'She reacts insanely towards my female friends'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on October 14 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi there, people! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat on Get Ahead...let's get down to answering those questions.

sunny asked, i love a girl who in relation to me is my sister she also loves me a lot what to do please tell me

Love Guru answers, From your second post I gather she's your second cousin. It's quite normal in a lot of families to marry far-off relations and cousins twice or thrice removed. I don't think it should be a problem at all if your families approve. I would suggest taking your mother or any elder whom you trust implicitly and who you know can help you into confidence. Explain the situation and see what can be done.

unnamed asked, I am married with an daughter 1 year old.I am extremely busy with my office work.Everyday i come home some or other stiff is going on between my other and wife.Its not that my wife or mom is incorrect.Both are correct at there place but but due to an bad perception towards each other they both do not undersatncd each other. I get frustrated of this quarrels happening daily.Please help me out.I have tried explaining both of them but no success

Love Guru answers, Ah, the eternal saas-bahu saga! You're not alone, thousands if not millions of men face the same problem. If your talking to them has not worked, refer both of them to a counsellor who can help them work through their issues. God knows you can't do it, especially after a long day at the office! But you have to put your foot down and see to it that they agree to this and go for sessions together. And choosing sides yourself will not help in this matter -- so I would suggest siding with the voice of reason whenever an argument arises.

raj asked, In this fast paced life where in the attitude is raat gaye baat gaye how is it possible to maintain the love to a single person , where in there r so many options available and things keep changing so drastically?

Love Guru answers, From your question it seems that you believe in committing to a single person, so what makes you think there aren't others out there who think like you? What you need to do is find a woman with similar thoughts to yours. Then you don't have to worry about how casual others' relationships may be!

Rajiv asked, I have strong feelings for a gal whom I loved immensely. She refused me bluntly due to which Iam really distressed and in a lot of pain. I am finding it very difficult to get her out of mind. What should I do?? I feel really depressed.

Love Guru answers, Your feelings may be strong but you're stronger! So one girl rejected you, Rajiv -- I know it must have hurt, but a situation is only as bad as you make it out to be! I want you to get out of self-sympathy mode and develop more self-confidence. If she said no, it's her loss -- that's how you should think! There are lots of other, better women out there -- stop placing her on such a high pedestal in your mind, because she's just another girl. The more you build up her image, the worse you'll feel. So see the reality of the situation. At least a gal with a really good heart would not have been so rude to you and would have said no in a gentler way. A better girl is out there, one who will love you enough not to hurt your feelings.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

mystic asked, lg i loved a gal when i was at school and she too loved me but i ignored her later after 8 years we werein contact again and we both were in love again but she has a bf nw and she is avoiding me .i really love her

Love Guru answers, If she has a boyfriend and avoids you, what makes you think she's in love with you? Anyway, this cat and mouse game has gone on long enough! Just tell her how you feel about her and ask if she wants to go out with you. If she does, she will leave the boyfriend. If she's not willing to, that ship has sailed. So get over her and stop wasting your life mulling over childhood crushes. Start meeting other women!

Love Guru says, Jai and Shona -- do you mind taking your conversation elsewhere? This forum is for people who want to share their problems, not for those looking to hook up!

Rajiv asked, Thank you Love Guru. The thing is that this gal was only into friendship and kept denying me. I did ask her if she had a BF so that there was no room for me. But she told me that she has no one in her life. She is a middle class Maharashtra in gal. I asked her if there were some family restrictions and she replied that there was no problem related to the caste its jus that she had no feelings for me. Inspite of that I kept persuading her as i needed her very much. But offlately she replied to me in a very rude manner by asking me to cut all ties with her.

Love Guru answers, You don't 'need' anyone, Rajiv -- remember, nobody is indispensable! And you should learn to take a 'no' in your stride, with grace, instead of pleading with someone. Come on, I'm sure you're stronger than that! Remember what I said -- self-confidence!

rk asked, hii love guru this is rohit actually i love a girl she loves me too but her parents do not agree to our relationship my parents have agreed and even talked to her parents but they are adamant and not ready to get her amrried to me.....suggest what i need to do

Love Guru answers, If they are that adamant, her only option is to go ahead and marry you without their permission -- provided you both are of legal age and mature enough to take such a big decision. But don't pressure her into it, it's not a trivial matter to go against your parents like this. Let her weigh her decision carefully and give her time to work up to it. At least you have the support of your folks.

