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'I caught my daughter viewing explicit material'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on June 3 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, people...welcome back to our relationships chat! Let's get cracking...
Roger asked, Hi Love guru, I am in a deep sadness now days the problem is i found a girl with a good attitude, sweet nature and good person too, with whom i feel my self comfortable and stable but the reason for sadness is i proposed her for friendship but unfortunately bad luck! she refused Please help me out with your precious suggestions Thanks
Love Guru answers, I think you jumped the gun...nobody 'proposes' friendship just like that, out of the blue. You should have been more subtle, building up to being friends after having spoken casually to her a few times. Now, most likely, she already has her guard up about you. you could try saying just a simple 'hello' when you see her from time to time and gauge her reaction. If she seems annoyed by your presence or uncomfortable, I'd suggest you back off. And next time around, be more subtle! Nothing annoys women more than the line 'I want to make friendship with you'!
sadi asked, am sadi here,my problem is am very close to my friend ,as some poitn we indulge in lesbian relaionship during colege days,but nw she maris,i miss her lot,still hve some tht feelings for her,but whenever i ask her she says ,she luv her family ,she wants to just continue like this so whenever we meet we hve lots of fun,heve one office collegue he proposes me ,i like hii say yes,but still i feel for my friend,wht to do
Love Guru answers, She's moved on from your lesbian encounter and if you like this colleague of yours, so should you. Say yes to him and stop dwelling on the past and thinking 'what if'. You're still good friends with your gal pal, so it's hardly like she's not in your life anymore. Look at it as she does -- a one-off encounter that you both enjoyed, but have now grown out of.
miu asked, Hi, luv guru. I am married women.. its love and interstate marriage.. However, before engagement, i came to know my bf had affair with his colleague.. i was broken on knowing this... however, because i had convienced my parents and relatives knew about my affair.. i cud not take stand to leave him,,, he promised me to change .. and now we are married and he has changed a lot... right from his behavior upto my caring.. but i keep feeling that somewhere down the line he might get atttracted to same gal or other.. n just not able to accept till date.. I still keep feeling cheated.. n remined of his affair everyday,, n den just get angry on him without any reason,, what should i do?
Love Guru answers, If you decided to forgive him and went ahead with the marriage, you cannot adopt this half-measured stand towards him. He apologised and is doing everything he can to be a good husband. Your continually bringing up the past will only hurt him and your relationship. Yes, men look at other women even after marriage, but they don't usually act upon it.
romila asked, romila here,as me n my husband both are working ,we don,t spend much time with our children,but recently i found out that my tennager daughter is more into net than studis,she just 15.once caught her seeing explicit matiareal now i don,t know to tackle her,as she becomes agreesive,after that
Love Guru answers, As her mother, you will have to take the lead here, as she will not be comfortable talking to your husband about such a thing. Instead of yelling at her, approach her and explain that you don't want to get into a fight, but just want to discuss what she was looking at on the 'net. You need to tell her that curiosity about such things at her age is normal, but that you'd rather she got her information from the right sources instead of watching porn, since that doesn't depict the actuality of a real sexual relationship. Have the birds and bees talk with her, Romila. You may want to buy her some literature on sex appropriate to her age as well, so she doesn't turn to such sources that you don't approve of. And also, please install a firewall on your PC to ensure she cannot access such information online easily till she is 18. Again, don't fight -- understanding and a mature discussion will make more headway with her.
basu asked, hiiiiii,we hve few times unprotected sex,ater that she becomes peggi,get aborted,now she always say no ,and stop talking,i love her a lot,i can,t livw with her
Love Guru answers, It was foolish not to use adequate protection and having her get pregnant. I don't blame her at all for not wanting to indulge in sex right now after a forced abortion. Don't push her -- let her take her time. You need to support her through this, she is probably grieving for the lost child and her situation. It is your duty to stand by her through it. Also visit a gynaec and explore contraceptive options so she is assured that the same unfortunate incident will not recur. Perk up her spirits by doing things that make her happy and if she's too depressed, take her to a psychologist to help ease the pain in her mind. Also assure her that you will marry her at the right time and you can try for children again when things are right.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'My wife's been flirting with men behind my back'
QuitSmoking asked, i got kids without marrying a gf.noe we both want to marry.will society accept us?
Love Guru answers, You had children out of wedlock without caring what society said, why are you so concerned about marriage? In fact, it's the honourable thing. Think of your own situation and stop concerning yourself with what people think -- you should have done that before having kids! It's nobody else's business anyway.
Rukmini asked, I feel attracted towards this female colleague of mine. Is there something wrong with me? Pl. help me understand my sexual orientation.
Love Guru answers, Are you also attracted to men? Or ever been attracted to a man? If that's the case, you're bisexual. If you have always harboured feelings for women, it's possible that you're gay.
sachin p asked, Hi, I have one girl friend who is married but when we talk, we meet but as a friend. but when i tell my friends that i am just friend of her then they laugh and reply that ur in love with her. but from my view its different relation. they also suggest that keep away from her as anything can happen. please tell me what i do
Love Guru answers, If you know the nature of your relationship and know it to be honest friendship and nothing more, disregard what they have to say. You are the best judge. But yes, since she is married, even though you may be good friends, know where to draw the line and don't ever get carried away.
jiniya asked, We had love marriage and had been married for 5 years.Later on i found out that my husband have affair outside our marriage .he had affair with that gal b4 our marriage and he didnt told me abt that. now i am at my parents house and he is not ready to give me divorce.pls suggest what should i do in this situation.i feel very cheated.he is a big fraud.
Love Guru answers, I'm a little confused...you say he had an affair with this girl before marriage and you also say that he had an affair outside your marriage to the same girl. So here it is -- if it's only been before you, I can understand you being angry for him hiding it, but that's no reason to ask for a divorce. He shouldn't have kept it a secret, but he was probably scared of your reaction, which, as he guessed, has been very bad. If it's been during your marriage, I can understand if you want to walk out, but make up your mind to do it by yourself -- don't let others opinions cloud your judgement. And if you want a divorce and he doesn't, you can go ahead and file for it anyway.
soumya asked, Hi, I proposed a girl few days back through a friend. She told I am good guy don't want to hurt me and she is expecting problem from her family becoz of our caste. What I will do?
Love Guru answers, Try your luck. You could try talking to her parents, or have your family talk to them. Instead of anticipating problems, wait for them to come up first instead of thinking of solutions beforehand. You never know how a situation will work out.
brokenarrow asked, Hi Lg!!i have been participating on this chat for quite some time,my wife few months back gave friendship to one of a guy @ bank he called her up & all,i confronted him too & he said she never told him that she was married,i asked her about this & said she is sorry for what she did,but there more problems of these kind in the past like she talked to her male friends from other room & all which her father has also seen & was upset with her,kindly tell how to tackle such situations or should ask for divorce
Love Guru answers, Why does she feel the need for attention from other men? If this is a trick she's been working for awhile now, you need to talk to her about it and ask why she feels the need to do this. Why does she enjoy attention from other men when she has a husband? Ask her if there is some failing on your part. Also, you need to figure out whether she just enjoys flirting or is looking for somebody else to be intimate with in a serious way. If it's just flirting, I can understand that it would still be upsetting to you, but at least then you know for sure that all she wants is attention and not more from these 'friends' of hers.
VENU asked, MY FREIND MARRIED FROM LAST 3 YEARS BUT HE CANT GET INTIMATE WITH PARTNER WHT TO DO???
Love Guru answers, He should be consulting a sex specialist, in that case, not consulting you!
'He's married, but threatening suicide if I leave him'
Pinku asked, Hi Love Guru, I have posted this question 2 or 3 time but u have not answered. I have 2 girlfriends one is doing job in a top IT company and she is earning more then 1lacs per month and other is a doughter of business tycoon. Both are sincerly loving me and me too. How to verify whos love is true and whom to marry.
Love Guru answers, It seems that more than verifying their love, you're trying to verify who has the bigger bank balance! Marry the one you love more, since you say that both love you sincerely.
qwa asked, hi love guru i m married and have a baby gal also ,i like a gal who is my colleague we have never do anything wrong but she is forcing me to get married with her after living my present faimly so pls wat sud i do
Love Guru answers, Nobody can 'force' you to leave your family and marry her, unless you go along with the plan! So stop using such words and come to the point -- you're undecided whether to leave your wife for this woman or not! And that is a decision only you can make -- I would just ask you to take into consideration that you have a child to think of too.
she asked, My gf fights with me a lot. Fights are mostly over joint family.I luv her a lot n i luv my family too. our parents are planning for our marriage. I dont know whether i must go ahead with this relation. plz help me
Love Guru answers, She probably feels that she cannot adjust to living with your parents. I know that must prick you, but you need to be objective about this. Is her fear of not getting along with them unfounded or is she right in her own way about not moving in with them? Don't think of it from the point of view of only being their son, think of it from a husband's point of view also. Sometimes you tend to have a better relationship with your in-laws if you're not living with them.
divya asked, hi i fell in love with a married man having 2 kids when i try to leave him he starts crying n tells he will die without me what i do
Love Guru answers, Divya, instead of dying without you he can file for divorce from his wife and marry you, can't he? There is no excuse in the world he can give which indicates he should stay with his wife if he loves you that much! In the meantime, do what's right for your own life and don't fall for his sob stories!
