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'My in-laws taunt me for being a working woman'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on July 15 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, folks...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get cracking with those relationship problems...
rajj asked, i am happily married frm last 6 yrs but still cant get over my ex gf and do think abt her.we are in touch with each other as freinds and do keep emailin .can u pls suggest how to get over it?
Love Guru answers, You claim yourself that you're happily married, so why are you rethinking your past constantly? If you were just friends and e-mailing each other it would be a different thing, but in this case there's something more to it -- your feelings for her. And it looks like your prolonged contact is only fuelling that. You haven't spoken of acting on this impulse of yours, so I would say that maybe you need to be a little distanced from her to gain some perspective.
recotem asked, Hi LG, if a divorcee try to get favors from a married man having children, may be because she is not getting her physical needs fulfilled and when she is not interested in marriage, how you see this, suggestions.
Love Guru answers, I see it as a situation that will have repercussions for the married man. The divorcee is single and is having her fun, but the man is compromising his wife and family life for that 'fun'. Also, if the relationship was discovered, the blame would weigh far more heavily on him, as of the two, he is the committed one. And she could just turn around and say she didn't even know he was married. A sensible, happily-married guy wouldn't get involved in such a mess.
rajni asked, my husband,s bussiness nt going good,so i set up my own work with the help of my parents but my laws always taunting me for this,that i just want to run away from home,i asks my hubby tht we start leaving separately but he says tht i can leave the house wth kids,now i dont know wht 2 do
Love Guru answers, Rajni, your in-laws are fools. Instead of supporting you because their son is not doing well, they only see fit to criticise because they don't have enough sense to see it practically. You don't have to put up with this. And if that no-good husband of yours is telling you point-blank that you can leave if you want to, what's stopping you? It's not like you're dependent on him anyway. If I were in your place, I would move out.
who asked, I am a gay. and i love a guy in neighbourhood. But he isstraight. I am really worried
Love Guru answers, You know he's straight. Which means that this is a futile issue to pursue. Just let it go, nothing can come of it. Try hanging out with other people of the same sexual orientation as you.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'My wife is having an affair -- with another woman'
mamta asked, am 36 year old unmarried gal,during my college days,i like one guy,still i have liking for him,but he always ignore me,through some common friends i came to know tht he get married,but i can,t believe.still wating 4 him
Love Guru answers, Mamta, you're 36 -- that means you passed out of college, what -- 15 years ago? And in those 15 years, this guy has not acknowledged you even once. And why wouldn't you believe he's married? Even if he's not, he's not interested in you, so why are you carrying on with this? It's not healthy for you to be in denial about the reality of the situation. LET IT GO. You will be happier when you do and start thinking of dating other men.
tatakata asked, My wife is very close to a FEMALE colleague of hers, who's younger than (22) my wife (32). Initially I thought their palship is normal but I saw them kissing and embracing. When confronted mildly, my wife says that she's not involved with any male friends so why should i bother? pls advise.
Love Guru answers, What does she mean by asking why you should bother? When you're cheating on your partner, it's considered cheating whether it's a member of the same sex or a different one! Either your wife is bisexual or gay. But whatever the situation, you don't have to put up with sharing her with someone else, sexually or emotionally. That's not what marriage is all about.
swapnanair asked, hi love guru, i'm married and 42 now...i have a different problem, i wanna make love with my son. he's 17 and i cant stop myself from doing this..i madly wanna have sex with him..is this right ? pls advice
Love Guru answers, Either you're an absolute idiot getting your kicks out of asking such a controversial question, or you seriously need psychiatric help. If it's the latter, I would say treat this with the utmost seriousness and visit a mental health professional. I cannot tell you on how many levels how warped thinking like this is -- incest is not something to be taken lightly. You will permanently destroy your bond with your son if you try anything of the sort.
sriraj asked, my gf is very affectionate and sweet but has no control over her anger and vents her frustration on me when she is angry.She panicks totally when things don't go her way and is a quitter in every situation.Should i continue with her?
