Office romances might seem alluring but beware, there are many thorns that accompany the rosy allure. Although office romances have become quite a norm these days, they can lead to a career downslide if not handled carefully. Many might dismiss the thoughts of consequences, but no body can deny that there are always the niggling worries of things going wrong.
The appeal of office affairs
~ Proximity for long hours: With workdays getting longer, men and women are thrown together for long periods of time. This creates more opportunity for people to know and understand each other. Being in the same profession with similar mindsets gives them a ready platform of common interests.
~ Little chances of a life beyond office due to long work hours: Your romantic life is likely to take a hit if most of your waking hours are spent at work. But remember, offices are not the latest dating hotspot and you may need to seek other ways to get some excitement and spark in your life.
~ Fast lives, people are no longer inclined to stick to anything repetitive: There was a time when people sought comfort in familiarity. However, today's fast pace offers many windows to connect with different types of people, and spending time with the same partner for long might seem routine and boring.
~ Thrill of feeling desired: The adrenaline rush of a new romance is hard to deny. If you have had a low patch and in the midst of that you find your attractive colleague offering you a special look or a smile, you might be tempted to just go with the flow.
~ Concept of 'office spouse' on the rise: Having a special friend, a confidante at work relieves you of the dangers of confiding to just anybody with your problems. So, every time you are upset or depressed or have anything special to share, you dash to your 'office spouse'. However, you might do well to keep in mind that the underlying idea behind office spouses is keeping it platonic.
Nothing official about it! Adverse Effects of office romances
You stand to lose much more than just love after a workplace romance goes sour. There are inevitable dangers of mixing business with pleasure, as many around you will tell you.
~ Central topic of the office grapevine: You definitely would not want people savoring stories of your failed dalliances with their steaming coffee, now would you?
~ HR issues at play: Quite a few organisations have formal policies for dating amongst coworkers. Even when there are no official dating policies, romancing your colleagues is not considered very professional by most.
While there are serious debates about respecting an individual's privacy, organisations are always concerned about romantically involved employees breaching professional code of conduct. Sometimes, legal suits may also follow inappropriate behaviour and e-mails.
"While not wanting to interfere in the personal lives of our employees, we would certainly not be comfortable with intra-office alliances. They violate the professional code of conduct that every employee is expected to abide by and may adversely impact the employee's performance at work," says Malathi Rai, who heads the resource management pool at a leading software organisation.
~ Your reputation and credibility can nosedive: Your carefully etched credibility can get a serious hit, if you get involved with your coworkers, especially with someone who directly reports to you. Other people in your team might not be very comfortable with the idea and this can lead to serious problems.
~ Jealous coworkers: People might resent your promotions and raises and you will be subjected to nasty backbiting. They might also take to spreading rumours about you that can reflect badly on your working relationship with those higher up. This can affect your performance and even influence your future association with the company.
~ You may be being used by a colleague: While this will not be true of all people who fall in love with their colleagues, there is a high possibility that the other person may be using you, especially, if you wield some power at work.
They also might be unscrupulous enough to share intimate details with others and ruin your career prospects. Worse, a male colleague may have a bet going with his friends because they cannot see a career-oriented woman progress hassle-free!
~ A soured office relationship may leave you scurrying for a new job: When a relationship does not end amiably, it can leave you bitter and hurt. Working with the colleague in the same office can be difficult. In worst-case situations, the other person may get vindictive. It may be even more painful if the person dumps you for another colleague!
"I could never imagine myself being tied to any one girl as I got bored of people really soon. But one day, when one of my girlfriends mentioned that she was game for everything else but marriage with me, I was in for a shock. I thought only guys were into easy fun, but that girl broke all such notions," recalls Suraj Kumar, who works in the fast lane of the burgeoning BPO industry. "Later on I came to know that she had been involved with other colleagues as well. This left me feeling a little weird about the whole dating scene at work. This also messed up my equation with other male colleagues as I didn't know who she had been with previously. I just had to look for another job."
Making it work:
- Keep your work life and romance in watertight compartments. Avoid constant messaging etc so that you can focus on work during the day. Meet your special someone after work.
- Avoid public display of affection (PDAs) to avoid embarrassing for your colleagues. Flying kisses, hugs etc have no place in an office. Treasure them all for time alone after work.
- If it's just a casual fling, clear it with people at the start of any relationship. This will prevent gossiping and backbiting in cases of ugly fallouts.
- If you think that your colleague is the right person for you and you just have to have them in your life, get your departments or line of reporting changed so that you can focus on your work and not on their impish smile!
Remember, you can never play it safe enough when it comes to office romances. It's better to avoid them than risk ruining a thriving career!
Preeti Bose is senior manager -- training for a US-based MNC. The views expressed in this article are solely her own and not of her organisation.
