'My married neighbour may be carrying my child'

Love Guru says, Hi everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat...shall we get started? Feel free to share any of your personal problems...

rakhi asked, My husband and Me live seprete because he is workingin ameraca and when i went there we vegetarian he told me to cook non veg after that my father in law not alow to stay in their house because I not done what my husband say now all the resposiblity come on me of my daughter

Love Guru answers, I'm a little confused here -- is he refusing to take you in the house because you cooked non-veg or because you refused to do so? Whatever the reason, it's a ridiculous one. Your father-in-law seems quite mad to me to take such trivial matters to extremes -- unless he's using them as a convenient excuse. What does your husband have to say about all this? After all, it's him you're married to. He should have the guts to stand up for you.

legolas asked, Hi Love Guru... I love one girl very much.. she too loves me alot... But she has one fear that whether her family will support out intercast marriage or not... due to this, now she is too much worried...

Love Guru answers, Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Question is, are you both willing to get married regardless of what they think? If you've made up your minds, it's best to tell them right away instead of waiting in this tense situation for the axe to fall. I hope things work out for you.

akhilesh asked, akhilesh says-hi lg, i love a girl very much she love me also but sometime i become very possasive ,will it affect our relationship,sometime i feel she is ceating on me.how to know.thanks

Love Guru answers, That's the typical trait of a possessive person -- you suspect your partner is cheating constantly and you are obssessed with keeping a check on her at all times. This is your problem, not hers. Your relationship will not work if you carry on like this. Picture this situation -- your girlfriend wants to catch up with friends, some of them male. Because there are guys, you forbid her to go. Next time around, she lies to you and goes anyway, because quite simply, she wants to meet her friends. Whose fault is that? Yours. Because if you were mature enough to accept her friends gracefully, she would not have lied to you in the first place. Be confident of her love for you -- why is she with you if she is interested in other guys? Ask yourself that question.

sampaths asked, hi guru, i and my gf spend lot of time chit hcatting on phone. But now a days its become quite common that when ever she gets a call from her friends she just cut my phone and attend her friends phone. Even though if her friend is calling regularly. I feel that i am being neglected as this didnt happen one time but regularly bcoz i schedule the whole day giving the highest priority to her calls

Love Guru answers, Look, sooner or later, in every relationship, telephone conversations become boring and mundane. If you're constantly in touch on the phone, what's left to talk about? No wonder she's tiring of it. Make an effort to meet in person more often instead of staying tied to the line at all hours, not knowing what to say next.

Hellinmarriedlife asked, My wife always figts with me for silly reason, she does allow me to go to my fathers place,she does allow to talk to my childwood friends When ever decision to be taken in life she fights and her taken decision i should obey, now she has fear of death after having second baby,she does not mingle with people, What can i do sir?

Love Guru answers, Why don't you put your foot down? She's nagging you and you're letting her get away with it. And what's this nonsense about dying after her second baby? Take her to a doctor who can reassure her about that. Then have a serious talk about your marriage -- explain that you cannot go on like this, with her telling you what to do constantly. You have your own life, likes and dislikes too and she has to accept them.

FARHAN asked, HI LOVE GURU I AM FAT GUY AND I WANT TO MAKE GIRLFRIEND BUT I AM ASHMED TO MAKE FREINDSHIP ALSO BECAUSE ALL PEOPLE WILL LAUGH IF I AM WITH HERE DUE TO THAT I DONT EVEN GIVE SMILE WHOM I WANT TO . I CANT REDUCED WEIGHT FAST ALSO BECAUSE I DONT HV TIME WHOLE DAY WORK FROM 8 TO 8 NIGHT EVEN ON SATURDAY ALSO SO DIFFUCLUT TO REDUCE I WANT TO REDUCE BUT CANT MAKE IT AND MY AGE IS RUNNING I AM 31 SUGGEST HOW TO MAKE FREINDSHIP WITH GIRL SO THAT EVEN DONT FEEL BAD

Love Guru answers, Farhan, I know lots of fat people in relationships. The problem here is your low self-esteem and consciousness regarding your own weight. I can understand that you work hard all week, but if you want to reduce -- and I think you do -- you'll have to start getting up an hour earlier every day and work out. Visit a dietician, chart out a plan to knock off those pounds. It's also healthier for you. And stop being so conscious of your weight. Make jokes, take jokes, socialise -- learn to take life a little less seriously and just enjoy yourself. You'll find someone.

