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'She keeps postponing our marriage for her career'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on October 7 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey there, people! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...been awhile! Let's get started...
raj asked, when ever u meet a new girl in life theres lot of excitment n all and this excitment goes away after sleeping with her. where to draw the line to know wether that person is the one u love or its just one of the many cases of infactuation.
Love Guru answers, That's probably because all you're looking forward to when you meet a new girl is sex! When a girl inspires you not only to have sex but to spend the rest of your life with her and you see her as the mother of your children, that's love. The initial spark of excitement in every relationship dies down, but true love remains.
swa asked, i love a girl in my college, but she is already commited to her BF which stays in same building, but for last few months she is not with her during troubles, i am trying to get close to her, but she still attached to her BF, and i love her very much ...please help me...
Love Guru answers, She's obviously in love with her boyfriend, whether he's supporting her during troubled times or not. And you have only a third person perspective, so you don't really know whether he is giving her all she needs in the relationship or not. Even if he was taking advantage, in such a situation only the person concerned can take the decision -- her. You can't force her to change her mind. You can try being a good friend to her and if it goes anywhere, good luck to you. But don't push it -- if they're not meant to last, they won't. But your trying to force the situation may end up hurting you in the end.
Raju asked, I love my office girl but she is not interested on me.May be due to the Caste or religion i don't know exact why?
Love Guru answers, Whatever her reason, the fact is, Raju, that she is not interested. And it may have to do with any number of reasons -- don't try to analyse what they are. Someone who likes you will like you for who you are and someone who's not attracted to you simply is not.
leena asked, my hubby sometimes behaves good to me and of sudden abuuses me in front of others
Love Guru answers, Put a stop to it. Now. Even if he is angry with you, there is no reason to show it in front of others, that is humiliating and embarrassing for you. And tell him that in no uncertain terms. Arguments between couples should take place behind closed doors and not with an audience watching. And under no circumstances should he abuse you. Disagreements can be sorted without abuse.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh
'I'm attracted to someone else -- am I over my ex?'
rahi asked, hi lg i'm a happily married person since last 20 years living with my wife.son & parents. Now a days my wife is not interested to live with my parents since she is feeling more restriction. I love my parents as well as my wife & son. The situation is very critical & i'mfinding myself in very dark situation. Please suggest for better solution.
Love Guru answers, Why is she feeling more restricted now, after two decades in the same situation? Is it because your parents are making things difficult for her, or is it because the house is small and she has no privacy? You need to address the reason behind the problem before the problem itself. Find out what is bothering her and if you already know, tell me.
Why asked, According to you when is the right time to marry your gf?
Love Guru answers, When both you and your girlfriend want to take that step and are ready for it.
Nidhi asked, Hi! we have been in relationship since few years. but parents are not agreeing and they say that horoscope dont match. what to do?
Love Guru answers, Visit a couple of astrologers and ask what can be done to rectify the astrological problem, since your parents believe in it. They usually have rituals to correct such situations. But is that the only reason why your parents are saying no or are there other reasons and this is just a convenient excuse?
manjur asked, LG, I have been in love with a native girl for the last 8 years. Last year she completed MBA and got a job in the nearby city in a top life insurance co. Since then , she has been behaving like a super woman and she takes risks a lot while in her job. My all efforts died and at last I suffered a lot. our marriage was set to be this year but she is postponing every year. she seems to be well established and I am completely frustrated
Love Guru answers, She seems very keen on her career right now and that's why she's delaying the wedding. You need to sit her down and ask whether she ever wants to give up her job and leave that city to stay with you, because if she doesn't there's no sense wasting your time and keeping you hanging. I can understand your frustration and you deserve some straight answers. Maybe if you agreed to relocate to that city she would be willing to marry right away, but is that something that's feasible to you?
Nato Forces asked, Hii!! love guru. Hope u r doing fine. Hey, I had proposed one gal many years back and she said NO to me for some years I got tense and under depression. Then I revived myself, one gal is there and I feel myself attracted to her. I don't want to fall in love with her as I want an arranged marriage now. But now I have started feeling good, shopping for good clothes and grooming myself again. My question is this: AM I BACK ON TRACK?? DUE TO THIS NEW GAL WHO IS JUST A MERE INFATUATION AND I AM ENJOYING TOO.
Love Guru answers, Good for you! You're over the first girl snd you're definitely back on track. But why not pursue another relationship if you're attracted to someone else? Don't let your past dictate how your future should go. Don't make up your mind for an arranged marriage or a love marriage or anything concrete. Take life as it comes. If you fell in love with this girl and you married her, what's wrong with that?
