Jab we met: 'She was my destiny'

As part of our Valentine's Day celebrations, we invited readers to write in telling us all about their love stories. Here, we publish a few more responses. First up we have reader Gaurav Puri's experience:

Our marriage was arranged filmi style. I well remember those days when all this started happening. It was like marrying into my own relation.

Me and my wife Smriti knew each other as she was my bhabhi's cousin, as well as the cousin of my best friend. We had met occasionally but there was nothing between us. There used to be normal 'hi's and 'hello's only. I used to tell my bhabhi, "Your cousin has attitude, she rarely talks." And Smriti used to tell her that her dewar (me) was 'Slow Motion', as I used to walk very slowly.

It all started when I got a job in a leading IT MNC. That's when I thought that it was the right time for me to take on the responsibility of marriage. But the question rose as to whom I should marry. Till then she was not on my mind. Everyone in the family was in favour of a full blown arranged marriage (as my brother had a love-cum-arranged marriage) with a girl known to the family.

At this time, I was working in Noida and Smriti was doing her MCA in Noida too. Along came Holi and it was decided that we all (ie my brother's family including myself and Smriti's family) would be going to Yamuna Nagar (my native place -- my parents live there) to celebrate. Smriti had her own relatives in Yamuna Nagar.

Holi was a turning point in my life and there I fell for her. To me, she started looking very beautiful with her long hair and attractive eyes. Those four days were amazing for me. It was totally from my side and nothing from her side. I got confused, as she was my bhabhi's and best friend's cousin and it was difficult to tell anyone.

We came back to Noida and I resumed my job at the IT company, wondering how to take things further. Should I propose to her separately and then approach my parents, or tell my parents first? At this time, my parents started looking for a girl. I was going MAD!

Then I mustered up a huge amount of courage and confided everything to my bhabhi (my trump card). First she smiled and then was very happy to bring Smriti into our family. Now, it was up to bhabhi to convince my big brother about it. At first he was a little confused and resisted, as he was not sure how our parents would react when they will heard that two cousin sisters would be married into the same family to two real brothers. That's the punch line of my story.

But he agreed. And now came the most difficult part -- how were we to know whether Smriti was ready for marriage, that too with me? So my bhabhi and I created a plan -- we would go to their house and bhabhi would tell her parents that someone from our family had seen Smriti and would like to propose marriage on behalf of their son (just to get their view). There was a hustle and bustle in their house and from their expressions and talk, we assumed that they were ready. After a few days, however, we told them that the boy's family had dropped their plan. Now it was clear that they were ready. We had reached our first milestone.

Now came my best friend's marriage (Smriti's cousin brother) and we (me, bhabhi and brother) decided that after the marriage they would initiate my marriage proposal. The wedding was in Yamuna Nagar and again we all went to attend. At this time, I got a kick in the butt -- my mamaji was also coming to Yamuna Nagar with a proposal for my marriage with another girl. I was going maaaddd! I thought before they gave any proposal to my parents, I should do something. I kept on insisting to my bhabhi and brother to do something. Luck was on my side and Mamaji didn't come -- I got some time.

And something unusual happened, which no one expected. My mother and Smriti's mother were sitting together at my friend's sagan and my mother casually told her mother that they were looking to arrange my marriage and if she knew of any suitable girl, to let her know. Smriti's mother instantly told her that they were also looking for a match for Smriti.

At home, my mother told everyone about this proposal and then my brother revealed all that was going on. My parents agreed (I won!). So, everything was going in my favour. But I had one concern -- that I should ask Smriti personally whether she is okay with it. I asked my bhabhi about this. She said to wait till my friend's marriage was over.

But I had no patience. During the course of the marriage, I was moving around her (everyone was keeping eye on us, as it was open that something was going on). I found one chance -- she was going down the stairs -- and I came up from behind and said, "I want to talk to you." Then I left.

She waited the whole day for me to talk to her, but I didn't get the chance. Finally, during the pheras, I got a beautiful opportunity and I asked her whether she would like to marry me. She smiled and said yes. I still remember that moment so clearly -- I was fully satisfied.

