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My mom's sacrifice: 'Widowed at 40 with 4 kids'

With Mother's Day coming up on May 9, we invited readers to share special stories of sacrifices their mothers have made for them. Here are two responses:

First up is Mumbai-based Renuka Mani's dedication to her mom:

What can I say about my mother? Born as Rajlakshmi, she was the 16th child -- yes, 16th. She had so many brothers and sisters, some of whom expired in childhood due to illness or went missing.

Born in the village of Tarakkad to a very wealthy family who had fields and farms that sprawled out for as far eye could see, she and her mother came to Mumbai in the late 1930's, in the midst of India's freedom struggle. She and my nani lived with my mama (elder brother) and his wife and kids.

Married in 1955, her name was changed to Lalitha. She gave birth to a healthy boy in 1956, only to lose him 6 months later, on her birthday! The four of us came later -- four girls, spelling future doom (as is the belief of Indians). We lived in a joint family of 20 people, most of whom were relatives passing through -- and those who just did not want to pass through!

She used to be up at 4:30 am to roast coffee beans for freshly filtered coffee, which she hand-ground in a machine. Then she prepared lunch by 7:30 am and got us all ready for school. In all of this, there was a constant fight for survival, as my aunt (bua) returned from her marital home with two kids; there were constant games of favouritism played by the elders of the family, which she bore stoically. Great lady. Because my cousin brothers were older, they grabbed the toilet and the bathroom first, always. I still shudder at the thought that we had to use newspapers for our ablutions, as the toilet was always blocked by the elders and we little girls did not matter at all.

In 1976, my father expired, leaving her a widow at the young age of 40, with no job and four young girls aged 17, 15, 11 (me) and 7. By this time, my cousins, aunt and grandmother left our house and lived very far away, probably scared at the thought of caring financially for five women. But we are proud that we never depended upon anyone for even a penny. We are self-made women, thanks to my mother.

My elder sister did not get a job at my dad's office immediately, as she was not 17 yet. So for six months from May to November, till my eldest sister turned 18, my mother took tuitions at a fee of Rs 5 per child. Widowed on May 15, 1976 and tuitions from June 1, 1976 -- I always wonder how she managed it. We never starved, we always wore hand-me-downs and we never complained.

My mother never even thought of re-marriage. She was beautiful, slim, fair. But she also had four young daughters. When we grew up, we asked her why she never thought of marriage, she had only been 40... she always said it was for 'your' safety. Today I know what she meant.

Now my eldest sister is married and the rest of us are single and trying to replicate my mother's sacrifice. We are failing at every step of the way; we still have a long, long way to go. We are single by choice -- we had our share of seeing boys between the ages of 20 and 30, but not having a father or brother went against us and no proposal bore fruit.

We always celebrate her birthday, even though she remembers the tragedy of losing a son on that very day. Today, we stand proud of ourselves and our mother, without whom we would be nowhere.

She is the best. She rocks.

Share unforgettable memories of your mom with us. Tell us a special story -- a memory that is very dear to your heart because of something unforgettable that she did for you, in the way that mothers often do. That one incident that reaffirmed your belief in your parent's ultimate sacrifice. And if you can, do send in a photograph of you and your mom to publish alongside.

Simply write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (subject line: 'My mother's sacrifice'), because we'll be publishing the best entries right here on rediff.com

'She agreed despite her fear for my safety'

Captain Amulya Kapoor sent in this story:

All mothers sacrifice for their children, so it could be very difficult for you to choose the best entries.

I'm the only child of my parents and was keen to join the army. When my interview call came, my mother did not want to tell me about the same, but my father convinced her not to withhold it from me. I went for my SSB interview to Allahabad and got through. I was to join the OTA, Chennai, in May 1991 but my mother refused to let me join the army and I told myself that till she gave me the go-ahead, I would not go against her wishes.

It was then that my father told her, "Let him join the army; it shouldn't be that 20 years down the line he blames you for not letting him do so. At that moment you will feel bad about not letting your son join the armed forces." So she gracefully agreed and I joined up, passing my training with flying colours.

