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'Her hot sister keeps hitting on me -- I'm tempted!'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on January 7 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey, people...A very happy New Year to you all! Let's get started with our chat.
chinti asked, hi guru,what qualities we hve to se before going into relationship
Love Guru answers, You can't choose your partner like you choose fruit at a grocery store! You have to be with someone whose qualities appeal to you. And rest assured, everyone has a few undersirable traits too. You have to live with them -- so the main thing you have to look for is compatibility.
manjeet asked, hi i am in love wid a gurl who is 4 years older to me and my mom and dad is against that what should i do?
Love Guru answers, Manjeet, if you've been to this chatroom before, you probably know already that I don't think much of such age-gaps between people, unless they're glaringly large, like a decade or more. Your parents are more against it for the sake of convention -- what's the valid reason behind it? None. "It's just not done!" Why? No answer to that! You need to make your parents see sense. If they don't, you may have to go ahead without their blessings, but if they are sensible folks, they'll agree.
nuks asked, am 29 yr old gal,my parents wants me marry a guy of there choice as my brother marry a girl of his but there marriage didn,t work,so they r afraid if i chose myself the same thing happens to me.what should i do,just 2 to mary for my parents happiness.
Love Guru answers, Your brother probably made the wrong choice. And you need to point out to your parents that anyone's choice can go wrong -- even theirs. Forcing you to opt for an arranged marriage is hardly the solution -- the risk is always there. But it's a much smaller risk if you choose for yourself, because you know what you want. At least then, if things don't work out, you'll learn from your own mistake and not have to blame your parents for it. Explain this point of view to them. They need to understand that you can't be made to pay for your brother's error in judgement and heed their advice at least about what kind of guy you should look out for.
anuj asked, I am a disabled person in love with a gorgeous girl. she is going to marry soon can u help
Love Guru answers, Anuj, if you were looking to propose to a single girl, the disability factor may have played a part in her answer. Here, this girl has apparently already found her partner, so disability or not, her chances of saying yes to you are slim, my dear. It has nothing to do with your condition, it has to do with the fact that she's taken. Still, if it gives you peace of mind, tell her how you feel. No harm in that, at the most she will say no. But at least you'll know you tried. And don't lose heart. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who look beyond physical appeal and want a good husband.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'Is it wrong to marry a divorcee?'
ab asked, Sir..I am in love with a girl ever since I was in 7th std now i am 24 years old; she just treats me as a friend. When ever i ask her to meet me..she avoids me & these days she's not even replying to my mails. She got a hint that i am in love with her as i used to message & mail her daily but she never replied Is it ok for me to propose her on phone?? she's not willing to meet me.. I can never be happy if i lose my first love..Please guide me Sir
Love Guru answers, I have answered you before, haven't I? I've told you to let go of this obsession for a childhood crush and move on. She's not interested, obviously, or she would agree to meet you at least. First love is puppy love, something people think back to and smile, thinking how naive they were. It's a pleasant childhood memory, nothing more. You need to grow out of it, which you have refused to do, thereby losing touch with reality. And the reality, unfortunately, is that she is not interested. Move on! If you persist, you will lose this girl as a friend also.
venus asked, Hi LG, need your help right now! am getting married (arranged)in may.all these days at my work place i've been known to be friendly with my colleagues.after the announcement of my marriage one girl has started behaving strangely! she at the outset became very angry about this and then started telling me to cancel the marriage! she says she is madly in love with me and will go to any extent to marry me!! initially she never showed any such signs at all! i have discussed this with my family and fiancee and they have told to just ignore it! my concern is not only about my marriage but also about this girl too and i fear she may committ hara kiri for herself!! plse advice thank you!
Love Guru answers, You can explain to her that you were not her boyfriend and she cannot suddenly react like this. She's a little deluded, and you need to set the record straight -- tell her you will be marrying your fiance and she should accept it gracefully, because you never led her to believe that you were interested in her. I can understand your concern if she is threatening you, but it's not your concern. Your family and fiance are right -- ignore her.
Amit asked, we were deeply in love with each other. We were never so happy b4 in our lives, we had tat chemistry for each othr. We shared some intimate moments also. When we were together there was a feeling of eternal bliss and complete happiness. However due to family problems I had to call off the relationship and marry a girl of my parents choice. We were shattered. I cant imagine hw i got married. I didnt have any feelings for my wife then nor now. She is good. I tried but i just cannot develop feelings for her.Tat chemistry is missing. I miss my love each n evry moment as i had dreamed every future moment of my life wid her and i know by my heart tat she is d only one i can be really happy wid. We were just fr each other - soul mates. pl guide me wat to do.
Love Guru answers, Basically, Amit, you caved to family pressure and ditched your love instead of standing up for her and fighting your family's decision. Which, incidentally, is what any man worth his salt would do. You took the coward's way out and in the bargain, it is your wife who is paying the price -- her husband is in love with someone else. You have one of two choices -- either resign yourself to your fate and make your marriage work or call it off and get back with your ex.
chinti asked, guru,my pals find a guy but he divorce ,so i hesistat to mryy him,he a settle guy,but still i thinking about saying yes to this proposel,isn,t it wrong to mrry a divorce.need suitable ans
Love Guru answers, There is nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee -- everyone is not lucky enough to make their marriage work the first time around. But you should, by discreet inquiry with people who know him, find out why he got divorced and ask him why too. You need to know the reasons -- if incompatibility was the main cause, fair enough. Just make sure there was no domestic violence, abuse or anything else unsightly involved. If the slate is clean, go ahead with your plans.
