'Traditional man, modern wife: We don't get along'

Love Guru says, Hi there, folks! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat. Feel free to share your relationship problems right here.

cxvc asked, Hi. I loved one girl. their parents rejected my love. We want to die for each other. Can u give any suggestion to me

Love Guru answers, What is the point of dying for each other? Is it going to do any good to you both or to your families? I don't know your age, but if you're both adults and know that you want to be together, you can get married whether her parents like it or not. Isn't that a better idea than ending your lives? Get married and live your lives together. And if you're not old enough to be married, you'll have to wait it out till you both are grown up, mature and can take a proper decision. Think logically.

sdfsf asked, Hi LG. I am 18. I have sexual relation with 35 years aunty.Because of that i unable to continue my studies. I am trying to avoid her. But she is calling asking me to come. I addicted to sexual relation with her. She is widow and no children to her. What will do?

Love Guru answers, Your hormones are raging and so you can't resist. It's less complicated because she has no family, but you have to realise that she is twice your age and there is no hope of a real relationship here. Also, if you spend all your free time with 'aunty', you won't get to socialise with girls your own age, who are better suited for you. So it's your choice -- have a good time now and find yourself single 10 years down the line, or end it now and give yourself a chance to enjoy your teenage years like you should.

mona asked, my husband doesnt behave properly with me he always insults and always finds reason to quarrrel he some times make fuss in frnt of inlaws how to make him relise tht his wife has done so much still he behaves in this way

Love Guru answers, Mona, why are you tolerating this behaviour? Why don't you give it back to him? Explain once that you do not like it when he behaves badly with you in front of other people and you're not going to take it lying down. If he doesn't do it again, fine -- if he does, just give it back to him in the same way right then and there.

saurabh asked, My girlfriend got married around 10 months back. She is still there in my every thought and my every move. I cannot concentrate on my business , studies anywhere. My social life has become zero. WHy love hurts so much

Love Guru answers, Because you let it hurt so much. You're obsessing over her and that is why you are failing at business and socialising. Okay, it was a painful chapter in your life, but close it already! It's like reading the same tragedy every single day and getting depressed about it. Wouldn't you just rather shut the book and put it away, start on a new one that is more fun?

Masoom asked, hello rediff...do not enter into some other's life and make their life a hell what do u have to do when she brings her boy friend? taht's none of ur business..understand?

Love Guru answers, See all the questions here, Masoom? These people are asking for advice and I'm giving it to them. Understand? The concept is simple. This is advice that is asked for, not forced on people. If your mind is too small to comprehend such a simple concept, I suggest you go pass your time elsewhere. Get out!

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Love Guru answers, You haven't told me how old you are, Vaishali. Are you both on the same wavelength? Is this a relationship of convenience and companionship for him, or does he see it as having a real future? Is there a valid reason why at 43 he's still a bachelor? Maybe at the end of the day, as much as he cares for you, he'd rather go through life without getting married? You need to tell him that his hinting tactics are not going anywhere and he has to open up and tell you what he wants clearly, because you are not about to waste another 5 years of your life like this. And my advice is, don't -- either you find out where you are headed or end things.

sweetshwetafairy asked, Hi , I have been in love with a boy who is 5 years younger to me and I am in relation with him since last 6 years but only whenever he wants only then he pays attention to me if I have time he doesnot get ready to talk to me only when he is having free time only then he wants to talk on phone. And every one or two month he pick a quarrel with me and does listen and even talk to me on phone whenever I call and after one or two weeks he himself start talking to me What should i do

Love Guru answers, Stop being the comfortable shoe he can wear when he feels like it and then discard when he feels like it. Basically, he has you when he wants you, he shoos you off when he doesn't want you and then he takes you back when it suits his purposes. This is not a relationship, this is taking advantage of someone -- you. The next time he brushes you off, let him. Then when he comes back, YOU brush HIM off. He'll get the message. Make it clear that you are not his back-up system.

piya asked, hi luv guru...!i lik 2 knw..whn a guy in sam office tries 2 compete with u..always hav a check,,whts i m doin..bt at the sam time is concern to me...always shows som sign of care,wh does it mean

Love Guru answers, It means maybe that he has a thing for you, but also considers you competitive where work is concerned! So he has a hard time deciding whether he likes you or not. Personally he does, professionally maybe not!

kiran asked, hi love guru....i was in serious relationship with a guy n shared 6 years of love relationship but due to parents n family pressure i got married to some one else..now after 8 months of marriage i m not able to accept this new relationship n my life is screwed up....i tried to forget everything n start a new beggining but its all invain....please help

Love Guru answers, Kiran, it's never too late. If you absolutely don't want to stay in this relationship, end your marriage. Maybe you still can salvage your earlier relationship with your ex. It was wrong to get pressured into marrying against your will, because at the end of the day you're the person who has to live with that decision, not anybody else, not even your parents. And it wasn't fair to your husband either -- he unknowingly got married to a woman who didn't want to marry him in the first place.

Ache asked, My wife doesn't cooperate. Should I complaint to my in laws. I request her to attend social functions, but she doesn't listend and dont attend family functions. What to do.

Love Guru answers, Instead of complaining to her parents and angering her further, why don't you find out why she refuses to attend family functions? There has to be a valid reason behind it -- maybe she is uncomfortable around a few of your family members, or someone said or did something to upset her and she doesn't want to tell you about it? She is your wife -- explain that she can trust you and tell her to share the problem with you. Once you know what it is, then you can tackle it.