Love Guru answers, She seems like a nice person but she obviously has anger management and anxiety problems. When she's in a good mood, you can try talking to her and explain that the next time she's angry, she should consciously try to curb her jittery behaviour and cannot lash out at you. See how it goes -- if she makes a conscious effort to improve, she'll beat the problem. If she can't, you may consider opting for couples' counselling, which will tackle the problem without singling her out as the problem herself. If you go along with her instead of sending her off alone to a psychologist, it will make more sense.
kirann asked, Hello sir,I am 40 years old man. I had been married for 8 years ,my wife and I were not compatible so we decided to get divorced.I am a lecturer in a junior college. Though Im busy with my job , I am not content with my life.I am very alone and I have noting to look forward in my life. There is no happiness and I am very sad all the time.I need a pleasant turn in my life. My parents insists me to marry ,but im cynical about the prospect regarding marriage.I dont want get married again,that was the most unfortunate thing happened to me. Please suggest some solution to be live happy at this age.
Love Guru answers, Kiran, first you need to take up something besides your job that gives you joy. Have you ever wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument? Have you ever wanted to visit an exotic destination but never got to go? Do you enjoy exercising or dancing? Do something you know you'll enjoy -- a hobby like that is great to lift your spirits and meet new people. And yes, I would say you could give marriage a second try, but don't make the same mistake. The last time, your ex-wife turned out to be incompatible probably because you didn't know each other well enough before you married. Why not try to meet someone on your own? Try dating first -- before taking the plunge into marriage once again.
kartik asked, love guru my girlfrien left me for someone ele and now he has ditched her, now she came back to me but she still keeps thinking abt him and crys for him, and tells me tht she needs him mein kya karun
Love Guru answers, She came back to you for lack of someone better. And in her mind, that other guy is better, so why did you even take her back? She loves someone else, not you. You're just a substitute, Kartik and you deserve much better. I would suggest you leave her to her own devices and look to date someone who loves you more than any other guy!
'My husband is a drunkard and I'm fed up'
mona asked, hi luv guru i have a serious problem,my hubby had quit drinking frm the last 6 mnths and again he has started drinking regularly...i am a wrkg women and get tired as i hve to take care on wrk,child and inlaws and he comes late and demands for sex but i dnt do anythng and go to sleep i m hell tired of this guy can u suggest somethng
Love Guru answers, You don't have to endure all this. Your husband is well on his way to becoming an alcoholic, if he isn't one already. You shouldn't have let him start drinking again. And don't his parents know of this problem? You could ask them for help in coming down heavily on him too. Give him an ultimatum -- that you will work on this marriage only if he quits drinking for good. And you'll have to support him through it. If he doesn't, I'd say take the kids and leave him, Mona. It's ruining your life.
mukuma asked, Hi Luv Guru I'm a divorcee and in love with a girl who's 11 years younger to me. She love me too. But her parents are strictly against our marriage. She had fought with her parents many times for our marriage, but they are just not willing to give their blessings for our marriage. What should i do.
Love Guru answers, You haven't said your age. If you're in your 20s and she's just a teenager, I can fully understand her parents saying no. Being a divorcee is not the problem, if you want my opinion -- the age gap is. If she's over the age of 24 only would I say she's mature enough to take such a decision on her own. And in that case, you can go ahead with the marriage without her parents' blessings. Hopefully, they'll come around at some point. You could also try talking to them yourself -- be frank about why your first marriage didn't work out and your honourable intentions towards their daughter.
surbhi asked, I am living with my parents from last 1 year but my husband has not visited me once even when i was seriously ill.everytime i ask him to come he says he doesn't have money,he is not keeping well etc.i came here coz he lost his job one year back and at that time i was recovering from some health problem.i feel he is avoiding me.he doesn't call and when i call he says he is ill,very tired will talk later.i am married for 4 years.now he has given me time that we will talk at 9pm daily but he still doesn't call or talk properly.he is staying with his parents who were against our marriage (arranged).please suggest what shall i do?
Love Guru answers, Surbhi, this is hardly a marriage. You live with your parents and your husband calls you on the phone grudgingly, once a day? And you haven't seen him for a year! You need to figure out the status of your marriage -- tell your husband you've had enough of the games and ask him where he sees this marriage heading. If I were you, I wouldn't even ask after his lack of concern, I'd kick him right to the curb directly!
