 | « Back to article | Print this article |
'My friend seems to be hitting on my husband'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on June 24 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...hope you've all had a good week!
jigar asked, am 31 year unmaaried old guy,my bro is in army,his wife stays with us,as my bro only comes here on holidays,my bhabhi becomes my good friend,she misses bro ,whenever she fels low comes to me,hug her to give her comfort,but now i feel more atracted towards her,hve sexual feling towrds,should i ask her,am afriad if she says no.is it ok for having some good time with her
Love Guru answers, No, it's not okay. Having an affair with your brother's wife while he's away working hard is not 'okay' -- it's horrible. Stop hugging her so much, you can be comforting without getting physical about it! And don't take advantage of the fact that she's feeling low when her husband is away. It would make you a despicable brother and brother-in-law. If you're desperate for sexual contact, find someone else who doesn't complicate your family life.
Sweet Flower asked, I am married lady, 38 years old,there is one single gal in my office who keeps on nagging me "that I should look for any single boy for her" as she lives alone in my city and her family is far away based. Now she is eying my husband too and wanted his no. too just like that. But I didn't like her behaviour but for the descent sake in office, I just keeps on making excuses to her "okay I am looking for suitable boy for her" but now she wants to visit my home too. I am scared of that psycho type single gal who is 23 years old if she comes to my home and talks to my husband. I have discussed about her with my husband my husband had said "don't worry, I will not go after but don't give my number to her". Love guru ji I need help what should i do to this present generation gal, you tell me how to tackle her frustration for being loneliness??
Love Guru answers, You sound as psycho as she does! Why are you so insecure? If she's only 23 and looking to have a little fun with single men, that doesn't necessarily mean she's angling for your husband! Don't give her his number if you don't want to and don't invite her over if you don't want to. But the best way to tackle this situation is to come across as self-confident and secure in your marriage. That way, even if she was looking to create trouble, she would get the message loud and clear. I'm also glad you realise that it's probably just her frustration and loneliness talking -- you can explain to her that you don't know any young single men and that she's better off hanging out with people her own age if she's looking for a relationship.
riya asked, I love a guy very much but my mother doesnt approve him.Its a little complicated matter. He is my fathers friends son.We rented a room to him ,n he is living there for 6 months now.The thing is my bf is a convict of his fathers murder.He was in jail for 2 years but later on it was proved tht he was not guilty.But during his days in jail he has been raped several times by few men.He was physically assulted and abused ,because of this he had a big impact on his psyche. he doent let any man touch him or come near to him.His room was next to mine and when he had nightmares i helped him cope up with that.we became friends and gradually we fall in love with each other.He is very sensitive and needs emotional support he is also very short tempered.and i know he is very good human being and very good at heart.Please help me with this situation--
Love Guru answers, Riya, first of all -- has it been proven in court, beyond a doubt that he is not guilty of murdering his father? If there is the slightest doubt regarding this, you could be putting yourself in danger by getting into a relationship with such an unstable individual. If he didn't do it, why was he in jail for two whole years? There had to be some evidence backing up the claim that he did in fact kill his dad? Forget about society and your mother for the moment -- first off, you need to decide whether this relationship is worth the trouble. By all means, help him as a friend -- take him to a psychiatrist to help with his jail trauma. But you also need to see if and how much he improves with the treatment. And only after that evaluate whether a longterm relationship is a good idea or not.
gaymenace asked, if consensual sex is legal, why cant that logic be applied in paid sex too. it is also consensual sex where gifting is involved. what say guys?
Love Guru answers, You need to take that up with the Indian legal system, not in this forum.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'I get jealous hearing the very mention of my fiance's exes'
nisha asked, I am a girl from Mumbai of 29 years.I am commitment phobic because i think that most of the relations end only in flings or deceit.I am being too paranoid? I don't want to end up alone but i cant get this thing out of my head that relations end only in heartaches...Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love Guru answers, You do sound pretty paranoid, but you'll lead a pretty flat, boring existence if you're not willing to try anything new in life -- I don't necessarily mean a relationship, but anything that you want to do and are afraid of failing at. As for falling in love, yes, it's true -- sometimes the relationship fails. But then it's up to you to pick yourself up, be strong and move on. They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all -- figure that out for yourself, unless you'd rather remain single all your life.
