Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on January 21 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hey, folks! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...let's get started.
soni asked, my bf had a GF before sometime and they r involve with each other physically also...my bf himself toldme abut this as he want to confess..now i dont understand wht to do next..
Love Guru answers, What to do next? Nothing... suppose you and he get physical, which is something all couples do. And then it doesn't work out and he has another girlfriend. Should she not accept that you were part of his past if he tells her? He liked that girl then just as he likes you now. So be realistic and a little mature. Accept it gracefully.
nitin asked, Hi my name is nitin from surat my dob is 07/sep/1989 time 10:55 pm, please tell me what i will do? arrange married or love married
Love Guru answers, For the umpteenth time, I am not an astrologer! We have an astrology chat coming up at 3 pm, why don't you tune in then and get the answer you are looking for!
mahe123456 asked, Hi i m married but i had an affair with a girl. She is still in touch with me thru mail and telephone. We hve not met from last 2 yrs. Still she may be interested in me. Whenever i make plans to meet her she ignores. pls rvert
Love Guru answers, Because, in case I need to remind you, you are married. And she doesn't want this contact to go any further, even if she is interested. Affairs after marriage are messy -- and you will land up in a mess if you're not careful.
nitin1 asked, i have one gf her name is vrunda and she is ready to make phsical relation with me so can i build physical relation with her
Love Guru answers, Well, if she's willing, that's up to you and her, isn't it? You sound like you're asking for my permission!
IVA asked, IS HAVING RELATION FOR 4-5 YEARS LOOSES INTEREST??
Love Guru answers, That happens 9 out of 10 times, if both partners don't make a conscious effort to keep the romance in their marriage going and keep the spark alive. You have to learn never to take your partner for advantage.
km asked, my nephew is in a relationship with a gf. who is now blkmailing him / aND WANTS A FAT AMT IN RETURN.DON,T KNOW WHO IS AT FAULT. HOW DO i TACKLE THE SITUATION AND GET HIM OUT OF THE RUT
Love Guru answers, Blackmailing him with what? That she'll tell people? What if she does, he can still end things with her. Unless there's something you're not telling me here, I see no reason why he should cave to her demands.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'My husband lives in another city, I keep cheating on him'
saurabh asked, My sister in law is in touch with me thru mails and no one in the family know about it.Though they are general in nature... i find it a bit weird .. there is nothin much to write home about but we keep exchanging mails 2 a week.. now about a year... every thing normal u guess??
Love Guru answers, I should think it's normal, but why doesn't anyone in the family know? It's natural to be in touch with people you are related to. If there's an undercurrent of attraction or there's something else to it, my advice is, don't encourage it. If it's just regular mails to keep in touch, though, no harm is there?
smita asked, i m confused ,pls guide me, im widow & now whom i was engaged & had break up he came back in my life & he is also married, what shall i do, shall i continue to talk or not
Love Guru answers, Smita, he broke off his engagement with you. Why do you want to get involved with him again? You may say you're just talking, but we bot know where that is heading. Do you want to give him the satisfaction of sleeping with you and then going home and sleeping with his wife? He broke it off -- now you keep it broken off. For good. You'll find someone else, someone who deserves you and doesn't ditch you at the altar.
suresh asked, Dear Luv Guru, Married with widow, after 12 yrs living happily with me & child. wife left both of us & wants divorce & comp.kindly advise the reason & solution. tired each & every optionetc. Regards
Love Guru answers, Suresh, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not a divorce lawyer. Which is the person you should be talking to regarding this. Find a competent one and decide on what to do.
SDFGDFG asked, HI lg. i AM IN LOVE WITH ONE GIRL. SHE IS LOVING ME. MY PARENTS ARE NOT ACCEPTING MY LOVE. WE ARE TRYING TO EXPLAIN ABOUT MY LOVE. THEY ARE REJECTED AND ATTACKED ON US WE CANNOT LIVE SEPARATELY. WE ARE MAJORS. PLEASE SUGGEST
Love Guru answers, I think it's pretty apparent that you need to get married without their consent. And I don't know what you mean by 'attacked' you, but if there's any threat or violence involved, you may consider warning them that you will lodge a police complaint. Or go ahead and just do it.
reh asked, guru,me n my hubbs work in diff cities,am involve with 2 guys,one mAarried n one single,one of them i had one night stand,so its ok to be hve some one night stands,without knowing my hubbs
Love Guru answers, I think your 'hubs' would hit the roof if he knew what you're upto. Marriage is not a joke, it's a serious commitment. And your behaviour is showing a serious lack of commitment. Would it not upset you no end if your husband did the same thing? Cheated on you with other women?
subodh asked, Hey loveguru, I had talked to you 20 days back, I am same that Vicky who proposed a gal but she said No to me but still I feel love and care for her but I don't talk to her bcz she married somebody, it was an arranged, I have no complaint with her but she sent me frnd rqst on facebook I replied what u want I am not going to accept nor delete that rqst but she is not deleting that rqst what she want. I feel still love for her and miss her.
Love Guru answers, You're heading for trouble, my friend. Look, you're only holding yourself back from finding a nice girl because you're still hung up on her. And these small ways of keeping in touch will only give you false hopes and lead you on. That's a waste of time -- you have no future with this girl. If you did, she would have married you.
kaper asked, the girl i love is a good friend of mine but i m pretty sure that she doesnt have similar feelings for me although she considers me a good friend (she trusts me).i dont know if i should tell her how i feel.will this affect our friendship?
Love Guru answers, Well, you can't be 100 percent sure till you ask her. So go ahead and do it, before she gets into a relationship with someone else and it eats away at you that you never even tried. Even if she says no, assure her that you can move on and remain good friends. If she is as close to you as you say she is, I think she will not want to let it affect your friendship.