VIKRAM asked, A girl who was in relation with me has not been faithful to me. I want to know all thetruth about her. How would that happen?

Love Guru answers, The best thing would be to ask her, I think, instead of beating around the bush trying to find things out from third parties. Tell her what you've heard and that you deserve at least the truth from her, if not fidelity. Unless she is an utter and downright liar, I think she will tell you the truth.

sachin asked, i loved a girl when i was in school, she also liked me. Now after 10 years we met and i got disturbed. I want to express my then feelings to her despite i really do not want for any relations as we both are married. please tell me how impressively i should express.

Love Guru answers, The best thing would be to keep shut about it! You're married, for heavens' sake, so stop making a big deal about what was a childhood crush. It's all fine to reminisce about the old days Sachin, but the reality is quite different -- you're married, you're both adults, you have a responsibility towards your wife now. Cherish your memories but don't go further than that.

sach asked, i seriously fell once for a girl...v had a year nd half relationship ..then due to job relocation i had to move to some other place..she totally reacted in an insane manner that i wd go for another gal, because she knew I had a friend over here,I tried to convince but she is too stubborn, One night I was too drunk and v had a fight,in which I also abused her in a very bad way...this started our end nd then nd then our relation depleted nd is on the end...she changed her no nd I changed mine..but seriosly she always comes to my mind..and I just cant leave thinkin of her...plz suggest

Love Guru answers, You shouldn't have abused her. But all this started because she has serious insecurity issues. What's the point of being in a relationship if you don't trust your partner at all? Didn't she have any faith in you, not to try anything behind her back? Since you haven't got a chance to tell her all this, do so. Call her, apologise for your drunkenness and abusiveness and explain that her stubbornness pushed you to that brink. Also discuss her trust issues and explain that you still love her and want to give your relationship a try. Provided she TRUSTS you. If not, don't pursue it or it will make both your lives miserable.

GAURAV asked, I m loving a girl she too loves me,i want to marry her but i know her parents will not be ready to do as we are of other caste & i m not so goodlooking neither i earn so much what her parent desire.

Love Guru answers, Gaurav, you don't know anything for sure until you have their answer. You haven't tried convincing her parents yet. Do so! Why anticipate a problem before it arises? What if contrary to your expectations, they agree? Get your parents to talk to her family too, if required. As for how much you earn, that will increase with time, provided they give you the chance to prove yourself.

Papu asked, Hi.. I am loving to some one but she loves someone. what i should do. she is talking every day on phone and if i asked to her she tell me that she is talking to her friend.

Love Guru answers, Quite a cross-connection! Look, leave the third guy out of it and tell the girl how you feel about her. If she likes the other guy, she will say no, in which case you'll have to accept that with dignity. If not, food for you!

mishi asked, hi my arranged marriage is n trouble. the guy stays abroad. his father called me and said we both can talk and if things wer fine with us, we can take it further. we talked over phone for 2 months. though i insisted on making the decision after a meeting, he said he has alreadt made decision and wil marry me, however i am. last month he came to meet me and we both liked each other. next day his parents met me and did not accept me. his father asked to deny this marriage and the guy agreed. his frn says he likes me still but is unable to convince his parents. i love him a lot. he is not even talking to me, saying it wil harm my future. wat do i do?

Love Guru answers, When they spoke to you on the phone they had no trouble, but after seeing you they said no? These people should realise that you're not a tablecloth they're buying at a store, to choose another if they don't like the look of one! And this guy doesn't seem to have much of a backbone, not being able to stand up to his parents. If I were you, Mishi, I'd drop it -- spineless hubby and idiotic in-laws are not a great package! For your satisfaction, you can talk to him once more and ask what his parents didn't like about you. The least he can do is give you an answer about that! Don't pursue it, though, is my advice. Sounds like one stupid bunch of people.