ARCHIE asked, MY HUBBY IS VERY MODI KINDS DON'T NO HOW TO HANDLE HIS MOODS.SOME TIMES HE IS TOO CLOSE TO MY FAMILY MEMBERS AN DSOME TIME TOTALLY CUT OFF. THIS GIVES ME A NEGATIVE FEELING TOWARDS HIM PLS HEPL?
Love Guru answers, When he's in a good mood, explain to him that his blowing hot and cold with your family members bothers you. Tell him that he cannot cut them off whenever he feels like it, because it creates a bad impression of him and embarrasses you. If he's not in a good mood, you'd rather not meet with family on those days unless it's completely unavoidable.
mitali asked, hey L.G, Pls ans my question that if someone loves you but nt expressed then hw you know that?
Love Guru answers, Usually, when you find that someone is going above and beyond the call of friendship to make you happy, you know that there's something more to it -- love. That's how you know. If a guy friend calls you several times a day, enjoys taking you out, prefers to have you to himself instead of in a group, gifts you thoughtful things from time to time, looks at you longingly when he thinks you're not noticing...that's attraction right there!
chris007 asked, I feel in love with a girl when i was in Mumbai and she also loved me very much...After 4 years we parted ways and we got reunited after 6 long years... I feel the same love towards her..even now.. She was very happy to be intouch again... but when i proposed to her again, she stopped talking to me... In between these 6 years i got married and had a kid... My heart longs only for her... please suggest a wayout..thanks..
Love Guru answers, Suggest a way out? Of what, your marriage? It's called 'divorce', I think you know. But before you make such a thought, spare a thought for your wife and child. Some longlost love surfaces and suddenly you want to leave them in the lurch? And your ex doesn't even seem to want you in that way anymore. Maybe she's moved on too and if I were you, I'd do the same.
moby asked, i am a very jealous person in love with me would be wife, how do i kill thisn feelin of jealousy everytime i see her tellin me about someone form her past
Love Guru answers, You're asking for trouble with this attitude. That was before she knew you! So why the hell are you so jealous? And incidentally, jealousy usually arises from a lack of self-confidence -- ie 'did he make her happier than I do?' The answer is no -- or she'd still be with him! So grow up for heaven's sake and learn to curb the pangs you feel. The best solution is to leave her past where it belongs and stop discussing it with her. Discuss the future instead!
'My wife wants to live separately from my parents'
Mil asked, hey I am in sexual relationship with a 36 year old married woman. I am 31 unmarried. I feel she is lying me and has affair with other men to..what should i do bcos i am very habitual to her.. can't leave her
Love Guru answers, I hardly think you have the right to be jealous, because she's cheating on her husband with you! You're not the husband, mister -- you're just one of her 'other men'. And if you don't like that situation, I'd suggest looking for a girlfriend who doesn't mind committing to you wholeheartedly.
abhi asked, I m a 29 years married boy in love with 26 years married girl, we both r in love, as we both are not happy & comfortable with our partneres. We also come physicaly close to each other. Is it good to continue our relation or
Love Guru answers, If you want to continue, I would suggest ending your marriages first instead of having an affair. And before one of you has a child with your spouse, which will complicate things further.
rajesh asked, i am the only son and my father mother is depends on me and my wife daily have quarrel with me my parents and me.she wants to live separate. please help.
Love Guru answers, I sympathise with your situation Rajesh, but I need you to be a little objective here and assess the situation. Is it your wife's fault that she ends up fighting with your parents constantly or is it theirs? Is she being unreasonable or are they? The answer to this question will determine your course of action, so don't fool yourself with what you want to believe but what is strictly true. If your wife is at fault, I think you should tell her that and gently explain that she should learn to adjust to your parents because they're trying to be reasonable. If it's your parents who are to blame for the most part -- move out. Don't move too far away and continue to visit them often, but you can't expect them to change their habits at such an age and at the same time, you can't expect your wife to put up with unreasonable behaviour.
