'How do I handle unwanted attention from my boss?'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on October 21 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hey there, people! Welcome to the Love Guru's 101st chat on Rediff! Let's get started with those questions, shall we?

RAJESH asked, Hi..This is Rajesh.. A good loking guy Qualified engineer but didnt able to affectionate any gal till now..spent 7 years in college

Love Guru answers, So you spent a long time studying and didn't make friends with girls in the bargain. So what? It's never too late, so what's stopping you now? You can enjoy your career and a social life at the same time, it's all about balance. Just a word of advice -- don't try to give any girl extra, unwanted attention or she will move away. You need to be casual and friendly and come across as someone she'd like to be friends with. Only once the comfort level of friends has been established between the two of you should you think of taking a step in the direction of romance.

sara asked, how to handle unwanted attention from boss without bad feelings

Love Guru answers, That's a tricky situation Sara...only a very understanding boss would be able to swallow his ego at being rejected and not let it affect his work ethic at the office. Look, you're not interested but it's not like you can tell him that directly, is it? What you need to do is avoid any unnecessary talk with him besides work -- if he tries to be friendly, remain polite and nothing more. Once he gets the hint that you're not interested, if he has any common sense he will stop pursuing the matter; if he tells you openly of his feelings, there will be no choice but for you to tell him that he's a great boss and while you value your working relationship with him, you're not interested in him romantically at all.

sad asked, i dont have hair...i am bald...i am 28 years old.can i get any girl for marriage ?

Love Guru answers, What's the matter, pal -- never seen a married bald guy? Don't upset yourself over this so much. There are women out there who don't mind bald men at all and others who even prefer them. Don't try to hide such a small shortcoming -- you'd rather put yourself outt here for who you are. And if it's bothering you that much, seek out a trichologist to weigh your options -- there are a lot of new treatments out there that may be able to help you.

kavita asked, hi,my husband is very less talkative,so always communication happens from my side only.very rarely he used to give subjugation because of his nature i always feel imotionaly unsatisfy.what should i do?

Love Guru answers, Kavita, you can talk to your husband and explain to him that his lack of communication with you is leaving you dissatisfied with the marriage. You're his wife -- if he isn't frank and open enough to talk freely with you, who can he possibly talk to? If this step doesn't make any headway with him, you could try couples' counselling to help you both.

ruchita asked, Hi Love Guru, I loved a boy very much and we had an affair for 3 years. Now he is getting married to some other girl of his parents choice. I am not able to cope this up. I want to speak to him but he has changed his numbers and none of his friends are talking to me. What do I do? Please help me

Love Guru answers, That's horrible. But the fact of the matter is, Ruchita, a person as low down and callous as he is doesn't deserve you anyway. If he really loved you, he wouldn't have done this to you. Most of these mamma's boys are selfish and have a pattern. He has dumped you, but if anything goes wrong with his marriage he will come running back to cry on your shoulder and that's how many extra-marital affairs start. And rest assured, he will not leave his wife -- he will only use you further, because he's a selfish creep. I'm sorry he dumped you, but for your own good, you'll have to grit your teeth and make a huge effort to get over this. It will hurt at first, but a couple of months down the line your head will clear and you'll start getting over it. So start counting down the days on the calendar and take them as they come. In the meantime, don't lose your faith in love -- there are better men out there.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

Arun asked, I am 5'4". Looks handsome. due to my height no girls love me. I am also well educated and doing my jon in german company.

Love Guru answers, Arun, as I was just explaining to another person in here, looks are superficial. One person is worried about being bald, another is worried about his height...the point is, nobody is perfect. And a genuine girl who likes you for who you are is not going to let a couple of inches of height come in the way of her feelings. Don't think no girl can love you, because it's simply not true.

nagraj asked, my question is i am loving her she resides in varanasi have not seen her but we both had good understanding till now she had not asked from me any thing but she told that she wants to speak with my mom but in our home the situation was worse that she left me now iam dieng without her because she takes care me like a mother of her baby

Love Guru answers, Nagraj, if you could explain the situation a little better, it would help. I don't know what you mean by the fact that the 'situation in your house is worse' -- what situation? Your parents didn't approve of her? And you've not even seen this girl! What's wrong with you, how can you be in love without even seeing someone and knowing what they're like in real life? It's all fine to chat and talk on the phone, but things are very, very different when it comes to actual personal contact!

vicks asked, Hi LG,I had a tremendously bad relationship..i came out of it.I met a girl who also has a similar bad breakup.We got close for sometime and suddenly we stopped talking for about 2 months.Now i am attracted to her,but fear of telling her because of bad experiences.I dont know what is in her mind,But i want her in my life..Can you please suggest..

