'He got me pregnant and left me'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on September 2 last week to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hey there, everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...let's get started.

Ankita asked, Hi Love Guru I have a boyfriend and I love him very much. I can't live without him but the problem is that he don't like me now anymore and I have already been in physical relation with him without protection.And now I am pregnant (2 months). Tell me whether I should tell my Mom or what can I do? I can't abort the child.

Love Guru answers, Ankita, you haven't told me your age but yes, I definitely think that your mother needs to know about this. Having a child, especially as a single mother, is a huge responsibility and you need to be able to cope up with it. You'll need the love and support of your family, please inform your mother at the earliest.

Priya asked, Hello luvguru, Well this is priya from delhi...luv guru i want 2 ask u abt my bf. We r in relationship sinch Jan' 2010. problem is that he is a muslim guy and datsy he says that he won't marry me. apart from this last one month he is ignoring me. I had sent many msg bt he never replied. he comes onlyn bt no reply... He said that his cellphone has been dead & all the contacts deleted. I kno that he is telling lie bcos it is not possible. But i luv him very much and aadat ho gayi h uski...how can i forget him? i cn't live without him...what shoud i do? can u help me?

Love Guru answers, Let me get this straight -- this guy says he won't marry you and now he's ignoring you. And you want him back in your life, so he can take some more advantage? Priya, it's only been eight months since you started dating -- that's not long enough to get addicted to a bad habit. And as far as I'm concerned, he is a bad habit! Forget him -- completely. Cut him out of your life and if he ever tries to make contact again, brush him off. You deserve much better!

Priya asked, One more questino luv guru...he always aks abt physical relationship if i denied he fights with me...

Love Guru answers, Even worse! He just wants sexual relations and he's getting it from you even though he's plainly told you that he's not going to marry you! I can't stress hard enough that you HAVE to get out of this one-sided, emotionally abusive relationship!

Ashish asked, I am in love with my best friend. We got used to of each other so much in our company that Even when she had to go onsite for project for 6-8 months, we were in constant touch all time. She knew that I had feelings for her, Though Sometimes she used to ignore my indiations of being in love with her But she continued same behaviuor with me by which my hopes were alive. She was treating me more than just friends, but had indirectly clarified to me that her intensity for Love is not same as of mine for her. I wanted to marry her, but could not propose her as she was not interrested in me for commitment at that time. SO I decided not to propose and went for another girl of parents choice. After my engagement, she has also realized her feeling for me. she has expressed it to me. Now I am not able to think of anything, Please let me know what i should do. Should I call off my engagement and marry my friend.

Love Guru answers, I think I answered your question last week. But back then, you didn't mention that she told you she doesn't love you as much as you love her. Clarify whether she's making this decision because she truly loves you, or because she only wants you now that some other girl is interested. As I told you last week, it's better getting into a relationship where both partners know each other well and love each other. But make sure she isn't doing this for the wrong reasons -- ie not out of love, but out of a need to keep you close only because she has noone else.

Smits asked, Hello LG, I m into a weird situation. My husband is a lovely human being per say but he had many affairs before he got married to me. He did tell me about his major affair with a girl 4 yrs elder to him. but did not tell me that very recently just before our marriage he had been with her for a outstation vacation. Some how I got to know about it. Well all that went by and we got married. Now.. I m in a situation that I am not able to forget that incident and whenever it is about being intimate or so..it just flashes in.. I know I am wrong may be.. and I have been.. trying to mend myself.. Let me admit, i have failed in doing so. Please tell me, how should I get over it. Although, I love my husband and I never fall short of any duties towards him or his family. All of them like me a lot.

Love Guru answers, He told you everything that mattered. He probably didn't go into extra details only because they would make you unhappy and uncomfortable, which they have. He's been honest with you and loves you and no man who planned on cheating his wife would come clean on his numerous affairs. Since you already know you're wrong, maybe you should ask him to help you get over this silly thought that is nagging you.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

xyz asked, I am in love with two girls. While one of them loves me, the other treats me like a friend but she does show signals of love. I know that a slave can't serve two masters at the same time. But I am unable to stop thinking about both of them. I am not able to prioritize between two of them. What am I suppose to do?

Love Guru answers, One girl you love and she loves you back. The other is just a friend -- if she loved you enough, she would come out with the truth and let you know how she felt. I'd say go with the girl who reciprocates your feelings and not necessarily chase after the other one. Instead of chasing after what you can't have, learn to appreciate what you do have.

dc asked, HI LG, I am 28 loving a girl 7 yrs elder. We are fine with d relationship. But some times when she is away, i am fantasizing about other girls..is it fine?

Love Guru answers, Fantasising is harmless. It's when you try to act upon your fantasies that they have the potential to harm a steady relationship.

manish asked, i love a girl a lot but her friend loves me so that girl dont get commit to me

Love Guru answers, Manish, you should explain to this girl that if she has feelings for you and you have the same feelings for her, you're meant to be together. I can understand her sympathy for her friend, but it's not the friend you love. So even if she doesn't date you, it's not like you're going to date her friend. I think you both need to explain to her friend gently that you love each other and don't want to hurt her, but at the same time she cannot expect you both to ignore it. If she's understanding, in time she will come around.