123 asked, hello LG, I am married for last 6 year we had one kid too. i know that my wife is having affiar in her office guy. but she denays every time. one day i caught her red handed by there chatting with same person but still she denays the matter. oned day finally i caught the guy and asked the matter. he excepted that he and wife had a pyical realationship twice after that only she expected. becuase of those tension i was depressed i have visited doctor too. she told me that it will never happen again even the that guy left the job. but when ever i see my wife i rember the same matter? becuase of my kid i given her 1 chance. but still it is very diffcult for me to expcet her by heart.
Love Guru answers, What she did was despicable -- not because of the affair itself as much as lying to you with a straight face each time she got caught. Don't give her a second chance for the sake of your child, because as well-intentioned as this sounds, no good can come of it. Only if you really feel like giving her a second chance yourself, go ahead and do so. But first, you need to make sure that she never takes you for a fool again.
rita asked, hi guru pls save my marriage life I think my hubby is now not interested in me frm last 9 yrs he is jobless & i m wrking i m trying 2 gve hm evrything but no worth pls so me the way
Love Guru answers, Rita, why so much of an effort for someone who hardly seems to give a damn? I think nine years is a long enough time to stick out a relationship and try to make it work. But obviously it's not working, so now you need to assess your life and move on -- if he's not returning your love and is doing nothing to pull his own weight in your household, I say you're better off without him.
'She keeps blowing hot and cold with me'
Shina asked, Dear Love Guru, My boyfriend got married since I was older to him by 7 years, our affair started 3 years back when we were working together. Even after his marriage we were in touch since he used to tell me he needed my support and he was not happy with his wife. One day I told him if this was all true he should talk to his wife and decide to stay wit heither one of us, he cannot have his cake and enjoy it too. He did tell his wife but am not sure what, since then he is out of contact, I had called once but he made his wife talk to me. This was humiliating to me and I am not able to forget. Please suggest what should I do
Love Guru answers, Stop being a doormat for him, Shina. When he wants to be with you he is, when he doesn't want to be with you he puts his wife on the line. Seven years is hardly that earth-shattering an age difference that he had to marry someone else when he was in love with you. Cut off all contact with him. Now. And refuse to entertain any of his talk unless his marriage has ended. Else move on.
GOPALA asked, Iam a forty five years man and a eighteen years girl love me what should i do...
Love Guru answers, If you genuinely care about her, you won't take advantage of this situation. She is too young to know what she's getting into, but you're not. So ensure that no relationship ensues whatsoever.
vikasss asked, hello sir u doing great job, i need ur help one year ago a girl from classes get attracted towards me. she started calling and messagind me. we became good friends. later on she try to avoid me and broke our friendship. 7 months later she came to me and telling broking our friendship was her big mistake and it was due to her misunderstanding. we again became friends and get close to each other. now after 3 months she again try to avoid me. i dont know why e she is doing like that
Love Guru answers, Vikas, tell this girl that you don't know what's going on with her, but she cannot waltz in and out of your life whenever she feels like it. You accepted her walking out on you once -- you won't do it again without a valid reason. Once she knows she cannot take advantage of you, she will straighten out her act -- if she truly cares about you. If she doesn't, good riddance!
Gifty asked, HI I am 29 years old male and i have in relation with a 39 years old divorce since last 9 years when I am 21 year old but due to pressure from my parents , I am going to be married in november but I found it difficult to stop my previous relation , I find it diffcult to marry with a different girl.Please advice what i need to do
Love Guru answers, Well, she is a whole decade older than you, but if you've been together eight years I think you know each other well enough to be able to judge for yourselves whether to marry or not. Don't be pressured into what you think is a mistake, even if it's by your parents. I think you're old enough to make a decision for yourself.
Love Guru says, Time to go, people! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, goodbye and good luck!