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'He looks at other girls when he's with me'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on May 20 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started, shall we?
deesa asked, hve rejected 2 proposels ,guys r setle enough to give life,just because my pals only like to one from our caste,as bro marry outside caste,there marriege is on rocks,so they think its better in or caste
Love Guru answers, Okay, but what exactly is the problem? In the end it was your decision to reject the proposals, was it not? Even if it was based on their advice. You have to make up your mind what's best for you, instead of going by what others say. And if your brother married outside the caste and is having problems, that doesn't necessarily mean it's because of caste differences that they're having trouble. Two people from the same community may also have trouble, because at the end of the day, it's all about how you adjust to each other on a personal level.
vips asked, into livin relationship with a gal,we just started the living together tht we will never be marry,as there is lot of diff ,but now my parents got a proposel i am going ahead with this,my gf is not ready to leve.how i get rid or her.now she says why get into physical is am not going to mrry her,but i do only wth her consent.i duno luv her,its just fun
Love Guru answers, Nobody moves in with someone else without being serious about the relationship and only because 'getting physical is fun'. I'm not surprised at your girlfriend's reaction, because she obviously didn't expect you to turn out to be such a jerk. What you've done is take complete advantage of her by giving her false hopes. Since you've made up your mind to go with your parents' proposal, however, I would suggest you be the one to move out instead of trying to get her to leave. Why should she? It was your decision to end the relationship with her, wasn't it?
pkm asked, I was in relationship with a girl in my office. Few months we broke off.As we knew we cannot go further. As now i am engagement is done with someother girl. Still i get emotional feeling for that girl whenever i see in the office or meeting. The problem is that i am going to start a new life in coming months and want to forget things. what should i do now ?? should i change my company before i get married.
Love Guru answers, This is the downside of office romances. You have to continue to face your ex and that way, you remain hung up on your past relationship and don't get any closure. Yes, if it is possible to move to another company without compromising your career, I would suggest you go ahead with it.
sita asked, Hey loveguru! I am in love with my best friend.we r childhood friends.im his secret admirer i love him very much but never had courage to tell him. Recently one of my friends have told him that i love him and now he has stopped talking to me he is avoiding me,he is not receiving my calls n not replying to my messeges.I dont want to loose my best friend and our friendship..please give some solution on this matter pls pls. thanks.
Love Guru answers, He's behaving quite silly and childish. Go meet him in person and tell him that while you can accept that he doesn't feel the same way about you, you'd still like to remain friends lie before. Also tell him that since you've been best friends so long, you expected that he'd have a little more sense and behave appropriately instead of outright avoiding you -- that's kid stuff. If he still behaves like he is, write him off, because a real best friend who really cared about you and your feelings would not do this. And next time, do your own proposing instead of sending someone else to do it for you! That way, you get a proper chance to talk things out and express things in the correct manner!
solidcomfort asked, Hi I m 40+ in love with 24 year old, we are quite on the same page when it comes to compatibility , will the relationship work?
Love Guru answers, You may be on the same page now, my friend, but will you be on the same page when you're approaching 60 and she's only in her late 30s? Discuss the future of your relationship -- if she wants children, are you ready for fatherhood at this age? What do both of you want out of life? You need to ensure that you want the same things out of life not only now, but in the years to come.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'I said no to his proposal, now he's saying no to mine!'
Archana asked, Hi Love Guru, I am courting someone from the past 1 year. We are getting engaged on 23rd this month. Wedding is few months away. From past few says, I have been wallowing in insecurity and often keep nagging him, asking him not to talk to girl colleagues in office. I checked his mails (feeling guilty).. acting a li'l possessive. how do i repose faith in him?
Love Guru answers, Why have you lost faith in him in the first place, Archana, if he hasn't done anything to make you feel insecure? The worst thing you can do to your relationship is be clingy, needy and try to control your partner -- which is exactly the road you're going down right now. And why shouldn't he talk to female colleagues? If he was interested in one of them, he'd be engaged to her right now instead of you, right? He chose you, you chose him. That happened for a reason. And that is exactly the reason why you should trust him and not play the annoying amour.
Sumeet asked, Sir, I hv a relationship for the last 5 yrs. she loved me more than herself, bt she recently get into her first job, & she started liking snother person, he also likes her, & sudenly she started avoiding me eventually she told me just fe days earlier that she dosnt feel anything right now for me. I realy cnt forget her. her mother knows everythng. its nt possible to live without her, & i will wait for her for lifetime.
Love Guru answers, Sumeet, if you wait for a lifetime, you're practically throwing that lifetime away. I can imagine the pain you're going through right now, but why would you spend the next 50 years obsessing over something that lasted for 5? In the long run, does it make sense? No, it doesn't. Think of this as a chapter in your life that you have to close now, so do that gracefully and open to a fresh page. If you're ready to date other girls, go ahead, else just enjoy life with your friends till the right one comes along.
florence asked, i am in love with my childhood friend but we are not talk 2 each other for many years after college & now one day i meet him in my cousion brothers marriage. We both had a nice talk & we danced together. now i am having a feeling for him how should i tell him i am not getting that ke i love him.
Love Guru answers, It's great that you've reconnected, Florence, but if I were you, I'd give it a little more time before telling him about your feelings. You've only met once after years apart and while you had a good time, don't rush things. Meet him again, go out a few times for coffee or on a date -- you'll know soon enough whether he feels the same way about you too. Good luck!
k asked, if you have a grown up daughter going to school/college and you suspect them to be having a love relationship...how do you make them realize love at this age are just infatuation.. what if it is a boy? this is a common problem and it affects their studies and even the usual communication with others..
Love Guru answers, You can always sit your son down and explain that you're fine with him being in a relationship with a girl -- that itself will come as a big relief to him. Then, when you move on to say that he should not treat it very seriously and wait to see how things unfold with her in the long run, he will be more likely to listen to your advice. Tell him to enjoy his relationship but also give priority to his future and education. And be open-minded enough to invite his girlfriend over to lunch or dinner once in awhile, but be casual and friendly. That is the best you can do as a parent.
lisa asked, some time back a guy proposes me for marriage,,but that time i say no to him,but later on i start likinng him,so when i asks him he says no,thinking of asking one more time.is that ok
Love Guru answers, Lisa, maybe he said no because he's still hurting over your previous rejection and maybe he's saying no because he seriously doesn't think it's a good idea anymore. Yes, you can approach him again -- explain to him that you made a mistake rejecting him so hastily the last time and apologise for it. Also explain that if he's saying no only to get back at you for that, it's a childish, vengeful thing to do. Discuss whether he truly thinks the two of you can have a future together or not. Tell him this is the last time you will approach him regarding the issue, so if he was serious about marrying you, he should tell you the truth about how he feels. And truly, make this the last time -- if, for whatever reason, it's a genuine 'no' from his side, accept that it was just not meant to be and that this is the best thing for you in the long run.
raining asked, I and my wife are getting very less time for us due to work pressure. This is effecting our relationship.What to do?
Love Guru answers, Everyone suffers from work pressure -- the trick is to balance your personal life alongside. Take leave from work and take a trip together every once in awhile, try to leave earlier for work everyday so you can get home earlier and spend time together, make the most of weekends -- that's all there is to it. If you enjoy yourself together, that's all it takes.
'She's insisting that we get married right away'
Charminar asked, is marriage necessary?i want to have a relationship with a girl without marriage.pls advise.
Love Guru answers, No, it's not necessary -- but you need to clarify that a relationship which is not going anywhere is fine with the girl you're dating too. Most women are looking for a relationship with a future -- marriage, kids, the whole hog. So if you're not going to be offering her any of those options, you need to make that very clear in the beginning.
Chhavi asked, loveguru hi i love a guy whu actually makes me hurt by his careless behaviour...he loves me a lot
Love Guru answers, If he loved you a lot, he probably wouldn't be as careless as he is. Explain that you won't tolerate this behaviour anymore because it genuinely upsets you and he has to make an effort to change that about himself. It may take time, but if he does truly love you, he will make the effort. If he doesn't, you should understand that you're wasting your time with this guy.
pintu asked, why people fall in Love, why dont they rise in Love?
Love Guru answers, It's just a manner of speaking, Pintu...if you prefer to say rise in love, why not, go with that! :)
ramesh asked, Hi Loveguru,i am love with my junior colleague, she is also accepted but she is telling we both want marry soon, still i am not settled in my career i am asking her to give oneyear time she is not listening, now she is not talking to me how i have o coinvience her please give me sujjestion guruji
Love Guru answers, She's being a little unreasonable, Ramesh. Explain to her that your only reason to delay things is so you can provide for her better. If she wants some sign of commitment, why not use the most common compromise -- an engagement? Or book your wedding venue even if it's a year from now, so she has some surety that you're serious about the wedding.
mina asked, Hello LG, I love my bf.He is 14 years older than me.we r in a relationship since 6 months and now as im geting to know him better i find he is a philander. He gets attracted to gals and he dares to look at them even when he is with me.That proves he is not loyal towards me though he says he loves me very much.He is otherwise a nice person and i love him, please tell me should i leave him ??
