Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on December 10 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started with your queries.
hahaboy asked, I am totally confused... with 3 girls actively wooing me for marriage. How do i decide? I met these girls at the insistence of my parents and there will be an arranged marriage at the end of it all.
Love Guru answers, Question is, are you interested in even one of the women? Getting pressured into marriage is not an ideal situation. If you feel that you have a future with any one of these women, you still need to get to know her better before you can make an informed decision. Look out for common interests, attraction, personality -- those factors should help you make a choice. But don't cave to pressure or you may regret it later on.
judy asked, i have close friendship with a girl, she had a bf but somehow they got separate,coz of that she is not ready to start again that kind of relation with me. what should i do?
Love Guru answers, Well, just because things ended badly with one boyfriend doesn't mean they'll end badly with another! You can explain that to her -- and maybe you also need to give her a little time to get over that experience before she can start afresh with you.
PagalAadmee asked, @LG, one women is in love with me in my office.is it good to go ahead? I mean I dont want to spoil her life for momentarily pleasure. but she prvokes me for it.Please help.
Love Guru answers, You're here each week with a new question! You can tell her you're not interested in her and if you ended up with her it would be in a 'friends with benefits' kind of situation. She may say yes, in which case you're technically off the hook. But ideally, in such a situation, you're the best judge of whether you're taking advantage of her or not. If she's also looking for a little fun and nothing more, I guess that works for both of you.
Titina asked, My family arranged a girl for me. We saw that girl and we liked to proceed with that girl for my marraige. Now her family doesn't want to proceed with us, instead they found a guy from their relatives. me and the girl after 3 months of talk were quite close and liked each other. We don't know what to do now. We don't want to proceed agnaist parents also. Please advice. Titina, BAngalore
Love Guru answers, It's rather foolish of her family to behave in such a manner. You both need to get your parents together and explain that you want to get married. Since it was their idea in the first place, they can't expect you to just carry on like nothing happened if you've developed feelings for each other, because that's what they were hoping for! It's not like picking out bathroom tiles, picking out a life partner. Try your best to make them see some sense.
wert asked, Hi LG Good Day I am not feeling well and my hubby is also not well... so gender bias makes me to do household chores... can't I have the option to take rest????????
Love Guru answers, Yes you can. But sometimes, you have to fight for your rights. Tell your husband that since you're both unwell, he cannot expect to dump everything on you.
Hemu asked, How to forget past relationships when you are getting into arranged marriage?
Love Guru answers, Well, your marriage is your next relationship, so start looking forward to that instead of looking backward. And remember, comparing exes to your present partner is never a good idea. Each person is different, so get into that frame of mind.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'I have a huge fetish for women's innerwear'
Arun asked, Dear Love Guru , What is the simple way to win the women's heart ??? regards, arun.
Love Guru answers, Winning hearts is a tricky business. If you are not yourself, the opposite person falls in love with who you're pretending to be, not who you really are. So being thoughtful, caring and friendly are plus points, but altering your personality is not. It is bound to cause friction sooner or later. Be yourself.
Vicky asked, Hi love Guru this is vicky here i m already merried but i also love a girl she is also love me and i love my wife also please suggest what i do ...........
Love Guru answers, You love your wife, and you're married to her. So drop the affair or risk ruining your family life.
rashu asked, i know a person from past 1 yr.we have been talking on phone and met him 2-3 times as well.just lacs month he admitted that he loves me, but he cant promise any commitment,he is very much clear that he will not marry me.yet wants to have a relation with me. but i said if there is no commitment i may not go further and we are not in contact since 1 month now. but i really love him, pls tell me what to do what stand i shuld take now
Love Guru answers, The stand you took in the first place was the correct one, Rashu. Why get into a relationship that doesn't mean enough to the opposite person for him to commit to you? This guy was just looking for a good time and you were smart not to give it to him. One month has already gone by, before you know it a few more will have passed and you'll forget about him. You may be a little hurt now, but that's okay. Once you get into a relationship with him and then he leaves you -- which he's made clear, he will -- you will be in far worse shape. And for what do you want to endure that kind of heartbreak?
tingire asked, Do you think one should get involved in casual sex if there is no one in the life. Or the person should wait for someone special.
Love Guru answers, That's a very personal choice. Some may not be agreeable to it and others will be more than willing. I'm not here to sit in moral judgement of anyone, I'm here to give you advice.
blink asked, Love Guru, I am a guy with a huge fetish on thongs and panties. Sometimes I just need to lay hands on some, either I buy them or I take risks n steal them off someone. I keep telling myself that I must stop but cant resist! Pls suggest something middle path!
