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Painful break-ups: Everything happens for the best

Last updated on: February 2, 2010 11:08 IST

Last week, after the news of Sania Mirza's broken engagement came to light, we invited readers to share similar stories of heartbreak with us. Here, Shanth Prakash Sequeira tells his story:

I met one girl in Kuwait in 2002. She used to love me a lot. We met through the Internet. Both families met and fixed our engagement -- it went well. And it was in one of the five star hotels in Kuwait.

Once the engagement was over, however, she started dominating me and literally interfering in all my day-to-day routines. I really got fed up, but I still held onto the relationship, as friends and relatives got to know about my engagement and I did not want to give them any chance to put my family down. I just used to ignore the issues and never even discussed the same with anyone except one close friend. My fiance's whole family used to interfere in each and everything and they used to call me on a daily basis, bothering me for each and every small issue.

One day we went to church for mass. She literally insulted me in front of the crowd and left from there. After that she did not call me for a day. Even though it was not my mistake, I called her up and apologised for the incident but she banged the phone down on me.

Later, some of her relatives came to my house along with the things I'd gifted her on our engagement and told me that they were not interested in me continuing the relationship. I said okay. I really used to care for her and really used to love her a lot. But her family interference with our personal issues really irritated me. After her relatives left from my house, I cried and tried to convince myself. And I made up my mind that if they came back to me also, I would not accept them.

Two days after this incident, she started calling me, saying that it was her mistake and she wanted to patch up with me. But I made a strong decision and I did not go back to her, as our thoughts were not matching. She cried to me and my family, but I said no.

In 2003 I got to know that she is married to someone else. I am really felt happy for her and in 2006 I got married too. I am happy with my married life and even she is. Everything happens for the best. I strongly feel that if the marriage had taken place, we would not have been happy at all.

Do you have a story of a break-up you'd like to share with us and other readers? Maybe an experience that could help someone else facing the same problem? Write to us at getahead@rediff.co.in (subject line: 'My Big Break-up') and we'll publish the best entries right here on rediff.com

'We were caught between greed and swabhiman'

Last updated on: February 2, 2010 11:08 IST

Reader Priya Sharma had this story to tell:

This happened nearly two years ago. I got engaged to a guy hailing from Agra. It was an arranged match, he was working in a good position similar to mine and was the eldest son of his family. Both of us were similar in education, status, job etc -- the only difference was perhaps in our families. Mine was more educated and maybe wealthier than his, but at the same time my parents are very humble and down-to-earth.

The first two-three months passed in a dream; he was more outspoken than myself, so we talked on a range of topics from personal to professional and started dreaming and planning for our future. There was one bone of contention between us -- he did not want anything from my family at the wedding -- no gifts, no money, nothing. My parents could gift whatever they wanted to within limits to me only and oh, yes, no car also. His point was that when they have educated me and made me stand on my feet ,why should we take anything from them, we are capable of buying things ourselves. My family, including me, were ecstatic to get such a worthy guy and were very happy. As parents of a girl, my parents had asked his father right at the start if they had any specific demands, but his father had refused, saying, 'We just want your daughter.'

Two months before the wedding, on the day of Rakhi, my parents went to Agra to finalise the nitty gritties of the wedding. My fiance was also there. My parents stated the way they had planned the wedding, what they would be gifting at the time of ceremonies etc, keeping in mind that the boy was very adamant that he didn't want anything. Suddenly my parents could see a dramatic shift of mood in the boy and his father. He got agitated and embarassed; he said he did not want even these few things at the ceremony. On the other hand, his father got more angry and at one stage told my father, "What are you saying? This type of marriage does not happen in a clerk's house!"

We were caught between greed and swabhiman. Anyway, my parents assured them that they were willing to look into the changes they wanted and they could get back to them after discussing and finalising amongst themselves. Then they came back to Delhi.

The next day, unannounced, my fiance came to my office pretty disturbed and asked me why my parents said all that they did to his father, when he clearly said that he doesn't want anything? He then asked me to make up my mind in the next 2-3 days whether I was with him in this matter or not. With that he walked off and we did not talk to each other for two days. He went to Mumbai for some official work and meanwhile I thought about it and was trapped between his parents' wishes and my parents' wishes.

