'My wife is overly obsessed with her career'

Love Guru says, Hey, everyone! Time for the Love Guru chat...let's get started solving those relationship problems!

AR asked, Hi I had an affair for 6 years now but i found that she is talking to some other guy also since 2 months and she is very close to her. She spends most time talking to her. V r engaged but she is no more interested in me. She says she want some time to decide if she will marry me or not. What to do?

Love Guru answers, The secret behind a longterm relationship is keeping the spark alive. You guys have been courting so long, she's probably craving something new and exciting in her life and this new guy is providing it. Talk to her, tell her that you both need to keep the flame of romance burning and it takes an effort to do so. And if she's already made up her mind about not marrying you, she shouldn't keep you dangling to see whether things work out with Boyfriend Number 2 or not. Don't let her take advantage of you like that.

HAPPY asked, SIR MERI GIRLS FRIEND KE GAR WALE SHADI KE LIYE NAHI MAAN RAHE WHAT CAN I DO

Love Guru answers, Apki girlfriend unko chhodke aapse shaadi karne taiyyar hain? Agar hain aur aap dono adults hain to phir shaadi kar lo. Agar vo nahin karna chahti, to vo uska decision hain aur apko maanna padega. Aapke parents ko bhi unke rishtedar se baat karvane ki koshish karo.

aves asked, aaj se lagbhag 3 saal pahele ladki mile thi vo abhi tak pasad hai bahut se gift diye par vo baat nahi karte hai kya karu

Love Guru answers, Aap teen saal se koshish kar rahe hain aur voh inkaar kar rahin hain. Unko pressurise karne ki koshish ab band karo aur kisi aur ko dhoond lo. She is not interested.

ras asked, Is it wrong to mail a girl who doesnt know me. I am in love with this grl she accepts the costly gifts i sent but has threatened to take legal action if i mail her

Love Guru answers, Does she know you are the one sending her expensive gifts? If she does and she is accepting them, she is only taking advantage of you, because she has made it apparent that she doesn't want to associate with you in any way. Stop sending her gifts and try talking to her in person. If she still says no, give up -- you cannot force someone to fall for you, with expensive gifts or without.

SULBHA asked, hi LG one serious problem accur in my married life, 1of my hubby freind love me very much, he asked for only sexual relation only. i happy bcaue he dont want interfair in my married life.i disscussed this issue with my hubby he also agrre with this. what shall i do?

Love Guru answers, Whether you would like to believe it or not, sexual relations with a third party WILL affect your married life. I am amazed that your husband agreed to it -- makes me wonder how happy your marriage really is or whether he himself is involved in extra-marital relations with another woman? If both of you don't care whether the other is faithful or not, why are you committed to each other? You'd be better off single.

ak asked, my girlfriend is angry with me since last 6 months due to some mistakes. i regret for the same & i tried to convince her but could not succeed. however whenever she required, she talks to me but whenever i try to talk with her, she refuse to talk with me & since last one month we have no conversation between us. i know she will again contact me. what should i do in this situation.

Love Guru answers, She probably is talking to you as a friend? In any case, next time she calls, try to bring this up. It's not fair for her to call you when she wants and cut you off when you want to talk. Tell her you've apologised enough and if she really cannot forgive you and doesn't want to give the relationship another try, she should tell you that plainly. And if she says no this one, final time, just give up on it.Maybe it's not meant to be.

(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)

Love Guru answers, Why is she not willing to live with them? Is she unhappy in your house? You need to address the problem -- maybe you could talk to your parents and her and figure out what is bothering her and whether it can be worked out. If it can't or she is adamant, you may have to consider moving out to save your marriage. But if it's just a small issue, urge her to be reasonable.

Salman asked, I am residing in Bhubaneswar Orissa,India and want to marry cousion of mine at residing at Karachi pakistan , so whts the process of getting citizenship/Nanionality for her in India, is there any legal complications. is there any legal advisor who can help in this regard. Sir can i get your mail ID for any further help, Sir Pl reply as its really urgent, awaiting a positve reply.

Love Guru answers, Hi Salman, I's sorry but I don't know much about the legalities in such a scenario, so maybe you need to consult a lawyer. If I'm not mistaken, marrying a foreigner automatically implies that your partner gets residency in your country after the marriage papers are filed.

rosy asked, i've been in a rel for 5 years. For the past 2.5 years, my rel has been tumbling. I love the other very much but somehow he says he doesn't as he used to. It's just tat i took him for grante in the beginning of the relationship and now he has completely broken off. He says he is dead inside. He can hurt me at the snap of a finger and then say sorry later. All the things i did to him, he's now doing to me, unintentionally. He wasnts to get away buy I don't. I want this to all be ok. Because he loves me very much even though he's so frustrated. What should i do to make it alright?

