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'I got verbally abusive, she walked out on me'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on March 18 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, people! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started, shall we?
patil asked, hi lg i was engaged since last two years sudnly for silly resion marrage break up. we both love each other and my family also dont have problme but her famly not intrested. last one month onwards no talking nothing please hlp me. she is not that much educated so she cant oppose and nobady want to talk to me
Love Guru answers, If it's a silly reason, you should look past that reason and go ahead with what you want to do. And I don't see why her education should stand in the way of her telling her parents she wants to be with you. Get together, both of you, decide upon a course of action and follow up with it. I think her family may come to terms with it if she is determined -- at any rate, your folks will stand by both of you.
sunny asked, hi, i am having trouble with my ex, as she wants to patch up, but i dont love her
Love Guru answers, If you don't want to patch up and you don't love her, all you have to do is tell her that. I don't see why it's a problem anymore? If she's pestering you incessantly, just avoid contact with her.
gattu asked, even after 6 months, i never had intercourse with my wife.. she never opposes neither encourages it. she never gets such a emotional feeling when it comes to sex... wt should i say to her & wt shld i do?
Love Guru answers, The first thing you should do is talk to her about it. Ask her why she is so disinterested in sex and if there's a problem. If she avoids it, explain to her that you cannot sleep with someone who shows no inclination to sleep with you and doesn't reciprocate in any way. Sex plays an important role in marriage. If you still can't get her to open up about what is troubling her, a counselling session with a sex specialist may be a good idea.
ugi asked, my girl friend and me parted ways before 2 years.Now i would like to marry her now, she is in Australia now. i have sent few mails,send messages in facebook and she blocked me in facebook, when i trying to call her on mobile..she is avoiding me..Pls suggest me on this...Thanks
Love Guru answers, Well, she obviously doesn't even want contact with you, let alone wanting to marry you. All you can do is send her a heartfelt e-mail about how you feel and how her avoiding you is hurtful. Tell her that even if her answer is no, you'd just like to hear it from her. And I wonder why she is so adamant about avoiding you in the first place? What did you do to make her so bitter towards you?
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'I find my fiance very boring'
nil asked, I have love marriage but there is no communication bnetween parents and my wife. The relation is getting strain and both are quitre adamant. What is the way out?
Love Guru answers, If your parents are putting a strain on your marriage, I don't think you have much choice but to move out with your wife. From what you're telling me, it looks like your parents have not accepted her and that is why she is building up resentment against them.
rasika asked, HI LOVEGURU,I m engaged to be married but im not interested in my fiance at all ,i find him very boring . also i feel im not loyal towards my fiance coz I am attracted to other guyz and have temptation to flirt with them ,and i always get thoughts about breaking up with him since he is not my type of guy, i dont find any of that qualities i wanted in my life partner.Am afraid to tell my thoughts to my parents . Should i call off the engagement? any suggestions plz?
Love Guru answers, Rasika, if you're not at all interested in this guy, you'd better call it off and fast. Your parents may be a little upset, but that's okay -- if you keep shut now, you'll find yourself married before you know it. And then getting out of the situation will land you in a proper soup! Instead of letting something like that happen, you'd rather call off the engagement now.
Hello asked, Hey love guru, I am 23 but generally I have no time for making gf so I feel very lonely as I see many people married or having gf or bf. I feel very lonely but I am not interested in making any gf as I proposed one gal and she said NO to me so I had a bitter experience. Now I will go according to my parents wish BUT I FEEL VERY LONELY WHAT SHOULD I DO??
Love Guru answers, Tell your parents to start looking for a girl for you if you want to settle down. But just a word of advice -- one 'no' from one girl is hardly a reason to stop trying permanently.
DV asked, I love one girl but her parents are dead against our marriage and she says she will marry me only if her parents agrees but now another girl proposed to me and wants to marry me, plz tell me what should i do?