Usha asked, I love my husband very much but he is an alcoholic so, instead of spending time with me he spends with his other alcoholic friends? Please help me to get him back!

Love Guru answers, Usha, an alcoholic is someone who has a dependency on alcohol, not someone who enjoys it socially and at their own discretion. I'm guessing your husband goes out each night with buddies and drinks a lot? If it's not already a habit, he still may not be an alcoholic. The point here is that you want this behaviour to change. And for that you'll have to take a stand. If you tolerate his habit, he's not going to stop. Maybe you need to assert yourself and voice your disapproval? And if he says he's not addicted to drinking, make him prove it -- tell him to go without alcohol for two months at a stretch. If he is in fact addicted, you need to see a mental health professional and take the necessary steps to overcome this.

Love Guru answers, And I don't understand you, my friend! What are you doing with someone who's already married

rajanse asked, plz help me,i had proposed her,previously she had agreed and said we will continue our friendship and then decide.Now after that,she has suddenly stopped talking to me,not even does she picks up mu phone,or reply msg..wht to do ?

Love Guru answers, Maybe you need to meet her in person and ask her what the problem is? Tell her the least you deserve is an explanation from her regarding her behaviour.

xyz asked, HI LG I m female and my best friend who is also a female loves me a lott we had a sexual relationship with each other for 2yrs,now currently from past 3-4 months we r not involved in sex anymore and now we r trying to be good friends forgetting everything,was that the thing to forget or we had done crime will our future life be affected if we marry to groom of our choice or after marraige we should tell to our respective husband??

Love Guru answers, It's not a crime and whether you want to forget it or not is entirely up to you both. Question is, do you both want to get married to men? Are you even attracted to men? If you are, forget this little episode ever happened and remain friends. If you're not, you may reconsider getting married in the first place. Is it fair to marry an unsuspecting man who doesn't know you're gay and not attracted to men in the least? No, it's not.

ashok asked, hi love guru i love one girl well she also loves me. one day i just asked her whether ur parents are not agree for our marriage what u will do ?? she told me that i will not marry u Then i got pissed off & told better u forget me now itselfs, she said well fine, i told her i will convince my parents & u will convince ur parents!! she is not ready for that also:( well niow we are just friends!! we are same cast only!! well whos mistake now!! kindly advise

Love Guru answers, Ashok, I can understand your anger towards her attitude, but the truth is that you broke up over a hypothetical situation that didn't even play out. How old are you guys? And is marriage anywhere on the horizon? If you were planning marriage, why not get your parents to approach hers? In any case, if they say no, you are back where you started. So what's the harm? Unless you are rethinking your relationship itself because of her no-compromise attitude. If that's the case, you're better off being just friends. And even if her family did agree, you can rest assured that as far as she is concerned, they will always be in the right.

preeti asked, my bf always fight with me in sily reason b coz he always says dont talk with your friend way your phone is busy all sily question.

Love Guru answers, Don't tolerate silliness. If he picks a fight over such a non-issue, calmly tell him to contact you when he has grown out of this childish attitude and ignore him till he does.

wasim asked, i am in love with a girl that girl is really possessive for me as i don't want to marry her pls tel me what should i do

Love Guru answers, Why are you with her if you don't want to marry her? And if you love her why won't you marry her? If you have no future as a couple, end things right now.

MamaiSona asked, i love 1 married man since last 4 years... we don't have any problem for 3 yrs.. But now from last 1 year, he doesn't believe me at all.. when ever i'll go to meet some old friend, he'll think i'm going to have affair wid him.. if my phone is busy... he keeps on arguing wid me un necessary for long hours... wat to do.. pls help.

Love Guru answers, See my answer to Preeti below. The same goes for you.

Love Guru answers, Hmmm. You're absolutely right about the lies part of it. But does she know your reasoning or is she assuming that because she's a divorcee you'd have called it off anyway? I don't know what feelings you have for this girl, but you maybe need to make it clear to her that you'd have been married a month ago if she'd only told you the truth. She and her family were wrong to hide it from you. And anyone who judges her on the basis of her divorcee status is wrong too. If you truly called it off because of the lie and not the situation itself, you're absolutely justified.

Rose asked, Hi! Love Guru.i love a guy & he also loves me but he never says..he never accepts i want him to express his feelings..Plz tell me what to do?

Love Guru answers, How are you so sure he loves you if he's never said it? You should just ask him straight out. And if he refuses to say what he feels, for whatever reason, it's better you remain only friends. Don't get into a complicated relationship with a person who's so emotionally distant.

Oliver asked, Hi LG, I have long distance relationship, since we both live in different cities and I think such are our careers that only marriage can help us stay together. However both of us want to get reasonably well established in our career before marriage. So it bugs me sometimes that the relationship may not last that long(it has been a rocking one till now). So what advice would you give us? What we need to be careful about?

Love Guru answers, Look, if you've managed to work on a long-distance relationship so far, there's no reason you can't continue to do so. The question is, if you're both well-established in your careers when marriage appears on the horizon, who is going to give in and relocate to another city with the other? Have you thought about that? It's not the present you need to worry about, it's the future.

girish asked, hi,i am in african country, am in love with african girl since last three yrs. i asked her several times whether she loving or not , she telling me " i dont know" she acting like she loves me, she took my all gifts,money whatever am giving to her.but finally i come to know that she has afair with another guy, even she deliverd baby last week. since one yr we r not together,but we r talking with phone. till the date of delivery she hide everything. she didnt told anything about her boyfrined.plse help what can i do? i feel very hurted. am too emotional, i cant tolerate, plse help

Love Guru answers, Girish, she took you for a ride. What's past is past -- you need to cut her out of your life now. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she's only using you. Stop telephoning, gifting etc. Cut her off completely, period. She has a boyfriend and a child and she has not once said she wants anything to do with you! I know you'll probably feel like an idiot for all you did for her, but you're the good guy here and in time, you'll be fine. Remember that. After what she did to you, I can't say the same for her, though.

aanya asked, hi love guru since past one year i have been in a relationship with a guy who z 5 years younger than my age. during past few days his behavior has changed. he used to share everything with me but now he tries to avoid sharing things and vice versa. please guide me why he is doing this to me.

Love Guru answers, That's a question you need to ask him. Point blank. You're the elder one here, take advantage of your maturity and tell him you can see through his altered behaviour very easily. You need to know the truth.

Nancy asked, Hi ! Nancy here . Few months back i met one guy . I went to meet him for work for half hour meting . but meetign continues 3 hours and i was also in a mood ot spend some time with him . After that regular meetings and working as a consultant for his company but simultaneaously i fnd myself week infront of him and u knw for his work done my all other realtions are on stake . And yesterday all of sudden yesterday i asked his help to get room in hotel and he asked budget which hurts lot to me and unable ot work properly .

Love Guru answers, Nancy, your explanation is quite vague. I don't know whether you're sexually involved with this guy or not, whether he asked if you take money for sexual favours, or whether he simply wanted to know what budget you had for a hotel room and you got unnecessarily sensitive about that. Whatever it is, the solution is to stop taking on so much of his work and avoid contact with him as much as possible.

Joseph asked, Me and my wife works in different locations and we meet only in weekends. Once this started our relationship is not going in a good way. She had X boy friends and that keeps on coming as our fight reason. Please help

Love Guru answers, She may have had 10 boyfriends, but she married you. And if she's working all through the week, how much time does that leave her to flirt around with exes? Think logically. If the distance is taking a toll on both of you, work towards relocating somewhere together.

Love Guru answers, That's tricky. The best thing to do is ensure you don't go over to your girlfriend's place when she isn't there. Her mother will get the message and if she cares for her daughter at all, she'll be wise enough to accept things for what they are.

Basu asked, I developed a relationship with my neighbor who is married but was without child for 8 years. Now after our relationship, she is pregnant. After she got pregnant, she completely avoids me, as if our relationship never happened. I love her deeply and want to really be a father for that child. What should I do ?

Love Guru answers, You need to speak to her about this. If you're the father, whether she likes it or not, you have a parental right to that child. If she loves you, she should come to her senses and leave her husband. If all she wanted was to get pregnant -- and although it's a stretch, it's not impossible she could have used you for this purpose precisely -- you still have a right to the child. You can even demand a DNA test to prove whether it's yours or not. But all through don't rule out that it could be her husband's too -- couples have been known to conceive after even 10 years of trying.

tejusunil asked, Hi love guru., I love one of my Jr.in office, actually i always support her in every way..many times i used to address her as princess,dolly,sweety like that on one fine day i asked her that i need place in her heart, she replied that you dont get place by asking you have to creat it but will think about it.. later on in despration when i proposed her she said no and dose not love me. after then we were only talking about official matters, now i wanted to stop talking with her but she insist me to be her close frind. but i dont want to be her friend, when ever i talk to her i feel that to some extend she loves me but whenever asked she clears that she dosenot ..pls answer what should do

Love Guru answers, Stick to speaking only about office matters and explain that you cannot be her close friend because you have feelings for her that you want to get over. While she may be enjoying the attention from you, for you it's not enjoyable to keep hanging onto and around someone who has no interest in you. I think she'll get the message.

sanya asked, hi love guru ! I contacted you earlier in this chat room and u gave me some advice on my love problem. Now, i am getting married with the person of my choice in Jan 2010

Love Guru answers, Good for you, Sanya. All the best and may you have a long, happy married life!

honey asked, hi luv guru, i am married women of 33 yrs.. got married 3 yrs back.. Not happy with married life as our mindsets dont match, he has no independent decision making power.... from last 6 months i am seeing a guy who is a perfect match to me in all the respects????? what should i do even that guy is married but he is also not very happy at his house....what should i do

Love Guru answers, If you both are unhappy in your marriages and want to get together, take the decision and move on. If you're 100 percent sure you belong together, divorce your current spouses. It's not fair to them to be deceived and cheated upon like this either.

Twinkle asked, Hi Guru, mine is a love marriage and I am little upset in this marriage not due to my husband but my Mother- in -law. She doesnt give space to me and my husband and is always taking our talking time with her talks and comments. I am not able to focus on my feminity and qualities as all the time goes in responding to her remarks and talks....pls help how i can bring my focus back on myself and my marriage and husband...thanx a ton...Twinkle

Love Guru answers, Retire to your bedroom earlier than usual every evening with your husband -- I don't think she will follow you in there! You may consider making a small investment in a TV set for the bedroom so both of you can hang out by yourselves and just relax.

prav asked, I have been relation with maried man last 15 years time but last 4 years time he has another relation and turn me off. I am not able to forget him even after I knew his new relationship. what should I need to do?

Love Guru answers, You've wasted 15 years of your life on a selfish jerk who took advantage of you. Enough! Focus on your own future and cut him out of your life completely -- even if he wants to come back! Don't you want a husband of your own, children of your own, your own little household? Look for a man who can give you those things, not a creep who cheats on his wife and you and any other woman he can find.

Love Guru says, Time up, people! Catch you next week, same time, same place! Till then, take care and all the best!