'Can I pursue someone else if my girl doesn't mind?'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on August 26 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hey there, everyone...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started, shall we?

hi asked, Me and my wife are getting into wife often its getting worse that we will go to physical assault of each other. But the next we will compromise and will be normal.

Love Guru answers, Both of you obviously have anger management issues -- it is said that fools argue and wise men discuss. Even if you and your wife disagree upon something, there is a way of talking things out without getting at each other's throats. You both need to ensure you don't get personal, bring out past disagreements and keep your voices down -- no shouting and animated gestures. Make a pact to prevent things flying out of hand. If you find that even one of you cannot stick to it, I would suggest seeing a counsellor. And may I remind you that however angry you may get, resorting to hitting a woman is regrettable -- she has no right to attack you either, though.

xyz asked, I am in love with a girl from 5 years. We both love each other. But recently I am attracted to a friend of mine as well. And even she likes me despite the fact that she knows that I am in love with other girl. Now my relationship with this friend is going physically. I don't know what to do? I am not able to ignore this friend nor cheat my lover.

Love Guru answers, You're already cheating your girlfriend by getting physical with someone else. You're in the second relationship for the thrill of a secret affair and because you're rediscovering the excitement of the early days of any relationship. But may I remind you that that initial spark dies down in time for everyone and then it's love you need to keep it going. So either you bounce from one girl to another to feel that spark always, until you wind up alone, or make up your mind to be a one-woman man.

ajay asked, i am in love with a girl sincerely from past 4 years.but she treats me as just one of her male friends though she says she loves me.iam getting confused abt the seriousnes of our relationship.is she really in love with me or just a attention seeking girl?

Love Guru answers, Tell her that she needs to decide whether she's in love with you or not. Either you're her friend or her boyfriend -- you cannot be the boyfriend she treats as a friend, because that is making you unhappy. If you think she's being insincere, remain friends but don't remain under the illusion that you're something special.

jagiya asked, involve with my neighbour,she loves me ,me also.but i also luv my gf,want to continue with this woman too,my gf ready for 3some

Love Guru answers, And then if you're attracted to another woman you'll become a foursome? Or what if your girlfriend turns around and says she likes another guy too, you'll be agreeable? Look, what you do in the bedroom and how many women you have in there at a time is not anyone else's concern. But then what's the point of getting into serious relationships with these women? Because obviously, they can't be all that serious if none of you has a problem sharing the other sexually with someone else.

Richa asked, I met a guy on a dating site, we conversed and he got intimate in his conversation from the day 1 we started, how do I know if he is a genuine guy

Love Guru answers, Genuine guys don't go around getting intimate with women the first time they've met, whether it's in person or on the Internet. Sounds to me like he's only looking for a good time with you and these sweet talks are meant to lead you into bed. Don't fall for it -- take it slowly and find out all you can about him, meet in person at a public place (not alone at home or anything like that). Only over time and with several meetings can you find out more about him.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

mhesh asked, hey love guru....good afternoon.... i am into a problem if you can help me out...i love one girl, she loves me too....but the problem is she is engaged now and she says she don't have courage to go against her parents now....can you please tell me what should i do in that case ?

Love Guru answers, If she doesn't have the courage, she'll wind up married to another boy and unhappy. It's still not too late -- she's not married yet. Once she is, all the problems will be magnified a hundredfold. Either she faces this small problem now or a much bigger problem later on -- being stuck in a marriage she didn't want. The choice is hers -- ewither she fights for your relationship with you or then suffers in silence.

Lovewala asked, Hi LG.my gf who is just 16 wants to be physical with me.i m 22.is it right to have a sex wid her with her consent. i m really in dilemma bcoz sometimes i cant control myself.

Love Guru answers, Well, legally speaking you won't be breaking the law -- in India, the minimal age for consensual sex is 16. But she's far younger than you, so only if you're very serious about her and truly love her should you go ahead with it. Don't take advantage of the fact that you're older. And she should be absolutely comfortable and receptive to the idea.

balsi asked, Hi....I am married, in relationship with a widow lady..I love both of them...this is slowly killing my life...whats the suggestion...unable to manage at times both of them....if my wife comes to know then i will be no where.

Love Guru answers, You have to make a choice, before your wife finds out and makes the choice for you. She will walk out and you'll have to remain with your mistress because she won't take you back. Make your choice -- as soon as possible. Either you give up the affair or then give up your marriage.