Love Guru answers, You could try talking to her parents personally or get your family to approach them. If you've already done that and they're still dead against it, there's not much more you can do. It's not like this girl is willing to marry you without their permission. If you are attracted to this other girl who's fallen for you, I'd suggest you pursue it. But do it for the right reasons, not on the rebound from your previous relationship.
aaaaaaa asked, i m in love with a gal since last 8 years m earning 8k and doing my grdaution m 28 yrs old she also loves me but her family is puuting pressure on her as her elder sister is also in luv with some1 and parents not willing for that guy as the guy is just graduate, she says she sees mum cryin all that stuff so she dosent had the courage to tell to her family about me .. 10 mins b4 we talked n she was cryin wht shudi do i just want her happy
Love Guru answers, Listen, I don't want you to be at all disheartened by what I'm saying, but if you're still graduating at 28 and not earning enough to settle down, I don't think her parents will agree at all. If you really want this girl, you'll have to wait it out. In the meantime, you'll have to study hard, graduate and also enroll for a post-graduate degree. If you're serious about your career, her parents will see you as a serious prospect. I don't think she should tell her family about you just yet -- they will just say no. Stand firmly on your own feet before you decide to make things official.
rosh asked, Hi LG, i really like a guy and we have been chatting buddies for past 10 years and before that we were next door neighbours...I met him few months back and discovered that i want to be more than just friends with him...i have dropped several hints, but i am not sure if he harbors same feelings towards me...should i just tell upfront or else if i do it will result in me losing our friendship altogether?
Love Guru answers, If you've dropped several hints and he's not responded, it either means he hasn't understood them, or he is consciously avoiding them. I would say you have a 50/50 chance -- so why not just tell him? If you're such good friends, I think he will be nice to you even if it's a no. If he behaves stupid and stops talking to him, well, you're better off without a friend like that anyway.
'She neither accepts nor rejects me -- I'm confused'
asd asked, HI LG, i am a Hindu in love with Christian girl, and her mother insists i get converted if need to marry. I am neither willing to convert nor want my girl friend to get converted. and my girl friend is ready to leave her family and come. i don't want to elope or marry without parents consent? i want both the families to happily approve our marriage? so What am i supposed to do?
Love Guru answers, That's an unreasonable demand for sure. Explain to her mother that you don't want to give up your faith, just as she wouldn't want to give up hers. And she cannot force her religion on you for the wrong reasons. Say that your girlfriend has accepted you as you are and you have accepted her as she is -- that you will be going ahead with the wedding anyway, but you would like to do it with their blessings. If she doesn't come to terms with it, just go ahead and marry -- at the end of the day, your girl is willing to stand by you and that is all that really matters.
jigar asked, i am from delhi, i love some body but she never reject or accept so i am getting confused that what should i do? she is my good friend also
Love Guru answers, Demand a proper answer from her. Tell her you can't keep behind her forever and if it's a no, you'll move on and find someone else. But at least she should tell you what she feels, so that you remain good friends, if nothing else. As for you, if it is a no, take it gracefully and treat her as the friend she has always been to you.
aser asked, HI Guru, i am always trying to say a girl i love that i Love her, but she takes it as a joke, says i am flirting as i am very joyful in nature which i am. How can i make her understand that i really like her and want to be with her
Love Guru answers, Tell her seriously once. When she laughs, don't laugh along -- explain that it's how you really feel and you'd like a proper answer from her instead of joking around this once.
ak asked, hi Sir I am in love with a gal since i was in 7th std. It's been almost 7 years now we have not talked..she was just a frnd in school..i Could never propose her those days bcause of fear of rejection..now i met her through orkut..she still considers me as a frnd..and now i wana propose her..is it ok to propose her on phone..i just donno hw 2 do tht..Please guide me..how to propose a gal whom u love so much & she treats u just as a frnd..n nothing more..
Love Guru answers, If you're so tongue-tied, e-mail her with what you want to say instead of doing it on the phone. Don't fear rejection -- even if she says no, it's hardly the end of the world. You'll eventually meet someone else who you develop feelings for.
pawan asked, i want to make relationship with one colleage i suceeded not 100%. but now we both have left that office i have left that place also i want to continue the relationship but i think now she is not interested what to do
Love Guru answers, You should ask her to go out with you outside of office hours. Meet up for dinner, coffee, spend some time together. If she is not interested anymore and says no, however, there's not much you can do about it. I would think leaving the same office would make you pine more for each other, waiting expectantly for the other's call or SMS through the day, instead of being disinterested.
paurush asked, I m in a reltnship for past 8 yrs and planned to marry her. my gf is diagnosed with chronic disease whose treatment is more than double of my salary. Her father is a govt servant and get the medical expenses reimbursed frm his office. We are supposed to be married in april. after marrg, since she wont be dependent on her father, the medical expenses will com on our families which we are not in condition to sustain. I can endure all the pains but not able to ensure her treatment. I dont want to leave her in such a pain. I planned to postpone the marriage but she is adamant that either marry her or leave her. Wat to do?? I m feeling helpless
Love Guru answers, I think before taking everything into your own hands, you need to speak to a financial expert who is well-versed with the law. Explore your options completely to see if there is a loophole through which her father can continue to provide for her. I think she is being slightly unreasonable in saying you have to marry her right now when she knows it's not in either of your best interests -- she will not get the care she needs and you will be financially drained. Tell her you're willing to get engaged, but that postponing the marriage by a bit is not what you want personally -- rather, it's a necessity.