Illustration: Dominic Xavier
'He used and dumped me'
pintu asked, I love a girl for 7 years now. Suddenly she have started looking for personal space. She talks to me but only on weekends. What is this I m unable to understand
Love Guru answers, You say you love her, but you don't use the word relationship. Is she your girlfriend? Because if she's not, then she doesn't really owe you quality time. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. If she is your girlfriend, you need to talk to her about why she's aloof all of a sudden, because obviously everything isn't fine between the two of you.
sahil asked, I love my best friends Wife... I am married too and unhappy in my marriage... What do i do ???????? She has feelings for me too but cannot coz of her marriage... Help.....
Love Guru answers, Sahil, first look at what's wrong in your own home. If your marriage is unhappy, it's probably because you've fallen for someone else. And if it's independent of this situation, maybe you need to come to a conclusion about the future of your relationship with your wife first. But your best friend's wife? Really? Even if she has feelings for you, is her marriage happy otherwise? If so, you need to consider what you'd do to your best friend by pursuing this. Don't you love him too? It's a very sticky situation and pursuing it will hurt a lot of people.
fd asked, a girl who i met sometime back.initially we both were clear that its going to be just a casual relationship and then we started going out regulary, caring for each other, talking to each other for long hours, meeting regularly whenever possible. However I get contradictary statements from her..one time she is like she likes me a lot, cares for me a lot, wud be there for me always etc and then she wud say she does nt have feeling for me, do nt want a logn term relationship..this is driving me crazy and I am wondering how to deal with it.
Love Guru answers, This is how most 'casual' relationships end up. One falls for the other and there are casualties! You both agreed you don't want a longterm affair and now you do, because you've fallen in love. She hasn't and doesn't see anything wrong with the way things are to consider a serious relationship. One thing is for sure -- your continuing like this will only end up hurting you more. Tell her the truth -- that you didn't intend to, but fell for her anyway and want a serious relationship. And that you want her to give it a try. If she does, good for you. If she doesn't, I'd suggest you move on, because the longer you drag this out, the harder it'll be on you.
bbhj asked, what to do when marriage (17 yrs) starts fading - if u say go out then let me tell u we go out 2-3 times in a year and weekly dinner out with kid but hardly any communication between us or i keep on talking he just listening which is frustrating me - he loves me but something is there which is missing - pls help
Love Guru answers, What's missing is intimacy and the ability to share private laughs and love. Weekly dinner should be just the two of you, leave the kid with the grandparents! If your lives revolve only around the child, that will be the only thing for you to bond over and that shouldn't be the case. You need to reestablish one-to-one contact. Plan spontaneous, fun outings -- no routine is ever fun. And tell him you want him to be more communicative -- you don't want him just to listen, you want him to speak. Also, little gestures like holding his hand when you go out and sharing a quick kiss in the car will work wonders.
sonia asked, i loved a guy he used me and then dumped me what should i do? i want to teach him a lesson
Love Guru answers, Hi Sonia. Forget about teaching him a lesson, because life will teach him one even if you don't. What you need to do is focus on your own life. You fell for the wrong guy, dear -- and that happens to the best of us. The only way to get over it is to cut him out of your life. Completely. As much as you're tempted to give him a piece of your mind, don't. They say the best revenge is living well. So you show him you don't need him -- it will be hard at first, but you can do it. Enjoy yourself, do things you love like shopping, lunching with friends, planning holidays. And when you're ready for a relationship again in a few months, be more cautious!
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh
'She won't say yes or no -- it's been two years!'
Nidhi asked, Many thanks for your reply. can u suggest any reliable astrologer here in delhi, so that we both can visit and discuss?
Love Guru answers, I'm afraid you have the wrong question there, dear -- I don't visit astrologers! But ask around, look them up...I'm sure you will find someone suitable who you can visit beforehand and then have him/her convince your parents.
tres asked, In news paper an article had come that husbands get a high when they see their wife having sex with other man and theu just love to see it. does it affect the relation ship of the couple or brings the couple more nearer mentally!
Love Guru answers, What the article was talking about was the exception, not the norm. Most husbands would hit the roof over something like that! And even such couples, who have such a liberal attitude towards sex, are usually affected by the repercussions. It's human nature.
harish asked, Hi i love a girl,she neither says yes or no.The situation is same since more than 2 years.I have asked her several times the reason for not able to come out with any opinion,but she never tells.I really don't understand what should i do.
Love Guru answers, Stop wasting your time, that's what you should do. My God, this girl hasn't answered you properly once in two years and you're still pursuing her? Tell her you're taking it as a 'no' and moving on, because she can't expect to lead you on like this for as long as she likes!
Chiman asked, Recently my office lady whom I know since last 16 years became widow. I have very good relation with her as friend. Now I feel that I am becoming attracted to her. What should I do?
Love Guru answers, If you're single too and you're such old friends, no harm in pursuing it. But please be respectful of her loss and wait for enough time to pass before you try to make a move. She is probably grieving a lot over her husband and moving too quickly would repel her.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks! See you next week, same time, same place! Till then, you can post your questions on the Rediff Love Guru Page. Goodbye!
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh