Photographs: Uttam Ghosh
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on August 20 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there, people...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started addressing those relationship problems!
sd asked, i was failed in love. Now planning to suicide. Because everyday i feeling lonely without her. I getting her in dreams. She was married another person went out from my life. What will do
Love Guru answers, Hey, SD -- I'm sure you're going through a rough patch right now, but let me tell you, so is almost everyone else in this chatroom. Ending your life is not the solution here. You have to be brave, you have to learn to enjoy life again and although that may seem difficult right now, believe me it's not impossible. So she married someone else and broke your heart. But if you just give yourself the chance, another wonderful girl will heal it for you. Talk to friends, family, take a vacation, step up your social life even if you don't feel like it. I would also suggest seeing a counsellor or psychologist if you're undergoing a depression, because this forum is only advisory in nature and if you may need extended therapy and professional help. But you have to take the step to get that help and whatever else it takes for you to snap out of this.
plzhelp asked, hello LG, i want to propose a girl but before that i want to learn that she love me too so that it doesnt hurt anyone. plz help me how can i know if she loves me?
Love Guru answers, Well, you can ask common friends to find out for you, but beyond that it's just a step you will have to take and tell her. I hope she is a friend of yours and not just a random person you don't know personally and are attracted to. If that's the case, you can fully expect to be shot down.
uday asked, my friend gf left him. suggest him spmething
Love Guru answers, Look at answer one -- I have addressed the same problem there.
rahul2 asked, Hi, We have been mard for 7+ yrs with a kid, For last 3-4 yrs wife has lost interest in me and in sex and thats causing even more friction in our relationship. When she's ok she'd normal but most of the times she gets irritated on things and remains so for 2-3 days at a stretch, its getting difficult living with such a spouse in the same place. What can we do to add spice to our relationship? I feel I was much better single.
Love Guru answers, Well, why don't you tell her what you've just told me? Leaving out the part where you think you're better off single, that will only serve to hurt her feelings and make things worse. If she is constantly irritable and doesn't enjoy intimacy there is another underlying problem here, one that you're probably not aware of. It may just be that she has her hands full bringing up a child and managing a household. Maybe the two of you should take a vacation alone and spend some time rediscovering each other. Leave the child with the grandparents for that duration.
buddi asked, yesterday i proposed to one girl she refuses me easily and told that we r friends. so how can i succeed to make her mine
Love Guru answers, What you need to succeed in is knowing when to accept 'no' gracefully. She has said she only wants to remain friends and there seems to be no doubt in her mind about her decision. So stop pursuing her because if she feels uncomfortable she may stop being friends with you too. There are plenty more fish in the sea, so don't lose hope and explore your options.
zac asked, my gf's mother wants to get close to me and also intimate with me. She is very hot. I am tempted. Please advise
Love Guru answers, What do you want me to say? Sleep with her? I think you already know that if you love your girlfriend you should avoid her mother. Don't give yourself a chance to be left alone with her.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
'Why are youngsters changing partners like they change their clothes?'
GuruGhantal asked, one of my friend is in love with a girl next to his office, how should he approch her, she comes every hour in the window with cup of tea.My friend wants to meet her and want to express his love, what should he do.
Love Guru answers, I think your friend is barking up the wrong tree here. You can't just go proposing to women in windows just because you find them pretty. And if she complains to his office, he may risk losing his job. He doesn't know the first thing about her. If he absolutely, desperately wants to try his luck he can maybe start making eye contact with her once in a while and smiling. Then if he runs into her on the street he can say hello and make small talk. If she is interested following that, he can ask her out for coffee. But this is a really, really long shot.
reddiff asked, Hi! LG...Tell me one thing...now a days young guys and girls are changing their partners very often than they change their clothes.Is it ok for Indian Culture? What will happen after 5/10 years?