Bidhan asked, One of my best friend insist me physical relation. She is a very old & good friend of mine, i am afraid that i will loose her friendship if i deny. Kindly advise

Love Guru answers, Friends are not supposed to try and force each other into bed. If you're uncomfortable with the idea, you need to explain to her that you treasure your friendship and don't want to complicate it with sexual relations. Also, you need to know why she wants to sleep with you -- women don't often go around demanding sex from friends. They usually want someone who they have feelings for and that just may be the case with her.

Aman asked, Does talking on phone everyday with a girl is any sign of love..

Love Guru answers, No, it's not -- it merely means that she enjoys talking to you. And you don't have to love someone to enjoy a conversation with them. You need to look for other signs, Aman -- flirting, looking forward to meeting you, giving you more priority than other friends...those are signs of love.

shiv asked, I was in relationship with a girl before marriage. Now both are married with other persons having kids. My problem is that I want to talk to her to apolozise her. But she never call me. Shall I go ahead with my wish. Secondly, after marriage again I was in realtionship with another unmarried girl (now married with kids). She wants relations with me but without physical relationship. I refused this. But she insisting to be a friend. I am not understand what to do? Kindly solve my problem.

Love Guru answers, I think you should focus on your marriage and your wife instead of thinking so much about ex girlfriends who have no place in your life anymore!

am asked, my gf and I are in relationship since the last 2 years approx. I live in the US and she lives in India. Yesterday, she along with her family visited me and I was thinking of having a ring ceremony. But, after seeing my small city and my lifestyle, she is scared off the possibility that we can come back from the US and live in my city. Now, she is in confusion as in whether to go ahead with this relationship or not... she still says that she loves me alot... there aren't any problems in our relationship

Love Guru answers, Is she marrying you or the United States? You both need to talk this out properly -- what are your long term plans? Do you want to return home eventually and settle in your city? If she had to settle in India, which city would she want to stay in? Speak your minds now and let each other know what you see in your future. Then take a call on your relationship.

1q2w3e asked, hi, i'm engaged with a girl whose engagement once got broken off.Now shez very hesitant to express her feelings to me ,shez a sweet girl & i see tht we both like each other.I don't want to bring the topic of ex again with her because i don't know the level of interaction they had. mine is arranged marriage so what i know is that she told me before they broke engagement there was no contact between them in the brief period.i'm not sure how involved was she with him.now am not clear how to proceed because actually this proposal was gone ahead with because mine also 1 engagement was broken.how to bring her out of closet so that she doen't suspect i was this intimate with last girl also

Love Guru answers, If she was not intimate with her previous fiance, how can she accuse you of it? She's probably just hesitant about expressing herself because of what happened with her the last time around. You need to tell her that your previous engagement was broken too and it's not all that uncommon. That shouldn't stop the two of you from cultivating a relationship.

Pritam asked, Hi Love Guru, I met one girl recently for a marriage proposal. She likes me and I like her too. After knowing her and talking to her many a times, she told me that she had a bf before. With whom, she slept many times. I love her very much. I want to marry her. She also wants to marry me. Don't know, whether she actually loves me or just behind my lucrative job. Is the awareness about her past relationship is going to create any problem in our future marriage life. Desperately I need your advice. Thanks.

Love Guru answers, If she loved your lucrative job, I don't think she would risk your proposal by telling you the truth about her past. But she did, which means she is giving this an honest try. And I think you should too. What's past is past and you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life by holding it against her. Don't ever bring it up in a fight or argument in future either, because it will only portray you as a narrow-minded, unforgiving, unreasonable individual.

Alove asked, Dear Love guru, same problem writing 3 time as no reply from your reply... I love my bosses daughter and she loves me too, but my boss has threatened me, that he will get me terminated and killed if i pursue his daughter. Please help i love her and she does too... She wants us to run away but i have no money... Please help

Love Guru answers, I am giving you this advice based on the assumption that you both are of legal age and mature enough to get married. First find another job and remove yourself from his organisation. Then get married in court and you can register a complaint with the police about his threats and take their advice. But please make sure that your girlfriend is the type who will be able to live life happily without the luxuries that she is used to. She may say yes right now, but she shouldn't change her mind later when life gets tough, which it will.

f asked, I AM IN LOVE WITH A GIRL MORE THAN 3 YRS OVER BUT SINCE MAY SHE IS IGNORING ME SHE FEELS I AM CHEATING HER SHE ALSO LOVES ME A LOT AND SHE HAD CALLED HER MARRIAGE ALSO WHICH WAS FIXED WHAT TO DO LOVE GURU PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT ABLE TO TRACE HER NOR CAN FORGET HER HELP ME LOVE GURU

Love Guru answers, Why does she feel you're cheating her and what does she think you're cheating about? It seems quite mad to me that someone would ignore you so vehemently only on the basis of insecurity without reason.