Love Guru answers, The middle path for you, my friend, is to buy them! That way you're not harming anyone, but stealing them off ladies is going a bit too far. It's a harmless enough fetish, I guess, unless their owners are in them at the time you lay your hands on them! If it's bothering you and interfering with your life, seek out a therapist to bring things under control.
rahul4u4allll asked, hi love guru....i am in love with one of the girl who is girl friend of my close friend...she is very caring and our mentality also matches...but i am afraid to propose her as i am not aware of the reaction of my friend if he wud come to knwo abt the relationship...pleez suggest me what to do..???
Love Guru answers, You're not being clear. Is she one of his friends who happens to be a girl, or is he dating her? if it's the former, you can tell him first that you have a crush on his friend. If it's the latter, I'd suggest keeping your feelings to yourself or then you'll risk losing your close friend.
Lovegurukabaap asked, are you a male or a female? ...........LG
Love Guru answers, Aap mere baap ho na, aap batao!
'Love marriages aren't allowed in his family'
Jas asked, I am from India. Last year I had an affair with an Indian girl from australia, but because of physical distance, she called it off. But she does talk to me still & calls me sometimes & keeps in touch. Although, she initially last year admitted that she loves me, but recently she hasn't told me so. But we still continue to talk to each other regularly. Should i assume that she still loves me & can I get an outcome from this relationship ? Or should i just forget this girl ??
Love Guru answers, What is the point of assuming anything? She is living life there and you are living life here. Are one of you willing to make the move to the other's place of choice? If so, then you can talk about your feelings and figure out how to make things work. If not, it's better to just remain friends, because there's no hope for a future relationship.
sid asked, Few days back a girl proposed me she is just a friend of mine and I dont have any such feelings what should I do?
Love Guru answers, Explain to her gently that you care for her very much as a friend, but you don't share the kind of feelings she does. She may get upset, but you need to reassure her that your friendship is not going to change because she proposed to you and that you'll put it behind you like nothing ever happened. And as her friend, that's the least you can do so that she doesn't feel worse about it.
suresh asked, hi love guru - i thought i had an intense relationship with a woman for nearly 3 years- since last few months she is not responding properly.She takes my calls but talks matter of fact- she has also stopped calling me despite saying she will. Also No emails from her. Do I stop calling her
Love Guru answers, Maybe -- but you should take a call on the status of your relationship before you do that, right? Ask her whether she wants to end things or not and if she does, ignoring you is not the way to go about it. That's rather immature and selfish of her after 3 years together. Either you're a couple or you've broken up. This in-between state of things can only go on for so long.
Jaanu asked, Hi, I am 32 and the girl having affair with me is 18... She does not commit for long term relationship but just want to have a affair and intimate relationship with me. How do I handle this. I am married and she is not !!
Love Guru answers, If you're married, you shouldn't be in this relationship in the first place, least of all with a girl who is nearly half your age! And she seems smarter than you, not wanting a longterm relationship. Why would she? You're so much older and married and you have no future together. She can see that, but when will you see it and smarten up?
abc asked, hi LG, I have been in a relationship for abt 5 years now.My prob is that after all this years I have not been able to gain complete trust on my partner.The fact being she lied about her past to me and found it later on makes me insecure all the time as to what if she is telling the truth now? how can i overcome this.As I feel really happy being with her.
Love Guru answers, People grow up and learn from their mistakes. Maybe she hid her past from you at the start of your relationship, which was wrong, but it all came out anyway and it's behind you now. And since it came out, she'd think twice about lying again, wouldn't she? it's been 5 years, she's older and wiser and obviously loves you. So sit her down, explain that you want to trust her and cannot completely and have one last discussion about her past -- and yours, if she wants it. Then put that behind both of you for good.
Tina asked, Love guru I m in relationship with bf with years, problem is I want to marry him, but at the time of our first date he told me that I will never marry you coz love marriage is not allowed in my family. Rather that I agree at that time, but now I can't leave without him. He also loves me a lot I know that. But now problem is this I cant marry another guy coz I love him a lot.
Love Guru answers, Since love marriage is not allowed, maybe you could get your marriage to him 'arranged'. Have your parents approach his formally and try to work it out that way -- they may be more willing to do it. If that doesn't work, you'll have to get married without their consent -- something he said he wouldn't do right in the beginning. So you can't hold him to that. Try this option first, then see what happens.
Pawar asked, i hv girl friend...... we both want marry each other....but she does not have so much courage to tell her parent about our reltionship and decision to marry.... what i can i do
Love Guru answers, You tell her parents about your relationship, then. Or have your parents talk to hers. She'll have to gather up her guts a little or then risk not marrying you at all.