Love Guru answers, I don't generalise relationships, nor do I have a dipstick to measure their merit on the 'Indian Culture' scale. Sometimes one or two relationships gone bad can make you realise what you're looking for in a partner and what you want from a relationship. And at the end of the day, what you do is your personal choice, so it's convenient to blame Western Culture etc etc, but the problem lies in your own backyard. This is the way today's young Indians want to lead their lives. Accept it and stop looking to blame external factors. They're doing everything with their eyes wide open.
druva asked, my bf chated me once and feeling very guilty about it and says he wont do it again.. i luv him v much,, but cant trust him.. however m still with him and wan to marry him but not sure wheather i did is correct or not.. or i should have left him.. :(
Love Guru answers, Was it just a one-off thing or did he do it several times? Did he tell you he cheated on you or did you find out? If he came clean, maybe it's because he couldn't bear the guilt and wanted to tell you the truth because he loves you. If you love him and want to marry him and are sure he won't repeat his mistake, maybe it's worth forgiving him. Everyone makes mistakes. But remember, only a fool repeats them. As for trust, with time it can be built up again. It's up to him to behave well enough for you to learn to trust him again.
PagalAadmee asked, Hi Love Guru, I am a one women man, and expect the same from my Would Be wife. am I right?
Love Guru answers, Yes.
RAJESH asked, HI LG, I am married and have freindly with a married girl. She is in touch with me since 2007. We lost touch between 2008 bt now we r again having nice chat. I like her what should I do to go further?
Love Guru answers, Rajesh, I don't know whether she is happily married or not. But if she is and sees you only as a friend, I can vouch for the fact that she will most likely cut off all contact with you if you are pursuing a relationship.
guru asked, hi my nameis ashish,i m 26 still single ,nevver had a gf ,i feel time is passing by ,there is not even a scope for interaction with girls coz i work in a very small company ,can u suggest wht to do ,i feel very frustrated and pissed off the whole day
Love Guru answers, Have you thought of allowing your friends or family to set you up with someone? Even arranged matches can turn to love. I have a friend who only let his parents look for a girl for him 4 years after he was unsuccessful with women. He went on several unsuccessful dates for six months, but finally he met a girl who he liked and who liked him. They dated, it clicked and they are now planning their wedding.
'My boyfriend is not agreeable to have sex'
Muddy asked, Hi LG, I m in love with my colleague, we exchange looks frequently I am not very sure whether she is loving me or not. she also gives looks.
Love Guru answers, People don't fall in love by looking. They fall in love after getting to know one another well. You're not even friends yet. So become friends first and then think of taking things further.
abhijit asked, hi love guru ,tell me should i stay in touch with my ex girl fried whos is married, i am presently talking to her,and i feel we are ok with that.to what level i should be intimate with her while talking?
Love Guru answers, Abhijit, being friends with an ex is fine. But know where to draw the line. Talk to her as much as you would with any other, regular friend. And avoid reminiscing about your relationship in conversation or bringing up old memories that can tug at your heart strings. That will complicate things. Also discourage her comparisons of you and her husband if she makes them.
Kui asked, I am in love with a married man I know its wrong, but cant help it, what shud i do
Love Guru answers, Does he love you? Are you in a relationship? If you just have a crush on a married man and he is unaware, it will pass if you consciously make an effort to get over it. If you are in a relationship, either he leaves his wife for you or you end it. Else he is just taking advantage of two women -- one of whom he is married to.
bapi asked, I am married & live happily with my wife & 2 kids. Now I am engaged with 1 widow collegue for last 3 years. I cannot leave both my wife and my so called friend b'cause i lov both of them. Is this luv or just something else or should I leave the engaged.
Love Guru answers, What were you thinking when you got engaged to her? You already have a wife and children! And let me tell you that unless your religion permits it, having two wives or more is illegal! Either you give up your wife and family or you give up your widow. If you don't, sooner or later this issue is bound to blow up in your face and don't be surprised if they both leave you then.
sabahbashir asked, hello lg... my problem is that even after being in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months, he never agrees to have sex with me. How can i make him have sex with me. plz reply
Love Guru answers, You haven't told me the reason why he has said no. Why is he saying no? And why are you so desperate to have it? You can get physical without going all the way. It may just be that he is thinking of your own wellbeing and is afraid you'll get pregnant.
shakeel asked, Hi, I was in a relationship with a girl from the past 2 years. Actually, it started as an arranged marriage and after getting to know each other we felt deeply in love. We got engaged one year back and the elders had decided to marry us around May 2010. We used to fight sometimes(who doesn't) and then patch up. Last week the girl's parents said they will marry us after 2 more years. Then her mom started blaming me for every small issue tht had happnd from last 2 years. She was very possessive and loved me very much(more than i loved her). But now she says that does not want to marry me and they have broken the relationship. And deeply hurt. Please suggest.
Love Guru answers, You need to talk to your girlfriend and get to the bottom of this. Maybe what you think is a small fight is not so small for her. And maybe after getting to know you she realises it may be difficult for her to adjust with you after marriage. If you both are willing to compromise, things can still be worked out.
'She's insisting on commitment after meeting only once!'
mak asked, hiii,i like a girl whom i met thru yahoo msgr. we interacted wid each other thru phone and met once.. now dis girl s asking for committment before this relationship grows and i say that lets know each other fully before i give any commitment. as later i dont wanna hurt if i dont keep my commitment.. she s firm on her requirement(commitment)pls advise me wat sud i do..
Love Guru answers, You're right. Phone conversations and one meeting are no basis for commitment. You tell her that you need to get to know her well -- personally and as a friend -- before you can think of a relationship or commitment. Don't get physical or anything, just talk and hang out. Then only make your decision. Right now it's way too premature.
Amrita asked, I was involved with a guy 4 years back... On accounts of studies I have broken up with him since 3 years back... We again resolved our relationship 2 years back but again we broke up very bitterly .... On both of the accounts I can say that it was my fault... But this time I want him forever ... But the problem is he has found somebody else in his life and he is happy with her... I told him that how can he love somebody else other than me but he said that he does not want any more complications in his life because of me and asked me to leave him alone... Please advise me how to get him back LG
Love Guru answers, Amrita, you can't break off with someone and then make up whenever you feel like it. You gave everything else in life more importance than him and he got fed up of your whims. I would say you can grovel and tell him you realise your mistake and love him and will never leave him again, but the truth of the matter is he is with someone else now. He is happy with her. So why would he leave her to return to you? You can still try it, but chances are slim. If he is firm in his decision, accept it gracefully and move on. Love will happen again. Maybe it's more the fact that he is with another girl that's pinching you than you actually wanting to be with him. And that's the wrong reason to want the relationship back.
deepak123 asked, i love one girl @ also she love me but she not seriously for weding when i tell about weding then she replied my father will come your home & after that process forwared & also i ,et her,pls advice me what cAN I DO PLS SUGGEST ME FINAL DECISION
Love Guru answers, Take it forward with her father. Because she has made it clear to you that she will do nothing without his approval.
Q asked, Hi LG, i m female and i had sex and love relation with a female a year ago, is it ok or it will harm my future married life now we r friends will it affect our life?
Love Guru answers, Was it just an experimental, one-off kind of thing? Or are you attracted to women in general? If it was just a one-time thing and meant nothing, you have nothing to worry about, it will not affect your marriage. But if you are gay, you should seriously rethink marriage to a man. It would not be fair to your husband.
sd asked, thank for answer. Because of her I addicted to alcohol. everyday shouting me for drinking alcohol. Sometimes she is calling me and asking me to her without seeing his husband. Still I want to marry her.
Love Guru answers, It's not her fault you are addicted to alcohol, it's yours for dealing with this whole situation so badly. Now it's time to clean up your act. Enough of ruining your life. Get over your addiction by seeking professional help.
abhay asked, Hi.. I like her but she loves me and the thing is i cant committ myself to her... The thing is we ve already done by her force.. And i love another girl.. So, I m confused.. Help me....
Love Guru answers, If you love someone else, you're not being fair to yourself or her. End things with her and go after the girl you love. But don't keep the girl you like on standby because you're not sure of the other one. Everyone deserves to be with the person they love and who loves them in return.
Love Guru says, Time's up for today, people! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, email me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com...Goodbye and take care!
Comment
article