MANOJ asked, Hi, I am Manoj from Bhopal. I lika a girl, she working in a Bank and their is my Company's account. I go to their offen. she is know that like her but she is no response me and i afraid that because she do job in bank and i am in pvt sector. so you tell me, what i do ?

Love Guru answers, Ask for a response from her. And your jobs have nothing to do with it. I think if she was interested, she'd have shown it by now, though, so if she says no, please accept her answer gracefully.

Ashish asked, Thanks for your insite, but How do i know if she is saying that she is in Love with me now as she has none else now or she is actually loving me

Love Guru answers, The best way is to ask her honestly, instead of beating around the bush. Also ask her whether she only realised she loved you because you got engaged? Explain to her that you don't want her settling for you just because she has noone else, as that will make you both unhappy in the long run. She needs to be 100 percent sure of what she wants.

suhas asked, Hello LoveGuru, my name is suhas more,i am FYBcom student. mujhe english nahi aati. i talk in hindi. main meri college freinds se pyar karta hu maine use propose bhi kiya lekin vo kahti hai ki use aisa kuch pasand ahi hai to main kya karu.main use jaan se bhi jyada pyar karta hu use main bhool nahi sakta. Plese you help me. my email id -moresuhas31392@gmail.com

Love Guru answers, Itni chhoti umar aur itna bada pyaar! Suhas, usko tum pasand nahin aye, lekin is baat ki dukh nahin honi chahiye tumhe. Tum abhi sirf college mein ho aur yeh sirf ek crush hain, aur kuchh nahin. Jitna tum uske peechhe bhagoge, utna tumhe aur dukh hoga. Bhool jao, friends ke saath time bitao, bahar jao, masti karo. Yeh tumhari umar kabhi lautegi nahin -- pyaar karne ke liye aage chalke puri zindagi hain!

ratnakar asked, Guru ji, i am talking with girl on phone from last one month, i saw her, but she not seen me, and she love with me. i am not thinking i am in love with her now what i do

Love Guru answers, Love is not about looks, nor is it about chatting on the phone or online. It's about interpersonal attraction when you're around the other person. Meet her, become friends and then decide what you want to do.

Azzu asked, Hi, I like a girl and i think she also like me but i dont want to go against my family and same thing i have informed to her but she may be think that i am wrong. Tell me is ths right way that to get marry with any one without parrents approvals

Love Guru answers, You're not even in a relationship with her yet! And you say you 'think' she likes you, you don't even know for sure. Yes, sometimes parents don't understand their children's relationships fully and think more about what society will say rather than their own children's happiness. In such cases, couples may be justified in going against their wishes. But that is not the case with you -- you're not even in a relationship yet. So your decision should be about pursuing a relationship that you know your parents don't approve of -- either you pursue it with marriage in mind if both of you fall in love, or then keep your parents' opinion in mind and don't get into it in the first place.

vicky asked, hi love guru this is vicky from nagpur. i m in love with three girls. all are my best friends from childhood. all asking for marry. samajh nahi aata ki ki kya karu.. ...can u guide me

Love Guru answers, Marry the one you love the most and who you think you're most compatible with. Which girl's thoughts and values match yours the most? She's the one for you.

ak asked, Hi LG, i get engaged one month before, this is arrange relation, after i saw her i started loving her, i cal and talk her dialy now, i aksed her about me and r she with this RISHTA, she said yes and now we talk daily and romanticly. i want know that any girl getting close and taling freely in one month of engagement. how is she

Love Guru answers, What kind of question is this? If a girl doesn't talk romantically to the man she's going to marry, who should she talk romantically to? One look at her was enough for you to fall in love, but one month is not enough for her to become comfortable with her to-be husband? Ridiculous question! Stop thinking overtime and consider yourself lucky, because if you think like this, there are very few women who'd want to spend their lives with you!

Victim asked, My husband has abused me physically many times.e incident,I ran away from home and am now in my mothers place,and he says that he is sorry numerous times.Should I trust him and go back?

Love Guru answers, No. He'll do it again. If you really want to give him a chance, tell him he has to attend marriage counselling sessions with you and continue to live at your mother's house till such time as you think these sessions are helping him.

bangaloreguy asked, hi, im 39, and my wife is 33. we have been married for 11 years. our marital relationship has been great, except for the sex department. while i have not had my fair share of fun during my youth, and was majorly focussing on studies and then job. she's a normal lady, and she knows i'm expecting a bit more than what she can offer. i don't like to force her to do anything additional by dressing in a different way or trying to satisfy me in various poses, etc., but my desires are there. so, what should i do ? get into an extra-marital relationship or paid sex, or just ignore my desires ?

Love Guru answers, I think you're anticipating that you'll have to force her. Talk to her about your fantasies, buy her some sexy lingerie to wear in the bedroom, make an effort. She may be more receptive to sexual experimentation than you think. Extra-marital affairs and paid sex are not the answer.

Love Guru says, That's all we've got time for today, people -- catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, please post your questions on the Rediff Love Guru Page.