'I suspect my wife is gay, I want a divorce'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on March 11 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi there, people...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started tackling those troublesome relationship issues.

ram asked, Hello LG, this is worst face of my life going through, I am married and have baby girl. I come to know that my wife is having affairs with her friend. Even she had accepted it and promise it will never happen. I am in terrible condition because of my child I really don't know what to do should i forgive her and start new life or divorce her. Please kindly let me know your suggestion.

Love Guru answers, Ram, before you make any hasty decisions, you need to question what you want. Do you want to make your marriage work? Why did she have this affair? What answers has she given you about it? Do you think you can forgive her and move on eventually, even though it's very hurtful right now? You have to work through the issues in your marriage and only then decide what to do, because right now you're just upset and confused. Seeing a couples' counsellor at this point is a good idea.

mitali asked, hi ,i am in luv wth a guy ,we r into relationship since 4 yrs,till now he alwasys says tht his parents never aceept us due to our caste.wt 2 do now.

Love Guru answers, Well, he certainly can't expect to carry on like this indefinitely and it's foolish of you to continue with this relationship, Mitali, when he is not offering you a future of any kind. Tomorrow he'll turn around and tell you he's marrying someone his parents have found for him. Then what will you do? Either he talks to his parents about you and promises to marry you whether they agree or not, or then you walk out. It will be painful, but it will be infinitely less so if you do this on your own terms now, rather than wait for him to leave you and marry someone else. Don't waste another four years with someone who, after all this time, still cannot make up his mind and show some courage to stand up for you.

mamta asked, my husbands busines not going well,i am doing my own work,whenever i asks him to join me ,my in laws abstain him to do so.there intereference mke our life hell.due to this we can,t live separetly ,he is not redy 2 leave his family,he asks me 2 leva the house n stay wth my family wth 2 kids.

Love Guru answers, Mamta, if this fool would rather give up his wife and children than move out, do just that -- leave him. And I mean completely, not just conveniently, carrying on such a sham of a marriage while living separately. The business is not an issue, he should work with whichever business he chooses to, without any outside pressure influencing his decision. But the fact that he's telling you to go live with your parents is reason enough to leave him.

india asked, why are most of the love marriages getting failed these days and turning out with divorces

Love Guru answers, And with what authority are you stating that love marriages are failing these days, dear? Where are the statistics to back up what you're saying? One cannot generalise like that, based purely on one's own experiences.

helpinghand asked, Dear LG, my friend and his wife are into swinging and consensual swapping. my friend wants to me to have sex with his wife as a brithday gift to her. he is planning to arrange a weekend getaway for us.. i am still single but have a girl friend and we have regular sex. we may or may not get married.. but i am tempted to go ahead with my friend's plan and also am obligated to my friend as he helped me in my career... what do i do?

Love Guru answers, What works for some couples doesn't work for others, especially when it comes to things like swapping partners. Your friend and his wife may be happy doing what they're doing and can make their relationship work under such circumstances, but what will be the repercussions on your own life and relationship? Just because you don't have a wedding band on your finger means you can cheat on your girlfriend? Don't give me that nonsense about doing this out of obligation towards your friend -- there are other ways of expressing gratitude rather than sleeping with his wife! I am sure he would understand if you were to explain that you're flattered but you'd rather not cheat on your own girlfriend. Think of your own life instead of just a 3-day getaway with fleeting moments of pleasure.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

india asked, iam an advocate with my chamber in High court and for last two years i hanve handled 12 divorce cases of which 9 are of love marriages which they are regreeting within a year of their marraige. what more statistics do u need now. do u expect me to take the extracts of Divorce cases from the master rolls of High court?

Love Guru answers, You are one advocate among several, and those are 12 couples in a city of millions. You call those statistics? I call them personal experience in the strictest sense of the word! Don't make me laugh!

Aman asked, Hi LG, I am attracted to a girl, she is in my college. The problem is that she is in First Year and I am in Final year, I dont even know her name and also we are from different streams. Please advise how to approach her...

Love Guru answers, Aman, I'm sure there are places on campus where seniors and juniors all hang out, right? You could try giving her a smile every time you see her, then say hello casually now and then and eventually try to strike up a conversation introducing yourself. If she responds, good for you -- if not, there are plenty of other fish in the sea! And I'm glad you used the term 'attracted to' instead of 'in love' -- because people are constantly mistaking infatuation with a stranger for real love!

loverguy asked, Hi, I'm very much fascinated by woman's b**bs, can u help me get out of this situation

Love Guru answers, I think most men are! But my advise to you would be stop objectifying women like that, because there's more to them than their figures. Men who eye women make them understandably uncomfortable and you will never have any women friends, leave alone a girlfriend, if that is the case.

Amit asked, Hi love Guru. I love this girl whom Ive known for the past few months. We've spent lot of time together. She tells me that she feels happy in my company.Should I tell her I love her ? Does this mean she loves me ??

Love Guru answers, You could say you have feelings for her -- I'd suggest leaving out lofty 'I love you' proclamations for now! But yes, tell her. If she's made it so obvious that she loves spending time with you, it's very likely she's attracted to you too.

Karan asked, Hey I am having a relationship with a married women. but i get dejected when she makes love to her husband. How do i get through this?

