12 relationships resolutions for 2010
It's the same old story every year, isn't it? In January, you meet 'The one'. And by December of that same year, he's 'The son of a --' er, etcetera.
So this time around, what with resolutions floating around and all that, here's a list of relationship resolutions to ensure you're with the same partner next New Year's too!
Resolution No 1: I shall not be over-possessive
Yup, that's right. No 'So why is he asking you out for coffee?' or 'Who the hell is that girl who just called, are you having an affair?' Your partner can have friends of the opposite sex, you know -- it's only normal! And it doesn't mean s/he loves you less for it. In fact, there's a reason why your partner chose you over all the other people s/he knows. It's called 'love'!
Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
Resolution No 2: I shall not sneak through his/ her SMSes and e-mails
It's ratty, sneaky and implies lack of trust. So don't do it! No matter how tempted you are! It's just not cool. You can try the feeble 'we share everything' angle when people ask why you have your partner's email password or are going through his/her cellphone, but everyone knows what you're really up to -- keeping tabs! It casts you in a bad light, portraying you as clingy and suspicious -- and it's demeaning for your loved one.
And just a heads-up -- if s/he was going to cheat, it is possible to open an e-mail address you don't even know about!
Resolution No 3: I shall not cuss out his/ her ex
Stop the comparisons! Some people just can't get over their partner's exes. 'Are his arms better than mine?' 'She's got a slimmer waist than I do...God, I hate that b****!' What happened with your partner is in the past and s/he is with you now. So get over it, please!
Be confident of yourself and even if the break-up with the ex was acrimonious, remember, there are always two sides to every story. So focus on your story and leave the history where it belongs -- in the past.
Resolution No 4: I shall not be clingy or needy
This one works like a repulsion magnet. Want to dump your partner? Become a leech. But aah, if you want to hold on to him/ her, the trick is not to show how desperate you are -- even if you are desperate!
You could be good-looking, wealthy, the catch of the century -- but if you start hanging on for dear life, you're going to get the boot. Nobody wants a shadow you just can't shake!
Resolution No 5: I shall not whine when s/he wants to have a boys'/ girls' night out
Girls like to gossip at pyjama parties, guys like to hang out watching the game. So just because you're stuck at home and bored out of your mind, don't cancel out your partner's rare plan of catching up with friends! That's just plain selfish and it's good to give each other some space once in a while.
Give each other a chance to miss the other once in awhile.
Resolution No 6: I shall make my peace with porn
This one is mainly for the ladies. Look, most guys like to watch porn. And it's not that they don't think you're hot, they do, but porn is second nature to them. So just make your peace with it or pretend to turn a blind eye. Just don't make it an issue, because it's not -- as incredible as it sounds, their love of porn has nothing to do with you.
If you can accept it, it'll make you even more appealing in their eyes. 'My girlfriend is one cool chick, she's okay with me watching porn!'
And, ahem, boys? Girls like to watch porn too, so if yours does, don't faint of shock and go into the 'decent girls just don't indulge in this kind of behaviour' speech -- what's good for the goose is good for the gander!
Resolution No 7: I shall not use my tears as a weapon
Again, mainly for the ladies. Guys can't handle a woman's tears and it's very easy to get them to do what they don't want if you well up. Which, to them, is a form of emotional blackmail. 'I don't want to watch this movie, why don't you go with your girlfriends?' 'Bawl! Sob! When will you start paying attention to my needs! Why can we never do what I want!' See how ridiculous it sounds? Not happening.
As for guys who bring on the waterworks at the drop of a hat -- stop being sissies before you get dumped! The sentimental soul angle only works sometimes!
Resolution No 8: I shall not ruin friendships for my partner
This is one we've all been guilty of at some point or the other. It's inevitable -- you start spending too much time with your lover and your friends feel ignored. Or the best friend and said lover would like to drive a stake through each other's hearts when you're not looking.
Play the game, strike a balance and lay down the law -- they have to get along because they're both an important part of your life. No sacrificing one for the sake of the other!
Resolution No 9: I shall refrain from commenting on my partner's appearance
Especially in public. Yes, sometimes people's fashion choices do go wrong -- it happens to everyone at some point or the other, right? Even Angelina Jolie has been dissected for a couple of red carpet bombers. So you can give your opinion delicately and in private -- don't chastise your partner in front of others.
"See na, I told him this jacket makes him look fat, but he wouldn't listen!' Don't go down this road -- unless your lover looks like a Christmas decoration or worse, a Halloween reveler.
Resolution No 10: I will try my best to get along with my potential in-laws
Even if you have the ma-in-law from hell. At least give it a shot (and we don't mean shoot her, even if you'd like to!). Try to make a favourable impression, it will mean a lot to your partner. It shows you're serious about being part of his/ her family and accepting them as your own. We're not saying be a pushover, just make the little extra effort.
Most times, it pays off really well. And learn how to tackle difficult personalities. Even if your girlfriend's mother has despised all her previous boyfriends, there's always a first time. Let that first time be you.
Resolution No 11: I shall not be dramatic in public!
Storming out of restaurants.
Throwing your cellphone during an argument on a date.
Getting into a screaming match when there are people around.
Screeching the car to a halt and walking down the road at 3 am in a huff.
Get the picture? It's embarrassing, so don't make an ass of yourself in public -- it's also humiliating for your partner. If you disagree about something when you're out, put it on hold till you're alone. Because if you create a scene, the fight won't be about what you were fighting about anymore -- it'll be about the spectacle you created in front of other folks. It's as simple as that.
Resolution No 12: I shall not be taken for granted
This last one is all about loving yourself (and we all know how that works out -- pretty good!). Don't bend over backwards in any relationship to impress anyone. Be yourself, and if it's meant to happen, it will. If you force it into happening, you won't be enjoying yourself quite as much as you imagined -- because trying too hard means being a put-on -- someone you're not.
And don't let the one you love walk all over you in the name of love. Give in when it's needed and compromise when you must, but stand up for yourself if you're being taken advantage of.
Happy New Year!