I came to Noida after the marriage, while she was still in Yamuna Nagar. Her parents came to my house with a formal proposal and everyone agreed and my roka was done there in my absence. Now my bhabhi started teasing Smriti, "You are getting married to Slow Motion!" She teased me, asking, "Why are you marrying a girl with so much attitude?" We didn't have any answer. That's why it is said you can't rewrite what is in your destiny. She was my destiny and I got her.

Four years have passed and we are blessed with an adorable son Garv, who is 10 months old now and we are living a very happy married life. We still ask each other why we married, although we used to crack jokes about each other. That is because it was written in our destiny.

In the romantic spirit of Valentine's Day, share your special love story with us. Write in to us at getahead@rediff.co.in (subject line: 'Jab We Met'). You can also include a photograph of you and your partner and we'll publish the best entries right here on rediff.com

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'Someone somewhere is made for you'

Here is Pooja Chavan's experience:

Although a few of my cousins had opted for love marriages, it was a surprise to my family when I chose my husband, as I met him on the Internet through a dating site.

It was the summer of 2000 and I was in Pune, studying for MCA. The annual exams had just gotten over and all of us were leaving for home for a month-long vacation. We all were passing our free time in the college canteen and discussing how to spend the holidays. A few guys in our group suggested having some fun through online matchmaking sites. After some time, we all went to our respective hostels; I soon forgot about this conversation, packed my stuff and headed for home.

A few days later I was at my parents' home, settled and enjoying the break by playing games and watching movies. I saw the movie Dil Toh Pagal Hai, which has the tagline 'Someone somewhere is made for you.' My heart also went crazy after I met Sagar (though I realised that much later).

So, here it goes, the story of how and jab we met.

One day I was browsing the Internet when I recollected the name of the site inmatch.com that my friends had told me about and out of curiosity I tried opening the site. I casually browsed the site and thought of registering myself along with location and preference details. What followed next were e-mails from guys. Reading their mails and deciding whether to reply or not became a good way of spending vacation time. I dared not tell my parents -- they were under the assumption that I am writing mails to friends.

The next couple of days were spent in sending introductory replies to the guys whose profiles I liked. Then one day I received a mail from a guy called Sagar (now my husband).

After the usual hi-hello, we started interacting through mails about our education, career, likes, family and all other general topics. I began to enjoy his mails and my sixth sense told me that this person was simple, honest and genuine.

By the time my month-long vacation came to an end, amongst all the guys, I was only in touch with Sagar. He had just completed his Masters from IIT Bombay and was preparing for campus interviews and so he used to hop between Bombay and Pune (his hometown). We were in regular touch through e-mails and we decided that we should now meet in person.

I had shared with my mother that I was in touch through e-mail with a guy from Pune and that I was planning to meet him -- my mom (thankfully) was okay with it.

The first meeting took place in one of the most crowded places, near Pune railway station (in case I did not like him, I was ready to catch a bus back to my house). I met him again after a few weeks, on Friendship Day in August. Every meeting, we gave each other small gifts like keychains, a showpiece and cards. By now we were comfortable and enjoyed talking with each other.

I was also in regular touch with my mother regarding my relationship with Sagar. She inquired once if I liked him more than a friend. My answer was a clear 'no' (or so I thought).

My family, being a close-knit one, consists of my parents and my younger sister. My father has been a major influence in my life when it comes to taking all decisions and I, being the elder one, am a Daddy's girl. I realised it much later, but my subconscious mind had already sketched an image of my life-partner having similar qualities as my father.

By fall of the year 2000, Sagar landed with a good job in Bangalore, India. Before joining his new company, we met and coincidently it was also my birthday -- it's in these moments that my life took a surprise turn. We had dinner and were having a general talk. Very casually, he started inquiring about the kind of life-partner I would like and eventually proposed a lifetime companionship. My mind stopped working for a few minutes, I just replied "I am not sure, but it's true that I like you." We didn't speak for some time and then he took my hand in his own. Neither did I speak, nor did I withdraw my hand. Perhaps he understood my feelings. After a long time we decided that we will give this relationship some time and see if it works; being at two different places (he in Bangalore and myself in Pune), we knew maintaining it would be tough.