Love Guru answers, If you're going to compromise your own happy marriage for a few thrills, I hope your wife does the same thing to you. Don't go wrecking someone else's home. Even if your neighbour has a bad marriage, it's her business, not yours to capitalise upon and take advantage of.

Jagannath asked, Dear LG, Here is something I feel to share with you. I am marrried to Soma and having a Kid. There is lots of turmoil in our life. She plays with my sentiments the way I love God. She is very much on faishonable. And I am very simple.I have lost faith on Her. Without my knowledge she had cut her long hair. She speaks very fiery words and quarrel some words. I am unable to resist all these. She Commits and does differently. Currently we staying differently

Love Guru answers, From your question I can make out that you are a traditional man married to a modern woman. You need to understand that you cannot force your beliefs on anybody else, even your wife. So what if she cut her hair without telling you? It's on her head, isn't it? And you may love God in a way that she doesn't -- why is that a problem? Does she have to worship God like you do? If you want to make this marriage work, you both need to accept each other AS YOU ARE. If that is possible, a happy marriage id possible. But if both of you are expecting the other to change their personality for you, you may as well file for divorce right away.

sachin1 asked, my girl previously used to love a guy, but they broke up & later i entered into her life, but after i entered her previous boy friend warned her about our relationship, she is from a conservative family & he is going to an extent of threatening her by saying, he would tell to her family, please suggest in this matter how to handle that guy

Love Guru answers, She should not give in to his blackmail. Call his bluff. Tell her to inform her family that this guy was in love with her and is now harassing her by threatening to talk to them about you. Then she should tell him to buzz off and mind his own business, because what she does with her own life is up to her. Let him approach her family then -- having heard from her earlier what he was upto, I'm sure they will kick him to the curb.

coldsparkle asked, LG, i have dated a gal who is 2 yrs older to me, she is divorcee and has a 9 yr kid. When she proposed me, I accepted her and then i came to know her past. after knowing that it hardly matters for me. now my love towards her has changed to lust. she wants to marry me immediately. I want to wait for a year. suggest

Love Guru answers, What do you mean by love has 'changed to lust'? Do you mean you only want to sleep with her now? And her past should matter to you, because she has a child. Only if you are capable of being a loving father figure to her child should you think of doing this. If you love this girl and are serious about her, go ahead with the relationship else don't. And I see no harm in waiting a year.

minalshah asked, Hi, we are in relationships from last 3 years. We really want to settle down. But our kundli is not able to match. Only 11.5 guns. I am afraid now to tell my parents about this. What should we do, should we seperate coz our kundli does not match, or we should go ahead?

Love Guru answers, That depends upon you. If you really believe that you should end a 3-year relationship that has obviously gone well because an astrological chart doesn't match, go ahead and break up. I have heard that certain pundits perform rituals for those whose charts don't match in certain cases. So why don't you try that angle first and then tell your parents? That way they'll be reassured.

Love Guru answers, She has to stand up for herself or spend the rest of her relationship, however long it lasts, being bullied by him. You can only advise her in this matter, but ultimately she has to defend her rights.

withheld asked, i hv asked u a ques b4 but i did nt recd. ne ans hope i will get an answer this time.i m in luv wit a married women.she always say tht she luvs me but jus as a frnd.v r best frnds since 2yrs nw.i hv never touched her.is it possible for a guy n a gal to b jus frnds?wat does she mean by i luv u but jus as a frnd?pls reply

Love Guru answers, She means she does not want to get romantically involved with you, she only enjoys your company and companionship. And who says it's not possible for a girl and guy to be just friends?

lovedoveinlove asked, We just finished our study and i joined Software company, now my GF wanted to have marriage soon, but i want to stable in job for few years then wanted to have marriage. Tell me how to handle her?

Love Guru answers, Tell her the truth -- that you want to offer her a stable home instead of rushing into marriage.

rao asked, Hi, I am 43 years/male/married/two child. I work very hard and either i will be on job or at home. My wife is getting treatment for anger management for past 3 years. I take care of my family very much. What I am earning is enough for us. Nowadays I think I need some more support, or somebody who take care of me. I am totally confused.

Love Guru answers, It's been 3 years and no improvement with her anger management? I can fully sympathise with your situation, but yes, I agree that you need a break too. If your marriage is still not working out, I think you've given your wife enough of a chance to now ask for a divorce. Maybe you do need to move on, but an affair is not the solution, Rao -- it will only make the situation at home worse, especially for your kids. Better to separate from her first.

sa ri ga ma pa asked, i have been in love before. i have gotten over my previous loves when things didnt work out. the thing is that i right now am in love with a girl who has made it abundantly clear to me that i am not her type and that she cannot fall for me.. but she does not know the way i feel about her. and the thing is that we are extremely close friends. and i usually get over someone by reducing contact with that person.. giving both of us enough space and time. i don't indulge in myself by listening to sad songs or pity or any of the usual beat. but i am finding getting over her extremely difficult. the fact that we are part of the same group and hang out together all the time and that she is actually going through a tough break up where she is depending on my support are complicating matters greatly.. i am at the end of my tether and i have no clue how to go about this.. but i want to get over her. we are not suited. i just dont know how.

Love Guru answers, Look, if you get along so well as friends, what makes you both so sure that you will not get along as lovers? Love is an extension of friendship -- if you do the same thing, ie accept each other as you are, just like you do when you're friends, you will have a successful relationship. I think you both have a thing for each other -- why would she go out of her way to say you're 'not her type' if she doesn't know how you feel about her in the first place? That means she has given it a thought already. Tell her how you feel. And what I've just told you.

Love Guru says, Time up, folks! Tune in next week and till then, take care and all the best!