LGisaMoron asked, LOVE GURU... TAKE A BETTER JOB THAN COMING HERE AND GIVING SHITTY ADVICE. THINK ABOUT WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU COME FROM. DID YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU THIS SHIT. I DON'T BELIEVE SO. YOU MUST HAVE READ SOME C CLASS BOOKS AND THEN YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS. THEY DID NOT TREAT YOU WELL, RIGHT.
Love Guru answers, Seeing your frustration, it looks like you're the one who probably has not been treated well by your parents! Didn't they teach you any manners, Mr Moron? Or to mind your own business when other people are having serious conversations? Apparently not!
lng asked, I am married for the last 5 years. My wife is very stuborn & always force to fulfill what he wants. She does't care for others in the family. Her only life is with her (our) son. What to do to make her feel for others?
Love Guru answers, So she's that selfish, huh. I'd say give her a dose of her own medicine. Behave exactly like she does towards you. Seeing is believing -- once she can see for herself how appalling her behaviour towards other people is, if she has any common sense, she'll improve.
dev asked, my and me live far off from each other,we only met on weekends,than we have los of sex,last time she just misses herp.so we get worried.now she don,t like to do it more.but there is also another girl who is in my office with whom once i have one night stand,she don,t hve any problem further.should i contnue with her for fun
Love Guru answers, Obviously, an emotional connection and a real relationship have no priority over sex, where you're concerned. Why not use protection while having sex to put your girl's mind at ease? And in the meantime, try to learn how to be faithful to your partner instead of a two-timing creep!
'He's threatening to leave me if I don't get physical'
Sophia asked, i m a 38 yrs widow, and hv a relation with a 22yrs boy for last one year, i gv him all, but he comes to me only for sex and avoids me otherwise. seems he is having a gf, but i m in deep love with me, can do anythg for him, i m getting in depression due to this, pl suggest.
Love Guru answers, Sophia, you're too old for him. But that is not to say you're too old for a relationship. No, you need a gentleman closer to your own age who is interested in settling down seriously again and who will treat you right, with dignity. This young boy is only using you as an outlet for his sexual frustration and you deserve much better. Stop wasting time on this immature kid and don't be depressed -- jump into a more age-appropriate dating pool.
rajeev asked, hi LG My wife has given me two option either separate from my parents or divorce her. My parents are above 65.i am the only son.They need my financial support and moral support also. My wife's nature is shot tempered she got angry in every situation. The situation has created because of my wife's nature. I dont know what to do. please help me.
Love Guru answers, First ask yourself if your marriage is important enough for you to try and make it work seriously. If it is, you may have to move out of your parents's home, but that doesn't mean you stop supporting them, financially or otherwise. You can take a place close-by to theirs and before making such a move, you need your wife to promise to be understanding towards them now that she doesn't have to live with them anymore. Just one question -- if she's as bad-tempered as you say, why are you so desperate to make your marriage work? Either you're exaggerating about her temper and don't want to accept that your parents have a role to play in the unpleasantness too, or you're giving in to a woman who is a bully. Analyse the situation objectively and only then take a step.
MAx asked, Hi I am A solider in the armed force 25yrs old was in love with a kashmiri gal unable to contact her from past a while we know each other i do have her no but dont know wheather she is waiting for me and also dont know her where abts plz help
Love Guru answers, You have her number, don't you? I don't think she'd give it to you if she wasn't interested in you, would she? So try calling her and see where it goes from there.
reema asked, i have bf from past 6 months. Now he is insisting for physical relation. I love him a lot . but i do not want to have physical before marriage. I dont want to loose him. But he tells he will break up if i didnt agree. What should i do?
Love Guru answers, It's ridiculous that he should threaten to break up over this -- if he cared enough about you he would try to see things from your point of view too. What if he threatens to break up after having physical relations? What will you do then? Don't give in to pressure and at the same time, don't be unreasonable. You cannot expect to have a relationship with someone who only holds hands till you marry. My advice is, go as far as you're comfortable, physically and no further. Talk it over and set boundaries that both of you are comfortable with. If he still isn't agreeable, I'd say let him go. That's it -- if you don't want to have sex before marriage, don't let anyone force you, ever.
Love Guru says, Time's up for this session, guys...see you next week! In the meanwhile, you can also post queries on the Rediff Love Guru Page -- I'll be answering queries there all through the week!