'Married colleague's affair: Should I tell the family?'

Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat. Let's get started solving those relationship issues.

anu asked, i am in love with the guy who is very special to me...but every time he plays with my emotions and say sorry after that...........i am not able to understand if he really loves me or not, pls advise

Love Guru answers, Anu, nobody who felt strongly for you would want to hurt you unnecessarily. And he's doing it constantly. I'm not saying he doesn't care about you, but maybe he's got his own issues to sort out to avoid doing this to you. Next time he does it say you want a break from the relationship. And stick to your word. I think after learning a lesson and realising that you won't be treated like this, he will not repeat it.

jansi asked, Hi love guru Pls answer me I am asking for the third time i look beautiful but I look thin and there is no much breast development. I took medicinal advice. my doctor informed that I don't have much fat so that is the cause for not much breast development. Normally guys look for girlz with big breast. I am getting married after 2 months.i am worried that this will create any problems in my martial life .pls help me

Love Guru answers, You're under a lot of false impressions. Not all guys want women with big breasts. And you're good-looking -- if you portray a self-confident attitude, your husband will definitely be attracted to you. There is no medicine that can increase your breast size, the only thing that will really make a difference is cosmetic surgery. But do you really want to put yourself under the knife for such a reason?

red asked, when ever i meet a women i start liking them and loving them but remains for some time and then love goes away. what shall i do and whom to love. dont give any conventional answer.

Love Guru answers, These are just infatuations. It's more a physical attraction than anything. It's definitely not love. Love stays and grows -- the more time you spend with the person you love, the more you will realise that you want to be with her for the rest of your life. Stop falling for every woman you meet and when the opportunity arises, try to strike up a meaningful relationship with someone you really come to care about.

red asked, LG balls to ur double standard. even u must b falling with girl of big tops and all guy fall for that!! so b practical and dont give convicing conventional answer

Love Guru answers, Do you even know the meaning of the word 'conventional' that you're using it so often? I'm guessing from your previous question that you're the one who keeps falling for women based on their physical appearance and then claiming to fall out of 'love'! It's not necessary that all men want a big-breasted woman, so get that through your thick head!

ram asked, hi love guru i am dark person and work in private company no girl attrack toward me what i do plz tell me.

Love Guru answers, I'm not sure whether you mean that you have a sombre disposition or that your complexion is not fair. If it's the former, readjust your attitude and make an attempt to be more friendly and approachable. If it's the latter, don't sweat it -- it's not necessary that people are only on the lookout for physical attraction. And if I were you, I'd extend my friend circle beyond the office -- relationships in the work space can be tricky and are often forbidden by the management.

Love Guru answers, What exactly are you unprepared for? The overall change in your bachelor lifestyle or the fact that you may have to play a parental role with her children? Don't rush into this if you're unsure about it. It could end up a bigger mess if you move in together and then there is friction with the kids or her. You're the only one who can weigh the options carefully here and make up your mind. Be prepared to shoulder responsibility as a family man. Only thing is, if she is so unhappy she should walk out of the marriage anyway, instead of waiting to see whether you will take up with her or not. And just in case, if it's societal opinion that is bothering you, don't let it -- your life and happiness are your own to deal with.

UNIQUE asked, I am married : little Confused. Is it necessary that one should be conscious while doing sex so the things can in in control.

Love Guru answers, What do you mean by 'conscious'? Yes, you definitely have to be awake and aware, or I don't see how sex is really possible! And if you mean trying to suppress your responses, don't do that -- enjoy letting go and getting intimate with your loved one.

nive asked, An married collegue of mine is having an affair with and unmarried collegue. Should i tell their respective families about it or keep quiet. both of them dont want to quit

Love Guru answers, It's none of your business. If it is interfering with work, I would suggest you talk to them personally and explain that you are having trouble at work because of their relationship. If that's not an issue, leave them to their own affairs. Don't try to play the moral police or you will find yourself caught up in a mess.

mine asked, how to forget ex girlfriend permently?

Love Guru answers, Meet new people, work hard, take a vacation -- move on, basically. It's impossible to entirely forget someone you've had a relationship with. But you can distance your emotions from it by letting time heal the wounds and making sure you enjoy life. in a while the thought of her won't prick you anymore.

bxsa asked, am very possessive with my grl. i knw i should not be but cant control it. i love her so much and we get problem bcos of it . how can i overcome this

Love Guru answers, If you can't control it, my friend, you can't overcome it. As simple as that. And your attitude will ruin, if not end, your relationship. Look, she's with you and not with another guy for a simple reason -- it's you she loves. Isn't that enough for you to trust her? You don't own her, so stop trying to boss her around or it will come to a point where she will walk out on you. Be grown-up about this.

kishore asked, I have a serious problem, during my college I was in love with a girl. Although we praposed eachother, always we use to fight with eachother on every little thing. I feel she never understand me. So many time we broke up, again we patch up, she use to do it always,may be because of physical relation. We maintained the broken relation from last 5-6 years. I dont even remember a good time with her. Formal break up is not working in our relation, I tried so many times sitting with her to sort this out.It never works. My parents are searching for my marriage, there will be no problem if I will go for Love marriage for my parents (NO bar on anything). But mentally I feel tortured being with her. Every time she use to force me to do everything she want. Till now we never did any intercourse although we have physical relation. She is still virgin. What should I do? can U give me suggestion. Now she is telling to have sex. Please help.