Suman asked, Hi, Myself & my boyfriend are in good terms, he is very joyfull person, always jokes, but his jokes hurts me several times, i feel that he insults me through his jokes. As a result we fight often & often, & he tells to break off everytime we fight, but i try to patch by saying sorry if im not wrong also. Dont understand what to do & how to stop this fights, pls suggest

Love Guru answers, You need to be less sensitive and he needs to be more sensitive. Tell him that sometimes you feel he's disguising insults by way of his jokes and they hurt your feelings. If he has consideration for you, he should stop picking on you incessantly. And you should learn to take small jokes with a pinch of salt -- don't flare up at small things. Be a sport.

pappu asked, Dear LG, i am completing my MS in usa. but got into serious relationship with a girl in india.. came to india and met here and we had sex too.. we feel we may marry ultimately in about 2-3 years when i settle down in usa.. not sure if the long distance love will last that long.. as i am not sure if she will find some local guy to fill in without my knowing.. and may be i will also do the same in usa.. confused about all this because this whole stuff is also known to parents of both of us.. what they dont know is that we have had sex already..

Love Guru answers, You both indulged in sex knowing your situation, so leave that out of it for now. Question is -- do you want to make it work? Both of you? Then keep committed -- yes, long distance is hard, but not impossible. And two to three years is not so impossibly long a time. Trust -- 100 percent trust -- is what is required. If both of you keep that trust and remain loyal, it should work out.

rohitk asked, i'm 27. I have decided to be single and adopt a kid when i'm 35. (I'm neither gay or impotent :D ) But somehow i feel that i will be more happy if i remain single. Your advice pls...

Love Guru answers, There's eight years to go till then. A lot can happen in eight years, including changing your mind if you meet the right girl. It's very noble to want to adopt a child, but you have to be absolutely sure of what you're doing and why you're doing it. It's a huge responsibility having a child and for single parents, it's twice as difficult. I would suggest exploring your options, contacting a few adoption agencies, getting them to connect you to other single dads, so you know what you're getting into. Also look up single male parent adoption in India on the Internet.

Savitri asked, Im 36 and married for 6 years. My husband iss a gentleman and this worries me to no end. He is just not interested in even lookin at other women and says he loves only me. How is this possible?? Im attractive but doesnot attraction fade away after 16 years?? Though am in deeply love only with him, i feel it is uncommon among men. What shuld I do?

Love Guru answers, What you should do is thank your lucky stars for such a great husband and stop looking for problems where there aren't any! You're saying yourself that you're still deeply in love with him after 16 years, why can't it be the same for him?

Bharat asked, I am in love with my best friend. We got used to of each other so much in our company that Even when she had to go oniste for project for 6-8 months, we were in contact touch all time. I wanted to marry her, but could not propose her as she was not interrested in marriage at that time. SO I decided not to propose and went for another girl of parents choice. After my engagement, she has also realized her feeling for me. she has expressed it to me. Now I am not able to think of anything, Please let me know what i should do. Should I call off my engagement and marry my friend.

Love Guru answers, Yes, I would say so. You made a big mistake not proposing to her back when you wanted to. You know each other, love each other and want to be together. Explain the situation to your parents and the girl you're engaged to and ask for forgiveness for your errant decision. But do it as quickly as possible, because you're misleading a lot of people for as long as you put it off.

Swetha asked, HI LG I am in love with a married man. I want him to divorse his wife and marry me. What should i do? Please help me. i cannot live without him

Love Guru answers, That is a decision that's up to him. If he agrees, good for you. But if he doesn't, I'd suggest you stop letting someone who obviously wants nothing more than a good time with you taking advantage. Don't you want to be someone's wife too, with a house and kids of your own? Don't settle for a man who offers anything less. And what is this 'can't live without him' nonsense! Cast that out of your mind and remember something -- nobody is indispensable! If it doesn't work out with him, you'll meet someone else who will make you happier still! Don't deprive yourself of that happiness.

jamy asked, i have been married for 7 yrs, the physical part of the marriage is average.....but during my recent travel i have experimented with seeing some escorts, and enjoyed the experience, i have been feeling like keeping this going harmlessly and feel its better for me to balance the love and sex in my life in this way...but i am confused about moral issues here !