Mansi asked, Hi Love Guru, i am also in a relationship problem... my problem is that am dating a married person since last 5 years. i am deeply involved in him. we cant get married due to his marriage and out astro compatability however we have good bonding in between us. what measures i can follow to start diverting myself from him. also why i want to get disconnected now is that my marriage is about to happen and also i am not satisfied with him these days as he is very occupied and tired because of his job. please suggest, needful.
Love Guru answers, Make a clean break of things, Mansi. He couldn't offer you stability and a household of your own, but your to-be husband can. So look forward to the future and end things with your lover. Completely. You're starting a new chapter in your life, so start with a page wiped clean.
SK asked, i met a guy through blogs.we interacted for a couple a years.i got attracted to him and he did things which made me feel he is also attracted to me.he even said he feels for me.recently i got to know he has a gf and still he got mushy wid me.i faught wid him and stopped talking to him but now i miss him and i miss all dat .
Love Guru answers, There are lots of people out there who get cozy with those they meet online, but that doesn't imply a real life relationship. He was just passing the time and having fun with you, while in real life he has an actual girlfriend to share life with. Good that you called it off -- now start looking for a real relationship instead of one through your computer.
rajdat asked, I had a friendship with a girl and after a gap of few month when we start meeting eachother and even she introduce me to her friends also , one day proposed her and after that she got stuned and even in few days she got married to boy her parents selected .What should i do now? SHould i go and meet her or stay away?
Love Guru answers, She went ahead with the marriage. I think the best decision would be to stay away.
'My parents don't approve of my girl because she's disabled'
vinod asked, hi guru i m loving a girl who is handicapped because of that reason my parents are not agreeing to marry her, pls tell me how to convince them.
Love Guru answers, Vinod, I don't know the nature of her disability or how severe it is, but I will say that if you truly love her, go ahead with it, even without their consent. If they have any common sense, they will come around eventually. Just please, please be sure of your decision, because caring for a disabled person is never easy. If you find that it was more than you bargained for and that you can't do it, it will hurt her much, much more than not marrying her in the first place. And she has enough to cope with in her life, so don't let a husband who cops out of the marriage eventually be another cause for concern.
dhruva asked, I like a girl, who seems to be going around with some one else, though she denies this vehemently. I like her, want to marry her, please advise what to do. She was my subordinate in my earlier office, but I really like ker. Please help.
Love Guru answers, If you like her, tell her. Also tell her that whether she was dating someone else or not is of no relevance to you, but you would like her to be honest with you. If she denies it even after that, take her word for it and don't annoy her with constant questioning about it. Her past with someone else has nothing to do with her future with you.
Krish asked, HI LG, I was in love with my Colleague, I also tried to express to her many times but there was no positive reply from her. Now I am engaged with some other girl and getting married soon. My Colleague now saying that she also feels the same for me. I dont know now what should I do. Should I call off the engagement for my Colleague as I also love her.
Love Guru answers, Go ahead with your marriage. If she really liked you she would not have kept you hanging on for an answer from her for so long. She probably feels a pang of jealousy, which is why she wants you back. But remember that before another woman entered your life, she had no interest in you.
joe asked, i m 29 male, i have deep desires of having sex with women, but recently by chance one uncle had oral sex with me. i dont like it but whenever he asks me to come i go to him. m i a gay
Love Guru answers, If you don't like it, why do you go? I think you're more sexually frustrated than gay.
Shekhar asked, "Sometimes you tend to have a better relationship with your in-laws if you're not living with them." LOVE GURU- Are you insane?? What are you preaching these people? Are you in your senses? You do not have any qualification of being called Love Guru.. you are a Hate Monster..
Love Guru answers, Would you rather have your wife and your mother fighting every day under the same roof or would you rather they hug each other and talk intimately when they meet each other once a week? Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- ever heard of that? Stop questioning my advice and learn to allow common sense to pervade in that head of yours once in awhile!
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks! Catch you again next week, same time, same place! Till then, take care!