Love Guru answers, You're falling back into the relationship out of force of habit. And maybe for physical gratification. If you make up your mind and say 'no' and then stick to it, that's all there is to it -- the relationship is over. You're saying yourself that you're feeling trapped and miserable with her. So why are you going on? You need to get yourself a backbone, my friend. Stop giving in and end it. Period.

Love Guru answers, I can sympathise with your situation, but what is your friend's opinion of the gay community? Is he unbiased and comfortable around them? Would he be open-minded enough not to let it affect your relationship with him? Since he's your best friend, you probably know the answers to these questions already. Let him know you're gay if you think it won't affect your friendship. But I don't know about telling him you love him -- that might make him uncomfortable and he may try to put some distance between the two of you. What good will that do? You know he's straight and that such an admission would only make him uncomfortable around you.

reddy asked, hi love guru i want some tips how to speak with women

Love Guru answers, Don't put on a fake attitude. Use language you're comfortable with and be casual -- not over-friendly. Speak like you would to a male friend. And pay attention to what she says.

redi asked, Hi, I got married 2 years back. The problem i face is that I am not physically attracted to my wife anymore, and find a lot of other women more attractive. As a result, I am often not a good "lover"..in fact the urge has reduced greatly. However, i love my wife in every other sense of the word (other than physical attraction) and I am hesistant to hurt her feelings by telling her what I feel. In summary, I do care for her, but not attracted to her. Do you thinking breaking up my marriage is the only option I am left with?

Love Guru answers, Breaking up a marriage to someone you love just because you're bored of the sex is a silly idea. You used the word 'anymore', so I'm guessing there was a time when you were attracted to your wife. You both need to make an effort in the bedroom to spice things up. Look up ways to make your sex life interesting again -- you can use the Internet, it's a great resource for ideas. And being attracted to other women is normal -- most people are. Just don't act on it.

harsh asked, hi love guru im 23 year old i love a school girl she also love me but problem is that her family is not ready to extend her relationship with me she is school student of 10 class she love me damm it. and she tell me that no worry if my parents will not agery to marry you then i ll court marriage to u... but i want a marry with family satisfaction i m employee of pvt. ltd. company. what should i do.

Love Guru answers, If she's a school girl, she can't be older than 15. You're too old for her at this point in your lives. She should be hanging around with young boys her age, not a grown man who's ready to be married. She's childish and immature and not thinking straight -- she can't possibly know what she wants from her life at this stage. Did you when you were 15? I can fully see where her family is coming from. Respect their wishes, if you want my opinion.

abccccccccc asked, i m in love with a girl from my class we dont know each other. what should i do plz guide me

Love Guru answers, If you're in the same class, that should be easy! Get some common friend to introduce you or simply strike up a conversation! But be friends -- don't act silly and say you love her or anything or it'll all be over before you've even started!

Love Guru answers, He told you to leave him because he doesn't want to burden you with his problem. If you don't want to leave him, you have to convince him that it's not a big deal and even if it was, that he's the one you love and want to be with. Don't take no for an answer. That is the only way you'll convince him to change his mind.

jia asked, I ended my past relationship few months back... now there is a guy in my life...he was my gud frnd alwaz but never expressed his feelings to me..now one month back he proposed me for marriage..i was shattered wen my earlier relationship was broken.. but this guy is too gud and he alwaz ask me to move forward in life rather than crying on the past. Im confused wat to do?

Love Guru answers, He's right. Look to the future, not to the past. If he's a nice guy and you're attracted to him, go right ahead Jia.

kishore asked, HI Love guru thanks for the suggestion. Can you tell me one way so that I can end this relation. She is emotionally black mailing me, crying ...How I should end it without being rude.

Love Guru answers, Gently explain to her that these 5-6 years have proved you're not compatible. Tell her that you wish her the best but that you can't compromise on your whole life and that she should make an effort to get over it. Be gentle, but firm. Explain that this is not what you want and that she shouldn't try to convince you after you've already made up your mind.

suma asked, Is their any danger involved in giving mobile number and snaps to the people whom we meet in chat

Love Guru answers, Of course there is! Don't be naive! Never give out these personal details on the Internet. People can harass you with incessant calls and as for pics, well, you don't want to be digitally stripped and then plastered all over the Internet, do you? I'm not saying that everyone you chat with is a fraud, but I am saying that you should never take such a risk.

Sporty asked, Hi LG, I am attracted to a girl who stays near my house..we often meet and have started talking even exchanged phne nos..i started messaging her..she also replies..but every time I have to initiate the conversation. shud i continue or w8 for her to take initiative?

Love Guru answers, If she wasn't interested, I don't think she would take you calls or reply to your SMSes. Does she return your missed calls? If so, I think you're reading too much into the situation. But once in a while after a conversation you can casually ask her to call you back.

Love Guru says, Time up, folks! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, email me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com. Goodbye!