'My would-be wife sent me a porn site link -- I'm upset'
Rajat asked, I am engaged to some girl and we are getting married in september. But the problem is that she doesnt understand me and constantly we have fights. every time she says that u keep on fighting on small things and i keep on telling her that small small things meant alot in life. So tell me how can I make her understand about all this
Love Guru answers, Engaged to 'some girl'? That's hardly how anyone would talk about their fiance! And if you're picking fights on small issues, then it's your fault! No, the small things don't mean a lot in life -- it's the big picture that counts! So either stop being so petty, or then be prepared for most women to fail to meet your unrealistic expectations!
cooldude asked, Hi i was in contact with a girl whom i met in yahoo chat. we became close frends and when i went to hyd we went out for a movie and lunch. we had good contact throgh phone and mails but i had to go to onsite for 3 months and lost contact.No replies to my mails and number also changed.She had proposed me few times I just said we are good friends. Now I am married and have a beautiful wife and very happy but some times i miss my friend what can I do.Please sugegst how can i forget her or should i conatct her
Love Guru answers, Forget it. You have a beautiful wife you makes you happy -- don't compromise that for a friend you met only once and who was in lvoe with you. You'll put a strain on your marriage. Learn to be contented with and grateful for what you have.
1q2w3e asked, Hello ,am engaged ,one day during chat my would be wife sent me a porn site link.An very upset about that,I mean am very simple guy avoid this kind of things.
Love Guru answers, Listen, most guys in your place would be thrilled to have a wife who was cool about porn. Being simple doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex or sexually-oriented exchanges with your fiance! Stop living in a box and learn to live a little -- it can't do any harm, as long as your real values that actually matter remain unchanged!
Andy asked, My Engagement was recently broken, We were engagaed for 6 months, I got angry with the girl ( I went verbally abusive once), thereafter I admitted my mistakes numerous times, I felt really ashamed of my behaviour,But the Girls family and the girl does not want to listen, Infact my marriage hall was also booked, last moment the girl decided not to go ahead, but over the 6 months she claimed she loved me genuinely etc, I am wondering, is there a thing called forgiveness in real world ? Why could not she forgive me ?Was she lying she loved me all this while,I told her that, my mistake would not be repeated (meant it).... Can you suggest, Is forgivness really that bad a thing ?
Love Guru answers, Andy, forgiveness is only forthcoming if it is guaranteed that the mistake will not be repeated in such cases. People like you, who lose your temper in the worst way, are known to have specific behaviour patterns. While you say you learned your lesson and are truly apologetic, even I cannot fully believe that you will never repeat it again. The next time you are angry, who is to say you won't abuse her? And then what -- she walks out of the marriage? So instead, she's decided she'd rather not deal with even the possibility of this problem and walked out on you. All you can do is get down on your knees and beg now to be taken back. Tell her you'll attend anger-management counselling if she wants you to, but love also means forgiving and if she loves you she'll give you a second chance. Show her in every possible way that you are very serious about not repeating what happened -- maybe she will relent.
luvstuck asked, hey love guru.. i was in a relationship with a guy fro abt 2yrs.. really loved him and we intended to get married. But his parents were against the idea. My parents initially opposed but then wanted us to get married soon coz i was crossing an optimal marrying age.. he could not convince his parents for abt 6 months and my parents started pressurizing me to get married somewhere else. Eventually i couldnt take it anymore and we broke up.. he still thinks that i didnt stand by him but i feel otherwise... have i ditched him???
Love Guru answers, I think he didn't stand by you. Six months was long enough for him to get the idea that his parents weren't going to relent. So why didn't he go ahead and marry you anyway instead of wasting his time trying to get their approval when he knew it wasn't coming? This is an easy way of piling off the blame on you. Don't fall for it.
Love Guru says, Time's up! Catch you folks next week, same time, same place! Till then, goodbye and all the best!