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'How should I ask her to be my Valentine?'

Last updated on: February 12, 2010 14:05 IST

Photographs: Uttam Ghosh

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on February 11 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi there, folks...Welcome back to the Love Guru chat! With VDay around the corner, we're having a special chat today about all things Valentine! So feel free to ask any questions and let's hope it's a great one for all couples.

kich asked, hi love guru,i am luv wth guy ,but due caste ,we r unable to marry each other,am enganged to another guy,but i still luv frst one.

Love Guru answers, Hello! Listen, Kich, there are a lot of people who are sailing in the same boat. It's up to you to stand up to your parents about your relationship or you'll soon be married and still be in love with someone else! And there are a lot of success stories in spite of this problem -- you can check out our 'Jab we met' Valentine series on rediff, where readers have shared their stories. One couple even had to wait 9 years, but their parents finally gave in! You can read a few accounts here:

umesh asked, hi lover guru! I want to know how i can ask anyone unknown to be my valentine.

Love Guru answers, Listen, your Valentine has to be someone you know and love. So asking someone unknown only increases your chances of being shot down! Instead, why not gather up your courage this VDay and ask a girl you've known and liked out on a date?

yogesh asked, what will be first gift for gl frd?? on valetine day

Love Guru answers, Hi Yogesh...why not spring for a nice bouquet of flowers, along with a small gift, like a silver charm bracelet or a nice framed photograph of the two of you? You can also check out some unusual gifting ideas at the link below, I think the first one is perfect for you!

Vishnu asked, Which is the current best love song use to propose a girl for valentine this year?
Love Guru answers, Instead of taking my opinion on a great love song, Vishnu, you should take hers! Ask her friends which music she particularly likes right now and which song in particular -- that way you can't go wrong!


Love Guru answers, I think it's a great thing to do. And I think your parents are being very unfair about it -- ask them how they would feel if it was their daughter that was widowed so young and then refused marriage by in-laws like them! I say go for it!

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

'I can't forget her'

oteri asked, Hi..i don't know what to say to girls. help

Love Guru answers, You talk to them like you would to anyone else. Also remember to be polite, considerate and don't get nervous, because they can make that out very easily! Be yourself and be good -- it will work. One hundred percent. Don't be a put-on and don't get tongue-tied.

perk asked, Hi LG, Hw can i forgot my lover & feelings as we were seperated due to unavoidable circumstances.I am trying to forgot the days i spend with her, but still can't.Kindly say any suggestions.Thanks

Love Guru answers, I don't know what your unavoidable circumstances are, but if you decided that the relationship wasn't working, for whatever reason, it's time to move forward. So this Valentine's, make a commitment to yourself to leave the past behind and actively start dating again -- go out, live life, have fun! You can't change the past, but the future is in your hands. Don't throw it away sulking over what was not meant to be.

UD asked, Hi Love Guru how are u? i need to know that if a women who is married wants to havbe physical realation with me should i accept that or not

Love Guru answers, You're not married, are you? So there's no implication in it for you. But instead of sneaking around with someone who is married, why not start a relationship on a good note and with a clear conscience? A relationship of convenience like she is proposing can only work for so long. Sooner or later, it's bound to cause trouble.

ET asked, hi ia m from trivandrum, my hubby is in gulf, he comes once a year, i have a friend here whois very attentive to me and i like him since he takes care of me and makes me feel wanted. I plan to give myself to him this valentines day is it wrong?

Love Guru answers, Why aren't you joining your husband in the Gulf? And I suppose he's there working, to support you and provide financial support to you? In the meantime, you're planning to have sex with someone else this Valentine's. How good does that sound to you? Stop having fun on the side like this, it's wrong. Either you make a serious effort to make your marriage work or then end it. It's not a decision to be made overnight, but you should work out what you want from life in your mind -- and be very clear about that first.

TRC asked, Hi, LG, i want to know one thing, in V-Day, lover will give gift to her boy friend or boy is going to give gift his girl friend

Love Guru answers, Usually, it's both partners who give something to each other, but it's not always a hard and fast rule. The point is to cherish and celebrate your love -- whether you spend money doing that or not is irrelevant.

senthil asked, I am married and I have two girl friends just they are friends only to me. Of late I am planning to be in love with one of them Please advise

Love Guru answers, Senthil, you can't 'plan to be in love'. Either you're attracted to someone or you're not! If you're not attracted to either of them particularly, don't make a move in haste. Think it through.


Love Guru answers, Good for you! I hope for your sake at least one of them says yes -- but it looks doubtful if you think proposing to a girl is a joke!

'For the first time we're not together for VDay'

arjun asked, Hi love guru i am love with a girl first she said yes but now saying no !!!!! so plz let me know how to deal with it

Love Guru answers, Well, the timing couldn't be better! You can use VDay to do something really special for her. And after that you can always discuss why she changed her mind -- you never know, with a little encouragement from you she may change it back again to a yes!

Auhriday asked, Hi LG, I got into relationship with a girl - just because it was possible. I realize we don't connect emotionally and want to end it. But she is having a bad time in her life/career now. How do I end it without hurting her when she already down in the dumps.

Love Guru answers, Is it just you who doesn't connect with her emotionally, or is it apparent that she feels the same way? If it's the second, it'll be easier. You can meet her in person, sit her down and gently explain to her how you feel. Also, you need to be there for her for awhile as a good friend -- she needs support right now. And you need to provide it. If you think you want to wait awhile till things are more settled at her end, you can do that. But the longer you carry on with the sham, the more difficult it will become.

kitash asked, hai LG, On the day of valentine i proposed my gf to come to my room for making love for whole day and i am staying alone in an apartment. Is this way for celebrating V day will be fine or i have change this plan by making it outside etc.,please reply.i am little bit confused....