Love Guru answers, Sorry, but I'm not here to give moral lectures. If you're feeling guilty, that's only natural, but are you feeling guilty enough to stop yourself cheating on your wife? It's a decision you alone can make. Put yourself in your wife's shoes and think about how you'd feel. Also, I'd suggest you take the utmost precautions to prevent contracting an STD from a sex worker -- not only would it ruin your life, you could pass it on to your unsuspecting wife!

Akki asked, hi love guru... I was into a relationship long ago..with a girl for 6 years...Though we were living together for some time...we cd not convert it into a marriage. AFter some time.we parted and married other individuals..I am ok in my relationship..with my spouse..but it seems she has hit the wall is going thru divorce. should i get worried...cos she has been calling me..and talking to me for too often...

Love Guru answers, You're happy with your wife -- what's happening in your ex's life is, frankly, not your concern anymore. You can talk to her once in awhile as a friend, but don't encourage her to contact you too often or it will impact your marriage.

mee asked, hey..i wanna know how can i get over with my BF.We are still together but i wanna go out of this..but i cant say this thing to him coz of some reasons...Pls help???

Love Guru answers, There is no reason why you cannot tell someone you want out of a relationship. Be patient, gentle and speak the truth. This is worse -- you're leading him on when you're not interested anymore.

stefan asked, i have a peculiar problem,whenever i look at women my eyes invariably looks at their physical assets which puts me and them in a akward position! how to overthis?? thanks in advance

Love Guru answers, Learn to stop staring lecherously, because it's a horrible habit! Even if you want to look at a woman, you can do it discreetly, without ogling and making her uncomfortable -- that's disgusting!

LGIS6ER asked, LOVE GURU.... ARE THODA INDIAN JAISA BOL NA RE... KYA APNI IZZAT KA BHAJI PALA KAR RAHA HAI... TERI IS CHAT ROOM MAIN SABHI DESPARATE AATE HAI AUR TUZE LAGTA HAI KI WOH TERI ADVICE CHAHATE HAI!!! ABE TU KYA ADVICE KAREGA. YOU NEED PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP BECAUSE YOU WORK FOR REDIFF. SHALL I RECOMMEND SOMEONE. PLEASE GET TREATED AND DONT LOOSE FAITH. ONE DAY YOU WILL BECOME SOMEONE. HAVE FAITH IN GOD. LOVE YOUR LIFE. LOVE GURU... ABHHI WAKT HAI. C******* JAISA BARTAV BAND KAR AUR EK ACCHA SA JOB LE. NO JOB CAN BE LOWER THAN WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW.

Love Guru answers, Where do you frustrated losers pop up from? And yes, it's spelled 'loser', not 'looser'. What IS 'loose' is a couple of screws in that empty head of yours! Get a life and stop trying to get a reaction from people. It's rather pathetic and I think everyone here knows who really is desperate -- for attention!

BASU asked, Hi Love guru.. I got married recently .. My wife is very beautiful.. But I am unable to do sex with her..Inlaw is very keen to get the baby..I am planning to take help of my close fried to get pregent of my wife without knowledge of my wife and Inlaw.. If I do what will be the consequence..Pl revert

Love Guru answers, Don't be an utter idiot! If you're having sexual problems, visit a specialist! You'd deceive your wife, her family and bring up a child that's not your own, but you won't visit the doctor? Are you utterly insane?

meenu asked, i hv been married twice but unsuccessful.despite giving my best i am always blamed.my heart is cryg as i wanted this marriage to work but the man is highly abusive and inconsistent in his thought process.cant stay even though in love wth him. what to do

Love Guru answers, Better to be divorced ten times than stifle yourself with someone who is highly abusive. And don't go headlong into another marriage for heaven's sake! Marriage is not the be-all and end-all of life! You need to remain single for awhile and if you plan to marry again, get to know the person really, really well before you take such a big step!

GG asked, Hi, I am male married having 1 daughter. Off late I am finding my neighbour's wife is finding a reason to sit and talk to me. The problem is her husband is a marketing man and is out of station for almost 20-21 days in a month. She even calls me over phone at my office and on the pretext of going for marketing she takes me for dinner in hotel. Infact at one point of time she even asked me about my physical relationship with my wife. pls suggest as to how to avoid this lady

Love Guru answers, Don't take her calls and don't take her out to dinner. If she asks your advice, refer her to a professional. She'll get the message, provided you send it out clearly enough -- you're not interested!

Love Guru says, That's it for today, everyone! Till next week, goodbye and take care -- and if I haven't answered your question, please post it on the Rediff Love Guru Page.