Ultimately I messaged him saying that I was with him in any decision he took, provided both our parents were also okay with it. I don't know what happened after that. We got a phone call after three days that the engagement was broken because both the families' thoughts didn't match. My mom and I tried to talk to the guy, his family, but they stopped picking up our calls. I went to his office and tried to reason with him but he would not listen -- it was very hurtful and even after two years, sometimes I still think about it.

Was I wrong in saying that both our parents should be okay with our decision? how could I leave my parents or his parents and be as adamant as him? Was it such a big deal that my parents wanted to give some material things to their daughter? Most of them my mom had collected over the years, dreaming of giving them to her daughter on her wedding day. My dad had his dream of doing his daughter's marriage in a particuler way, so that both the groom's family and our family would be happy.

How can somebody break off after 4 months with a girl whom you are going to marry and in your mind you have already accepted as your wife, talking to her endlessly on the phone daily, meeting her every week, giving her gifts? But if she gives a gift in return you don't like it because you dont take anything from anyone? It hurt me when his father compared my father to a bloody clerk. My parents belonged to a very poor middle class farmer family and because of their abilities, they have grown in life, educated themselves, become doctors and brought up their family. Whereas his father on the other hand retired from a very low position in the Government -- but my parents never ever disrespected him. He always got the respect he deserved as the groom's father.

Instead of trying to solve the confusion which erupted, my ex took a very extreme decision which has a rippling effect even now. I guess these questions can never be answered, but still I wish that someday he and his family realise what havoc they caused in my family just because they could not decide amongst themselves what they wanted. This happened in spite of having two daughters in their own house. How could a father do this to another's daughter? The mother just looked on; she did not take a stand. Did she not think of her two daughters when their brother just broke off with another girl? Did he not stop to think about his sisters? Extremely disappointing. He was not what he showed himself to be and he was no Gandhi.

'All the promises we made are gone'

Last updated on: February 2, 2010 11:08 IST

This is reader Raj's experience::

My story started on 17th October 17, 2003 and ended on 16th January 16, 2010. I met her when she came to join to our company. Her close friend is my friend too and she introduced me to her. That first meeting she impressed me, and I used to call her on our office extension at first; she did not give me her cell number.

On October 17, 2003, finally, we met and she gave me her mobile number and requested me not to call her when she was at home. But after two months we were very close and spoke for hours on the phone. At that time I felt she didn't have anyone to share her thoughts. One night, after a two hour talk, I proposed her, but she refused and told me that her parent would not agree for our marriage. I cut the phone and the next morning she called me and said that she will be more than happy to marry to me with her parents' permission. She told me that if God made you for me, it will work out. This word I took as her approval for my proposal.

Years went by and finally, after four and a half years, my brother called her father and he agreed to meet us. But they refused us because I am more dark skinned and of a different caste. Then she fought with her parents for me, but they said if you want to marry him, kill us and marry.

After that we kept in touch over the phone and she was advising me to marry someone else. That year I lost my job and I was too tense; I did not talk that much to her and she also did not give me moral support. Her close friends also advised her not to talk to me. During that time, she was very close to another guy and he called me and said that she did not want to talk with me so to stop calling her. He also said that she couldn't talk to me and tell me herself, which is why he was passing this message to me.

I wanted to talk to her directly about it, but she did not take my call and sometimes that guy answered the phone. On my birthday I thought she will call me and wish me at night, but she did not. At that time I felt very bad; I tried to end my life and took pills, but it was not to work out -- my friends took me to the hospital. A doctor referred me to a psychiatrist and now I am taking medicine and getting normal.

One day I called her to say goodbye and thanks for everything, but she reacted very badly. I then sent her an e-mail and told her that I will not disturb her anymore. Then she called on January 16, 2010 and told me to come to her office in the morning before 7 am; she wanted to give me some book which she was supposed to give me 6-8 months ago, but I said no; that if she wanted to give me anything, she should meet me at the same place where we used to meet before. She did not reply to me, so one day I called her and she cut my phone, so I send an e-mail to her. But she replied to please leave her alone.

That was my break-up story -- all the promises we made during the last six years are gone. We had promised each other that if we did not marry, we would keep in touch and be best friends. I need only this promise's fulfillment from her.