Love Guru answers, Okay, Rosy, so now you know what it feels like when the shoe is on the other foot. You need to talk to him -- apologise profusely for your earlier behaviour and explain that you love him and want to make things work between you. If he can forgive you and you both can start afresh, great. If he honestly says that he is still bitter about what happened, maybe you need to take a break from each other and figure out whether you want to still be together or not. Give him a chance to miss you and mull over what happened objectively. If he really loves you, he will get back with you. If not, it's better than prolonging things for another five years, isn't it?

indrani asked, hi i have problem my parents fixed marriage with a man 10 yrs senior in age than me,what to do?

Love Guru answers, Hi Indrani. Were you willing to opt for an arranged marriage? Have you ever met the man? If it's only the age factor that's bothering you, let me tell you that a lot of people who opt for love marriages also share an age gap of 10 years or more. if the man seems nice enough to you, don't let it bother you too much. If, on the other hand, you're not comfortable around him and don't think he is the right person for you, speak up and break it off. Don't be pressured into entering a lifetime commitment with someone you don't want to be with.

kohar asked, Hi LG, I am in deep love with one guy. He loves me lot. Actually he first proposed me for marriage but for the past 4mnths things are not working between us we do not fall out but he behaves sometimes strangely says our marriage is not possible coz of his family now he suddenly says I m changing my job going to out of town and he didn't sometimes says he will change his contact number now he is saying I got married coz of family pressure all the time he was lieing I got know that he is lieing about his marriage coz diff time he said diff name, education of girl but still in touch with me still find the way to meet me to talk to me knowingly he used to irritate me saying that he is having affair with other. But still he is with me he still shares everything with me I don't know he is testing me if yes why? And how should I tell him that you lied me of your marriage? Please help please

Love Guru answers, He has no right to 'test' you like this. If I were you, I would just dump the jerk. Why are you dancing along to his tunes? Tell him frankly that you are sick and tired of his little mind games and either he commits to you once and for all or then cuts off all contact with you entirely. Be strong about this, Kohar, or he will keep doing the same thing. He is getting a kick out of making you insecure -- if you show him you don't give a damn, it will put him in his place once and for all. And let me tell you, you deserve someone better than him.

apu asked, hi guru,girl here, i read all your quiries,very useful,but guru you really think that all the questions put up by members are genuine not faked one.some time the questions seems to be really awkward, too far to be true.as it look like they just think the situation and put up the question. well i have one question too.i have everything in life but i am not happy within or my mind is always wondering what we are doing here,there is something missing in my life. i just want to get spiritually connected to mind or that power,want to live peacefully,is too much comfortness or pampering kill us within,at one point it makes us suffocating.is being egoist a bad thing.also how can we get rid of negatives vibes from our life ,which is the best way to differniate between neg and pos persons in our life ? now i want to enjoy fully with peace in my mind,i try medidation but that doesn,t help me much,can you plz suggest me somethingthat really make life meaningful.thank you

Love Guru answers, Hi Apu. Yes, it's very likely that some queries are not genuine, but then truth can be stranger than fiction sometimes, right? In any case, my job is to advise people -- whether they need or take the advice or not, is up to them. As for you, I think you need to busy yourself with a goal in life. I think because you have everything you could possibly want, you've become complacent and life is boring for you. If it is spiritual fulfillment you seek, read books, try and find the right path for yourself. And meditation does not calm you overnight -- it takes practice and utmost concentration and needs to be learned under an experienced teacher. I think you've made a half-hearted attempt at it and are judging it too soon. Count your blessings and learn to be thankful for everything you have. Also resolve to be a better person and take up an activity that fulfills you.

Love Guru answers, Are you still in college? Or are you obsessing over what happened a few years ago? Either way, I'd say stop obsessing over this girl -- I don't think she is worth the trouble. I can understand you had feelings for her, but I think you're being a little dramatic when you say that she is your first and last love. Have you even tried getting over this silly little incident and moving on? I think the moment you do that you will realise how trivial it really is -- especially when you meet another girl who is interested in you.

Rasheed asked, Hi Love guru i had a little fight with my girlfriend now i want to say sorry but she is not responding to phone or chat or message plz tell me the other way to convince her plz help me out.

Love Guru answers, Go meet her in person, Rasheed -- and a few flowers or a small gift would help. If it was a small fight, tell her to get over it because you love each other and should have the ability to forgive each other. Sometimes we tend to hurt those we love the most in the worst possible ways.

jetly asked, I don't know why redifff is wasting time of indians as this recession period. Better to concentrate in work instead of all these wasteful topics. rEDIFF IS AGAENT OF China who don't want to see india growing and hence want to indulge working population in all these useless topics instead of good one

Love Guru answers, If you're a member of the 'working population' as you put it, why are you in this chatroom? You should be busy working, right? It's Thursday afternoon, after all! And stop blaming your own laziness and laidback attitude on China. I think you're more useless than some of the topics we discuss in here, so buzz off!

saul asked, I am going to be getting married to my ex girl friend. So when I say that you would understand that I have been through the ups and down of our relation ship. How do we make sure that the past hurts dont come back. The scary part is that she is super emotional. Would appreciate your advice ?