I did not have a cellphone as I was still studying and Sagar had just joined a new company and job. He did buy a cellphone eventually, but the long distance calling charges were not as cheap as they are today. So we used to mostly send e-mails or chat through Yahoo Messenger (it was a blessing). Occasionally we spoke on the phone also and with a distance of 550 miles between us, our relationship was being tested and tried. Slowly I could see that my subconscious image of an ideal partner was being replaced by Sagar. We both started realising that indeed we loved each other and would like to marry as soon as I completed my studies.

During the Diwali holidays in the year 2000, Sagar paid a visit to my parents. I was a bit apprehensive of the culture differences (I am from North India while Sagar is a Maharashtrian). My dad, in fact, interviewed him (while I was asked to go out of the room) and later Sagar confessed that this interview was tougher than his job interviews. Soon after the meeting; my parents gave their acceptance and approval to both of us.

We continued meeting in Pune every two-three months; and eventually Sagar told his family about us. His parents accepted our relation and finally after two years of dating, we got engaged in August, 2002 and finally married in November 2002.

It's been more than seven years since our marriage, yet it seems as if it's only yesterday that we met. Our gift of love, our baby boy whom we have decided to name Sparsh, is due in May. Over the passage of time, we have discovered more of each other rather than ourselves and it's the following ingredients that keep the relationship new and romantic:

There is respect. We both had our own childhood struggles and we understood that well.

There is sharing. Household concerns, family worries, office issues and ideas (weird, sensible) -- we share and discuss them all.

There is understanding. Over the years we have adjusted to each other's nature and habits. We both have our own departments allocated to us to manage and we understand not to interfere in each other's.

There is trust. In two years of dating and six years of marriage, we were at different locations in India (he was in Mysore, while I was in Bangalore) and the US (he was in Wichita, while I was shuttling between Chicago/Minneapolis/Atlanta) and even across the seven seas (he was in the US, while I was in India) for almost three years. But never even once did our trust in each other waver.

There is humour. I am romantic and sensitive, while my hubby is humorous and less emotional by nature -- combine the two and what you get is hilarious situations. In the end, it's always me who has the last laugh, thanks to my dear husband.

There is space. I like to read, especially the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and Reader's Digest magazine, while he likes to watch TV. We understand each other's individual space.

There is kissing. No matter how stressful and tiring the day was, we always sleep after giving each other goodnight kisses (even on the phone when we are apart).

There are hugs. We frequently give hugs, as they overcome all boundaries and speak silent, assuring words that cannot be spoken.

Finally there is 'I am there for you'. This is one of our marriage vows. Life is full of obstacles and we never know what life will bring tomorrow -- it's comforting to have your spouse at your side.

In these years I have received a lifetime of love and although we have our usual bickering, fights and arguments, this only strengthens our love. And yes, after meeting and marrying Sagar I do believe that 'Someone somewhere is made for you'.

'Opposites attract!'

Here is Nidhi and Pallava Rathore's story:

They say opposites attract and our marriage is a perfect example of this.

It started with a handsome young man and an ordinary-looking girl studying in the same class in college. Probably, we were destined to meet and that is why we had back-to-back roll numbers in class -- his was 17 and mine 16, which put us in the same group activities every time.

Cupid struck on an educational-cum-excursion trip to New Delhi and Shimla. The care we took of each other got us very close. Even after getting back, we promised to keep in touch over the phone and eventually speaking to each other every morning at 9 am sharp became a religious schedule; rather, a necessity which both of us would never miss, even if we were offered a trip to the moon!

Up until now I had never showed any inclination of starting a new relationship with him, because I was damn sure that he, being the apple of the eyes of all girls around would definitely not marry me and I was too scared of losing my friendship with him. Coming to college on a motorbike, wearing the best of brands available, taking his glares off to give those killer looks made me die for him.

One day during our daily talks (the frequency of which had increased from once a day to 6-7 times a day) I proposed to him. God only knows from where I gathered the strength to say so, but I did. He was so flabbergasted that the telephone cradle fell from his hand. I was dead sure that he would never call me back. As luck would have it, he had to take an early morning flight to Bangalore the next day and so the suspense continued to kill me. But, he called me the next evening from the airport and said YES! Those were the longest 24 hours of my life and I could not believe what I had heard.

We used to go to college without anyone knowing what was cooking between the two of us. We had a gang of friends with whom we used to hang around, but never went out alone.