'I want to dump her, but she's so dramatic'
MrA asked, M n 10th..i used to lyk a gal..shes really gud..being really popular n skool wen i said i will get along vid dt gal..der was hundreds of opposition frm her said brothers about ten n no. after 2 months she said yes 2 me...n it 4 months for our relationship nw..shes got really overpossesive i wanna get free soon bt cant she jus 2 dramatic....help me out..PLZ YEH NA KEHNA CONCENRAtE ON UR STUDIES ETC ETC
Love Guru answers, Well, you should concentrate on your studies, regardless of the situation, but that's not my advice to you. You're really young and so is she -- and young teenage girls tend to be a bit on the dramatic side, it's all a part of growing up. If you want really want to break up as soon as possible, go ahead and do so. If you think that will rock the boat too much at this point in time (I'm guessing your boards are only 2-3 months away now?), wait till after your final exams and then do it. In any case you'll no longer be in school and it'll be much easier on both of you.
daers asked, Any person who makes fun of his father or refuses to obey his mother will be punished. It will be as bad for him as if his eyes were eaten by vultures and wild birds.
Love Guru answers, I think your brain has been eaten by vultures, because not only are you talking out of context, you're talking nonsense.
sulbha asked, Hi LG. I AM A MARRIED WOMEN.HAVING 2KIDS. NOW MY PROBLEM IS MY HUSBAND NOT SATISFYING ME IN SEX. I FALL IN LOVE WITH HIS FREIND FOR ONLY MY SEXUAL SATISFACTION WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE OF MY HUSBAND.TELL ME IS HARMFUL TO MY MARRIED LIFE?
Love Guru answers, I don't think that you need me to tell you that it is. Because when your husband finds out, it will destroy your marriage -- and his relationship with his best friend.
sks asked, i had relations with one girl and now i am married and i do not want to continue with her but she forces me to relations or otherwise she will tell my wife about the same. what shld i do
Love Guru answers, Tell your wife first that you used to date this one girl, but that she is part of your past. Then break it off with your ex. That way, even if she tells your wife about it, your wife will know she's your ex-girlfriend and is trying to make trouble.
chap_cos.comol@indiatime asked, Hi LG I am a 40 years old man with two kids I am deeply in luv with a 25 yrs old girl we just cant live without each other my personal married life has always been a compromise of the sorts and depresses me to no ends but because of my kids I cant even marry this girl although v have contemplated this option very seriously now she is going to get married life without each other is no option because then our respective spouses would get nothing out of us and v would b like corpses so v have decided that even after her marriage v would continue because if v have come to this earth v have a right to b happy hell yes it is clear cheating with our spouses but then life is not 100% fair to anybody v wud try to keep our spouses also happy .I know ur answer but still lemme hear it from u
Love Guru answers, If your marriage was a compromise of sorts, you need to decide whether you want to compromise for the rest of your life. I will admit, the age gap is a cause of concern to me, but if you both are hellbent on continuing with this relationship and you really love this girl, I think her getting married is only going to complicate things further. She'll have kids with a man she doesn't love, which is not fair to him, or the children themselves. I think it's better to get married to each other and let the controversy die down, because eventually, it has to. I know of a 33-year-old girl dating a 54-year-old married man separated from his wife and while their relationship caused a torrent of gossip early on, a year later everyone has come to terms with it. All I'm saying is, don't drag in another person to cheat on in this relationship of yours. Either go for it the whole way or then let it go, don't complicate things further with her also marrying. I can understand your kids will be mad at you for awhile, but as their father, it's up to you to make them understand that this is the only thing that will make you truly happy. You will have to compensate for that in every other way possible. Just one word of caution -- your girlfriend is really, really young. I hope you realise that while this is what she wants from life now, it may not be 5 years later, unless she's unusually mature and level-headed and knows exactly what she wants in life. If that is not the case and things end with her, you will have divided your family for nothing.
suman631 asked, Love Guru My case is little unque. Me and my ex gf both fell in lover through orkut. we both are bengali but presently i m in vadodara and she is in kolkata. we met several time each other. we were very much closed. but after ten month she told me she dont want to continue the relation as she is feeling bored. now almost six month over. i m still very much in grief, missing her badly. The interesting matter is still her mobile phone is switched on 24hrs a day but she didint receive any call upon it. I never get engaged line also. i tried to call from any outside no bot nobody is receiving. if she is not using that mobile on why is it switched on 24hrs a day? or still she love me? please explain me...
Love Guru answers, Her mobile phone's settings have nothing to do with her loving you, I think you're obssessing too much about this relationship. It's been six months, let it go -- in another 4, you'll have spent as much time apart as you've spent together. You're only making yourself unhappy. It's possible she knows nobody in Vadodara except for you and every time she sees the city code, she chooses not to answer it knowing you're at the other end of the line.
Love Guru says, Time to go, people! But come back next week, same time, same place! Till then, take care and all the best!
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