I'm back with my parents after doing a five-year stint with the army and this sacrifice of my mother's will always have a bearing on my mind when we take a call about my own child.

Kudos to my mother and all mothers.

'She treated my father's siblings like her own children'

Ajay Kukreti wrote in to us from Dehradun about his love for his mother:

I am the youngest and only son with four elder sisters. However, my mother loved us all equally and never did I feel that I was given any special treatment.

She got married at the age of 15 and soon after, my father lost both his parents. As the eldest, he brought up his two younger brothers and two sisters. He was in Indian Navy as a junior officer on a meagre salary. He was mostly away at sea and my mother took care of his siblings. Even though funds were few, she somehow managed. For years, she did not buy a single sari for herself as her college going sis-in-laws needed them more.

For the next eight years, she did not bear a child as the family's needs were more. Only after my uncle graduated, got a job and my elder aunt got married was my eldest sister born.

My mother was educated only upto Class V and my father joined the Navy after high school at the age of 16. Still, all my uncles and aunts were educated by them upto graduation (in the '60s) and even my aunts pursued their careers throughout their lives -- quite satisfying.

Never did she complain and never did she feel that so much of my father's earnings were spent on the siblings, which, had it been saved, could have resulted in much better education etc for her children. She was always happy and thanked God for everything.

Because of this sacrifice, my father was ever thankful that he was able to provide his siblings with a good education and subsequently, good jobs. Today all my cousins are well-educated and in excellent jobs and so are my sisters and I. Had my mother asked my father to cater more to her own children, the whole family would have suffered. Both my aunts and uncles treated her like their own mother till her dying day. They were inconsolable upon her death; such was the way in which she had bonded the whole family together.

She is a role model for us to date -- we share a very strong bond where money plays a very miniscule role and we are ready to sacrifice for one another.

'A sacrifice every step of the way'

And here is an entry from Kunal Wadhwani:

First off, here's wishing all the mothers in the world a very happy Mother's Day!

The headline of the article published on rediff.com dated May 3 asks us to write about that ONE special moment of sacrifice that makes a mother so special.

I would like to say that there cannot be just that one moment, as a mother's life is full of sacrifices. Talking about the same in context of my mother, her very first sacrifice was when she sat at home all 9 months nurturing me in her stomach. The next sacrifice came when I was a toddler, and she had to spend endless nights putting me to sleep and skipping meals just to ensure that I had all my meals properly and on time.

When I fell ill, which I still very frequently do, she would spend hours sitting by my side and ensuring that I was given priority over all her chores for the day. It was like (and still is when I am sick) being treated like a king.

When I went to school, she woke up at 5:30 am to ensure that I was packed a wholesome meal for lunch and added on those extra tiffins if I had an NCC class or extra tutorials after school. Another sacrifice she made was to bravely hear complaints about my poor performance at times on open day at school.

I grew up, graduated and started with college and the sacrifices continued, staying awake late at night only to ensure that I reached home safely. Throughout my college days, during all my exams, she ensured that I got everything in hand without even asking, be it tea late at night and early in the mornings, personalised wake-up calls (whenever I requested them, or even without) and many other such things.

I started working after completing graduation and still the sacrifices continued. I need to leave the house early in the morning for work, but my lunch is tightly packed and kept on the table before time. Demands by colleagues for chocolate brownies and other sweets are readily fulfilled by just asking once.

I started pursuing an executive master's degree post graduation programme, which ensured that I got back home extremely late every night after classes. She has sacrificed all her sleep by heating up dinner upto four times, ensuring that during my semester exams I am always served the right food at the right time and ensuring that she bears all my nervous pre-exam mood swings.

I can keep on writing about the sacrifices my mother has made for me and the list will be endless. She has taught me to live with humility, self-dependence, self-belief and a never-say-die attitude. I wish my mother, on this day, a veryyyyy happy Mother's Day. Thank you for being the best mother on this globe and guiding me towards the path that's always right!