell her that you love talking to her -- in person. And make an effort at least to have a conversation on the phone now and then, instead of holding on like it's a blank line! Ask about her day, tell her what happened in yours, make plans...it'll start flowing if you only make the effort.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'Is it wrong to be in love with two people?'
kevin asked, is it wrong to have same feelings (love) for 2 different people.
Love Guru answers, It's known to happen sometimes and you can't always help the way you feel. But you can help the way you deal with the situation. So make sure not to consciously hurt anyone and weigh your options, because you have to make a choice -- eventually.
kiran asked, sir i am married last 3 yrs before but my girlfriend before i love her very much after my marriage she was with me she love me she was upset but she love me we have all relationship but nowadays she is not talking with me properly she is talking with another friend no picking my call. what should i do
Love Guru answers, You married someone else. So she hardly owes you any explanation of her behaviour. Maybe she's met someone else and you need to accept that -- you chose someone else. Now, so has she.
Sunita asked, My parents have been looking out for a marriage alliance for me. Somehow I am feeling suffocated by seeing so many guys. This scares me that I might not be able to fall in love. Any suggestions?
Love Guru answers, You're getting disillusioned because you've not met anyone interesting so far. Take a break from meeting prospective husbands and re-evaluate what you want in a man. Only meet those men who seem like they will really match up to your expectations instead of every Tom, Dick and Harry who comes along. And tell your parents how you feel and what you want in a man -- I'm sure they'll understand.
Dunhill237 asked, How long it take to heal a love jolt, coz during initial dumping stage it is difficult to pull on normal life
Love Guru answers, That depends from person to person -- some may take a month, others six and some years. You have to make the effort to remain upbeat until it's not an effort anymore. That's the quickest way to beat the blues.
kapur asked, quest.: Can a mediocre looking guy propose a hot,confident,tall, and awesome looking girl. If yes please advise me how. I only know her and she's a cousin of a distant cousin (not mine).We meet at occasional parties only.
Love Guru answers, Proposing would not be a good idea right away, because you hardly know her -- like you said, you've met her only occasionally. But there's no harm in contacting her through social networking, trying to start a conversation now and then (not too often at the beginning). See if she responds. Only once you're friends can you think of proposing. And cast the thought that she's a 'catch' out of your mind -- be confident. Women like men who are confident of themselves. If you think you're unworthy of her, she will too.
niceman129 asked, will i get remarried again - pls answer this if u r a fortune teller
Love Guru answers, I'm not a fortune teller, I give advice. And even a fortune teller coludn't tell you that right out of the blue!
pavannn asked, hello i was in love with my college junior i proposed her then she told me no but we could friends i say yes but my feeling for u will be same she says it ok no problem our relation continues by smsing on no often eye to eye contact from last 10 months i told her lots of time to talk in college but she always told me that i am sacared can u tell is there any scope for this type of relation
Love Guru answers, Well, she wants to be friends in spite of the fact that she said no to your proposal and also doesn't mind that you have feelings for her. So I'd say she very likely sees something in you. But rather than have me boost your hopes, I'd suggest talking to her and asking her whether she really doesn't want to be with you or whether it's outside pressure that made her reject you -- ie peer pressure, or the age difference, or strict parents. When you know for sure you can try to work on the problem.
'She refuses to let my old parents move in'
manoj asked, i am into an online relationship with a girl. i want to know does online relationship really works in real life ?
Love Guru answers, No it doesn't. It's never quite the same thing. Can you imagine being raised by a mother you never met except for on the Internet? The same goes for your wife -- you need to know her in person.
Amar asked, Love guru, She didn't yet meet my parents. She wants my parents to stay in village. But they are too old to live alone
Love Guru answers, Oh, that's the way it is, is it? Tell her to at least meet them before she makes up her mind about this. And if you could get two small houses adjoining each other, that would be the best thing -- she can have her privacy and your parents are close enough for you to take care of them properly.
Deepak asked, Hello Love Guru.I am in love with a girl,she also loves me.But one day she told me about her previous relationship and broke up with him just because of some misunderstanding.I dont know how to react on it now.Please help
Love Guru answers, Deepak, she told you about it because she trusts you to understand. You can offer an opinion, saying you don't think that such a small thing should warrant a break-up and would she do the same with you over a triviality? Most likely not -- dynamics in every relationship are different, so stop analysing her past and be glad that she sees fit to confide in you about all this. Not all girls do.
Subhash asked, Hello LoveGuru!! I am being used by a group of girls in my office.. They always call me to their homes at night.. and.. u know.. they use me like anything.. Now I feel tired all the time, and want to get rid of them and get into a new relationship.. Please Suggest!!
Love Guru answers, Stop going over to their houses and accepting their invitations. Problem solved!
mag asked, hi LG, i loves a girl and she too loves me but her mom is also attracted to me . she wants me to have sex with her before she says ok for my marriage with her daughter. what should i do?
Love Guru answers, Nothing doing. Say no! You have no business cheating on your girlfriend, least of all with her mother because the repercussions would be disastrous. And don't put it past her mom to be testing whether you will be faithful to her daughter or not after marriage, even if this is a rather extreme and ridiculous way to do it.
