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Rediff.com  » Getahead » How to bring back the 'zing' in your sex life

How to bring back the 'zing' in your sex life

August 30, 2010 13:07 IST

Experiencing a dry spell in the bedroom? Here's what you can do about it. Photograph: Vaihayasi Pande Daniel

The importance of sex in a relationship, especially a few years after marriage, is underrated and most couples have no clue as to just why and when it happens.

According to The Daily Telegraph, Denise Donnelly at Georgia State University believes that the sooner men and women start asking questions, the sooner their situation might return to those passion-rich days of old.

A sexless union may come about for many reasons, including a combination of any of the following. It could be that:

A couple never had a lot of sex to begin with;

A specific event led to no sex, for example, the birth of a child or an affair;

Lovers are juggling too much between family, career and other life demands;

Low sex drive due to physiological, mental or relational factors;

A partner is uncomfortable with sex or his/her body and/or sexual skills and many more.

So how does one resuscitate the sex in their relationship?

"By taking care of the sex bit, one must attend to other matters as well. An action plan should include the following," said sex expert Dr Yvonne Fulbright.

1. Be introspective: You need to start with yourself, asking some tough questions on how your relationship got to this point. Items to consider include: What does the lack of sex indicate? Could it be that you're not a good match? Has your relationship reached its expiration date? Or is there a much bigger problem to tackle outside of the bedroom?

2. Talk about your sex life and relationship: In doing so, you want to raise awareness without blaming or sulking. Simply point out what's going on without issuing ultimatums or making threats. Let your partner know that you want to talk about what can be done to fix things.

3. Only worry about yourselves: Don't allow yourselves to feel abnormal or unhealthy for not having sex, as society tends to make us feel. Don't put pressure on yourselves when it comes to having an 'ideal' amount of sex.

4. Plan for a break: Get sex off of the back burner by making time for it on a regular basis. While the occasional vacation can be just what the doctor ordered, seek to take time off from work (and send any kids away) to be alone at home. Balance this with efforts to connect outside of the bedroom and in non-sexual ways.

5. Seek professional help to establish or re-establish communication: Working with a therapist or counsellor is great to establish a safe environment. Such a professional can help you to reach your goals, examine the reasons for a lack of motivation, and face past and present influences that are contributing to the situation.

"Such data should be plenty of incentive to end this sexual starvation. Let it go any longer, and one becomes weaker with greater frustration, feelings of isolation and lower self-esteem," Fulbright added.

Source: ANI