'Her mother wants me to convert if we're to marry'
Akanksha asked, i like someone.. we were just about to get married that his mother created some problems and we cud not marry.. even he tuned into his mother's shoes. now i m not allowed by my parents to even talk to him.. but i really really miss him.. he is neutral.. he is happy if i talk to him.. and if we dnt, then also he is fine.. wat do i do?? i m not able to move ahead in my life..!! pls help
Love Guru answers, Don't talk to him. Because he has done nothing to save the relationship, while you wanted to. He just behaved like a typical mamma's boy. You'd have to spend the rest of your life doing as his mother said if you want to be with him and it would be a nightmare. So get over it, my dear -- I'm sure you can if you put your mind to it. Every time you think of him, think of his mother bullying you.
aims asked, i like a girl in my office ....but she is married and no interested in me....but i cant get her out of my mind.... should i change my company to get over it......?
Love Guru answers, If that's what it takes, yes. But make sure your career doesn't suffer -- or you'll then have 2 things to be unhappy about instead of one!
ase asked, hi, my girlfriend wants to marry me but i want to dump her, how do i tell her?
Love Guru answers, Tell her the truth. That you don't want to continue the relationship and don't want to lead her on unnecessarily. Be gentle and honest. But also stand your ground, it makes no sense to give in to pleading and then worsen things later on. That will only be worse for her. And think the decision through carefully.
sudarshan asked, My wife is having extramarital affair with her college mate, i know this but i don't want to lose her bcaz we got love marriage, now how do i stop this relatiionship of my wife with her collegemate
Love Guru answers, Well, Sudarshan, if your wife knows you will accept her unconditionally, we have a problem. Because she's going to do exactly as she likes, knowing you will take her back no matter what. Confront her, tell her she has to make a choice -- it's either you or him. If she chooses him, leave her -- in the long run, you'll be happier than sharing your wife. If not, she needs to get the message straight -- that you won't tolerate this nonsense.
syakty asked, Hi, I am a Hindu guy and my girlfriend is a Christian. Her mother wants me to get converted in their religion and get married. But i am not interested in conversion nor eloping and unwilling to give up this love. What am i supposed to do? is there any law that allows us to get married without religious interference???
Love Guru answers, You don't need a law to help you, because marriage between different communities is well within the law. If you don't want to convert or elope, tell her mother that. How would she feel if you insisted her daughter become a Hindu? It's not fair to ask someone to do that. All your girlfriend has to do is agree with your point of view -- there's not much her mother can do about it if she stands by you.
hell asked, my close friend who had an excellent marriage is facing tough times. Her husband has gone into a shell. no physical intimacy, he is not responding to any of her questions..how do u think we can get the problem out from him?
Love Guru answers, She needs to stop asking for answers and has to start demanding them. As her husband, who can he confide in if not her? She can also look at marriage counselling as an option -- he may open up to a therapist more easily than to her.
salman asked, Sir my family want me to marry urgently , but my girl friend want 2 more years as because of personnal problems. As i am living in Abroad , so because of long distance our relationship become weak day by day , shall i wait for 2 years. what should i do
Love Guru answers, I understand your problem, long distance relationships can be hard. But while your family just wants you to get married because they want it, your girlfriend seems to have a real problem. Do you think it's fair to rush her when she's facing trouble? Arrive at a compromise. Make it a one-year wait instead of two...you wait one year more, she makes you wait one year less. Also see what you can do to help with her situation at home.
'I left him because of gambling -- should I go back?'
Pmumbai asked, Hi love guru when ever i see any girl in low waist jeans showing navel and any married or unmarried girl/lady/aunty with deep and big navel in transperent saree i feel immediately attracted .Navel is my biggest turnon.Is this normal.U can mail ur ans to me also.
Love Guru answers, Some people have a foot fetish, others a neck fetish and still others, a navel fetish. It seems harmless enough, don't worry about it.
tl asked, There is a girl I am interested in. I think she is also interested in me. But I don't think our relation will lead to something , as I may not be a perfect match for her.
Love Guru answers, First see if the relationship materialises and then worry about these things -- don't count your chickens before they're hatched!
nadar.rajesh asked, i proposed one girl and she worned me two times and now i am not going to watch her but she keep on doubting me and i like her still what should i do ?
Love Guru answers, You sound like a stalker to me! Stop following her around and 'watching' her, as you put it. And put away your feelings, too -- there's nothing more annoying than someone who can't take no for an answer.
Amrita asked, I was in a relationship with a guy back in school... I was the one who ended it ... that too on a bitter note... He used to still love me but I did not pay any attention... Now that when I have started to have feelings for him.. he has moved on and is in a realtionship with another girl..But now I am desperately in love with him ... Please help!!!
Love Guru answers, Amrita, if this love of yours for him has blossomed only after he found someone else, learn to recognise it for what it is -- human nature. You don't really want him, you only want him now because you can't have him anymore. You said yourself that you never paid any attention to him after breaking off. If you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy, tell him how you feel. At the most, he will turn you down. But you have nothing to lose. Only think carefully of what I've said first. If it's 'I want him because she has him', that's not love. It's human nature. And you need to be mature in that case and move on, even if it pinches a little at first.
Shweta asked, Hello LG , I am in distress , I am separated from my husband recently due to his gambling and we lost all money .should i reconcile with him
Love Guru answers, Has he changed his ways or has he only stopped gambling because he has no money left to gamble with? I don't know what kind of a man your husband is, but I would suggest you weigh your options carefully. Only if he truly loves you and you're sure that he will never throw away your future security again should you go back to him.
Love Guru says, Time's up, people...see you next week, same time, same place! Till then, goodbye and good luck!
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