Love Guru answers, You make sure that the past doesn't come back to hurt you by leaving it where it is -- in the past. Both of you should make a pact to forgive each other for past mistakes and make a fresh start by compromising.

ragupathy asked, Hi LG, I am married. I am a kind of boy who is more emotionally attached to wife. (Even my wife tells me this) But the problem is my wife keeps saying that she is very practical. I am in a good job and earning well. I have bought house as well. Still she thinks she has to work to lead better life and keeps urging on that. The worse part is she takes her job very serious and when she is at work she doesnt even mail me. She even doesnt want me to call her during office hours and she fights with me if I do so occassionaly. I keep telling her that atleast she shd not work for more than 8.5 hrs in a day (which is enough as per her company) but she keeps working for 9.5 hrs everyday. I get less time to spend with her. I am in a very good post in company. Recently married. My wife is fresher from college. Please guide me on wat to do?

Love Guru answers, Your wife is young and ambitious. Let her work if she wants to and don't trivialise her job by saying she doesn't need to work -- that probably irritates her because she wants to work, whether she needs to or not. She's enthusiastic right now, but maybe she is getting a little carried away -- you can explain that it's normal for you to call her at work occasionally, all couples do that. Also, tell her not to overdo it with office hours just to prove the point that she spends a long time in the office. Bosses judge productivity by output, not hours. In any case, I think that in a few months' time she will mellow down -- right now it's all new and exciting.

unmesh asked, Dear Sir i getting married 6 month ago. i come to know my wife affair with 42 years old neabour. i lead my forgeting her past but she tolerate to me in every moment. she told me that her marriage done against her wish & she dont want to continue with me, then i sent her to back & told her parent to continue as she want. but her parent filed dowry case against me. plz tell me the relevent solution plz.

Love Guru answers, Talk to your wife and explain to her that she should get her parents to drop the case, because neither of you wants to remain married to the other. If she has any common sense, she will agree and get them to drop the case or testify for you that you never harassed her. If she doesn't, consult a lawyer and take legal action.

Love Guru answers, Isn't that a little drastic? I think you should be visiting a sex specialist and/ or counsellor, not a divorce lawyer.

rajiv asked, hi lg i m married and i m in strong luv wid my colleague and friend. c also acknowledge. i am ok wid my life and luving her gives me satisfaction and when i am wid her i feel very warm and complete. ur comments pls

Love Guru answers, If you love this girl enough to leave your wife for her, file for divorce -- it's not fair to your wife to be cheated on. She deserves to be with someone who loves her and will be committed to her.

suhas asked, hi lg .. pls help me this time u have not answered me from last 3 session ... i have a Friend ..she is very good friend of mine from last 5 years.. last month she proposed to me and i said yes.. but before she had curshed on some one .. that guy doesnot even care ... now a days she doesnot talk to me ..and not even answer my phone .. what to do should i wait for her or should i move on ... pls reply this time

Love Guru answers, Instead of waiting, take some action -- confront her and ask her what is happening. She can't propose and then ignore you -- either she gives the relationship a real attempt, or then end it. If she liked someone else, she should not have proposed to you just for the heck of it.

FootLover asked, hey love guru. I just love carrassing, massaging and kissing the feet of my girlfriends. You think its a good gesture?

Love Guru answers, It's harmless enough -- whatever works for both of you!

love asked, hi love guru, i had an affair for almost 7 years with a cristian girl and was serious to marry her, we even had physical relations. some how situation went wronge, and i had to marry another girl due to family pressure. its more than 3 years now and i have a baby as well, how ever my girl friend has not got married and also is not in touch with me since last 3 years, but she talks to my elder brother and has told him that she will never marry anyone else as she loves me and will remain a widow of me ever. I am very much desturbed due to all this from last 3 years and wants to reunit with her again. dont know how ? please guide me sir.

Love Guru answers, And what is to become of your wife and child? You'll break up your family? If you loved this girl, you should not have cowed in to family pressure and should have married her. You already hurt her and now you will hurt your wife and child? When is it your turn to get hurt? In both situations you are the one who gets what he wants. Review the situation carefully and decide once and for all who it is you really love and want to spend the rest of your life with. And once you've made that decision, don't go back on it! Your inability to make decisions and stand by them is what has landed you in this mess in the first place.

Rima asked, Hi LG, I use to love a guy some years back, and its many times, bcoz of our difference a gap is build between us, he calls me up rarely and then end up just talking about sex or fight in the end. I want to end this relationship, and have told him many times, but still he keeps calling me. How should I explain that I want to move on with my life.

Love Guru answers, You're not being firm enough. You need to put your foot down and not take his calls anymore. End it once and for all.

Love Guru says, Time up, people! Write to me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com and tune in for the Love Guru chat next week, same time, same place! Till then goodbye and God bless!