Love Guru answers, If you both like this plan of yours, I don't see the problem with it. But besides sexual gratification, girls also like thoughtfulness and a little consideration. So maybe you can set up a candelit dinner for her at your house as a surprise and maybe get her a small gift, like a teddy bear or silver jewellery. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

needlove asked, hi loveguru, i am a decent guy with all things perfect, looks, finances etc. i am not finding love..i am not looking for i feel i will appear desperate. wat to do?

Love Guru answers, If you don't look for something, chances are you won't find it. A lot of people yearn for a partner, that doesn't make them desperate and you're no exception. You can post your profile on a matrimonial site, or ask your family to look for a match for you. At least meet girls this way, when you find someone you like and she likes you back, you can take it further.

Vinod asked, Hi LG, my wife love her cousin brother (a kid of 4 years)very much, when we married, she insisted me that she will sleep him with us. I feel irritated that others baby slept with us and disturbing us again and again. Even I a have kid now, she love her cousin more than our child. It feels irritatating to my child also. Kindly advice me so that me and my wife understand the truth and love our child first.

Love Guru answers, Do you live in a joint family, Vinod? Seems that way. I agree that having her cousin sleep with you both permanently is a bad move, but if it's occasional, I don't see the problem. Also, you need to understand that it's not the other child who is the problem here -- he is small and innocent as your own child. It is your wife continually harping on him that is irritating you, so the fault lies with her, not him. You need to explain gently to her that she's welcome to love her cousin as much as she pleases, but that her own family also needs her attention and that your own child is feeling ignored. Also tell her that you value your sleep and don't mind him sleeping with you both, as long as it is occasional and not every night. On your part, I would suggest you open your heart a little to her cousin too. Loving children besides your own can also be fulfilling.

HIII asked, Hi, For the past 4 years, i have been celebrating v-day with my gf but this time its not the case. She is not in town due to some unavoidable reasons. Please suggest any ways to celebrate the v-day without meeting each other

Love Guru answers, What you can do is arrange for a special gift to be delivered to her on VDay. You can also write her a loving e-mail expressing your feelings after four years, give her a call, make plans to do something special the next time you meet. Not all couples always get to celebrate together every Valentine's.

red asked, can husband n wife make valentine??

Love Guru answers, Why not? Husbands and wives are couples too, you know! And in fact, after marriage, it's even more important to keep the romance alive!

'Is she more likely to say 'yes' on VDay?'

yhhh asked, preaching people to marry a widow is a good thing. no doubt about it. Mr or Mrs or Miss LG are you ready to marry a widow if circumstances permit ?

Love Guru answers, First of all, a 'Mrs' or 'Miss' is not going to end up marrying another woman, even if she is a widow! And second, besides circumstances permitting anything, you have to be in love with someone to marry him/ her, irrespective of them being widowed or not! So stop treating the word 'widow' like it refers to someone who is not normal! They're people just like you and me who have had the misfortune of losing a spouse -- that doesn't make them any different! I hope this answers your question!

lalit asked, hi love guru .... i have a problem that my girlfriend left me for some 1 else ... i love her verry much but today its around a year that we had talked... plz help meout wat to do?

Love Guru answers, Lalit, no matter how much you love someone, playing second fiddle means you are not doing justice to yourself. It's been a year, buddy -- time to move on. This Valentine's, make a commitment to yourself -- to enjoy your life and to share it with someone who loves you back.

Sunny asked, IS it just a psychology that if we propose a girl on Valentine Day,She will accept it?

Love Guru answers, Who said a girl will accept if you propose on Valentine's Day? if she says yes, it means she would have said yes anyway, and if it's a no, it would have been a no on any other day too. It's just that the romance can cause a girl who's unsure about a guy to maybe favour him a little more on that day. But there is no way that a girl who was going to say no will say yes and vice versa just because it's February 14!

Teddy asked, one guy is perstering me to accept his love. i dont like him. how can i make him stop pestering me?

Love Guru answers, By cutting off all contact with him. You need to tell him to back off permanently.

remo asked, Hi LG, i was in love with a girl and she too loved me, due to caste we didnot marry, then i got married to another girl and she also got married.i am happy with my married life but she is not. i met her recently and we became close , shared our feelings, i was not able to forget her from the begging and till today. should i marry my lover as second marriage or should i drop her

Love Guru answers, Your wife has kept you happy. And marriage means monogamy, commitment. I think you should let your lover sort out her own problems. Mind your own business and keep your own marriage stable. How would you like sharing your wife with another man? That is what you want your first wife to do where you're concerned, isn't it?

shivbhargava asked, I am married and have two kids. After more than 14 years of marriage we love each other as if we are a teenage lover. Now for this valentine day can you please suggest me something very special way so that we can make it memorable.

Love Guru answers, That's great to hear, Shivbhargava. Since it's been 14 years together, you could get her 14 small gifts -- chocolates, flowers, candles, lingerie -- the works! Or you could get a few gifts and make up the 14 in kind -- do the dishes, take her out for dinner, set up a weekend getaway etc. Fourteen labours of love for 14 years on February 14 -- she's bound to love it!

Love Guru says, It's time for me to go now, folks. But I do wish you a very happy Valentine's Day this February 14 and I hope all the suggestions have been useful! Have fun and visit our Valentine's Day page -- -- for dating ideas, gifts or anything else to do with VDay!