'I forwarded some of his letters. She left him'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on May 27 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hello, people! Welcome back to the relationships chat on Get Ahead...

NehaSingh asked, Love guru u remember that day i had a query with long distance relation ship that i broke. In a month i came to know that the guy's mother has fixed his marriage and that guy had started an affair with that girl ditching me. I forwarded some of the letters to that girl's mail ID. It seems she left him. But the guy is scolding me that i am not respectable. I am i really wrong? Whatever this satisfied me and now he is completely out of my mind

Love Guru answers, Hi Neha. I remember your query, but don't exactly recollect whether you broke up with him or the other way around. If you broke up with him, this move on your part was unnecessary and rather vindictive. If he dumped you, well, I guess it's still not right, but I can understand why you did it, given your resentment. Glad to hear that he is completely out of your system, though and I would suggest you end all contact with him now -- don't let it escalate into an episode where he reacts to what you've done and then you do the same. That will only prolong your bitterness and feuding.

gayatri asked, am 38 yr married old lady,working,my boss is widower56 yrs old,,am in involve with him since last 2 yrs.its kind of platonic relationship,but sometime he says me that he needs a companion,he finds that in me,but i love my hubby also,i can,t leave him,due to this he just got angry wth me,now i don,t know what to do

Love Guru answers, Who's angry with you, the boss or your husband? The former has no right to be, since he knew you were married when he became involved with you. If it's your husband, I fully sympathise with him. Office relationships are tricky anyway and when you team that with an extramarital affair, that too with someone who holds the reins to your career in his hands, it's downright stupid. No other word for it, Gayatri -- start looking for another job if you want to save your marriage. And if you don't want to see your career suffer a setback along with your personal life.

raku asked, am in luv with a married woaman ,hve 3 kids,not happy ,but don,t want to laeve him,am ready to marry him,we also indulge in lot of sex,she enjoys,also once abort my child,help meeeeeeeee

Love Guru answers, You're in love with a married woman and then you say you're ready to marry 'him'? Please be precise with your questions! If I'm deciphering correctly, you're involved with her and she won't leave her husband and even aborted your child once. What more proof do you need that she's not going to end her marriage? Whether she's happy or not, the decision to leave her husband is just that -- HER decision. So stop playing second fiddle and put your foot down -- either she leaves him or you leave her. But you need to consider that you'll have to be a father figure to three children who are not your own and who will probably blame you for the demise of their parents' marriage. Think you can do all that for her? It's a very complicated situation -- so you need to be very clear about what you want. And if you're not, move on -- it's not worth all this trouble.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

kriti asked, Hi LG, I m in love with a boy from the past 1 year and he loves me too. We are from the same community but he is pundit and i m non-pundit, his parents are not agree with our relationship. And now as the things clear should i move on as the boy also knows that we can't marry.

Love Guru answers, In a situation like yours, Kriti, it's not 'can't marry' -- it's 'won't marry'. In other words, he is not willing to go against his parents for your sake. So yes, I would say move on. You've been seeing him a year -- that's a fair amount of time, but not all that long. You'll come to terms with it in a couple of months, so don't invest more time and emotion in this relationship when you know it's not going anywhere. It'll only get harder to let go as more time passes.

manju asked, hi guru,my marriage is 3 yr old .have one kid,i feel i don,t love my husband ,i just get marri this man on my parents demand that what people say all .still my love bf and am unable to forget my ex bf,still calls him sometime he feels the same way,we don,t get marry that time due to caste,and that time he is not settle.

Love Guru answers, You shouldn't have caved to pressure from your parents. Now you're stuck in a loveless marriage and you're unhappy. And on top of that, you have a child to care for. So what is more important -- what people say or how you're feeling stifled and unhappy everyday? If you don't have any hope of the marriage working out, get up and leave. But it takes courage to do that -- if you didn't have enough to stand up to your parents, you'll have a hard time making such a bold move. But in the long run, it's probably the only thing that can help you in this situation.