'I work night shifts and I think she's cheating on me'
senthil asked, Hi I am married and 34 years old and I have two girl friends and they are just friends to me. Nowadays my mind is boggling to have an affair with them Please advise me further
Love Guru answers, Have an affair with 'them'? I can understand if you're attracted to one, but both of them? Why not consider a serious relationship instead of a fling?
suresh asked, i had a relationship with a gal. For the past few months frequency of her calls have come down. I specifically met with her asked her abt her becoming aloof and whether she wanted out. She felt hurt abt my lack of trust and said that she is busy with work and other issues at home - which maybe true. However I find it odd that she cannot find a few minutes every day to call me....Should i just quit and walk away
Love Guru answers, I too find it odd that she cannot spare a few minutes to call you once a day. You can explain to her that you trust her, but the lack of attention makes you feel badly. She should be able to spare a little time for you at least, else what's the point of being in a relationship at all?
ad asked, HI LG...this MKP from bang lore..ihave been happily married and blessed with a beautiful girl child She is now 6 months old.i am married since end of 2008.Our life is so far smooth expect that my carrier has taken a turn for the worse .I work for an MNC and from the day i got married i have been transffered to night shifts due to which my sex life is slightly affected.My wife feels the same too since the Job market is not very good i am unable to switch.I dont doubt my wify at all but offlate i can see a change in her attitude and she is being over affectionate to me than normal and there is person in her office who i think is trying to get close to her..should i talk to her about it???
Love Guru answers, Talk to her about it -- see what she has to say. Explain that you doubt this person's intentions and don't like her associating with him too much. Also, you need her support at a time like this, when your job is causing so much stress. You can maybe talk to a senior at the office and explain that you want to be able to juggle your shifts with other colleagues, as that's only fair. You'll have more time at home that way too. If that's not possible, make the most of holidays and stay on the lookout for another job. Sooner or later you're bound to find something.
sachdeva asked, I'm going to marry in a month.Yesterday i come to know that she was in affair with sumbody else since 4 years.Now she is still in touch with him on phone with msg n calls.She is explaining me that she is not in love with him anymore after our engagement.she is just helping him to get settled in with sumbody else as no body is helping that person.I'm totally puzzeled and depressed also,as she is telling that now she is in love with me after our engagement.She alredy told me after our engagement that her parents forced her for this marriage but she just need time to make our relationship develop.But she couldnot able to tell me about her past relationship. guide me
Love Guru answers, If I were in your place, I'd have a hard time trusting her too. Even if she's speaking the truth, she should not have hidden it from you. Tell her that marrying you by force will make both of you unhappy and that it's better if she is honest about her feelings. There is no point getting into a loveless marriage -- and how can she suddenly start loving you after the engagement? Because she's supposed to, because it's her duty? Or because she is forcing herself? Those are not reasons to get married. She needs to face the truth and let you know what it is too. And if she really does want to be with you, she should realise that that guy is her ex and should keep a distance from him. Else it will only complicate your relationship, which is still in the fledgling stages.
'He got angry when I left our office to pursue studies'
rimp asked, Hi Love guru. I was in a relationship wid a guy who used to work in d same office as mine. However when I resigned n pursued my higher studies,I found tht he was changed. he started behaving rudely and said tht the reason for this is that my dad is not giving a nod for our marriage n he thinks I never spoke to my dad about it, which is a not correct. Because of him I had to lose one semester. He left he when his parents pressurized him to get married, but somehow the girl rejected him, n till that time my dad agreed. Now he is being gud to me, I cannot understand why did he leave me during painful times. He abuses me a lot for everything and even hits me at times. What do I do. Breaking up luks difficult because I am too much into him. Please suggest.
Love Guru answers, How long will you be 'into' him? Till he breaks your arm or your leg one day? Listen carefully to what I'm telling you -- leave him NOW! He is abusive, he is a woman-beater and he is unreliable -- he had even set out to marry someone else! I thoroughly side with your dad on this one. Your boyfriend is scum! And in case you're wondering why he was so nice while you were working with him, it's because he could keep an eye on you at the office! He did not trust you when you went back to studying because he couldn't spy on you any longer! End it now or you'll ruin your life with this man!
Crazy asked, Love, am having regular sex with a lady 20 yrs elder to me. I am finding grey hair appearing on my chest and hair. Is it because i am having sex with elderly women. I am 31 now.
Love Guru answers, Ha ha ha! This has got to be one of the most amusing questions I've ever been asked! No, it has nothing to do with sleeping with elder women -- some people just grey early on, that's all!
RohanSingh asked, Guru, I'm about to get married to a wonderful girl, but her younger sis is hitting on me big time, trying to seduce me. The thing is, she's REALLY difficult to resist. I'm really stressed!
Love Guru answers, However difficult she is to resist, you'll have to say no or then risk your whole future with your girl. Tell her sister firmly that you're not interested and she should be ashamed of trying to betray her own sibling like this. Rohan, for a few minutes of pleasure, don't throw your marriage away. Such a betrayal will hang over your head for the rest of your life. It's also possible that it will continue till you're either caught or one of you wants out and the other doesn't. And let me tell you, don't put it past her to be testing you to ensure you're faithful to her sister, or to blackmail you later on if you want to end things! Are all these risks worth it? No. So don't act on it.
Bikash asked, Hi,I m Bikash from Kolkata. My prob is my ex GF wants to patch-up again.the prob is it's already a year now since we seprete. suggest
Love Guru answers, If you want to get back together also, what difference if you were apart for a year? Sometimes it's a break-up that makes two people realise how much they actually love each other. If you still have feelings and want to patch up too, go ahead. If you don't want to, say no. But let your answer rely on your feelings, not technicalities of how long you were together or apart.
Love Guru says, Time to go, people... catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, take care and all the best!