Love Guru answers, Looking at other women doesn't make him a philanderer! And if he's doing it in front of you, all the more reason you should believe that his intent is not underhanded! Look, Mina, all men look at other women -- but not all get caught! If your man is doing it in front of you, it's obviously a harmless thing and you should just accept it. Not really a big deal, is it, looking? Don't you give any handsome man you see a second glance? Does that mean you'd fall into bed with him even if you have a boyfriend? No, right? So don't sweat this small stuff -- it's just human nature.
INDRA asked, I LOVE ONE OF MY COLLEAGUES, BOTH OF US ARE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN. WE LOVE OUR FAMILIES DEEPLY. I WANT SOME INTIMATE TIMES WITH HER BUT SHE IS CONSERVATIVE ON THAT ASPECT. I AM IN NO MOOD TO LOVE IF SHE CANNOT ALLOW ME PERSONAL MOMENTS. I CANNOT FORGET HER ALSO AS LIKE SHE CANNOT . HOW TO GET RID OF THE RELATION
Love Guru answers, She's obviously not willing to take this to the physical level and that's good -- at least she has a conscience, which is more than I can say for you! If you love your family deeply, why would you want to cheat on your wife? And you're blatantly saying that you're in no mood to continue the relationship if she doesn't get physical with you -- so basically, that's all you want! Sex outside of your marriage! Stop behaving like a teenage boy with overactive hormones -- you're a husband and a father and that should matter more than a few moments of pleasure in the sack with someone else!
'My girlfriend insists on a lot of sex -- is it taboo?'
sweety asked, i marry that person to whom i love the most but now the nature the person is change relation between us only formality so tell me this happen in every love marrage , now what can i do so that person behave like he behave with me before 4 yrs
Love Guru answers, At the beginning of a relationship, you tend to project your best behaviour to your partner -- it's human nature. but the entire personality of your partner is only revealed a couple of years or more into the relationship. Explain to your husband that you loved how he used to behave with your four years ago and just because you're married now it doesn't mean he stops trying to please you altogether. Be tactful -- use compliments, recount happy times, have a good laugh over them, try to recreate a few things from back then -- go to a coffee shop you used to frequent together, or watch a movie you saw together for the first time. He will reciprocate and will slowly start warming up to the idea of reviving the spark.
cupid asked, what can i do if my gf insists on sex very often ? is this taboo ? and can we get caught ? can law take action on us for practising sex outside marriage ?
Love Guru answers, Why is it taboo if it's not hurting anyone else? If you're both unmarried and legally old enough to indulge in sexual activity, there's absolutely nothing unlawful about it -- unless you do it somewhere in public, where you can get caught! That's a crime!
Ajay asked, My lover doesn't allow me even to touch her finger but she presents me a good & precious gift on the eve of my birthday. What is going wrong with her ? ? Why she keeps herslef away from me ?
Love Guru answers, That is a bit of a problem, isn't it? Physical relations play an important part in any relationship and if she's not even allowing you to hold her hand or kiss her on the cheek, she's being a little unrealistic about things. It's not necessary to jump into bed, but it's also not necessary to keep you away at all costs. Explain how you feel about it to her.
Rachita asked, Hi LG, I am in a live-in arrangement with my guy and we are planning a baby now. Can you please tell me what all legal formalities need to be taken care of. Will there be any problems related to inheritance etc in the future.
Love Guru answers, Visit a lawyer -- he should be able to explain all the legal ramifications of a live-in relationship to you.
narceen asked, The girl whom i love is more attached to her family than myself.I do understand and feel her love for me.She is her only daughter.I fear she'd get more drawn towards them after our marriage.Please advise
Love Guru answers, Stop trying to compete with her family. So what if she's attached to them? Everyone is attached to their families -- by deliberately placing yourself on the opposite end of her affection for them, you're creating a problem where there isn't one yet. Accept them as your family too and things will be fine -- when small differences come up, address them as you would with your own family.
Love Guru says, Time's up, folks! Tune in again next week, same time, same place! Till then, goodbye and all the best!