Love Guru answers, Karan, I don't think the thought of her making love to you would make her husband jump for joy either! Look, you're the outsider in this situation, not him -- they are married to each other. And she's enjoying the best of both worlds, while you're getting upset about the situation. Since it's not going to change, why don't you make a change in your life instead and look for a girl who will be faithful only to you?

byebye asked, LG, here is the issue.. i am a bisexual man and love to have sex with both men and women. one of my best lover (a man) recently got married due to family circumstances to a girl. by a queer twist of fate she turned out to be one my ex girl friends.. just before marrying him, she renewed contacts with me and we have regular sex whenever possible. my friend discovered this and after the inital bad blood between us, now he is insisting on having a threesome .. he is threatening that if i dont agree he will spill the beans to my family who are actively looking for an alliance for me.. advise me please.....

Love Guru answers, Your story sounds rather outlandish to me, but I'll still give you the benefit of the doubt. Don't give in to blackmail and don't do what you don't want to do, it's as simple as that. What about his own family when they find out he's not heterosexual? If he married that girl out of family pressure, you think he's going to risk them finding out about his swinging both ways? Warn him that you want nothing to do with him now that he's married, that you wish them both the best, but if he tries to say anything to your family, you will tell his parents about his past too!

rahul asked, Hi i am married with a son for 8 years and marriage has been in trouble since day one and have strong feeling that my wife is having a relationship with female colleague.. we are practically staying together for child's sake.. in case of divorce.. do i have any options to keep childs custody

Love Guru answers, Rahul, you need to consult a divorce lawyer to explore all your options regarding divorce and custody issues. But just bear in mind that lesbian or not, she's the mother of your child and while I can understand your own marital issues, it would be wrong to try and cut off your son's ties with his mother. A child of that age needs his mother. It would be in his best interests if you both could work out an amicable joint custody agreement -- I know you may be bitter and angry right now, but if you take any strong action it will be your son who suffers the most.

rakesh asked, LG, My girl friend has a lot of problems having an intercourse. I dont know what the problem is, but she seems uncomfortable all the time

Love Guru answers, Sounds to me like she's not ready to have sex yet. Don't pressurise her. And if the problem is more physical in nature rather than psychological, you could have her visit a sex specialist.

happy asked, Love guru, the system of arranged marriages is long entrenched in the Indian system. The western world finds it hard to accept. Do you see merits in the arranged marriage system over love marriage?

Love Guru answers, Both have their pros and cons, you cannot say that one has the advantage over the other because at the end of the day, it depends on each and every married couple's happiness. Sometimes it's a love marriage that won't work, at other times it's an arranged marriage that won't work.

Ian asked, HI LG, I have been recently married. We R a happy couple. I have a querry. My sexual desire is just not coming down. After six month to marriage I still like to have intercourse every night. Sometimes my wife tells me atleast take saome break, its not good everyday. What should I do as I cant stop myself.

Love Guru answers, If you overdo it, the novelty and excitement of having sex with your wife will fade over time. You'd rather keep the spark alive by depriving yourself a little, don't you think? Don't keep it a hard and fast rule to have sex every night -- start skipping it now and then.

alexa asked, i had been observing that my husband is coming late at night on some of the days and tells me he was in a party,he does vomit when he is back, i am concerned whether he started drinking or is in some bad company , kindly help me as 2 wht i should do in dis situation

Love Guru answers, If he's throwing up it's probably because he's drinking too much. Confront him about it -- drinking socially is alright, but not to the extent of making yourself ill.

casd asked, I m in love wid a gal who has gone abroad and is now in relationship with anothr guy.V had a vB'ful relationship for 6yrs,tried all that i cud, evn went to her to rekindle our love. Maybe physical proximity is all tht matters to her now. I planed all my life arnd her and now tht she doesnt want me,I hav no idea what to do with my life. vDepressed.. help me!

Love Guru answers, Don't build your whole life around one person. So a relationship failed -- that's tough, but you've got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep moving. It happens to everyone at some point in their lives. Start doing the things you've always wanted to do, hang out with friends, go out on a few dates, enjoy yourself. It's not the end of the world -- rather, it's a brand new beginning.

goakash asked, I am 38 yrs old, divorced, not interested in marraige anymore. I like a girl (Single) who again is not interested in marraige. She invited me for a 3 day holiday to Goa with her. All those days we enjoyed a lot, but she is not ready to sleep with me or even let me kiss her. But she likes me and liked my comapny a lot. We both are good looking, but why is she not ready to sleep with me.

Love Guru answers, Try taking it a little slow. She obviously enjoys your company, but if you come on too strong it's bound to turn any girl off. An invitation to travel together doesn't necessarily translate into an invitation to sleep together, but that's what you thought it was. Let her get completely comfortable with you and get to know you well before you try to kiss her. Then again, it could be that she's simply not looking for a relationship at all and only wants to be friends -- in which case, tough luck, but you have to respect her decision.

Serene asked, I am engaged to be married with a girl!!! I really Love her and respect her but lately I find myself thinking 'dirty' about her!!! Do you think this is normal??? Will it hamper our long term relation if we explore some of our fantasy (except sex) pre marriage???

Love Guru answers, Look, you're engaged to be married and if you both want to take your relationship to the next level, ie it's a mutual decision, there's no harm in it. In fact it will probably strengthen your ties to each other.

Love Guru says, Time to go, people! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, all the best!