Love Guru answers, Why did you suddenly stop talking? There must be a reason behind such a move? And if you're attracted to her, stop wasting time and let her know. Leave past bad experiences in the past -- she's been through what you went through too, so the situation is not likely to repeat itself.

madmax asked, Hi my junior in office is trying to seek my attention and she is always coming too close to me while talking and intentionally touching me. How do I respond ?

Love Guru answers, By moving away when she gets uncomfortably close. Then she can't get within reach to touch you! She'll get the hint.

Tejabi asked, hi! love guru ! i am a married person involved with another married women for sex.Now a days she claims she is loving me a lot.She thratens me that she will do suicide if i leave her.I am very much frustrtated.How to leave her?

Love Guru answers, This is one of the hazards of cheating on your wife! You have two choices -- leave her anyway and hope that she doesn't carry out her threat. Or bring it out in the open and let the police or her husband and family know she is threatening suicide because you're ending the affair. Then it's up to them to see to it that she's kept from harming herself. I'm sure that bringing everything out in front of other people will shame you, but I can't say that you don't deserve it. You had your fun, now pay the price!

sachin asked, Hi... After almost 16 years I met my schoolmate with whom i used to spend my max time. We kept on meeting and this has brought both of us much closer. For me it has become difficult to avoid her. please help me out of the situation.

Love Guru answers, So why are you trying to avoid her if you like her so much and she likes you too? Are you married, or is she? What's the deal here?

sharon asked, Hello sir, im sharon.. i always think dat i hld hv a guy who really understands me...bt d problem is it happens only one sided love dat also frm my side.. guys say dey dnt want me 2 hurt coz of caste matter...im still single at d age of 24....plz help

Love Guru answers, 'Still single' at the age of 24? You're talking like you're 40! You have plenty of time for love, Sharon, but the more desperately you try to find someone, the longer it will take before you do. You cannot plan love -- you have to let it come to you, let it happen naturally. If you stop entertaining the idea of a boyfriend and just enjoy life as it comes without so many expectations, it will happen.

ayan asked, Dear Sir,,,,,,,,i have a best friend and i love her a lot.... but she is very cute and have a lovely nature but the problem is she is not stable with any relation till now. As she is my best friend she shares everything with me and even discusses with me till wat extent she goes on..... she also maintain her lines and does not cross in her rerlation but she only takes as a friend and i really don't have any guts to tell her.......please help

Love Guru answers, You know what she's like in a relationship because you're so close to her. Which means that you'll have to accept her as she is, stable or not and also face the eventuality that if it doesn't work out, you will risk losing a friend too. If you love her so much that you're willing to take that chance, tell her how you feel. And if she says no, accept it gracefully.

who asked, My wife is so loving and now she had gone for her delivery. I am alone at home. I always think about my ex. I couldnt take her out of my mind. how to handle this?

Love Guru answers, So while your loving wife is having your baby, you're thinking of your ex. How pleased she would be to know that! Stop behaving like such a fool -- your utmost attention should be concentrated on your wife and expected child right now! Make a conscious effort to put your daydreams out of your mind and behave like a responsible husband!

nitin asked, hi my girlfriend left me 2 yrs ago due to a follish mistake by me........I tried winning her back but was not....now he is married and i am sad tell me what to do?

Love Guru answers, So you made a mistake, Nitin. If that mistake was cheating on her, it's not something everyone can digest. With some people, one chance is all you get -- and fairly so. She probably couldn't trust you anymore, which is why she moved on. It's been two years now and you should too. No sense crying over spilt milk. Learn from your mistakes instead and keep your hopes up about finding love again.

Pasttime asked, I liked a girl in my teenage. Now I am happily married and don't even think about that girl (Not even in contact with her)but some times that girl comes in my dreams and make me sad. If I am not even thinking about her then how she is coming in my dreams.How to get over this.

Love Guru answers, It's a sub-conscious thing. Sometimes monsters come in your dreams too and sometimes it's dead people. Stop trying to analyse why she comes in your dreams because people dream of a wide variety of things.

aks asked, i recently got a negative responce from a girl whom i proposed. She talked me very nicely but denied in a statement that she is not interested in marrige for at least 2-3 years from now.I told her that i may not be able to wait till then becuase my family is forcing me right now for marrige.........she tol than u go ahead. what should i do i am not able to make any descision

Love Guru answers, Isn't who you marry more important than when you marry? Once you do, it's for the rest of your life anyway, so what's a couple of years? You'd get to know each other better in that time too. That is my opinion, although your parents may not agree with it.

shataj asked, hi i am shataj i have affair of 2yrs but for little things there is fightng betwn us he does not allow me to go alone with friends as well as i am the only one daughter to my mom no brother my mom says after marriage he has to stay with us but how can he will agree plz let me know the solution.