Kunal asked, Hi loveGuru. I like a girl in my office and proposed her 3 months back initially she accepted me but after few days she refused. Now I feel she has started liking me. What should I do now. I cant repeat the same thing now. What should I do now?
Love Guru answers, No, don't repeat the same thing. If she likes you, she will try to approach and get close to you. Let her come 90 percent of the way before you take that 10 percent step.
Rama asked, Thanks to you LG, I gained strength while reading your responses to other's queries while i was going through a tough phase in my love life. Now am happily married with my GF.
Love Guru answers, I'm glad to hear that, Rama. All the best to you and your wife!
Illustration: Dominic Xavier
'Can I date my female client?'
JOLLY asked, Hi LG, I m a choreographer & one middle aged woman is my student, she is elder than me , she looks at least 10 years below of her age & having superb features & figure......Last few days I guess she expects more than dancing steps from me .......I m unmarried & haven't yet fall in any such relationships....I like her company But I fear it will harm my reputation in my field but Still I can't control......Pl. advise whether I should move step ahead or dicontinue her assignment. As if I will continue there are all chances I may lose my track.
Love Guru answers, Yes, it will harm your reputation in your field, because at the end of the day, she is your client. You have not mentioned whether she is married or not. If not and you both are attracted to each other, there is no harm in pursuing it -- strictly outside of class. If she is, forget about the whole thing. And yes, if you need to, stop teaching her.
ravi12345 asked, Hi One of my friend is married to beautiful wife, and have one kid, relationship with wife is very fluctuating....they will be very close one day and next day they have very big quarrel,if wife goes to their parenst home, they stop speak to each other for months over the phone, and recently in my friend office there is new girl who is very beautiful and married, they have not spoken to each other but they constantly look for each other when ever they come across, and my friend feels, he started to have feeling for her....he has not spoken to her even once and even dont know her name...whats ur advise for him
Love Guru answers, I don't know why you're so concerned for this 'friend' of yours, unless this is a problem you're facing and don't want to reveal that it's you. In any case, he (or you) should work on stabilising his marriage instead of trading looks with a married woman who is also his colleague. These 'feelings' are nothing more than a passing attraction. A situation like that could cost him his wife, child and job, not to mention that she has a husband too.
vardhan asked, I m in trouble. I am a marriied man aged 32 and my wife is 29, We have a son ages 2 years and we are also expectinf our 2nd child in Dec 2010. Th problem is that I like mye niegbour who ir prettier tha my wife but not very educated. I also feel that she is unlucky as she is married to a Black and fool person. What Should I do ? I know She is ready for me ?
Love Guru answers, Your trouble is your own doing. You're about to become a father for the second time and you're eyeing your neighbour? Disgraceful. And looks are not everything -- once you have your fill of physical intimacy with her there will be nothing you have in common with her. And what kind of racist are you? Her husband may be a fool, but his complexion has nothing to do with it! You seem to be a rather superficial person, focusing only on physical appearances. Take it from me that good looks aren't everything -- unless you want to learn that the hard way.
afrt asked, hiLG, jUST before 2 months i came in contact with a girl,it's a arranged one,also I was agree in this proposal once visited her house. Now our engagement was going to be completed by next week, but 2 days back i got frequent mails from her x-lover that he's still engaged with her. Everybody except her father knows their relation. While after this i asked to that girl, she told me to call and tell everything,but yet didn't. So i'm thinging not to consider this proposal and move with new one. Also I'm a simple person now-a -days this is a major problem, who knows next when i'll search another one it may repeat the case. Pls advice what to do?????
Love Guru answers, Does she want to marry you? That's the bottom line, my friend. If she still has feelings for that other guy and doesn't have the guts to own up to her dad, marrying her will make you both unhappy. Ask her what she wants to do and if she wants to be with that guy, end the engagement. And stop thinking of it happening again -- even if it happened a hundred times, that's still no reason to marry someone forcibly. It won't bring you happiness. Don't worry, you will find the right girl sooner or later.
sheetal asked, hi I am married & having 4 yrs old son but due to lonelyness i got frienship with my neighbour guy 1 yr back & then got close with each other.we are also having sex since last 5 months & i am enjoying a lot.But 2 weeks back he introduced me to his friend & v 3 became good friends.Also due to friendship we 3 had sex &enjoyed it lot.now that 2 guy insits me to do have 3some again but i amafraid if my hubby comes to know about it & sometimes i feel guilty too but i can't resist it.please suggest me
Love Guru answers, You're saying that other guy insists on it, but you're also saying you can't resist it. So you're enjoying it, even though the guilt does catch up with you now and then. Look, I'm not wasting my time giving you a moral lecture -- you know that you have a responsibility towards your husband and your child. Why not try fulfilling your loneliness and sexual fantasies with your husband instead of other guys? That's what you're married for, isn't it? Companionship. And if you want to get professional help, do it -- visit a counsellor alone to overcome your problem.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, guys...if I haven't been able to answer your query, please post it on the Rediff Love Guru Page so I can reply. Till next week, goodbye and take care!
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