I used to teach Pallava over the phone for our exams and all the notes which were made by me were solely his property. He used to study from the original and I, poor thing, who took all the pains of making them, was given a photocopy of them. A classmate of ours pleaded and took the original notes register for a day and spilled oil on the sides of the register. The situation was as if World War Three would start at that very moment -- we somehow managed to save her from being bashed up by Pallava.

Time moved on and both of us started working. Our families, who did not have the slightest clue of what was happening, wanted to get us settled. We were scared of telling them as we had everything against us -- we were from extremely different backgrounds (he a Rajput, me a Jain), me a strict vegetarian, he a strict non-vegetarian. Finally, I confided in my mother and got her to see him. Then I told my father who, as expected, refused. He said it was fine even if I remained a spinster for the whole of my life but he would never consent our marriage. The situation was the same at his place also; worse, in fact, because his other two siblings had already married into different castes and he, being the youngest, was being forced to marry into his community only. Nobody in the world could explain to his father, but a letter to him did the trick. Gradually, things mellowed and our parents consented.

We had the best of arranged weddings -- with lots of fun and frolic and 4 receptions. What else could we have asked for? The impossible had occured and we were sure that there was a divine hand on us to make it happen.

After more than 11 years of knowing each other, 8 years of marriage and a 4-year-old son Gunaditya, we are still the same...opposite. If he says the glass is half full I have to say it is half empty, if he wants to eat Continental, I definitely want to eat Indian, if he says,"I think we have to go right," I will always think, "Left." And that is what probably keeps us ROCKING!

'We met when she was 13'

This is Shivaji Ghosh's short and sweet account:

I was 18 at that time and she was only 13 -- we are from the same colony.

I first saw her at our club's Annual Day -- she was performing a dance. I proposed to her and she agreed on the second day. At that time, moving together was not so smooth as it is today. But we kept our relationship hidden from every one and went past a long journey of 5 years.

After that, I got a job and our relationship came to light. We waited another 5 years and at last our marriage was held on November 19, 2003. Six months before our wedding, she also got a job. And now we have a loving baby of 4 years and enjoying a very happy family life. I wish my wife a very happy Valentine's Day.

'Her dad interrogated me like it was a court-martial!'

And finally, we have Delhi-based Sudeep Mahapatra's experience meeting his wife:

I was carefree and bindaas during my bachelorhood days, till I met Kriti. At that time I was working with a leading educational organisation. My parents were looking for a match for me and then one of my colleagues and her best friend suggested that I meet her.

At first Kriti, was a little uncertain about meeting me, as she was a Punjabi and I belonged to Orissa. Also, her parents were a bit conservative. But upon her friend's insistence, she gave it a try.

We finally met at the PVR Anupam cinema at Saket to watch a movie, Matrix II on November 8, 2003. After that we met again on November 29, 2003 to watch Kal Ho Na Ho at PVR Priya in Vasant Vihar. During the movie I teased her a lot, as she was got emotional watching Shah Rukh Khan. But I knew at that time that she is the one that God made for me.

We exchanged our phone numbers and then began a new chapter. Talk, talk and talk. Our likes, dislikes, future career plans, plans for marriage, kind of partner etc. But at that time we were just good friends. Needless to say, one thing led to another and within two weeks we became best buddies. I was writing a book at that time, 'Managing Your Life' and I told her to edit it so as to impress her.

On December 14, 2003, we had a date at PVR Priya again and while sitting at McDonald's, I got down to my knees and proposed to her in front of everyone. "I want us to be a couple," I said. She just could not say anything at that time, but I knew she wouldn't refuse. It was followed by another date on December 25, 2003 and that night I proposed marriage again. Finally, she nodded only on January 7, 2004.

But that was not the end of it. Since we belong to two different states, and just like IN Chetan Bhagat's story 2 States: the story of my Marriage, our respective parents opposed us, as usual. First I went to meet her family and I was so uncomfortable and nervous. But I mustered up enough courage to speak my heart in front of her dad, who was so adamant and looked like a top army officer court-martialling his junior.But her mom and her brother were very supportive.

Then I somehow managed to convince my dad, who was also not agreed to this match and finally, D-day took place on November 28, 2004.

It has been 5 years and we are blessed with a boy, Ronnie, and I am really thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful and caring person as a life partner. Our respective parents are also happy.Without her, probably, my life would not have been the same today.

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