Love Guru answers, Not allowing you to meet your friends in private, if you ask me, is a bigger issue at the moment than where you'll live after marriage. He's your boyfriend, but that doesn't mean he owns you and can tell you how to live your life and who to meet when. He seems controlling, possessive and insecure -- not at all desirable traits in a prospective spouse. As for your mother's demand, I think it's a little unreasonable. A couple should decide together where they will live after marriage, taking into consideration the circumstances and where both will be comfortable. It's not supposed to be an ego tussle, nor does it need to be typically traditional. What doesn't work for some may work well for others. If he has a large, empty house, for instance, why should he move in with your parents? On the other hand, if he has both parents and siblings who are also living in his home and there will not be enough space for all to live comfortably, it would be a better option to move in with your parents. So you see, you have to take into consideration the circumstances and do what is practical and satsifactory.

kishore asked, HI this is kishore.. I loved a girl for 5 years. And eve she loves me lot.. but very recently she left me alone and married some body else. How this is possible to girls?

Love Guru answers, It's not just girls -- read Ruchita's case earlier on and you'll see that her boyfriend did the same thing to her. It's not boys, or girls -- your actions are a reflection of your personality.

sanj asked, hi,i am guy age 24 and my previous five g/f leaves me but right now i need a girl who will love me and i will too, i really need a g.f with true love and true commitement

Love Guru answers, If five women left you, you need to reflect on why they did. Possibly there's something you're not doing right in relationships? Stop drifting from one girl to another and indulge in a little introspection first.

xyz asked, hi i am a happily married guy since last 2.5 yrs but still I feel for my ex-gf (although we are not in touch). Now although I love my wife very much but I sometime dream of my ex-gf being my wife. I don't know whether ever I would be able to forget my ex-gf

Love Guru answers, You will if you make a conscious effort. See, you love your wife. But your earlier relationship meant something to you too. The important thing is to remember that for whatever reason, it didn't work out, while the one with your wife did. So enjoy the memories, but don't encourage old sparks to reignite. It's all good to fantasise, but the reality of the situation is quite different.

kavita asked, love guru i always say this to him & also ask to go to counselor but he is not ready to go. He is like this from childhood. but what about my feelings.?How can i satisfy to myself?

Love Guru answers, Tell him that he cannot expect you to live the rest of your life being trapped in a dissatisfying marriage. If he doesn't make an effort to make you happy, it means he doesn't care about you enough. Put your foot down about it.

pallav asked, Dear Love Guru !! I am in a relationship with a girl.She lives in kolkata.Its been 6 months we are together,She loved me lot,even wanted to marry me, but from past 1-2 months she is ignoring me.I have also met her parents, they like me lot.Recently I went to meet her and saw some coverstions thru sms with her Boss,I asked for an explanation but she said you do not have broad mind.The sms contents were similar to what she used to say me , like I really love you, trust me.Since I didnt get an explaination I complained this to her mother, about the sms's all with her boss.Now she is more angry since I saw her messge and told it to her mother.She hates me now, but her mother says to be patient and she will marry me only.Please tell me what should I do? I have lost trust in her.

Love Guru answers, Look, nobody messages 'I love yous' to their boss! What is this nonsense she's giving you about being broad-minded -- she's having an affair with him, that's why she was ignoring you for the last couple of months! Forget what her mother says, Pallav, trust me, you don't want to marry a girl like this one! It's been only six months you've been in this relationship, so don't think twice! It's long-distance and she's not trustworthy.

asa asked, Hi LG I am working and so also my hubby. The problem is; I do not have kids and I feel very lonely and worthless. My hubby although does not create problem for this but he is not emotionally supportive to me. WHat shd I do? SOmetimes I feel like commiting suiside but could not dare. Please help me to come out of this. My hubby is not in favor of adoption.

Love Guru answers, If you're having such trouble coping with childlessness, low self-esteem and harbouring suicidal tendencies, my dear, you need to go see a mental health professional. Trust me, it will do you a lot of good, at least you're honest enough to face up to your feelings. And your husband needs to come along too -- he needs to be able to help you through this. And don't lose hope about kids just yet -- there are a lot of treatments out there that can help you conceive. But first, you need to sort out your personal issues, because you have to be happy and healthy when you're planning parenthood. Also, if you're pro-adoption, discuss it in counselling with your husband present there too. Iron out your issues -- don't lose hope!

Love Guru says, That's all for now, people! Till next week, goodbye and good luck! Please do post additional queries on the Rediff Love Guru Page.