12 fashion resolutions for 2010

2010 is around the corner and we're all in the mood to turn over a new leaf (not that the other side seems to yield much difference from year to year, does it?). 

So in keeping with all the resolutions floating around, we've come up with a list especially for our desi fashionistas (and those who fancy themselves fashionistas) to ensure they look their best for the next 12 months. In other words, you better follow these rules if you don't want to be laughed at in the street!

Resolution No 1: No wearing labels on the outside!
Okay, ladies, we all know they're all horribly expensive and excl-oosive and all that, but if we see one more Louis Vuitton monogram handbag on the elbow of a socialite, we'll barf. And that also goes for Gucci, Fendi, Prada and every other popular brand logo that screams 'I'm rich'.

Let's face it, dahlings, the really classy ladies wear their labels on the inside -- so stop trying to outdo each other with the LVs, the Gs and the Fs. We know the alphabet and we recognise good taste when we see it. We don't have to read it. Honestly.

This is for the other end of the spectrum -- the wannabes. Look, if you can't afford it, stop opting for cheap knock-offs that anyone who knows anything about fashion can sniff a mile away. Using fakes only gives out two signals:

• I'm desperate to sport a brand
• I can't afford designer wear

So stop giving people insights into your finances and your wannabe attitude. Either save up for that special outfit, or then just wear what you like and what looks good on you, labels be damned! 

Yes, yes, we know high platform heels are hotter than they've ever been. But you know what's not so hot? The words 'bunions', 'corns', 'sprains' -- you get the picture! Posh Spice has found that out the hard way courtesy her vertiginous stilettos.

Another downside of super-high heels is that there's always the possibility that you will stumble, fall and embarrass yourself, 'coz the first thing anyone will ask is, "Why on earth are you wearing those ridiculous shoes? You can hardly balance in them!" And that's what we're asking Jennifer Lopez, who stumbled on stage while performing at the American Music Awards two weeks ago. And the song she was dancing too, ironically enough, is her ode to super-pricey designer shoes -- Louboutins!

We're going to snigger at a Burberry stole in the Mumbai heat. And we're going guffaw at a backless wedding choli in the Delhi cold. Get the picture, mate? It's all fine on the runway, but please use a little common sense when it comes to putting your own outfits together. The best, trendiest outfit can end up looking downright freaky if it's worn under the wrong circumstances.

So you can pray for snow, but till it actually does, no leather jackets in 25 degree heat, please!

F*** you'. 'I did your mom.' 'Stop staring at my t***.'

Dude, that's not what I wake up for every morning -- to sympathise with your gripe against humanity. Why on earth would anyone want to read that on your clothing? And why on earth do people still find it amusing? It's juvenile, it's cliched and it's no longer a trend.

So please spare us the attitude on your tee -- wear one that's not readable. Besides, a cuddly Snoopy is preferable any day of the week!

Yellow bag, yellow shoes, yellow belt, yellow hat -- no, no, no! Stop being a pret poodle who has to have everything matched down to the tee, because it only ends up looking like you're trying too hard. You'll be amazed at just how many designers actually try to put people off this obsessive-compulsive trait. Be yourself and don't have a conniption if your hat is cocked by 5 degrees more to the left side of your head!

Hear that? A designer may cut three holes (two for the arms, one for the neck) into a potato sack, label it a dress and put it on the ramp, but said dress cannot be worn by you to a cocktail party! Whatever you pick out, make sure it's appealing and tasteful -- not something that you think is avante garde but that everyone else thinks is awful.

Whatever you're wearing, the first thing people take in is your face and hair. If you're sporting a crow's nest of frizz and dull, blotchy skin, even a Versace couture gown is not going to save you! So ensure that you spend a little time grooming yourself and look your best.

That doesn't mean you primp for four hours so that you end up with five seconds of facetime at a party that is almost over. It simply means that it's not just clothes that maketh the man (or woman) -- you need to look presentable.

Yes, we know how desperately you want to fit in with the 'in' crowd. But please use some common sense and adopt trends that suit you! If you've got matchstick legs and wear a mini, someone is going to offer you a sandwich. If you're plump but squeeze into figure-hugging outfits, someone might just take a bite out of you! And if you're 5'0", don't wear buckled boots, or you'll look like a pygmy looking to join Hell's Angels. Get the idea?

Yes, we all know wedding season is like one big fashion week. But, just this year, let's reel it in a bit, perhaps? Too-revealing saris, rhinestone and crystal-encrusted wear and kaleidoscopic patterning are all so...yesterday. These days, it's all about being graceful, chic and elegant. But if you want to be out on the dance floor, looking like humanoid disco ball, go ahead. By all means. But don't say we didn't warn ya!

Yes, they are THE most comfortable, lovable, huggable shoes you've ever owned. You have fond, fond memories of the time you did this or went there in them. And you slip into a state of bliss each and every time you slide them on. But, um, they're starting to stink. And look a little like something the cat dragged in. We know it's hard, but just throw 'em away. Please. Create a whole new history with a new pair of shoes. Whatever it takes to get those things in the dustbin, asap.

Some people couldn't be bothered with any deo, bodyspray or perfume. Others bathe in the stuff regularly, it seems. Is there no middle ground? Moderation, after all, is key. So find a nice light deo or body spray for everyday use, and buy something a little more pricey for big occasions. And remember, one or two spritzes, three max, or you'll be walking around smelling like a car freshener.