Rajiv asked, Thank You Sir. One my last question now that she has cut all ties with me. I still think about her. will she ever be thinking of me. I a way that this guy used to like me. With the time gap say few months from now will she ever feel that there was this guy who was affectionate to me or am I completely shut for her

Love Guru answers, What's this 'sir' business! :) Look, whether she thinks of you or not is her look-out -- but you should not think about her! If you keep obsessing over her like this -- will she think, will she not, will she change her mind, will she not -- you'll only make yourself miserable. If I were you, I wouldn't hold out any hope of her changing her mind, after the way she rejected you. Of course, you can never say never, but my point is, my friend, don't go banking on that at all. You shut her out and get on with life, enjoy yourself. If she comes back and that's a very big 'if' -- you can take a call then. But don't consider that now at all, because the possibility is really, really minute.

maladguy asked, i need you help.. since last 1/2 years .. i am really attracted to my neighbor .. she is 34/35 unmarried , she CA by profession ... i am 27 and working ... i never told her ... but i think ... she have realized in last 2/3 months ..that i have some feeling for her ..i really can not take out her from my mind. she is catholic and i am hindu ... please help me loveguru

Love Guru answers, She lives next door to you, so what's stopping you from at least striking up a conversation and becoming friends? But friends only for now! Don't move too fast or you will turn her off! First get to know her well and then take it from there.

VATSAYANA asked, Hi LG,is it wrong to appreciate a good looking girl/well dressed women or friend? isn't it human nature to appreciate a women with good assets? because at my work place my friends tease me for doing this and i am disturbed because it is but natural for us to look around and appreciate ALL GOOD THINGS!!! plse answer

Love Guru answers, Vatsayana, it certainly is human nature to admire a good-looking woman, but not so obviously that people catch you ogling and then make fun of you for it! Not only is that embarassing, women find it justifiably icky. All men look at women, but please try to be a little subtle and don't make people uncomfortable by staring. That's in very poor taste.

Anjali asked, hi, during my college days i was in love wid a guy. bt i never proposed him. He take me out all the time and we roamed a lot. He also never proposed to me. after that a guy proposed me in my job and i started liking him. We married later on. After 3 years of my marriage I still have inclination towards my old friend and wants to meet him and talk to him. Is it correct?

Love Guru answers, This is the three-year itch of marriage! I would suggest reviving the spark with your husband, since you love him and decided to spend the rest of your life with him. Mr College Guy is ancient history, so don't try to re-visit the past -- look to the future.

sk asked, my gf is house arrested by her father. What are the legal options i have? bw, i am financially stable.

Love Guru answers, Are you both of legal age? If she is, she can contact the police and have them intervene so that she can leave the house. Even you can lodge a complaint of wrongful comfinement with the law, but she should back you up on it. It shouldn't happen that you land up with men in uniform at her door and then she says there's no truth to what you're saying just to protect her father from the cops! If she can just sneak out quietly, it will avoid all the drama of going the legal route, honestly -- it's never pleasant when the whole neighbourhood is privy to what is happening in your private life. And one last thing -- once she leaves, her father is unlikely to take her back in the house, so she should be prepared for that eventuality too.

rohit asked, hii love guru this is rohit actually i love a girl and she loves me too we are in the reltaionship since 5 years we also have been physically intimate but since now i am standing on my own feet i want her to marry , my parents are ready after i convinced them and even talked with her parents but her parents are not ready i dont know why even when i am earning once her mother started comparing me to her elder sister who is already married and is in poland , she started saying that one of her daughter comes by flight and one will not have even rickshaw fare . actually she doesnt like me and my family and speaks like this . but my gf loves me. also her parents are very cunning they talked to my parents in isolation and not befor me . they try to play always blame game and destroy my relationship with her ...suggest what to do

Love Guru answers, She has to make up her mind to go against their wishes and marry you. It's rather rude of her folks to talk like this -- even if they do not think your finances are adequate, they can keep their opinion private. At the end of the day, it's her choice.

Love Guru says, Time's up, folks! See you next week, same time, same place. Till then, please do post your queries on the Rediff Love Guru Page.