SONU asked, HI..I AM MARRIED N IN LOVE WITH A GAL WHO IS ALSO GOT MARRIED AFTER OUR AFFAIR AFET MUTUAL DECISION.EVEN AFETR HER MARRIAGE WE HAVE MANTAINED OUR LOVE & SHE GOT A CHILD FROM ME.AS OF KNW WE ARE SUCCEDD IN KEEPING THE RELATION SECREAT.WGTS D FUTURE OF OUR RELATION? WE CANT LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER,

Love Guru answers, What's the future? The future is that you'll be going to bed with someone else for the rest of your life and so will she, since neither of you had the guts to come out in the open and fight for your relationship. The future is also that another man is bringing up your child and s/he will never know his/her real father, the way things stand now. The worst part is that you are ruining two other people's lives -- your wife's and her husband's, by cheating on them. Either you get your act together and decide to stay together properly as partners, or you'll succeed in making both your families unhappy in the long run. And that includes the two of you as well. Don't wait till you have another child with your wife, or that will complicate things even further!

anup asked, hi lg i love a girl she was my college mate for 3 yrs but when i proposed her she said no actually i hav eprposed her 2 times but every time she says no we had gud frndshp in our college

Love Guru answers, A good friendship doesn't necessarily add up to a good relationship. She said no twice -- that means she's not interested. Don't pester her incessantly, you will meet other girls who you find attractive too.

chetna asked, my bf always asks me for sex.we do lot oral.but he wants full.but am aftiad if i get pregnant.is it fine to do sex b4 marriege.he says me he marry me onle

Love Guru answers, Whatever decision you take, Chetna, you need to use protection -- not only to prevent pregnancy, but to prevent sexually-related diseases. Make sure to use a condom and/or birth control pills -- but before opting for the latter, you should consult your gynaecologist to be safe.

newlife asked, Thanks Loveguru!!! Your advices have been a spot on. I told you that I was having hard time with my GF as I started on entrepreneurship. Though it sounds great, but the path is very difficult. You should be at the right age and at the right time, to embark upon that. I choose the time when i was 28, the time to marry. Things went wrong, and I faced lots of problem. As you suggested,after working a while, I took up a job. Now,I am married to my GF. My question is should I start again on entrepreneurship or should wait? I am finding that I should work on this only on part time basis. What do you suggest?

Love Guru answers, If entrepreneurship is the direction you want your career to take, this is the best time -- before you have the added responsibility of a child and are accustomed to a fixed income every month. But yes, I would say a part-time basis is a wiser option, since you already have a wife to support. Also bear in mind that entrepreneurship is always a risk -- you need to have a backup plan in place in case your venture fails.

unlucky asked, i got betrayed in love 4 times.Now very much disheartened and dont want to live

Love Guru answers, That is unlucky, but listen -- I know of people who have had more than nine failed relationships and still managed to find their happily ever after in marriage. Think of these four as a learning experience and look forward to life. Don't think of giving up on it for four other people, because you will only manage to hurt your family and friends if you do something drastic -- those four will continue to lead their lives, right? So you need to do the same -- pick up and move on. And have fun doing it!

confusedguy asked, Hi LG! I am a 22 yr old guy. I am asking the same q 5th time n hope you'll reply. I have a good lady friend, and I have very strong feelings for her but I haven't told her. We often call and text, Every time I go home, we meet at least once, and it turns into a memorable evening.I want 2 propose her, but I am scared coz of 2 reasons. One is, I don't know what she thinks. Sometimes, she flirts wid me and at other times behaves very coldly. Also, I just joined a job that is at a very far place, so I don't know if it's a good idea to try it long-distance. Ever since I have come this far, I miss her everyday. What shud I do? Shud I ask her on phone? Please guide me

Love Guru answers, If she flirts with you, enjoys your company and looks forward to meeting you, it's very likely that she feels the same way about you. Yes, long distance is tricky, but there are couples who do manage to make it work, with a little effort. First things first, though -- tell her how you feel. And I'd say do it in person, rather than on the phone. At least that way you can get your point across more effectively. But don't be overly dramatic or anything! Be mature, speak to her properly, tell her you have feelings for her...see what she has to say about it!

Guddu asked, Helloo luv gur.My and my girlfriend are in relationship till 2 year.Now she is mumbai wdoing job and i am in gujarat doing my research since1 year.we have been living far.But for the past 2 months we are fighting on phone for small reasons,not understanding anyone.,always fighting crying abusing.Why this happens is it living far or something else.please help me.I love her so much

Love Guru answers, It's the distance. And most likely, a lack of trust. Either you or her or both are insecure about the other being so far apart. And unless you try trusting each other 100 percent, you'll continue to fight. No telling the other person what to do, where to go, who to meet. You'll be amazed at how well an 'okay, have a good time with your friends and know that I love you, I'll be waiting for your call' will do -- it will work wonders. But you know what that takes -- 100 percent trust.

ssr asked, Hi Love Guru , please help me pal , i loved a girl when i was in plus two , she loved me too but was scared of her parents. It's been 10 years now and i still love her , i am afraid to call her because her father will get angry. I am aftaid coz he is a big man but i love my girl. I will die if i cannot meet her or marry her. Please what will i do , love guru help me here buddy

Love Guru answers, If you're going to die, you may as well do so at her father's hands, right? Just kidding. Listen, if it's been 10 years and I'm guessing you're around 27 years old now -- what's stopping you just giving her a call? Just one thing -- if you've had no contact, how do you know she's not already married? My only advice to you is, stop magnifying a college crush to the point where you're talking of giving up your life for her. This obsession with her is something you've created and if it's not meant to work out, it's hardly the end of the world. You've managed to live 10 years without her -- you'd live another 50, with another, better girl by your side, if you only give yourself the chance to do so. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

Guruji asked, Hi Love Guru, I am continuously wathcing your answers, for the past 3 months, I am 28yrs boy, i saw a stranger (good looking girl) on my working place, Three times i followed her (but, she dint know about that),My mind tells me, this is the kind of girl, i need, i waited for so much years, How to start to speak to her, I am very embarrased, Pls, help me......

Love Guru answers, The first thing you should do is stop stalking her, or she'll think you're some kind of psycho and there go any chances of you making a good impression! Since she works with you, maybe you can strike up a conversation with her at the office. But be very, very casual...just a 'hello' the first time should do it, since she's probably seen you around too and recognises your face. After exchanging greetings a few times, introduce yourself once. Try talking to her now and then, not every day. Occasionally. Only after she's comfortable around you should you think of asking her to lunch outside the office or to coffee. But remember -- if she appears uncomfortable, she's not into you. And in such cases, especially in the office, it's best to back off.

Saajan asked, HI LG. I'm in a soup. I love a girl very much & it's the same from her side. unfortunately we knew that marriage was never possible as she was from a different caste. Now I'm married & she has pleged to stay unmarried for her whole life. She even has persuaded my parents into keeping her as a maid( My parents didn't know her) What should I do Now?

Love Guru answers, That's a little nutty, isn't it? If your parents find out about your past with her, they're bound to hit the roof and any future good impression they may have had of her will also be wishful thinking. If you love her, you should have stood up to them and married her. Since you seem to be lacking in courage, however, I'd suggest you try convincing her to stop with the madness and lead your life without her instead.

lolo asked, Hi LG, I like a girl a lot, I had proposed her seven times in the past & each time she rejected it, now her room partner proposed me & we are in relationship from past 2 months. now the girl is also interested in having a relationship with me.. I am confused.. please help..

Love Guru answers, Forget about her -- it's a case of wanting you only because her roommate has you. It has nothing to do with how she feels about you as a person in your own right, or she'd have said yes a lot earlier. This is a typical situation of sour grapes -- 'I don't want the fruit because I'm full, but you can't have it either'. Get what I'm saying? Stick to the girl who likes you for your own sake.

jinx asked, hi love guru-i am a divorcee-how does one get rid of negativity before considering to again start looking for a girl-how can one overcome suspicions and fears?my parents are important to me -and after having a bad experience-tend to generalise about working women-with the end result that every time avoiding the issue has become a habit=also many girls tend to reject-so how does one manage to get confidence/?

Love Guru answers, You can't typecast working women -- you just can't expect them to be doormats to their husbands, since they are independent and intelligent too. That's fair enough, right? Bad feelings don't flee overnight -- you'll have to give yourself some time to get back to normal and try not to repeat the same mistakes when you meet a new girl. Be yourself -- sooner or later, you're bound to find a girl on the same wavelength.

Love Guru says, Time to go! See you guys here next week, same time, same place! Till then, all the best!